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KC in TX
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| Posted: Sept 19 2006 at 8:47am | IP Logged
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How do you all handle this? Usually, we are too far away from family to go visit during the holidays, but we are close enough now. I do most of the holiday cooking in my family. My mother helps a lot with the prep work, but I do all the shopping and cooking. This year we will be spending it at my house. I wanted to spend this Christmas in our new home.
Is it unreasonable of me to say that we were going to open presents by ourselves in the morning? What do you all do? I thought we could all open our presents and then when everyone else arrived open presents then too. This idea was not well received. I need a fresh perspective without all the emotions that family can bring.
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KC,
wife to Ben (10/94),
Mama to LB ('98)
Michaela ('01)
Emma ('03)
Jordan ('05)
And, my 2 angels, Rose ('08) and Mark ('09)
The Cabbage Patch
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lapazfarm
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Ok, now this is just me, so take it for what you will.
To me, there is nothing more magical than seeing Christmas through the eyes of a child. When I was a child I know my parents got great joy out of seeing my brother and I open our presents. It was always early in the morning, but as soon as we woke up, they would be there with bleary-eyed smiles.
Now as a parent, I get to experience that joy with my own children. However, my parents like to come and get here as early as they can so they can watch, too. I am so glad I am able to offer to them this gift of joy on Christmas morning, for them to once again experience Christmas through the shining eyes of a child.
For me, without alot of money for expensive presents for extended family, it is the one Christmas gift I can give them that means the most. And truly it is such little repayment for all the joyous Christmas mornings they gave me.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Patty LeVasseur
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| Posted: Sept 19 2006 at 9:26am | IP Logged
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This is a problem for us when we get together because my mom and I have a difference in philosophy. I think the children should be able to open their presents when they wake up. My mom thinks that presents are for after getting dressed, eating breakfast, and it seems like many other things. (I hated this as a child and it was only last Christmas when my four brothers and I were talking that I realized that we all did.)
So if you enjoy watching your children run to the tree first thing in the morning full of excitement, but the family isn't planning on showing up until the afternoon, I (and all my brothers  ) vote for doing it by yourself. If the grandparents really want to see it I would invite them to come, but tell them to come early.
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Patty
mom to four blessings
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JSchaaf
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| Posted: Sept 19 2006 at 9:32am | IP Logged
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If Santa brings presents, you could do those first thing with just the family. Then, when grandparents/extended family arrive you could do the family gifts...
It's good to extend the present opening...when we were closer to home we would open family gifts in the evening after dinner.
Jennifer
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Tina P.
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Can I add a question to the questions previously posted? What about gift exchanges with people you haven't seen for eons? My kids barely know their cousins, muchless what they might want as a Christmas gift. Add to this the expense of my seven kids having to exchange with someone who has three (grown!) children. Does that make sense?  My brothers and sisters are talking about a $40.00 per couple adult exchange as well. WOW! $$$$$$$$
I feel like it is *not* generous of us to *not* participate. However, I'd rather give the money to those in need than give something to someone that person might not like. I don't want to be a humbug. Any ideas?
PS: I agree with Theresa on the opening presents matter. Can your parents come early enough to watch your children tear them open in their pajamas?
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
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Bridget
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| Posted: Sept 19 2006 at 9:51am | IP Logged
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Christmas is always at our house. We do gifts in the morning by ourselves, then the extended family shows up later in the afternoon and we do gifts again.
Last year we were so poor. We told everyone we ere only doing gifts for children, ours and our Godchildren. I did bake for everyone. The simplicity was actually very nice.
Some people did give us gifts and i felt a little badly but they knew we weren't giving them so i guess theirs came from the heart. 
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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JodieLyn
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We're far enough from family and due to issues that I don't need to go into, we decided that we'd travel to visit family at Thanksgiving (umm not THIS thanksgiving though.. baby's due the Saturday after) and stay at home for Christmas. Though any of them are welcome here.
