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monalisa
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| Posted: April 13 2007 at 12:12am | IP Logged
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I have a 3 yo and a 3month old. I feel very overwhelmed by my life right now. DH must travel for 12 weeks for his job starting monday. The children and I will go with him, back and forth. It is going to be hard, esp. on my 3 yo. In addition to having to transplant our life to a hotel room, I just generally feel down. My 3 yo and I have a hard time making it through the day together. Most days I end up feeling like a bad mom to him no matter how hard I try. I feel likeI am always neglecting one of the kids- and I only have 2! It doesn't sound like such a big deal when I write it, but it's causing me to shed a lot of tears when they are asleep in bed. I really want to homeschool, but some days I think ds'd be better off in the hands of the polite, young, well-groomed preschool teacher down the street at our parish school. I love my kids but feel like I am just not worthy to be a mother these days. I am praying for some good times on the road. I am packing a lot of activities and fun stuff for me and ds to do. I am praying my 3 mo old will start falling asleep b4 midnight so i don't stay up so late fretting in the throes of my scruples. I pray dh and I will stay loving and strong in our relationship despite the stress we will be going through. Thank you, ladies, for being here and praying for each other.
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Chari
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| Posted: April 13 2007 at 12:42am | IP Logged
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My goodness........I SO know those feelings. I had so much trouble with myself like that when I had only two. I never worried about the homeschooling, for some reason, just how I was ruining their childhoods. 
Those two are now 18.5 and 16.5 and are two really terrific kids. I am still a terrible mom (please NO ONE step in to deny this.......you never see me in the privacy of my own home, seriously!).....so, I have to keep praying I am not ruining the others lives, esp because one of them is SO hard to parent.
My oldest was definitely a "high need" baby, toddler and preschooler. I always say: God did a great job of raising her, in spite of her parents. She was really hard to raise those first five years. Then she got really fun 
Learning to parent is hard. And, it keeps changing.  They keep getting to new developmental stages, adding new personalities, etc.
Luckily God can work around my inadequacies..isn't He just SO good? 'Cuz I really do not deserve it.
It is late and I cannot write much more. I will pray for you. Please pm me if you need to talk to someone more privately, someone who has been there and....well, maybe I AM still there.
Blessings to all of you!
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Chari...Take Up & Read
Dh Marty 27yrs...3 lovely maidens: Anne 24, Sarah 20 & Maddelyn 17 and 3 chivalrous sons: Matthew 22, Garrett 16 & Malachy 11
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Chari
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| Posted: April 13 2007 at 12:47am | IP Logged
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Clarification: adding new personalities means, to the mix by sending MORE children, NOT by adding them to the child
Also, keep in mind, you are still pretty postpartum. Trust me when I say it can take more than three months to get adjusted to this new family member.
And, sometimes dads just don't see how hard it is for us sleep-deprived beings to get the basics, um, like showering, done sometimes. It is often hard for them to see how these two tiny people can cause such a stir in the family!
I am not sure I am helpful at all....ha....I do not think you even asked me to be helpful  .......but, you DID ask for prayers: THAT YOU'VE GOT!
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Chari...Take Up & Read
Dh Marty 27yrs...3 lovely maidens: Anne 24, Sarah 20 & Maddelyn 17 and 3 chivalrous sons: Matthew 22, Garrett 16 & Malachy 11
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doris
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| Posted: April 13 2007 at 5:36am | IP Logged
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Praying here.
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Home educating in London, UK with dd (2000) ds (2002), dd (2004), ds (2008) and dd (2011).
Frabjous Days
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Ruth
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| Posted: April 13 2007 at 6:34am | IP Logged
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I'll be praying for you.
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Ruth
mom to 7 miracles
My family blog
Loreto Rosaries
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Angela F
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| Posted: April 13 2007 at 8:23am | IP Logged
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Praying...
God bless,
Angela
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Mom to 7 blessings - welcome to Hanna Clare 1/19/10
"‘Great’ holiness consists in carrying out the ‘little’ duties of each moment."
