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JennGM
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| Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 8:02am | IP Logged
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In a discussion with dh, he had a question.
If you adopted a baby/child, did you have children born of your womb already? If so, what were their ages?
If they were young, how did you explain it to them?
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 10:50am | IP Logged
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Well, ours is a very "eclectic" family. 
My oldest daughter(22) and son(16) are biologically my dh's, and not mine. But with two different birth mothers.
My next daughter(17) is mine, but not dh's.
Next son(11) is both of ours, biologically.
Then we have dd(5), adopted.
None of them are biologically related to one another 100%!
That being said, my children were in on the adoption discussions from the beginning. They were thrilled when they found out about dd, excited about meeting her, and ecstatic when she came home to us.
But they were all old enough to understand the situation fully, and have personal experience with birthmoms or birthdads that cannot (or will not) care for children properly, so very little explaining had to happen.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Kathryn UK
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| Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 2:43pm | IP Logged
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Jenn, my brother was adopted when I was about 4 and a half. I have fuzzy memories of going to visit him at the children's home before he came home, and of helping to choose his name. I don't remember any specific explanations - I don't think I felt any differently about it than I would have done if I had acquired a sibling the usual way. I don't remember it ever being a big deal. He has always just been my brother, and I have never thought any differently about him than I would have done if he was born into our family rather than adopted.
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Kathryn
Dh Michael,  Rachel(3/95) Hannah(8/98) Naomi(6/06)  (11/07)
The Bookworm
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Marybeth
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| Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 4:41pm | IP Logged
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I have been surrounded by adoptive families my whole life. I truly believe it was God's guiding hand in showing me how families are made by Him in all different ways. It made our decision to adopt very easy after being shown such loving examples when I was growing up.
If adoption is God's plan for your family, there will be peace. These children are siblings and they don't know anything different. It seems childish and simplistic...it is just how it always has been in my life. My best friend from elementary school has two sisters who are adopted. They always knew about how their family came to be and accepted it. They are best friends and are a loving and close family.
There are some wonderful adoption books out there which talk about biological and adoptive siblings and how families are brought together.
Marybeth
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Marybeth (Mb)
http://held-together.blogspot.com
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ShawnaB
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| Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 6:56pm | IP Logged
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We had 3 bio children ages 5, 3 and 10 weeks when we were asked to adopted ds.
Initially, I was a little uncomfortable explaining the complicated idea of adoption to my very precocious 5 yr old ds. He has, shall we say, an inquiring mind and wants to understand. A dear and trusted friend who is also an adoption provider helped us tremendously with how to explain adoption to our children.
One thing we told them was that there are 2 ways for people become mommys and daddys, one is by adoption and the other is by having a baby grow in mommy's body. When ds inevitably asked why baby ds's birthmom didn't want to be his mommy, we told him that all moms want the very best for their babies because they love them. Ds's birthmom knew that the best thing for her baby was for us to be his parents and for you all to be his brothers and sisters. Just like I knew the best thing for my babies was for Daddy and me to raise them. He once asked if baby ds had 2 mommys and I told him no. He has one mommy and that is me. After he came out of his birthmom's tummy, and she decided that we should be his parents, we became his mommy and daddy. Because he is adopted, he also has a birthmom, which is not the same. She loves him, but she doesn't do all of the mom-things that makes me the mom to all of my children.
We have kept our explanations fairly general. My friend did say that older siblings' questions can stem from a concern that they might too be placed for adoption one day. Dispelling this concern can make a lot of questions go away. She once told me, "You don't want to give older siblings too much information, like telling them that a birthmom placed her baby for adoption because she couldn't afford to care for him...because the next time you and your husband talk about not having enough money for something, they start wondering if they will need to be adopted!" 
My children have many adopted friends, and I think adoption really seems quite normal to them.
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Shawna, wife of Jacob, mom to Abraham 8 Amelia 5 and Jillian & Jonathan age 3 years http://www.psalm121family.com
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Adoption and Older Siblings
