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JennGM
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| Posted: July 07 2006 at 11:31am | IP Logged
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I know I'm in the minority on the boards...but I do hope those who have had some experience in this area, or can give some advice will help me here.
I have one son. It did require Clomid and progesterone to achieve that pregnancy. He's three, I'm now 39, and we were hoping for another child. I've had two miscarriages this past year. I wasn't too discouraged by that. But today I got some news that is extremely disheartening.  What I thought would be good news turned out to be a negative pregnancy test, and also indicator that I didn't even ovulate. And the kicker was that one test shows that my ovarian reserve is low, extremely low. My estrogen and progesterone are almost nihil, too. I would require estrogen, progesterone and ovulation help to help along conception.
So my female body seems to be shutting down, I'm already nearing menopause and didn't even know it! I'm struggling with all this emotionally, there's also decisions involved. Do I interfere with nature? Am I risking defects or down Syndrome with my few old eggs? Should I just leave well enough alone and just call it quits?
With all this discussion on NFP, I know there must be a similar line that must be drawn in trying to conceive. Besides the rules on different kinds of drugs, I understand, but then what? We aren't the kind of couple that was doing anything to have a baby...but I am disappointed. I didn't think it I would have these kind of obstacles.
I know this is such a tender, personal area. I'm just hoping someone can share a little bit, or had a similar experience that can help. Trust me, I know the final decision is between dh and I. We are praying. But all this is so new to us. I'd just like to round out our information from Faith-filled sources to help our decision.
I do have to say, I was hoping for a sign to open our adoption options, and this seems pretty clear. With my numbers, some sources say that not even Clomid would work on ovulation. 
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Courtney
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| Posted: July 07 2006 at 11:38am | IP Logged
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Hi, Jenn. I don't have any words of wisdom but wanted to let you know I'm praying for you during this time.
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Courtney in Texas
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Mom to Candace 10/97 ,Christopher 4/00 and Connor 11/11
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stefoodie
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Oh Jenn. Don't have advice, but know that I always have you in my prayers. I have several friends that are going through the same thing right now (also our age) but they're at the point where they don't want to talk about it anymore. Praying that you find answers soon.
Sending you 
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stef
mom to five
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Bridget
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Jenn, I'm so sad for you. I pray for you often. If it were me, I would blitz it with every moral medical means available for 3 to 6 months. I would know that I had done all I could and maybe have a little more peace about it. Then let it go and pursue adoption.
I know it's not that cut and dried, it's just my first instinct.
God is good, He will guide you.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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esperanza
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| Posted: July 07 2006 at 12:32pm | IP Logged
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Praying for your intentions.
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In His Peace,
Tammy Gonzalez in VA
dh-Johnny
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and Jacinta-06
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momtomany
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| Posted: July 07 2006 at 12:34pm | IP Logged
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Jenn, many (((hugs))) for you!
I would try what Bridget suggested, every moral medical means and maybe throw in some natural remedies too.
Just because you didn't ovulate this month doesn't mean that you never will again. It's pretty common to have an anovulatory cycle every now and then. It is very sad that you had two miscarriages this year, but at least you did conceive twice, so I think that there is still hope.
Praying for you!!
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Mary Ann in PA
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PDyer
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| Posted: July 07 2006 at 12:44pm | IP Logged
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JennGM wrote:
| Do I interfere with nature? (snip) Should I just leave well enough alone and just call it quits? |
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Jenn, we face this decision in a way. We have to consider and reconsider whether I should continue to take a medication that precludes pregnancy but keeps my body functioning such that I have energy and mobility to care for the two precious children with whom God has graced us.
Our situation is not entirely the same, but I sense you're asking something similar to what my husband and I have asked in the past: knowing that we have to *pursue pregnancy, when are we being called to take action, and how much? This is a very difficult discernment process, and not one I ever expected to need to undertake either.
A bit of our more recent story: God called very loudly when I went into remission several years ago and gave us a daughter when we responded to that call. The family and I have suffered from my physical limitations since then. Just as the doctor predicted when I told him we wanted to have another baby years ago, I am still not in the physical shape I was before my daughter was born (and I'm not talking about losing the belly!  ) I may never again enjoy the remission I had before I got pregnant with my daughter. Both my pregnancies involved medicated bedrest, and now I'm in my early 40's. There is much to weigh and take to the Lord. We listen, but we have not heard the loud call we heard before. Unlike the time before my daughter was born, I don't feel the terrible yawning hole in my stomach I used to feel when mulling over the idea there won't be any more children in our family. Maybe He's giving us peace and acceptance of our lot.