Because of travel issues, if they're here, we simply include them with our family for the whole kit and kaboodle.. we go to Midnight Mass which eliminates the can't go to sleep problems.. since they're staying up so late and it's ok that by the time they get to go to bed they're ready to sleep no problem  then the kids are rather in charge of that on Christmas Morning.. they first must wake dh and I (just to avoid the getting up at 3am thing.. plus we wanna be there) and then they go get grandma and grandpa (in their RV in our driveway) then they open stockings.. then grown ups get coffee or something and I start breakfast (usually something put together the night before that I just toss in the oven) and then we do gifts while breakfast cooks.
And this is how we tend to treat any guests, anytime, we just include them in our family.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
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JodieLyn
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Oh and I simply wouldn't do a gift exchange that included such a high price tag.. I suppose in a way we're lucky that our families can't afford it either.
We often do homemade gifts.. a loaf of homemade bread and a jar of homemade jelly can make a nice gift for instance. Or if I have time and inclination.. making up some home canned soups or whatnot. We also do other crafts, try and include the kids in the making, dh handles woodworking things and I get the sewing type things.. and we all helps with painting and decorating etc. One year we made homemade wooden tic tac toe boards (checker boards would also be very easy)
This year we're also having the kids drawn names for each other.. it was silly to have them getting $1 junk for each other.. so they each drew one of their siblings and will be able to spend $5 per gift.
If we had cousins that still were "children" (as in living at home, going to school etc) who'd be there.. a drawing so that everyone only bought one gift and a limit on the cost.. like the $5 would work for me.. but only if they'd actually be there for Christmas.
Ornament exchanges can be fun.. and would allow for either purchased or homemade ornaments.. and everyone.. kids and adults can do that one.. you can even do those fun drawing numbers and "stealing" from each other types of gift exchanges.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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KC in TX
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It's not my parents that are the problem. They usually can make it early enough, it's my sister. She blasted me yesterday because of what I wanted. I guess I can always tell her she's more than welcome to host Christmas this year. However, it's been so sticky around here lately I don't know what to do. My gut tells me to do as Bridget does because that would make life easier for me, but I'm at a loss. I'm such a decisive person except when it comes to my family. 
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KC,
wife to Ben (10/94),
Mama to LB ('98)
Michaela ('01)
Emma ('03)
Jordan ('05)
And, my 2 angels, Rose ('08) and Mark ('09)
The Cabbage Patch
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JodieLyn
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hmmm KC, what's going on with your sister? is she married? does she have children? could she have thought you being in the area would mean a Christmas "just like when we were kids"?
The situation I wasn't going to go into since it wasn't about us having people here was about adult unmarried "children" being unable to adjust the way they'd "always done Christmas" (since they were older) to allow for the limitations that small children have.
Rather than a discussion, just invite your family for brunch at 11am (or whatever works for you) and don't discuss what they may or may not miss. As your guests, really, it's none of their business what you do with the time before they're invited. Though I know it's not that easy.. but if that's what you aim at you can stand firm and just not discuss certain things if you know it'll just be a stand off anyway.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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SeaStar
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We always have Christmas at home. A long time ago my mom gave me the advice that children should be in their own homes at Christmas, so they can relax and enjoy the day instead of being in a strange house on their best behavior, etc. Anyone who wants to see the kids at Christmas can travel to you- it's so much easier for grandparents to travel than for a family with kids to travel during the holidays.
We let the kids open gifts from us and from Santa early in the morning- that is our special time. Gifts from extended family and friends we open when the whole clan is around so everyone can enjoy it.
I have 5 siblings and dh has 4, so a long time ago we decided just to buy for the kids- nieces and nephews up to age 18. We usually give a gift card in a small amount (Target, bookstore, etc). That keeps things simple, and the kids can then buy something they really want.
HTH-
Melinda
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saintanneshs
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JodieLyn wrote:
hmmm KC, what's going on with your sister? is she married? does she have children? could she have thought you being in the area would mean a Christmas "just like when we were kids"?
