4Real Forums: Is it the age?

Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.

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St. Anne's Tearoom: Growing in Wisdom over 40
4Real Forums : St. Anne's Tearoom: Growing in Wisdom over 40

Topic: Is it the age?

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JennGM
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Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 8:13am \| IP Logged

I turn 40 next month, so technically I'm not allowed on this forum yet.

Lately there have been so many pregnancy losses, tragedies, heartbreaks, deaths...things that show up on the prayer forum and people that touch my life.

And it makes my heart heavy. I feel the pain, much more than I did when I was younger. I'm more empathetic. I carry these people in my heart and prayer. Is it because with age and hardships my heart has had to grow bigger, and now I'm more vulnerable to the pain?

Having this forum brings more people together, but as the circle gets wider, there are new depths we travel. I find myself wondering why would I even be looking for a forum like this...is it my age? How could so many of the women on this board be going through similar trials, experiences, be similar ages and we all come together? Is it because at this time of our life and our paths this is what we crave?

This probably doesn't make sense. I've been grappling at the words for a while. But yesterday as I was again crying at the sink for another mom's loss (Tina P.), I thought I would post and see if more articulate people knew what I meant. Or is it just me?

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lapazfarm
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Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 10:54am \| IP Logged

Perhaps not the age, but the experience.The longer we live, the more experiences we have been through ourselves, which helps us to relate more to the experiences around us. We can relate because we have been there, gone through that. We can be more empathetic because we truly have already felt their pain.

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jackiemomof7
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Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 11:02am \| IP Logged

No not just you Jenn. I find myself feeling very down and tearful when I read these things also. Yes, I think age is part of it. The years add tenderness to our hearts I believe. But also because this is such a compassionate forum. That each woman here brings her heart here, and that is what I truly love about it. There is such caring for one another. Every Wed. when the children and I attend mass I offer that mass for all the moms here I don't respond to all the prayers but I do read them and take them into my heart and give them to Our Lord and His Mother. I know that if I need support I can find it here even though I am not one of "main" people here. Does that make sense?

Jenn you are such a blessing to us here and your heavy heart does so much good. May God bless you for your caring and loving ways.

God bless,

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Meredith
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Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 11:44am \| IP Logged

No Jenn, it's not just you (maybe the age) but I could have written your post. I wake at night thinking and praying for all you beautiful women on this board and I've only ever met a few in person. We are all connected for one reason in my mind. God wants us to be strong and he's using us for each other to further his kingdom of salvation!! Holding everyone up in prayer and can't wait for you to join the 40 Club

Blessings!

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guitarnan
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Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 12:20pm \| IP Logged

You know, I think it's wisdom, not age exactly. How many of us would love to have the wisdom of "now" when we were younger? But with wisdom comes the knowledge that we truly are on a journey and that we have to carry some of our sisters' heavy loads when they can't manage them alone. I wonder sometimes how men manage, when they can't so readily share all these emotions and worries and joys with each other. I know that's how they're made, but still...life's sorrows are much more bearable when we know our intentions are remembered, our tears understood, our fears grounded...and we know that by asking each other and sharing our experiences. The men in my life just don't do that as much. (Or, if they do, they don't tell me

.)

I ask my family to pray for all of you...sometimes I don't share details and sometimes I do...because they know that you're all there and that you pray for our intentions. My dh has learned to call me and ask for prayers when things happen in his office or to friends far away. He really trusts that we're all here to help each other.

I'm reminded of the wonderful book, The Hiding Place, where Corrie's beloved Karel has just married someone else, and her father is consoling her. He asks her if she'd rather not have loved Karel, and when Corrie says no, he reminds her that Jesus can turn all of our imperfect ways of loving - the ones that sometimes bring sorrow - into His perfect joy. As a young woman I wouldn't have understood this concept at all...but I do now. And I would choose the path of love again, even knowing that sorrow was waiting, because Jesus is there for all of us, and gave us Mary, who understands our sorrows, to pray for and with us. That's what makes it all bearable.

Thank you, lovely ladies, for bearing some of my load, and know that I'm here to pray for you and help you carry yours.

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Karen E.
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Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 3:44pm \| IP Logged

No, Jenn, you're not alone in feeling things deeply -- I think as we grow (in age and wisdom) we gain the knowledge of how connected we all are, a deeper knowledge of the Body of Christ.

Nancy, you said it all so beautifully -- I don't think I can add anything to your beautiful post.

