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saintanneshs
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| Posted: Sept 29 2006 at 9:42am | IP Logged
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Dh and I took all the kids to the ultrasound appointment for the new baby yesterday. It went great. Before we went, we'd made up our minds to NOT find out the sex of the baby. We've found out EVERY time, so this is new for us. We wanted to have that final "IT'S A ___!" experience. You know, something different. Well, that "something different" decision has turned into a great spiritual opportunity, a chance for me to offer up my own desires (I DESPERATELY want to know what I'm having now  ) for others' intentions. This has all come about because dh and I caved at the last minute and had the OB write down the sex of the baby on a card and seal it in an envelope. The envelope is in my nightstand drawer and I'm positively fighting every minute (and have been since last night) to NOT open it. I could hardly sleep last night knowing it was there! This is so silly, I know. But I'm thinking that if I burn the envelope then the temptation is out of my hands and we can stay true to our intentions, but there goes the ability to daily struggle with self-denial and thus offering those struggles up for someone else will be gone too!  So many people need prayers and I could use the spiritual exercise! Oh but the temptation...I don't know how long I can hold out (or how long I can keep dh from peeking). He's worse than I am! 
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Kristine
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Dawnie
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If you burn the envelope, you'll still be denying yourself...
We knew the sex of our first baby, but we didn't know the sex of our last two babies. Having done it both ways, I like waiting until the baby is born to find out the sex. It's even more exciting than Christmas as a kid!
Dawn
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Bridget
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This is hysterical! Quick, burn the envelope. You'll never make it if you don't want to know. Pregnancy brings plenty of opportunities to offer up sufferings for your intentions.
We have never found out before delivery. It is quite exciting to wait!
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Mary G
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I had always waited to find out the sex of the baby -- altho I'm so predictable as it's been boy, girl, boy, girl, boy.....basically if we got pregnant again, it would HAVE to be a girl
Anyway, then someone told me about what Fr. Pavone teaches -- you SHOULD find out the sex of the baby so you can name him/her, be ready for her/him and basically look at the growing fetus as a LIVING HUMAN BEING. Kind of an interesting twist, isn't it? Especially since it's usually the designer babies whose sex is found out before birth! 
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Christine
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We've always waited. However, we have also pretty much guessed correctly each time. This little one will most likely break our pattern. We have had girl, girl, boy, girl, girl (with God), boy. Based on the initial nausea, I thought we were having a girl, but the fact that my stomach is sticking out like a table, makes me certain that this little one is a boy.
I really enjoy waiting and trying to guess. The not knowing actually helps me get through labor ~ by that time I just have to find out!
My advice, BURN THE ENVELOPE and WAIT!
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Christine
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MicheleQ
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Mary G wrote:
| Anyway, then someone told me about what Fr. Pavone teaches -- you SHOULD find out the sex of the baby so you can name him/her, be ready for her/him and basically look at the growing fetus as a LIVING HUMAN BEING. Kind of an interesting twist, isn't it? Especially since it's usually the designer babies whose sex is found out before birth! |
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I couldn't agree with this more. We always find out the baby's sex for these very same reasons. And we ARE still surprised. . .it's just earlier than at the birth.
Mind you 20 some years ago when I had my first 2 children, ultrasounds were not what they are today and it was VERY difficult to tell the baby's sex but since then we have found out every time except for once (with our now 14 yr. old ds because the dr. said I didn't need an ultrasound).
It is SO beautiful to see the way the children are anticipating their sister's arrival. They talk to her, call her by name, talk about her, etc. We're even going to celebrate her feast day next week!
While I don't think there's anything wrong with not knowing ahead of time I also don't think it means you are weak willed if you do find out.
Keep in mind that the holiest woman ever created knew she was having a son from the moment of His conception, AND she knew what His name would be. Zechariah and Elizabeth also knew they were having a son. So it would seem to me that knowing what you are having is totally Biblical.  Granted we don't have messengers from Heaven telling us, but medical technology is certainly a blessing.
Just my opinion. 
God bless,
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Michele Quigley
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kingvozzo
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MicheleQ wrote:
While I don't think there's anything wrong with not knowing ahead of time I also don't think it means you are weak willed if you do find out.
