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kathleenmom
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Joined: March 09 2005
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| Posted: Oct 18 2006 at 8:49pm | IP Logged
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I wasn't sure where to put this, and my poor addled pregnant brain is not likely to produce a very coherent query, but I'm so frustrated I have to give it a go.
My eldest is 8 and a lovely girl. She is a hard worker for the most part, sanguine in temperament, a pleaser, with real perfectionist tendencies. Recently, she has reallllly been dragging her feet over all tasks. She takes 15 minutes to brush her teeth (declaring tearfully if I demand she stop, that they are not clean), 20 minutes to sweep under the kitchen table after a meal (it would take me 2 minutes), and ohhhh the dawdling over school work. Sigh. The oddest part is that she does not seem to be overly motivated by the natural consequences of being dilatory. She will be forced to stay at her desk when all of her siblings are outside playing with the neighbor children. She misses out on before bedtime read aloud time, we rarely have time for any of the "fun" extras that we would all enjoy like handiwork and cooking lessons.
I am so exasperated. I feel like such a grump. I stand behind her all day barking orders at her and begging her to "hurry, hurry, hurry...." I am constantly having to impose sanctions for slowing us all down. Breakfast has to wait because she hasn't finished her morning chores....etc... I could be more Draconian and serve her cold oatmeal, buuuut this doesn't really address the larger issue of how do I motivate this child to be more dilligent?
She dislikes being the last one at her desk. She wails, gnashes her teeth and caterwauls when she misses out on read alouds....however, it DOES not deter her from doing it all over again the next day, or even at the next opportunity the same day.
I am not a big proponent of carrot strategies. I dislike the idea of artificial rewards, but I am so desperate to effect some change, I may be persuaded if I thought it would do some good.
It just seems so unreasonable  . I see the misery she causes herself, remind her of the cause and then, there she is repeating the whole thing all over again. Truth told, it is really making me cranky as well. My day is on hold waiting for her to finish things up so that I can help her with different subjects.
For instance,here is a snapshot of a typical day:
Wake her at 7:30....light a fire under her to start her chores. I HAVE to set the timer or she and her siblings would still be at it 2 hours later. They ALL dawdle. If you don't finish your chores in the appointed time, you get an extra job for later. Breakfast.....serious dawdling. She would take an hour over breakfast if I let her. Soooo, I nag and bully. Get cross and finally demand she sweep under the table. 15 minutes later she is stillllll sweeping....stopping to look at herself in the mirror.....chat with her siblings.....anything but finish in a timely way. Mom intercedes and cracks the whip! I ask her to work on something independent while I give the Preschooler 20 minutes of momma's time to read and do a preschool type activity. Her younger brother does a much better job of this. He is motivated to be done and finishes in lightning time! Next, I am finished with preschooler and go find she has completed 1 word of her copywork and is watching the squirrels in the front yard. Sigh. Now, I yank her away from that subject and do Catechism with her. When I am standing right over her shoulder she can finish something relatively dilligently, but the moment I turn my back. Yikes.
This is repeated ad nauseum through the day. 4 p.m. may roll around and she has 4 things left undone because I had to keep redirecting her to things she needed my help with because I couldn't wait for her all day.
She goes to bed contrite and teary and then we do it all over again the next day?
What can I do to help her, US get out of this ugly cycle?
Help, please.
Kathleen
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Marybeth
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Joined: May 02 2005
Location: Illinois
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| Posted: Oct 18 2006 at 9:37pm | IP Logged
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Kathleen,
It shoulds like she is distracted easily. I have a couple of suggestions (just my humbe 2 cents)
1. Have her eyes tested
2. Is she sleep deprived..you may not think so but she could be...does she snore? It may be sleep apnea.
3. Is her iron low? Does she suffer from low blood sugar?
4. Put her with you so you can watch her and help her stay on task.
5. If you don't want to do this, you need to take your preschooler in smaller chunks and go to check on her or call our gentle reminders
6. Place in her spot with no windows, doorways, etc. so she can't focus on something else
7. Get some books on ADD...not saying she has it but it will allow for some ideas for help for her and your sanity!
8. Get some books on OCD...they helped my girlfriend understand some of her son't complusions to focus on something else or take inappropiate amounts of time for tasks
9. Don't punish her something which doesn't seem willful...it honestly sounds like she is upset and can't focus Does she not understand her schoolwork? Does she not understand how to complete her assigned tasks?
10. I think read aloud time is so important. Please don't lose this with her! Also, cooking and handicrafts are so valuable for learning any things. Why cut out the fun...is it less valuable a way to learn than a workbook? It sounds like you could both use some fun and low stress schooling. I would try some unit studies...her siblings could be included.
11. Pray to you and her guardian angels...it will be amazing what doors open for you to help this situation.
I will be praying. I had dealt with this type of behavior many times in the classroom..I understand completely the frustration and upset on both your sides!
God bless,
Marybeth
PS You are a great Mom! 
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Marybeth (Mb)
http://held-together.blogspot.com
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momwise
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Joined: March 28 2005
Location: Colorado
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| Posted: Oct 19 2006 at 8:51am | IP Logged
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Kathleen,
I am having similar issues with my 10 yo ds. He is a pretty compliant child also, so I am pretty sure this is not a willful disobedience type of behavior. Marybeth, I like your ideas; we've already had his eyes tested. He does suffer from extremely dry eyes and hates to focus on anything if they are giving him trouble. He has a lot of relief from 2 Flax oil caps per day. I especially appreciate the advice to keep the dc away from the windows, doorways, etc... I need only turn my back for a split second and he can be out the door, leaving some chore or assignment half undone, even though I try to give my boys ample time outdoors during the school day.
Would she be the type of person that would enjoy a checklist for each day that she could look at see her own progress or success? For instance she could check off a task if it is completed before the appropriate time and look to see what is next.
Strange as it seems, by dss seem to progress better when they have their chores and assignments on a piece of paper in order vertically, than whenthey have to look at an assignment book that has the whole week together in horizontal form  It's always something isn't it?
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Gwen...wife for 30 years, mom of 7, grandma of 3.....
"If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life." JPII
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lapazfarm
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Joined: July 21 2005
Location: Alaska
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| Posted: Oct 19 2006 at 9:58am | IP Logged
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I have a space case here, too!LOL! And he does so much better with a short checklist on a post-it note. For some reason it really helps his focus.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Coaxing dilligence