The situation I wasn't going to go into since it wasn't about us having people here was about adult unmarried "children" being unable to adjust the way they'd "always done Christmas" (since they were older) to allow for the limitations that small children have.
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I agree with Jodie...don't discuss it. The situation sounds like it's more about you not "conforming" to what's expected (at the expense of your husband and children). Am I understanding it right? If not, just disregard everything below!
Here's what I do when faced with this EVERY year (my mom & siblings still haven't given up the fight )...
Get your dh's suggestion(s) together or have him make up the "game plan" for your family's Christmas. After all, he needs to be the one leading the family, right? Once the two of you come to a decision, invite others to join you (if you'd like) and don't be afraid to break with what you did as a child, even if your sister doesn't get it or give you the respect your family deserves. You have to do what's best for your family, right?
As the oldest of five kids and more importantly, the only one who has kids, it's been terrible to break with my family (who all live close by and are all very big on tradition). Setting boundaries is hard, but you have to do it, and it can be done with kindness. For the sake of your children and especially unity in your marriage, I'd say do what's best for you and welcome anyone who wants to do it that way too. Ignore the sighs and the rants and the tears (I have one little sister who has pulled out all the stops on more than one occasion in the early years of my marriage). You deserve better than that, but there isn't any way you're going to be able to change someone else's mind about the way you "should" be doing things. Accept that your decisions may be rough on others but that you can't do anything about that (except generously pave the way for them, in spite of their thanklessness) and pray for the strength and the patience and the grace to handle it all with love...
 --and a face that looks like that!
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Kristine
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marihalojen
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We have always kept Christmas Day for immediate family, extended family and friends all get together for Christmas Eve. If the person is there, their present is opened that night. Otherwise it stays under the tree until morning. The Christmas Eve Party is sooo much fun, tons of food, tons of people and there is always the perfect breakup point - Midnight Mass! Unlike some parties that drag on too long, this gets everyone out the door while everyone is still having a great time.
Christmas Day is for Santa's Presents first thing, no - actually Stockings, then Cappuccinos, then Santa's Presents. A great buffet breakfast is next with plates taken back to the tree to watch the other presents being opened (which we do one at a time to extend the pleasure )
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The Mari Hal-O-Jen
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Maddie
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Ah, Christmas! The most wonderful time of the year? Bahumbug.
No, not really. We are gradually making it a festive season in our family but it has taken some doin'. What finally set me off was my new sil who demanded Christmas to be held at her house one year. Of course, I was the sour puss because I balked and wanted to keep my babies at home. To this day I am still baffled that I came out the loser on that one, my sil is Jewish!! 
What we finally came up with is, relatives may visit at anytime except Christmas Day. Maybe that doesn't work for everyone if your close to your relatives, but it does for our family situation. I work very hard at making Christmas special for my dc and it's frustrating for me to have to walk on egg shells the whole day wondering if they like the music, or are they annoyed we say the Joyful Mysteries of the Rosary, or if I have to turn the blasted TV off and on and on. My family was quite irrated with me, but they have accepted it just as they accept we reject birth control. (with rolled eyes and big sighs)
Somedays I hate being the heavy, but I hate conforming to unacceptable expectations, especially where my babies are concerned. They are only young once.
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~Maddie~
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marihalojen
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Maddie wrote:
| What we finally came up with is, relatives may visit at anytime except Christmas Day. Maybe that doesn't work for everyone if your close to your relatives, but it does for our family situation. I work very hard at making Christmas special for my dc and it's frustrating for me to have to walk on egg shells the whole day wondering if they like the music, or are they annoyed we say the Joyful Mysteries of the Rosary, or if I have to turn the blasted TV off and on and on. |
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That's what I'm talking about!  Time to make your own lovely traditions! Each family needs 'em!
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~Jennifer
Mother to Mariannna, age 13
The Mari Hal-O-Jen
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Erin
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KC
How long are you talking about waiting? I know different families have different traditions but I do think it very difficult for children to wait for their presents. Gee I think we are being tough telling our children that they can't wake us until 6.30am on Christmas morning.
