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Dawnie
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I was talking to a friend recently who told me that she didn't think that her husband was "cut out" for raising a large family, although he wants a large family.
I said that I didn't think anyone was really "cut out" for it...that's why it's sanctifying. 
But this question has been bugging me for days now. Do any of you find raising a large family "easy"? Do any of you feel like the work, the organization just comes naturally? I have 4 dc, which is less than many of you on this forum, and I don't feel like I'm "cut out" to be a mom of 4, but I can see that God is using these children to really stretch me and make me grow!
So what do you think? Are you "cut out" for this?
Dawn
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Visit my blog!Water Into Wine:Vino Per Tutto!
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dhbrug
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It would be very rare for someone not to be "cut out" for parenthood. Being a Mother or Father is genetically in everyone, although a small minority may have some issues.
The major barrier in these times is not capacity or intellect but more a matter of will. There is enough information and resources to assist in raising children and being a good family man or woman but you must use more than the general media as your guide.
We're just lucky that God can see in each of us our full potential and will provide us with many experiences which He knows we can handle. There are days when we may wish to disagree, but God undoubtedly knows better.
I guess it's a good thing God sees beyond what we do.
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David
http://bruggietales.blogspot.com
dw Lana 89, dd 91, ds 93, ds 96, ds 98, dd 01, dd 04, ds 07
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St. Ann
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My dh has said to me on a number of occasions, that before his marraige with me he could never have imagined having children. He thought he would be a terrible father.
With each child his joy increases and sees it as a great miracle. Now he could never imagine never having been a father. It has stretched him in so many ways. No it is not always easy, but he is thankful every day that God entrusts us with these children. He is definitely a better person because of this.
I have only written about dh, because he has expressed these feelings on several occasions.
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Stephanie
Wife and mother to Hannah '96, Maria '99, Dorothea '01, Helena '03
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Lisbet
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It's something I've been thinking about alot lately too Dawn. Not exactly those words, but along those lines. Someone mentioned here on the board a while back about God supplying the graces for the state we are in now, not more not less. So, when you have, say 4 children, you cannot imagine being 'cut out' to care for 5 or more, or when you have 8, the thought of 9 may sometimes be enough for you to call it a day! (not that I've been thinking about that at all myself, really, not at all....  )
For me, it has gotten easier, not because I have been given magical 'deal with it' powers, or even because everything is easier. I fully feel it's because of the graces and lessons God has granted to me along the way. His Generosity, His Faithfulness, His Love, His Mercy, time and time again He has come through and blessed me. In turn, in being open to His message for me, I my faith has grown in leaps and bounds, my trust - this is a big one, my trust in His plan for me and my family, I no longer question it.
So, while the work load, stress level, noise level, financial struggles, etc... none of this has become 'easier', my perspective, I suppose, has become different through my experience, and I realize that while I may think I am not 'cut out' for this, it's what God has called me to, and He supplies for ALL that I lack. (and that's a boatload...)
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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mavmama
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Lisbet said--[ So, while the work load, stress level, noise level, financial struggles, etc... none of this has become 'easier', my perspective, I suppose, has become different through my experience, and I realize that while I may think I am not 'cut out' for this, it's what God has called me to, and He supplies for ALL that I lack. (and that's a boatload...)[/QUOTE]
Because our children have all been "born" to us through adoption, I have often struggled with this issue. Most of the time, it has been a financial issue, to be honest. While adoption can be very expensive, I need to trust that the Lord has it all planned out and as long as I am open to life, He will let me know what we are to do. Our last adoption really shouldn't have worked out, but God made it happen (Praise Him!) so I know He can bless us with more if He sees fit.
Right now, I feel pretty stretched to the limit with a severely affected, attachment disordered child, but my heart cries for more children. It helps to know that some of you wrestle with this, too.
Hope this makes sense!
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Liz
Blessed by 4 wonders
dd11, dd911, ds9, ds8
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Mary G
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I can remember when my oldest was born thinking -- "who am I to raise a child? You have to take lessons to get a driver's license, but I can have a baby with no lessons?"
Boy, was I scared. And still am with a total of five kids to raise.
But, I'm also a FIRM believer in God only giving us what we can handle -- that's gotten me through MANY challenges.
Great parents aren't made, but evolve through trial and error and TONS of prayers ...
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MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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mrsgranola
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Oh I need y'all to combine this into an article somehow! I get this question/comment ALL the time at my parish. I'm sneakily hoping to put an article like this in our parish newsletter (that I'm putting together). Anyone know of something I can borrow (with permission) to use?