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Paula in MN
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Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 4:36pm \| IP Logged

Karen E. wrote:

Nancy, you said it all so beautifully -- I don't think I can add anything to your beautiful post.

Me either.

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JennGM
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Posted: Feb 10 2007 at 10:13am \| IP Logged

Very beautiful, thanks for articulating what I was feeling. Nancy, I was so moved by your post.

And Karen, the connection of the Mystical Body of Christ just seemed perfect to me.

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guitarnan
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Posted: Feb 10 2007 at 7:50pm \| IP Logged

I'm glad if my words helped you...I am humbled by your praise, because I so respect all that you ladies accomplish!

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Servant2theKing
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Posted: Feb 11 2007 at 7:33am \| IP Logged

Tears seem to flow much more freely as time goes on, and sadness runs deeper than ever before....I'm convinced it is in part due to layers of experience that are added one upon another...eventually they all mingle together and when another layer is added, the rest are part of the sorrow we experience over the current layer! I often envision Mary's sorrows, and Simeon's prophecy that a sword would pierce her heart seven times...the scenes from "The Passion of Christ" with Jesus and Mary touched me the most...especially the flashback when she remembers Him falling down as a little child....surely earlier sorrows were intermingled with the immense sorrow she bore as she followed Him on the road to Calvary. We are all traveling "Calvary roads", in some fashion or another, and this valley of tears brings much sorrow and sadness, along with joy and laughter.

I learned this past week that one cousin has malignant tumors all through her abdomen and another cousin has bladder cancer...I found myself crying for them and their families, while at the same time recalling the paths my two brothers trod before their deaths.

At times sorrow even becomes sweet when we turn it into prayer for one another! I loved what you said, Karen, about having a greater understanding of our part in the Body of Christ...the more we realize how interconnected we all are with one another, as members of the Mystical Body, the more we DO feel one another's sorrow and share in one another's sufferings! The more we truly understand that connectedness the more we are drawn to pray for one another and to share each other's burdens! Thanks be to God for the incredible mysteries He unfolds for us along the Way to Him! Like so many of you I am grateful to have come this far on the Journey...I would never want to go back to the beginning! The view of the Finish Line is getting much more incredible, even if it IS rather blurry at times...from tears AND failing eyesight! :)

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Karen E.
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Posted: Feb 11 2007 at 8:16am \| IP Logged

Servant2theKing wrote:

layers of experience that are added one upon another...eventually they all mingle together and when another layer is added, the rest are part of the sorrow we experience over the current layer!
...
the scenes from "The Passion of Christ" with Jesus and Mary touched me the most...especially the flashback when she remembers Him falling down as a little child....surely earlier sorrows were intermingled with the immense sorrow she bore as she followed Him on the road to Calvary.

So beautifully said, and so true! I don't think I had articulated it to myself in this way, but I love this, and I know it is true for me.

As my children get older, I see this more and more ... New struggles and sufferings are definitely a new layer and a deepening of previous knowledge and experience. We add them to all that we already know, feel, and understand, and all of that then expands.

Such beautiful posts, from all of you. Thank you ....

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Karen E.
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chicken lady
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Posted: April 12 2007 at 10:44am \| IP Logged

I bumped this thread up, because I feel so sad and heavy with the prayer forum. It is horrible all the tragidies occuring. Everytime I look there is another heart wrenching prayer request. I know we are called to have hope and be not afraid, but I am really struggling with this. Anyone else sensing this?

Bridget
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Posted: April 12 2007 at 11:08am \| IP Logged

Oh yes. Sometimes I have to step away. I pray for all the requests often.

Our priest recently told us that embracing the cross can mean suffering without consolation.

I think we really do suffer for each other here.

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JennGM
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Posted: April 12 2007 at 11:17am \| IP Logged

Peacock wrote:

I am sensing this very much lately, my heart is very heavy. I felt it was a hard Lent for so many, especially Holy Week, but now...even more.

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Jennifer G. Miller
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stacykay
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Posted: April 12 2007 at 12:51pm \| IP Logged

Jenn, I have been mulling your words since you first posted, because they are so much what I am feeling.

Bridget, thank you for the words from your priest. I think that it draws me even more to prayer.

For me, the 40's have been a time of loss (my dearest mum passed away when I was 38, actually,) and seeing friends and family struggle with so many crosses (cancers-breast and brain, other terribly physically disabling maladies, job losses, hopelessness, ....it is depressing just thinking of them all.)

