| Author | |
Anneof 5
Forum Pro
Joined: June 10 2006
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 217
|
| Posted: Dec 20 2006 at 8:26pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
I have been reading the December titles to my 5yodd and 7yods. Everything had been going fine until I read The Clown of God several days ago. My 5yodd has become very upset about dying and her heart stopping. For the first several days after I read the book she kept asking if she was getting old. Then 2 days ago she kept saying she was worried her heart was going to stop and that she would die ( like the clown).Yesterday she was really upset and at times was asking me every 30 seconds if she was OK. Today is a little better with not quite so much asking but she just came to me now and asked again if her heart was still pumping.
I did lose my father in August and a friend lost a baby in October so we have been dealing with some deaths. Has anyone else had a reaction from their child similar to this? She actually had the book last night and was looking at it and crying about it. I have since put it away. We keep reassuring her that she is OK. How did you handle it? This has been really tough for us the past few days!!
Thanks much.
Anne
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
cathhomeschool
Board Moderator
Texas Bluebonnets
Joined: Jan 26 2005
Location: Texas
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 7303
|
| Posted: Dec 20 2006 at 8:42pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Anne, my younger children haven't gone through anything like this, but my 11yo is currently struggling with similar fears. He is constantly washing hands and putting band-aids on every cut, fearing that he will get an infection that will get out of control and make him very sick. He has a more active imagination than my 12yo, and occasionally goes through various fears. I just try to reassure him and eventually he relaxes. Children can have such difficulties in expressing and understanding what they feel. This book may have brought to the a head much of what she has been sensing or feeling in the last few months but couldn't express well. I don't have any words of wisdom, except to be patient and reassuring.
__________________
Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Cay Gibson
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 16 2005
Location: Louisiana
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5193
|
| Posted: Dec 20 2006 at 9:34pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Dear Anne,
I just got home and saw your post.
(((HUGS))) to your dd.
My youngest turned 5 today. I read this book to her last year as I was working on the Mosaic and, perhaps, she wasn't clued in enough. Also, I read and did the questions/activities with a whole group so perhaps the impact wasn't as great.
I did have one of the mothers gasp and break down crying when I came to the part about the clown dying.  She quickly left the room so I don't think the children realized what was going on.
Later she told me it was a beautiful book and very worthy of being a mOsaic selection. I agreed because, honestly, I'm a sucker for good emotional stories.
They touch the heart...literally.
But, back to your little daughter. This breaks my heart. No child should have that much stress brought on her due to a book.
If it's any consolation, I went through a period as a child where I'd lay very still in bed at night and place my hand over my heart in pledge-of-allegiance fashion waiting to feel my heart beat. I'd count to about 10 until I was certain it was beating, then I was satisfied enough to go to sleep. 
I'm sure I was between the ages of 5-10.
I'm thinking of what we can do to calm the waters for your dd.
Any ideas readers?
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
TracyFD
Forum Pro
Joined: July 22 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 313
|
| Posted: Dec 21 2006 at 10:28am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Wow, how touching! My 5yo also responded very seriously this year to this book. Not as drastic as yours, but the look on her face was quite memorable. Then, lo and behold, my husband's uncle died this week. He was in the hospital for an illness, got out of bed, and his heart stopped. So now we have the opportunity to talk about death, what we as Catholics believe about the afterlife, and attend his wake and funeral next week. Maybe some funeral homes have some resources on dealing with death for children? I will poke around -
Tracy
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
TracyFD
Forum Pro
Joined: July 22 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 313
|
| Posted: Dec 21 2006 at 2:22pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I found this website a bit helpful:
"Talking to Children About Death"
http://www.hospicenet.org/html/talking.html
Tracy
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Anneof 5
Forum Pro
Joined: June 10 2006
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 217
|
| Posted: Dec 21 2006 at 6:11pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thanks to all of you who responded to my post. I really appreciate your ideas and advice. Cay, I hope it didn't sound like I was being critical of your book choice. Your book is wonderful and it is a beautiful story and I did read it first before sharing it with my kids. I am a former classroom teacher and it was drilled into my head in college to always preview things first before using them with my classes. My dd's reaction came out of left field and totally surprised me. My son was fine with it. My usual impression of her is that she is rather immature for her age but every once in a while she surprises me with her deep thinking. I know after she viewed the body of the baby who died in Oct., she had trouble sleeping for a couple of nights. She knew Grandpa was old and died and this baby was younger than her, so explaining death to her was probably confusing. I know there have to be some good books out there written for little kids about death. If anyone knows of one, let me know. Thanks again!
Anne
PS The Clown of God was dedicated to Norine Odlund, who was my Children's Literature professor in college.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Cay Gibson
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 16 2005
Location: Louisiana
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5193
|
| Posted: Dec 21 2006 at 6:25pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Anneof 5 wrote:
| Cay, I hope it didn't sound like I was being critical of your book choice. Your book is wonderful and it is a beautiful story and I did read it first before sharing it with my kids. |
|
|
Not at all, dear.
Your dd has had a few close and personal experiences with death so I'm sure that is proving to have a very powerful impact.