I'm the youngest of 5 and I now have 5. I'm anticipating getting grief when/if we're blessed with another baby. Grief and crazy looks from those who can't imagine "being cut out" for more than 2 kids.
I was just telling one of the local priests that while I was really, really happy with his recent, excellent homily that talked about the Church's teachings on ABC vs. NFP, I wish he would have added more about being open to having more kids and not necessarily just how to use NFP to prevent pregnancy. He's taking baby steps with them, I suppose. And I think he really got people thinking...
There are many days I wonder if I'm doing my children justice as a parent but I just do the best I can and pray that God sends the graces to multiply my efforts for good.
Okay, now off to the police station to report that my wallet was stolen.  I got home yesterday to the bank calling to report suspicious activity and sure enough, my wallet was missing since I last used it at a drug store Sat. afternoon late...
JoAnna
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Sherry
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I have heard of young couples giggling about how they want to have a dozen or so children, and then the first baby comes along and they realize just how much they will have to give up and they look at other options.
The comment about will is so appropriate, as well as the comment about God giving us grace. I would definitely say that these are the two principles that have kept me going for the last 23 years, with each pregnancy being a willingness to surrender, and God meeting my willingness with His grace.
Was I always patient? Was I good at organizing or dealing with a whole houseful of teenagers and young adults, while meeting the needs of the middle children and the tiny tots? Absolutely not! Back when I gave birth to my first child, I was barely able to take care of myself. But God has been faithful, and now I cannot think or breathe without needing His help, and then He gives me pleasures on this earth that could not be bought and that I could not have anticipated.
A few years ago I went through some intense illness that affected my emotional state. I originally went to a therapist, who told me that it was the emotional drain of my husband and family that caused it--well I believed her at first and just felt worse and worse, and then I finally listened to God and embraced my situation with greater fervor and trust, and God used my husband and my family to heal me--just the opposite of what the "experts" said. It was in the giving of my life that I found it.
Jim Elliot once wrote, "He is no fool who gives away that which he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot loose."
This is why we keep having children, not because we are "gifted" or "special", except perhaps we decide to live what everyone claims, that they are willing to lay down their lives for God.
Sherry
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humanaevitae
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I do think some personalities/character traits/sinful tendencies (their own or their children) present more difficulty for some parents.
What I may find mildly difficult another may find it stretches them beyond anything they have known. A person who is very OCD and "needs" a neat environment to function will have more difficulty coping with a wife and a passel of kids who do not "get" neatness! Of course God's grace provides but that person will find it more challenging to raise a family of "active" children than others would.
I was surprised to hear a Catholic homeschooling mother of eight, whose youngest is now the only one left at home, say to me that she admires how I "handle" our four children. She has observed them at a few events and marvels at their energy and stamina! She said she couldn't imagine mothering my children as hers had been much different (calm and quiet). So to speak, in comparison, she said she found her children of eight easier to parent than my four.
Obviously I don't think that is always the case between large and smaller families but it does show me that it isn't always a numbers game.
Dawn, my dh and I do not see ourselves as people who could handle having a large family but we don't need to be concerned about that. We just take it one at a time. I tend to get anxious as I look to the future so I try to take it day by day. Hopefully some of my problem-areas that I think will make a large family impossible will be less of a problem in time!
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Nicole-Zane 10, Elizabeth 7, Xavier 4, and John Patrick 2
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Mary G
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Sherry wrote:
A few years ago I went through some intense illness that affected my emotional state. I originally went to a therapist, who told me that it was the emotional drain of my husband and family that caused it--well I believed her at first and just felt worse and worse, and then I finally listened to God and embraced my situation with greater fervor and trust, and God used my husband and my family to heal me--just the opposite of what the "experts" said. It was in the giving of my life that I found it.
Sherry |
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Sherry,
First, welcome to 4Real and thanks for posting. I love this example -- so often we go to "experts" when we should just turn to THE Expert! Now, I'm not advocating ignoring aches and pains, but I am advocating turning to prayer as a way to ask for God's grace....
Nobody ever said life was supposed to be easy and believe me, being a parent is probably one of the toughest jobs out there (next to being a spouse  ) but with God by my side, the road is certainly a lot less bumpy!
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MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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Alice R
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I'm so glad you posted this question.
I cannot tell you how many times people say "I could never do that. Two is enough for me"
I wish I had a spiritual answer but I stand there like a dope.