Anyway, enough about me myself and I. I will be praying for you and your husband.
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Patty
Mom of ds (7/96) and dd (9/01) and two angels (8/95 and 6/08)
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Karen E.
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Oh, Jenn, it's so tough. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Here's my brief history, just so you know where I can relate:
Miscarriages when I was 31/32 -- one of them was an unknown cause, one of them was a partial-molar pregnancy. Then I had Emily, three years later had Lizzy, then three miscarriages in a row led me to think that God was telling us we were done. The three miscarriages after Lizzy were due to (at least two of them were) Trisomy 16, which apparently becomes more common with "older" eggs. Given my age at the time of my last miscarriage (40) I thought it was all over. We then used NFP for awhile, to avoid pregnancy, because I couldn't bear the thought of another miscarriage (and yet another D&C). Then, one month when I was 41, we abandoned NFP and immediately conceived Kate and I carried her to term, and she's healthy. God totally surprised us.
You're still under 40, and I think Bridget has a point when she says you might give it 3-6 months of full-force trying, within moral means. If it still doesn't happen, maybe God is showing you the door you've been seeking, opening toward adoption.
And, I think that another thing to pray about is the other directions in which God calls us ... He allows smaller families for many different reasons, and He may have a different plan for your life, one that wouldn't be able to unfold if you'd been a mom-of-many. We just don't know, but I'll be praying for clear and peaceful discernment for you and your dh.
Blessings,
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God bless,
Karen E.
mom to three on earth, and several souls in God's care
Visit my blog, with its shockingly clever title, "Karen Edmisten."
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MichelleW
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Jenn,
I am going to be the voice of dissension here. When I was where you are I had to be still. Instead of frantically trying to make my body produce more children, I had to listen for the still, small voice and find peace in God's plan. It is no easy thing when you are open to life, but to be open to God's plan means that you also need to be open to the possibility that God is saying, "No, this is not the way for you."
Our oldest is adopted and we are in the midst of adopting another (will be our fourth child), and I have to tell you that there is NO difference in how much we love each child. Whether your children grow in your heart or in your body has little bearing on the family bond. Children are precious no matter where they come from, and God will shape your family according to His plan.
Or, the Lord may have something entirely different for your family. Letting go of a dream is very difficult, but being open to God's plan is exciting. I will pray for this rollercoaster you are on. I think that these questions can be even more difficult when surrounded by women with large families, but I am convinced that the Lord made no mistake when He made you as He did. You are well made, perfectly made, for His purpose.
Michelle
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KC in TX
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Jenn,
I have no advice, but many hugs and prayers. Infertility is so heartbreaking. Although it pales in comparison to what you are going through, we struggled with infertility for the first years of our marriage.  It was a very difficult road.
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KC,
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JennGM
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| Posted: July 07 2006 at 3:53pm | IP Logged
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Thank you all! I cannot tell you how hard it was to write this, but the consolation of prayers and helpfulness is quite a blessing.
MichelleW wrote:
| I am going to be the voice of dissension here. When I was where you are I had to be still. Instead of frantically trying to make my body produce more children, I had to listen for the still, small voice and find peace in God's plan. It is no easy thing when you are open to life, but to be open to God's plan means that you also need to be open to the possibility that God is saying, "No, this is not the way for you." |
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Michelle, I'm glad you are the "voice of dissension." I almost wrote in my original post an invitation of all kinds of input. I want it. We've tried very hard to not force the issue here. It's only been a few blood tests both times, minimal charting, and minor medications. Even within the moral means, it's not always comfortable to us. We never liked NFP to prevent pregnancy, so find it difficult being in the opposite boat, because there's still a feeling of "Playing God."
Thanks for the reminder to be still. That's one thing I feel is "urgency" because time is running out, but God's plan is there for me, I just need to be still and PATIENT and find it.
To let go of the dream...funny, I didn't realize how much I had a dream until you get a phone call like this. There were some threads late last year about the end of childbearing years, when it suddenly faces you. That's what I'm feeling today. I didn't expect it. But yes, to let go and let His Will prevail.
But how about your husband's dream? How much convincing/explaining/talking/praying to get him to understand medically, emotionally, and spiritually to get on the same plain? I don't want to be leading...how does one do this together?
We're not afraid of adoption...just view it as the second part when the first door is closed. Dh's oldest brother was adopted and loved like a son. No difference at all.
Dh is 42 and I'm 39--are we too old for adoption? That's my next fear...
