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SuzanneG
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| Posted: Dec 20 2006 at 11:25pm | IP Logged
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I am re-thinking our meal time, the time I spend in the kitchen, cooking, etc.
I have always made a great effort to have “family meals” (sit down at our table with dh and all children, with decent food) at least when dh is in town. When he’s not, it’s “kids at the kid’s table in the kitchen,” me…standing up preparing as they eat.
These sit down meals seem to be getting more frustrating (meal time AND the cooking part) we have been having more “kid meals”….even when dh is in town. We still eat healthy….it’s just not a pre-prepared meal. One of the problems is the eating table is also our EVERYTHING table during the day. Sometimes, I just can’t rally to get that table cleaned off!!!!!
I get frustrated…..does anyone even LIKE the meals? I used to like them….but now that I’m not eating as much, food isn’t as important to me (thankfully!) I think the kids (and dh for that matter) are just as happy to have cut up fruits, veggies, meat, etc. Dh is NOT picky and doesn’t really care about food…..as long as it’s healthy.
I used to like cooking and eating, which is why I put effort into it…it was a “hobby” of sorts. Maybe I put too much effort into cooking and the “family meal” when there are so many young ones (they are 5,4,3,10 months). Or is this worth the time and effort?
All you experienced moms…..do you wish you would have cooked LESS? More??? When your kids were young? Thoughts?
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Suzanne in ID
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Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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ladybugs
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Suzanne,
All I can offer is that when your children are young - and yours are, mealtime can feel well, like you're the beef getting tenderized.
Maybe just lowering your expectations?
I don't know if that helps but it was all I could come up with tonight  .
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Maria P
My etsy store - all proceeds go to help my fencing daughters!
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: Dec 21 2006 at 12:01am | IP Logged
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So, do you mean just accept that everything is CRAZY regarding meal time / food prep, and still DO a family meal? I am actually considering lowering my expectations....as in giving up on this concept all together  
As long as everyone is nourished.....good enough.
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Suzanne in ID
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ladybugs
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| Posted: Dec 21 2006 at 12:13am | IP Logged
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Crock-pot?
Maybe I was premature.
My children were close together, too, and I felt like I was a success if I had dinner on the table around 6:00pm every night. I just remember feeling very tired by the time everyone ate ...then it was the clean-up, that is where I felt completely overwhelmed and unable to continue.
After dinner, we did baths, and by the end of that, stories and prayers, I was ready for my shower and bed....
So, I remember, if I didn't do the dishes, Steve sometimes helped but sometimes, I did go to bed with dirty dishes....
Shhhhhh, don't let that secret out.
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Maria P
My etsy store - all proceeds go to help my fencing daughters!
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Patty
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When I was growing up, we rarely ate dinner all together as a family due to my dad's work schedule, brother's sports schedule, etc. Usually we ate Sunday dinner together. My dh's family always ate together...it was important to him, and I was eager to provide this special family time for our family after we married.
So, we've always had a family meal in the evening but the important things are that we are TOGETHER and that we eat reasonably nourishing food. I did NOT always prepare time-consuming meals when ours were little. (I still don't and am always looking for good, easy-to-prepare ideas). Sometimes we had leftovers, sometimes a crock pot meal, or something else quick and easy. I saved the fancier meals for weekends, especially Sunday. We usually only have dessert on Sundays, and sometimes that is a bowl of ice cream later in the afternoon.
Be easy on yourself...and remember the important thing is that your family is together. You don't have to be Martha Stewart to feed your family.
God bless,
Patty
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momwats8
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Stick with but like already said maybe try to go simple. The family meal is so important. I have a friend trying to institute it now that her kids are older and her kids have no idea how to behave at the table. It is vey hard for them even at restaurants now.
We eat things like hamburger helper, tacos, spaghetti, pancakes and eggs, grilled cheese and tomato soup... It does not all have to take a long time to make. We also have a rule that no one is to have seconds or leave the table until Mom has been able to eat. This came about because by the time I finisheid dishing up, cutting up, and settling everyone they were done and either wanted to get down or eat more. My dh told them that Mom had to eat first. That really helped and now the kids are just used to it. It makes it feel like I am part of the meal time also. Now that the kids are older there are conversations together and that is one of the best parts of family mealtimes.
Another thing you may try is asking dh - when he is able - to help with the dishes after dinner. You can feel so spent from prep etc that the last thing you want to do next is dishes. Also try to make dinner the same time very night. We eat the same time even when dh isn't home unless there is something we need to do.
Hope this is helpful!
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Mary- Wife to Mike and Mother to Austin(92), Mikey(95), R.J.(97), Benedict(98), Kolbe(00), Ignatius(02), Christian(03), Margaret(05),&4 angels in heaven
http://www.momwats8.blogspot.com
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Bridget
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Don't give up! Family meals, gathering at the end of the day, praying grace together, talking and laughing... builds memories. It becomes part of a family's strength. Civilizes the members.
It doesn't have to be labor intensive food every night but try for real cooking a few nights a week, Sundays at least.
School age is the tipping point. They begin to be able to help a little. They can have a decent conversation without whining. They don't spill EVERY night anymore.