St. Josemaria Escriva
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hylabrook1
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Praying for you.
Peace,
Nancy
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Dawnie
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| Posted: April 13 2007 at 10:35am | IP Logged
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Maureen,
Praying for you...
Call me if you want to talk...or come over
Dawn
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Mom to Mary Beth (99), Anna (02), Lucia (04), Clara (06), and Adelaide Victoria (2/28/09)
Visit my blog!Water Into Wine:Vino Per Tutto!
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Wendy
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| Posted: April 13 2007 at 11:10am | IP Logged
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Praying. 
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God bless,
Wendy
Wife to Chris
Momma to Grace, Sam, Ben, Maggie, Mary Cate, and Jamie
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Erica Sanchez
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| Posted: April 13 2007 at 4:30pm | IP Logged
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Praying for you, Monalisa! I'm sure you are a wonderful mother! Don't say you are not worthy! God obviously thinks otherwise! :)
Your baby is so young yet! Are you slinging him/her? That would allow you to be attentive to both children at the same time playing with your three year old while still having baby close. This time away from home could be a good opportunity to just be together without the distractions of daily life. Will there be parks or playgrounds nearby? A fun attraction you could visit during the day? A pool at the hotel that your dh could take the toddler to in the evening while you get some extra rest?
What makes things difficult with your toddler? Is he strong-willed? If I could only have a do-over with my second dd, a very difficult toddler, I would have hugged, kissed, and praised her more. I would have sat and listened and played with her more. I would have let a lot of little, insignificant annoying behaviors pass without comment. I would have been more gentle with her. I don't know if this would have changed anything about those few years, but, like you said, I felt like a bad mother to her. (Things are much better now!)
You'll be in my prayers. I pray this is a fun time for you all, an adventure, and that despite being away from home you will be able to get some extra rest and relaxation. God love you!
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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cathhomeschool
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Texas Bluebonnets
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| Posted: April 13 2007 at 5:42pm | IP Logged
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I am so sorry that you're struggling.
And I will second Chari's advice to remember that you are only 3 months post partum, and the change from one to two children is pretty significant. You are in my prayers.
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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Nina Murphy
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I will third that. Give yourself at *least* six months, I say!  God bless you!
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God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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stefoodie
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| Posted: April 14 2007 at 6:24am | IP Logged
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Praying for you. Been there so many times too!!
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stef
mom to five
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4 lads mom
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Ditto everything Chari said!!!! Be easy on yourself, you love your children, and that is the most important thing for now. Don't project too far into the future, just put one foot in front of the other right now, make sure you are eating well, getting your vitamins...and don't feel silly that two are overwhelming you...I bet all of us with older kids now,would agree that having your second with the first barely past babyhood is exhausting and emotionally draining. Don't make a list of things you DIDN'T get done, pick one thing you did for the day, and thank God!!
With much empathy,
4 Lads' Mom with baby due in Sept.
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Mom of four brave lads and one sweet lassie
Scenes From This and That
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: April 14 2007 at 2:46pm | IP Logged
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I am still overwhelmed by two! and I have seven. When the older five are all gone and I am left with a 3 yr old and baby, I feel stressed.
This is a hard time in your life. There is no way around it. The most important thing is to take it easy on yourself. I think sometimes being on 4Real can lead us to compare ourselves to what we think others are doing, and then feel that we are falling short.
With two little ones, getting them fed and bathed and cuddled is more than enough. If that is your goal, everything else is a bonus!
Erika had some good advice about traveling. But I would caution you to adjust your plans to be away from home if it is too disruptive. I find that my little ones don't travel well and we all end up tense and exhausted. You might really be better off staying home more of the time.
One last thing, I have been a preschool/daycare teacher. Your little ones would NEVER be better off than with you!There can be some positives, IF you found a really good preschool. But even there, the negatives would outweigh the positives. YOU are what your kids need. And it will get easier, or at least more natural, as you all grow together.
God bless you!
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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4Real Forums : We Pray to the Lord
Topic: praying for peace and direction