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Caroline
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I have no advice, but I will continue to pray for you. And sending you lots of
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Devoted Wife to and Mama to three beautiful boys and another little boy due in September, and two beautiful souls in heaven
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kingvozzo
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Jenn, I'm so sorry to hear of this disheartening news for you. Many, many prayers coming your way. God's will about the size of our families can truly be a mystery...I will pray for peace and wisdom for you and your dh.
The NFP board at EWTN talks often about Napro Technology, which is in complete accord with the Church's teaching, and is designed for couples experiencing infertility. There is also the Pope Paul VI Institute.
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Noreen
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Donna Marie
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Jenn,
You are in my prayers! I don't really have the words I want to say, but, I do hope you find God's will! I usually ask God to find some excitment in His plan. Even the dissapointing answers have some hidden spark of curiosity in them for me. I do not have the same struggles as you do, but I suffer a terrible debilitating condition while pregnant that they have no clues about and no answer for...it is a nameless suffering that makes it difficult for me to swallow, breathe and sleep...not good at all. I went through that the last 3 times. God's call was very certain last time, even though we thought we should avoid pregnancy (at least for a time). I was surprised at that, but it was a definite call.
You could always try any natural and moral help you can. I will be praying for you!!
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God love you!
Donna Marie from NJ
hs momma to 9dc!!
Finding Elegant Simplicity
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Lisa R
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Jenn,
First let me say I'll be praying for you.
As you can see from my signature line, we have "only" 2 bio children (I won't even get into that and the judgements we've had to face from fellow Catholics ). God has STRONGLY led us to adopt and we are in the midst of that right now. My youngest is 10 so you can see it took God a long time to convince me. We are hoping to travel and bring our daughter home in September. When I look at the pictures we have of her, I love her just as if I gave her life already. I had so many fears of adopting I can't even count them. If I can help you or answer any questions for you, please let me know. You are not too old. I'm 40 and my dh is 44.
Keep praying and God will lead you to what He has in store for you. I never thought I'd be adopting but here we are and we couldn't be more excited! 
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God Bless!
Lisa, married to my best friend, Ray and loving my blessings Joshua (17)and Jacob(15), Hannah(7) and Rachel (5)!Holy Family Academy
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marihalojen
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Jen,
Hugs!
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~Jennifer
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Mare
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Jenn,
I can relate to some of the feelings that you have. I have a family history of women starting menopause in their 30's. I believe that I'm already in the beginning stages.
I find it very difficult to even discuss. I certainly don't bring it up with my friends or sils. They all suffer from infertility. Who am I to complain b/c I have 4 dds? The other morning, one of my dds said that she's been praying that we have a baby.  Can I tell you how hard that was to hear and not have a melt down right then and there?
So I have been trying to accept it as part of God's plan. I am trying to find peace in that. Instead of going into a depression, I am fighting each morning to get up and go and be positive. I've got a good exercise program going. I'm eating healthy and I'm taking my vitamins. I can't dwell on the lost dream.
Now, with all that said, may I share a miracle story? A friend of mine married at 38, had a baby at 39 and within the following 5 years had 2 miscarriages. The doctors thought it very unlikely that she'd have another baby.
Last summer, my friend found out she was pregnant. She was completely shocked, thrilled and scared. In February, at the age of 47, she gave birth to her second healthy child. 
The lesson I got from that is God has a plan for each family. Sometime we don't understand. We do know that He loves each of us and only wants the best for us.
I will be praying for you, Jenn.
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momwise
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Jenn,
I can't say that I share any part of this cross and I can give absolutely no advice. But you know St. Anne's feast is coming up on the 26th and by my count it is exactly 2 novenas away (one for the intention and one in thanksgiving). I will be praying each of those days.
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Gwen...wife for 30 years, mom of 7, grandma of 3.....
"If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life." JPII
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JennGM
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momwise wrote:
Jenn,
I can't say that I share any part of this cross and I can give absolutely no advice. But you know St. Anne's feast is coming up on the 26th and by my count it is exactly 2 novenas away (one for the intention and one in thanksgiving). I will be praying each of those days. |
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That's my middle name, Ann (without an e). I'm praying one to Our Lady of Mount CArmel and then to St. Anne. I love July. Yesterday was my confirmation saint. And I love St. Martha. And St. James...
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Meredith
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Jenn, My middle is also Ann without the "e" and I am praying for your discernment as well. I wish I had advice, mine would only to be go with your heart and I LOVE all the suggestions you've already been given. HUGS to you. God Bless!
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Meredith
Mom of 4 Sweeties
Sweetness and Light
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