Think through all the parts of getting a meal on the table. What can you simplify? We don't use placemats and only an occasional table cloth. We only set what silverware we need for that meal. I serve from the stove but try to use dishes to pass on Sundays so they get the practice.
Family meals and family prayers would be my top priorities.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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lapazfarm
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I agree that it would be wise to try and preserve family meals when possible, but don't beat your self up when it's not.
My reason for preserving them is as Mary said-training them now for later.
My dd never does family meals with her kids and now that they live with us half the time the poor 3 yo hasn't a clue as to how to behave at a table due to inconsistancy on how meals are done between her house and ours. The 1 year old is also having issues now, too.
The more consistant at the younger ages the better. But also be realistic. There will be misbehavior and messes and talking with mouths full, etc and sometimes it will feel like more of a battle than a meal...but after the one millionth family meal it really does pay off, especially at restaurants.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Cay Gibson
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Suzanne,
Just wanted to let you know this very topic has been on my mind all week. Must be the holidays. 
Thanks for bringing it up.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
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kristina
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| Posted: Dec 21 2006 at 11:12am | IP Logged
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Our family mealtimes have evolved from tv trays to everyone sitting at the table. TV trays ended when I used tv to ignore postpartum depression when our third son was born. As I was serving "dinner" (then it was froz. chic. nuggets, fries and veg) to our 3 year old in his toddler boosterchair that was strapped to a dining chair in front of the living room tv, he said "How about Frazier?"  . From that day on, we have sat to the table for dinner 99% of the time (pizza night with a movie has been an exception, as has a big sports game). Conversion is a recurring theme in my life, can you tell?
It does not matter what we eat, what matters is that we are together. You don't want to know that I have a houseful of fussies who eat different foods for a couple of leftover meals each week. I even work outside of our home a couple of evenings each week. I try to eat with them when I can before I leave.
I had a friend who served her teen children normal meals like spaghetti, pork chops, etc.. She could not believe that I served my young children hummus & pita with fruit and called it dinner. (It was something that all of them actually enjoyed eating, not to mention that it was healthy). These days I try to make a couple of traditional meals each week. Sunday dinner being the optimal time for one. One usually has meat and the other is a pasta. Big meals (for small to med. size families, that is) can offer a chance for leftovers. Sometimes we are on the ball and make a double meal, one for that night and one to freeze for later. The rest of our meals are quicker, but still wholesome and easy to prepare. I have one son who could live on garlic and pasta and another on pb&j's if I let them.
My thoughts on having dinner with four little girls under age six: eat what you like, make it as simple as will fit into your life and enjoy your time together. If the table is a mess with projects, spread out a table cloth and picnic on the floor. If Daddy is working late, there is no problem with sandwiches for dinner. As your girls grow older, they will help with dinner. I never believed it would happen, but our nine year old can make oatmeal and eggs (he does mine over-medium perfectly ). As they get older, they can be expected to declutter the table, wipe the table and set it. People have been telling me for years that it would happen and it finally has. Our boys do not eat in the morning until they unload the dishwasher. Their little assembly line gets it done in no time at all.
Suzanne, I never would have believed it, but it does get a little easier. Also, you have four. Right now they are young, but their are 8 hands available to help out in just a few short years that will just fly by, if we don't stop to catch our breath.
God bless you and your lovely family!
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kristina
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MrsKey
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Preface - I only have one child so the cooking and getting everyone to the table issue is much more simple for me than for many and I realize that ...
I used to strive for family meal every night, no matter what. Even if dh worked late and I held dinner for an hour (or more).
I've loosened up quite a bit. Especially now that dd is older. Sometimes she's involved in a book or a game and she wants to eat at her desk or in her room. And I'm okay with that. As long as we say grace together before we eat. And as long as we eat dinner together more than half the time.
A huge key for me though was lowering my expectations of myself and what "dinner" had to be. Now that I will allow myself to serve veggie pitas or a huge salad or soup as a meal ... it is much easier.
I used to put such high expectations on myself and what dinner had to be that it drove me crazy. I thought that as a stay-at-home mom and mom of "just one child" that I simply had to have the time and energy to prepare elaborate completely from scratch meals every day.
Now my crock pot is becoming a much better friend and I realize that a healthy soup can be a meal not just a first course. That chili and corn bread are a meal. And that sandwhiches aren't just for lunch any more!
We can put so much pressure on ourselves that we rob ourselves of our sanity and our joy in the small things. So keep striving to have a family meal (those are important) frequently (if not constantly) and relax your expecations a bit and strive to find the joy again!
+J.M.J.+
Carole
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Angel
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I try to do sit-down meals as often as I can, but sometimes due to sickness, too much stuff on the table, etc. we do eat in front of the TV. But I don't like it when we do that.
Our meals aren't always complicated. In the past few weeks, I have served leftovers at the table for everyone more than once. Even though we were eating leftovers, we said grace and lit the wreath. Usually I try to cook *one* thing, then add veggies heated in the microwave, fruit, and possibly bread. If I have to actually cook 2 things, it's just too hard to juggle with 2 babies underfoot in the kitchen. (At least the 10 yo and 7 yo usually keep my 3 yo busy.)