I am wondering about the impact of "sad" stories in children's books. I have found a lovely, lovely Christmas picture book that has not been mentioned yet. When I first read it I immediately thought "That's definitely Mosaic material."
Your post did give me pause, Anne, about including a book into the Christmas Mosaic.
Please, everyone share your feelings and concerns regarding the books in Mosaic. The books seem to make the biggest impact but we do want our faith to be joyful as well as our children.
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Paula in MN
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 25 2006
Location: Minnesota
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 4064
|
| Posted: Dec 21 2006 at 6:44pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Yes, I want our faith to be joyful for my children. But I also want it to be truthful. Jesus' death on the cross is sad, and it does make my children cry. But it is a reality -- a truth -- of our faith. And I want them to experience that.
We love every book in Mosaic. I think you should have books in there.
__________________
 Paula
A Catholic Harvest
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Erin
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 23 2005
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5814
|
| Posted: Dec 21 2006 at 10:07pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Cay Gibson wrote:
I'm thinking of what we can do to calm the waters for your dd.
|
|
|
This may be totally not the right thing for your dd but when I read this line the idea that jumped at me was to have your priest give her a little blessing or something along those lines. Is there something in the Church's liturgy to pray over her to calm her fears?
When my ds9 comes to me and says he is having nightmares about snakes etc and is afraid to go back to sleep I remind him to go and get the holy water and bless himself and then he is alright. Don't know if I'm much help.
__________________
Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
CathinCoffeland
Forum Pro
Joined: May 19 2006
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 367
|
| Posted: Dec 21 2006 at 10:31pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
My dd went through a similar phase last year after my third miscarriage. She also reacted strongly to that book
One thing that helped her is hearing stories about those in our family who have died. Even those she hadnt met. She really needed it repeated that we loved them and that God loved them and took care of them. Then we would get out thier pictures and pray for them. We go to the cemetary a lot and pray and light candles at church. We also told lots of stories about people who had died and how they helped in heaven ie saints interceding. The focus she was after was not so much the dying but will be be happy in heaven.
For months and even now ocassionally she would burst into tears about the thought of someone who had dies or just the thought that someone would eventually die. i would try to listen then ask if she wanted to pray or visit the church. She usually would.
I think for her it was a feeling out of control problem.
These activites gave her a concrete way of "helping".
It took a lot of time before she began to relax about it -not something a mom wants to hear  I just tried to listen a lot. Good luck and
God bless your sensitive little one.
Maggie
Ps the dd in question just peeked over my shoulder (she is sensitive and nosy and out of bed!  and says "tell the little girl that the clown is so happy being in heaven"
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
TracyFD
Forum Pro
Joined: July 22 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 313
|
| Posted: Dec 22 2006 at 5:48am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I just wanted to add that - the other night when I read this story out loud for the first time this season, I loked over at my husband and he was in tears!
Also that when I sent family photos to my cousin who now lives in England, she noticed The Clown of God book proppped up in the background on my sideboard. She emailed and told me that she has kept very few books from her childhood, but that this title is one of them, and that her copy is well-loved. I hope the story served her well emotionally - she lost both of her parents by the time she graduated high school.
When I entered "death, children" on Amazon several picture books came up. I am not sure which ones are good, but maybe a librarian could help you find one.
I do pray for your little one - some children seem ok with death and others extra extra sensitive.
Tracy
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
alicegunther
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 28 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1992
|
| Posted: Dec 22 2006 at 6:19am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I find that four and five year olds are at the most likely age for a reaction like this. They seem to be more frightened of things at that age--movies, the dark, books, you name it.
I remember my daughter Agnes being petrified of the book "The Tub People" because one of the toys goes down the bathtub drain, and that book isn't nearly as potentially frightening as "The Clown of God."
It is good you put the book away. Someday she will, like Agnes, look back on it and laugh, but for now, getting her mind off it is the best thing to do.
__________________
Love, Alice
mother of seven!
     
Cottage Blessings
Brew yourself a cup of tea, and come for a visit!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Cleo
Forum Rookie
Joined: Nov 11 2006
Location: Canada
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 34
|
| Posted: Jan 12 2007 at 7:33pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I bought Clown of God because of FIAR. I decided to pass on it after I pre-read it. DD (now 6) just wouldn't handle such a story. Maybe next year...
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Alice R
Forum Pro
Joined: May 28 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 169
|
| Posted: Jan 21 2007 at 7:58pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I also bought Clown of God for FIAR and gave it to a friend. It is a beautiful story but it is just not the right book for my children. We have had way too much death and enough is enough.
In all of these books lists, unit studies, etc. you have to remove a book if it doesn't feel right for your family. It doesn't mean that the book is not good, it just means that the book isn't right at this particular time.
Anne, I'm sorry that your daughter got upset. It's hard to know how a child's mind works sometimes.
Blessings,
Alice R
__________________
Mom to Nathaniel (10), Noah (8) Alise (6) Rebekah (3)and expecting another blessing Faith, Grace and Family
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Clown of God bad reaction