The main thing is when you and dh got married you both bring different family traditions into your marriage, it is then for you and he to creat YOUR OWN family tradtions. Now you may chose to keep some of his, some of yours and add some. They then become unique to YOUR family. "The two shall become one"
My mum has a big thing that Christmas is for the children, now I may not totally agree as I believe more emphasis must be on Christ than on the children, I do think the joy of Christmas must be extra special for children. Actually I am lucky in that she is like Melinda's mum and they will travel here. But then that is another issue, I am also like Kristine in that I am the only sibling married with children.
Last year my sister made a big deal of wanting to be at our place for Christmas morning to see the children open their presents, I invited her to stay and then she SLEPT through present opening although the dc tried to wake her  you don't always win
Frankly last year I found my family exhausting, all those strong personalities, and they were a real wet blanket. My sister has just sent out an email to the sibs asking "what do we want to do for Christmas, do we want to go to mums or to Erin's? " I don;t recall her asking me whether I was willing to host Christmas again.
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
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Marybeth
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Last evening I was moaning to my big sister about how I am starting on 9/19 to dread the approaching holidays. Now I am just mad b/c how and why are people so upset when we try to do our own family traditions????
My wonderful in-laws told my dh and his siblings...Christmas is for you and YOUR families lets get together all of us the weekend prior or after Christmas. What a gift!! It is our merriest celebration b/c their is no strife or anxiety about accomdating people's needs.
It may be time to start a prayer request for peaceful and holy holiday celebrations.
Boy, I don't mean to sound like a Scrooge about my family...just why can't they adjust instead of demanding my 6 yr. old do it????
Marybeth
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StephanieA
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I have pretty much acquiesed to my in-laws when it comes to Christmas. We have Christmas at their house, but that means getting up early Christmas morning, dressing the kids for the earliest Mass, and getting to their house by 10:00. My kids don't get to enjoy Christmas here at all or are hardly awake for Mass One of these days, I am going to put my foot down and say Christmas morning is for us and our kids now. I just don't want to cause hurt feelings, but I won't do this with my grown kids.
We quit exchanging gifts 15 years ago between cousins. I remember dragging around 3 kids under the age of 4 to find the "toy" of the season for one of the cousins. I was suppose to buy THAT toy. So I stood in line at ToysRus with a crying infant and 2 antsy boys to get that toy. That was my last year exchanging gifts. My kids know at the in-laws they will be getting one gift, not 2. I quit feeling like Scrooge years ago.
Blessings,
Stephanie
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KC in TX
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My sister wants us to wait until about 11 since she has to travel 3 1/2 hours. I understand perfectly that she can't make it to our house before then (they go do Christmas with her husband's family on Christmas Eve). I just don't think it was reasonable to say (demand, really) that we wait for them. My children would lose their minds as would the adults trying to rein them in or distract them. I hate that all this talk is about presents because I've been trying so hard to get our focus back to God during the Christmas season.
Thank you all for your sage advice.
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KC,
wife to Ben (10/94),
Mama to LB ('98)
Michaela ('01)
Emma ('03)
Jordan ('05)
And, my 2 angels, Rose ('08) and Mark ('09)
The Cabbage Patch
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hylabrook1
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We have always kept our own family traditions. Simple dinner on Christmas Eve (canned soup and bagels; Jesus' birthday cake for dessert - and always the same kind of cake!), Midnight Mass; opening presents in the morning and savoring them; brunch; lazy day, very restful; dinner midafternoon; dessert in place of supper. Visiting friends and family is what the rest of the Twelve Days of Christmas are there for!
Christmas is hardly the time we want to be in the middle of family struggles; if you are blessed with a harmonious extended family, then spending Christmas Day with them might be a pleasure, but we have felt pretty strongly that Christmas should not be a *fractious* experience.
Peace,
Nancy
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Christmas with family