Some nights we do just have sandwiches or cheese quesadillas (spread shredded cheese on top of a tortilla, top with another tortilla, and microwave or heat in the oven. Super easy and everyone eats it), but I think it's important to keep the ritual intact.
--Angela
Three Plus Two
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SuzanneG
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momwats8 wrote:
| We also have a rule that no one is to have seconds or leave the table until Mom has been able to eat. This came about because by the time I finished dishing up, cutting up, and settling everyone they were done and either wanted to get down or eat more. My dh told them that Mom had to eat first. That really helped and now the kids are just used to it. It makes it feel like I am part of the meal time also. |
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This is a good idea. This would diminish a bit of the "beef tenderizing" that Maria referred to.
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Suzanne in ID
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Jen L.
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Even more strict, but I think it worked well:
My mom (6 kids) had the rule that no one could ask for seconds until she and one other person besides the asker were done with their firsts.
Also, we could eat our salad (if there was one) before she sat down, but that was it. (In retrospect, this was allowed to continue too long -- when we were older, she still didn't have us help in the kitchen enough.)
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Jen
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teachingmom
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Hi Suzanne,
I am one who does not like to cook dinner. I would do convenience meals every night if I could get away with it.  But I dh and I both grew up in families who ate together at the table every night. We both enjoy the tradition and think it's very valuable. I love what Bridget wrote:
"Family meals, gathering at the end of the day, praying grace together, talking and laughing... builds memories. It becomes part of a family's strength. Civilizes the members."
Since we've had family dinners around the table since the beginning of our marriage, our children have always known how to sit quietly for the entire dinner meal. (OK, with all these girls, it's really not so quiet at mealtimes!) No one leaves the table until everyone is finished. Well, we have been known to leave one or two dawdling eaters at the table while others begin doing the dishes and clean-up. One result of this is that we have always been able to bring the family to restaurants or other people's homes for dinner easily. The girls just don't expect to be able to get up and run around.
But as I said at the beginning, I am not one to love spending time cooking, so even though we are eating together every night, we might be enjoying soup and sandwiches or tacos or something else that I can whip up in 15 or 20 minutes. I think it's the eating together and the conversation that occurs that is most important.
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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: Dec 22 2006 at 11:56am | IP Logged
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Thank you all for your responses, this helps a lot! 
I will mull all this over and be revamping my menu choices, focus, grocery shopping, , attitude , etc.
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Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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Cheryl
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We sit down at the kitchen table every night. It doesn't matter if we're eating a home cooked meal, pizza or breakfast buffet....we eat together. If ds 6 doesn't want to try the meal, he might be offered leftovers from another meal or bread and butter. If my dh is not coming home for dinner I will plan something really simple. It's like I have the night off from cooking.
I think the hardest thing for me about our family dinner time is the noise level. It seems like everyone is jacked up when Daddy comes home. Last night I could barely hear what my dh was saying to me (and we sit next to each other at our round table.) I'll just keep plugging away though, they'll have good manners eventually, right?
I think we've trained them to be well-behaved at restaurants now. We go over the 3 restaurant rules when we arrive at the parking lot.
1. Sit down.
2. Be quiet.
3. No picking your nose.
My dd 9 mos. has a very hard time now with the be quiet part.
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Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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SuzanneG
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Rebecca has started another thread about serving food....Family Style or Fill the Plate?
....very helpful.
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Suzanne in ID
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SaraP
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I've simplified the cooking part by only actually doing it once a week.
On my cooking day (which, if the kids are in a high-need phase, is Saturday so that my DH can keep them out from under foot while I work) I make a quadruple batch of something freezeable. We eat one portion that night and the rest I freeze in three separate packages for future weeks.
So our weekly menu goes like this:
Mon-Wed: meals from the freezer plus a veggie or quick bread (muffins or biscuits) if necessary
Thursday: leftovers from Mon-Wed
Friday: beans and rice, spaghetti and tomato sauce or tuna salad sandwiches
Saturday: Newly cooked quadruple-batch meal (the remainder frozen)
Sunday: Something put in the crockpot before we leave for mass
My DH works until 9 or 10pm most nights so dinner is usually just the kids and I, but we do sit down and pray and try to have a civilized meal. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, but since I have been spending less time preparing dinner (shooing my 4 and 5 year olds out from underfoot and promising my 1 year old that I will pick her up in "just a minute") it has been better because we are all less frazzled when we sit down.
And sometimes I DO really enjoy it and we DO have good, worthwhile conversations.
And sometimes my 4 year old takes one look at his plate and says, "I'm done. May I be excused?" and my 5 year old eats with his hands and spills his cup of water and my 1 year old rubs her food into her hair and I wonder why I even bother.
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kristina
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Cheryl wrote:
I think we've trained them to be well-behaved at restaurants now. We go over the 3 restaurant rules when we arrive at the parking lot.
1. Sit down.
2. Be quiet.
3. No picking your nose.
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Cheryl,
#3 - . Yet, it is a very good parking lot reminder.
Blessings,
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kristina
yesterthoughts
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Family Meals and Cooking