What do you say to the passing person or to the person who makes a comment like that without having a whole theological discussion? 
I've said stuff like "well, God gives you strength" and then people look at me like I'm really a nutcase. 
I get tired of these crazy questions/observations sometimes. I'd love to explain it to them and share my thoughts.
Alice R
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kingvozzo
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Alice R wrote:
I'm so glad you posted this question.
I cannot tell you how many times people say "I could never do that. Two is enough for me"
I wish I had a spiritual answer but I stand there like a dope.
What do you say to the passing person or to the person who makes a comment like that without having a whole theological discussion?
I've said stuff like "well, God gives you strength" and then people look at me like I'm really a nutcase.
I get tired of these crazy questions/observations sometimes. I'd love to explain it to them and share my thoughts.
Alice R |
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Yeah, it's the person standing behind me in the supermarket that really gets to me. Because I don't have the time to have the "theological discussion" with them, but I do feel like I should say SOMETHING to them to indicate how I feel about the issue.
To answer Dawn's original question, though, I don't think some people are inherently "cut out" to have big families. I agree with the others who have said that God will give you the grace you need when you need it.
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Noreen
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Bridget
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We are all cut out for the work God has planned for us. The thing is that His work is never easy and human nature is to take the path of least resistance.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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humanaevitae
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Bridget wrote:
| We are all cut out for the work God has planned for us. |
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That is so true Bridget! Now we just need to figure out what his plan is for us personally and have the courage and trust to accept it.
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Nicole-Zane 10, Elizabeth 7, Xavier 4, and John Patrick 2
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Lisbet
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To the remark makers at the supermarket, my new reply is "I'm Catholic." Smile, and go about my business!
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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Bookswithtea
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When people tell me, "I could never do that" I usually just say, "I didn't think I could either until I did."
At the same time, I hope my dd's and ds's will be better at this than I am. It seems to me that the mom friends I have who came from large Catholic families have a distinct advantage over me (one brother, 4 yrs younger than me).
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~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
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JodieLyn
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Quote:
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I don't think I've gotten quite this so don't know for sure what I'd answer on the spot but
"It is work, but they sure are worth it" comes to mind right now.
As far as the original question. We all have different talents and so how I deal with my 7 may not work at all for someone with different talents. Not that they couldn't deal with their own children regardless of how many or few.. just that it would be different than how I deal with it.
The thing is (except for some cases of adoption and multiples) the kids aren't dumped on you all at once. I didn't have to know how to handle 7 when I only had 2.. I learned how to "handle" each child as an individual and as a particular group.. as they came and as they grew.. Each child from infancy learned how our familiy works and how we behave (even if they don't always). You're not going to be able to compare this to babysitting a group of kids.. and most especially not kids all of the same age (like a preschool class of all 4 yr olds  )
How do I take all 7 kids grocery shopping with me (umm actually I don't know yet, I haven't had to go grocery shopping with all the kids since the baby was born ) But we're talking something that for me has been years and years in the making. My oldest will be 10 soon and she has always gone with me (excepting the FEW times when dh is home and I can go alone).. and so has the next oldest and the next and on and on down the line. Everyone of them has been trained from infancy on how we act when grocery shopping. You take a group of 7 kids who haven't been trained that way and it could be a real circus trying to get everyone to follow the rules.
And I think that's a big portion of why people look at it and are "Scared" of having a big family. They look at the current total and totally miss that the kids are added one by one (or two) and both you and the kids have time to learn before the next addition.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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Lisbet
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To the "I could never do that" or "Two is enough for me" or the "I can hardly handle the two I have" comments, my dh has been known to answer, "What are ya, some kind of wimp?"
He has that rare personalilty that can get away with such things. Some of his comebacks to these kinds of remarks are really funny!
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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Jeanna
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I once heard somebody say "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called." I like to say that to people when they look at me and say they could never have more then their one or two.
Lisa, your dh sounds like a very funny man.
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In Christ,
Jeanna
Mommy of 7 arrows.....
 dd11; dd9; ds7; dd6; dd6; dd4; ds3
"There is only one tragedy in the end, not to have been a saint."
- Leon Bloy
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Sherry
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You guys are all echoing the same thoughts and experiences we have gone through for years. I love hearing some of the responses. The husband who asks if folks are whimpy sounds a lot like my dh--he is such a rare guy to be willing to trudge forward, not at all concerned as to whether or not anyone else even cares. I also love the comment about how God equips us--soooo true!
Thanks for the welcomes.
Sherry
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Is anyone cut out for this?