Keep in mind that the holiest woman ever created knew she was having a son from the moment of His conception, AND she knew what His name would be. Zechariah and Elizabeth also knew they were having a son. So it would seem to me that knowing what you are having is totally Biblical. Granted we don't have messengers from Heaven telling us, but medical technology is certainly a blessing.
Just my opinion. |
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Very good points, Michelle, and beautifully put. I found out with my first and third, didn't find out with my second. I was absolutely sure my second was a boy, and was so surprised when a beautiful little girl was born. The anticipation is different, but not less meaningful.
I plan on finding out what this baby is. The children are VERY interested
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Noreen
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JodieLyn
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Never found out for any of mine. I use a midwife and I'm not getting an u/s for no reason but that..
And funny, we never think of the baby as anything but a real live human being.
We just talk about "the baby" and skip pronouns.
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marianne
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If you don't want to know, then burn the envelope QUICK!
We didn't find out with the first 4 babies, and then with my last one and my current pregnancy we did find out the gender. I must say that I prefer knowing in advance. This sounds really shallow, but the most fun I've had being pregnant is shopping for cute little boy or girl things in preparation for baby's arrival. Not knowing the sex stifles the shopper in me! Also, since we've had so many boys, coming up with another boy name would have caused a lot of worry and stress (I'm picky!) and so finding out that it was a girl this time was a burden off of my shoulders in the naming department.
I think I'm more excited for the baby to come when I know the gender in advance. This is just me though - not knowing was fun in a way, but at the same time, I always *knew*, but since it wasn't official I couldn't get to attatched to the idea of dd or ds. And I couldn't really shop!
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ALmom
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We've never found out - but my husband uses a sound level meter and our stereo to get the heartbeat whenever we want - and we have tapes of each heartbeat. Each baby has had a nickname before birth (Baby Bobby (or Bobbie) belly) for example and the baby is a real baby with or without knowing the gender. We like the anticipation and wondering from the beginning - knowing that at this point, only God knows the answer. We have homebirths and no ultrasounds so no one knows. I had one ultrasound - with the first baby as part of an external version, but asked not to know - so I guess in that case the midwife and Dr. knew the secret along with God. We guess gender, weight, birthdate, etc. ahead of time and have lengthy discussions about names for either and Saints feast days near the due date. Oh, I wish we were having another sweet soul - but it is all in God's hands.
Have fun either way - and if you decide to keep the envelop and not know - you can still open it on the birthdate and toast the ultrasound technician - if they were correct. Ultrasounds can prove inaccurate.
Janet
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saintanneshs
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Update: The envelope is still sealed in my nightstand drawer and my house is getting a second spring cleaning! ...I have to keep moving or I think I might gradually gravitate back there to my bedroom. I can't burn it without dh's consent and he won't be home until after 6...torture!! If I burn it before that he might call the OB and ask for a replacement envelope...
Dh wanted to open it so badly last night but he wouldn't do it. He wanted ME to do it so he could tell everyone that I caved! I think it's going to come down to a competition of wills and which one of us can hold out the longest. This is going to be harder than Lent!
...so glad I could provide comic relief for everyone today
and thanks everyone for sharing your perspectives. It's nice to know I'm in good company.
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Kristine
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stefoodie
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So funny, Kristine. I can just imagine the temptation!
We tried to not find out with any of our kids, however, with the 3rd one my OB FORGOT that I told him at the beginning of the pregnancy that I *did not* want to know. My hubby maintains that he *saw* in the ultrasound though and knew it was going to be a boy. I'm always clueless about ultrasounds, until they label stuff.
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stef
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mumofsix
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Well as an adopter I do not usually get the chance to wait until the birth before finding out the gender ...
However, this did happen to me once. I was matched with my fifth baby when he was still in utero, and though his birth mother had had an ultrasound scan, it was inconclusive with regard to the baby's gender.
I will NEVER forget the emotions of being handed my baby, all wrapped up in a hospital blanket, and asking the obstetrician, "Is it a boy or a girl?"