Sometimes I get down on myself, because my own mum faced the loss of two children, her mother and dad, a time of estrangement from her beloved brother (and those are the things of which I am aware) and yet she always smiled and made our home so happy. I worry that I am letting my own dss down if I am not able to be the mom to them that she was to me. Does this make any sense?

I think I need to concentrate a bit more on the joyful (wherever I can find it!) I know that I don't like movies and books that deal with "deep" issues anymore. Whenever dh goes to the video store, I always put in a request for a funny or happy movie!

I am rambling a bit, but I do understand and agree with all you all have written!

God Bless,
Stacy in MI

Karen E.
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Posted: April 13 2007 at 1:18pm \| IP Logged

stacykay wrote:

I worry that I am letting my own dss down if I am not able to be the mom to them that she was to me. Does this make any sense?

I think I need to concentrate a bit more on the joyful (wherever I can find it!)

Stacy,

Your post brought to mind a beautiful entry from Lissa's blog, called March 22 -- Here's a small excerpt:

Lissa wrote:

Chemotherapy means suffering, and I was so afraid that she would spend months in misery and then if...if...if we lost her anyway...the thought was too terrible to finish. But it was there. Please let her time be filled with joy.

What I didn't know was how much that prayer would rebound to bless me. A child can't be happy if her mother, her constant companion, is constantly sad. I've written about this before, I think. I learned that the only person who could fill Jane's days with joy was me. Scott was joy when he walked into the room at night, but during the day, happy was up to me. And I found out what a lot of wiser people already knew: act happy, and you become happy. Decide to be joyful, and suddenly you're seeing joy everywhere.

I'm seriously religious; you know that; and for me the whole hospital experience was an immersion in how real and involved God is, and how joy is the food He wants to feed you.

I do think that we have to make conscious choices for joy, as Lissa talks about here.

Part of the "problem" with our age is that we're really in between. We're living between the children we're raising, the parents who are aging and dying, and in the middle of it all, we're dealing with our own advancing years and changing bodies. We may have friends who are developing health problems for the first time in their (or our) lives, and it's all a bit overwhelming sometimes.

But, the flipside of the "problem" is the blessing ... there's a blessing in every cross, and I think the blessing in this cross is what we all talked about above -- the wisdom and sensitivity that come with age.

How we cultivate joy in the midst of so many crosses (there *are* so many heartbreaking prayer requests of late) will differ for each of us, I think. But, ultimately, it comes back to the same thing: our final Joy is not of or on this earth, but will be found in Heaven. This is what we have to stress to our children: that life is indeed and often a heavy cross to carry, but faith in what comes after this cross is what makes it all worthwhile. Our ultimate joy and hope can shine through, even when we're struggling with sadness and sad situations.

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Karen E.
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Tina P.
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Posted: April 16 2007 at 5:58pm \| IP Logged

Bridget wrote:

Oh yes. Sometimes I have to step away. I think we really do suffer for each other here.

Me too. There are days when I just can't bring myself to look at the Prayer Forum.

And Jenn, I have to agree with the ladies who said that it's not the age, but the experience. There are many elderly people who can't bend or have compassion like a person with sadness in their lives.

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Posted: April 17 2007 at 1:19am \| IP Logged

Tina P. wrote:

Bridget wrote:

Oh yes. Sometimes I have to step away. I think we really do suffer for each other here.

Me too. There are days when I just can't bring myself to look at the Prayer Forum.

Oh my yes!
Some days I just don't have the inner strength to go to the Prayer Forum. I am so glad someone else wrote this, because I was feeling a bit guilty about it. Sometimes the prayer requests just cut to the quick and I can only lay my head down on the desk....more often than not I do not even leave a written reply.
It is this mother to mother connection which cannot leave us untouched, even if we do not know each other irl.

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guitarnan
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Posted: April 17 2007 at 7:19am \| IP Logged

Stephanie and everyone, I think we do know each other in real life...Isn't God's life here on earth real? We are all so connected...sometimes I think I'll just turn a corner and there you'll be, and somehow we will recognize each other and run with outstretched arms...

I am amazed (in the most positive, joyful sense of the word) at how we all carry each other through those hard times in prayer...how we have all picked each other up during this long, hard winter and how we keep looking toward the spring. (At my house it feels like spring will never, ever come, it's so blustery.)

I'd like to think that when Jesus fell, the women of Jerusalem were there to help Him and encourage Him with their love. I certainly feel as though you are all here with me In Real Life, extending a hand when I fall, wiping my face when the tears are just too blinding.

I thank God for you all.

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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.

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