"A boy." And tears sprang from my eyes just as described in Homer (which I had always thought a mere Homeric conceit) and I felt thrilled and moved beyond words to know him.
Yes, a very special moment.
Jane.
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Patty LeVasseur
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I was always surprised with each of mine and I enjoyed not knowing. Although I would have to say if someone wrote it in an envelope and gave it to me, I think I would have looked.
After I had my little girl, everyone was standing around looking at her and making comments. I laid there asking, "What is it? What is it?" Finally the nurses turned around and sheepishly told me "It's a girl. Sorry, we thought you knew. Everyone always knows."
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teachingmom
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We've always chosen to wait to be surprised at birth. Dh and I both agree and find that exciting. Now, with 5 girls already, people can't believe we didn't want to know ahead of time. We attended our neighborhood block party today, and got lots of "You mean you don't know if it's a boy or girl??!!" Dh just smiled and answered, "Well, if I were a betting man . . . "
And if I planned on definitely not looking at the card, Kristine, I'd burn it. I wouldn't want to be so distracted through the coming months!
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saintanneshs
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Just thought I'd let everyone know (seeing as how I'm in such a sharing mood tonight ) that the envelope is STILL sealed and I haven't given it a thought all week. At least I think it is...I haven't even looked to make sure it's still in my nightstand drawer! I never would have guessed that I could just make up my mind to NOT find out and have the temptation right under my nose and STILL not give in and peek. Dh has come up with the idea that we should stick the envelope (sealed) in the new baby's scrapbook so he or she can be the one to open it one day. How can I say no to that? Surprisingly, I really am ready for whatever happens this coming January.
My friends and family now, however, are DYING for us to open it...
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Chari
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Good for you, Kristine! I am proud of you! Can't wait to hear in January the big answer to the big question!
Praying for you and your incubating chickie
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humanaevitae
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Kristine,
If you have any nosey sisters you better hide that envelope well! My only sis was determine not to look at her envelope and I kept saying I was going to ransack her house to find it myself!
Yes, naughty older sister that I am, I wore her down. It was her first baby so she can have a surprise with the next one. It was so fun to shop ahead of time. They didn't tell any one else though.
Good luck!
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momwats8
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This one is hard for me. I like to know before hand and dh does not. We have ony found out 3 times out of 8 out of submission to his desire to wait. I think it is exciting either way. With this baby we are going to try and wait it out. As of now I think it is a girl because I feel like I did with my pregnancy with Maggie. It is a little early still though. If I start throwing up in the next week or so I will know it is a boy! Good luck keeping that envelope sealed You are a better woman than I am - I would have torn it open before I even got all the way home
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Cay Gibson
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The only time we  to know or not-to-know was with #1.
We headed to the hospital for the ultrasound, both agreeing not to ask. Nineteen years ago, ultrasounds technology wasn't nearly as correct as they are today.
We'd already heard the stories of both sister-in-laws being told the wrong s-x of the baby. Now that's when it's a surprise. Everyone on both sides of the family had girls as their first so we assumed we would follow suit.
During the ultrasound, the tech asked if we wanted to know. We gave each other a knowing sideways glance and both nodded. My dh laughed that he "thought" he had seen something anyway and had a good guess. THe tech said she "thought" the baby was a boy.
We left the room knowing there was a 50% chance she was right and a 50% chance she was wrong. It was our first baby. We could have cared less which it was.
She was correct.
With #2 (despite having four ultrasounds due to bleeding and low placenta) they were never able to tell. She modestly kept her legs tucked up neatly underneath.
#3 was the same. We had the routine six month ultrasound but they couldn't tell what he was.
Both of those babies were complete surprises in the delivery room but, perhaps not strange to say on this board, we really didn't "care" what s-x they were. They were what they were and we loved and welcomed them regardless.
After that we always went to the ultrasound willing to let the tech or doctor tell us what they "thought" the baby was. We always knew that in the end, it really didn't matter.
Congratulations on your decision, Kristine. I think your dh has a lovel, plan putting it in the baby book. 
You are in my prayers...
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Cay Gibson
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wife to Mark '86
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Trying something new this time...
