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LML22
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Has anyone had this problem? I can't seem to decide things. I pray and then think the holy spirit is leading me somewhere but then I have no peace about it or only for a short bit of time. For example, I thought the holy spirit was leading my family to do a certain method for homeschooling. I had prayed, read, etc. I felt peace for about 2 months. Now I am doubting and doubting bad. I want to change. This would be ok except that this happens all of the time to me. I think part of the problem is information overload; that coupled with being led to believe by some certain Catholic homeschoolers that one must use ALL Catholic curriculum, one must spank, one must never use nfp and always wear dresses, etc. Its like I don't know myself anymore. I never use to have this problem when I first began my parenting/hs career. But i also was not a very traditional Catholic. I really didn't know my faith. But now that I have learned more, I have questioned everything and it has led, I think, to total confusion. Dh doesn't seem to care what I do; as long as I can function doing it. I have already purchased my curriculum and would lose a bunch of money if I sent it back. I can't stand the thought of using it, though. I'm an unschooler at heart but my life feels very chaotic without some structure and keeping the older kids busy. Please pray for me. I am embarrassed to post this as a regular member. 
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jdostalik
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Dear friend,
I will pray for you. Perhaps some time before the Blessed Sacrament--just one on one with our Lord will help you to gain some perspective?
Remember, that God gave you your children and you know your family and your strengths and weaknesses better than any other family--even if they are a Catholic homeschooling family...What works well for one family, is not necessarily going to work for another. I'm sorry I'm talking in generalities...I just want you to know that prayer and looking at your family's needs will guide you in what you need to do...
Prayers coming and hugs too! 
__________________
God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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ladybugs
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LML22 wrote:
| Has anyone had this problem? I can't seem to decide things. I pray and then think the holy spirit is leading me somewhere but then I have no peace about it or only for a short bit of time. For example, I thought the holy spirit was leading my family to do a certain method for homeschooling. I had prayed, read, etc. I felt peace for about 2 months. Now I am doubting and doubting bad. I want to change. This would be ok except that this happens all of the time to me. I think part of the problem is information overload; that coupled with being led to believe by some certain Catholic homeschoolers that one must use ALL Catholic curriculum, one must spank, one must never use nfp and always wear dresses, etc. Its like I don't know myself anymore. I never use to have this problem when I first began my parenting/hs career. But i also was not a very traditional Catholic. I really didn't know my faith. But now that I have learned more, I have questioned everything and it has led, I think, to total confusion. Dh doesn't seem to care what I do; as long as I can function doing it. I have already purchased my curriculum and would lose a bunch of money if I sent it back. I can't stand the thought of using it, though. I'm an unschooler at heart but my life feels very chaotic without some structure and keeping the older kids busy. Please pray for me. I am embarrassed to post this as a regular member. |
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Dear Doubtful,
I'm sorry you're going through this. If it helps, I think that we can all go through this as we're growing in our faith and learning to listen. I think it's very easy to be "influenced" by the thinking of others who might seem confident in their approach, too. All I can recommend however, is there are many gifts but the same Spirit. You have to do what is right for your family and there will be those who "tsk" their tongues and shake their heads...just pretend they're dancing... 
Perhaps one of the reasons you felt called to homeschool was because you didn't want your kids being cookie-cuttered in their education. That can happen if you listen to too many voices. Remember, you can only look to God to lead your family, and those deep impulses you feel could very well be the promptings of the Holy Spirit. If others don't understand your choices, no matter. God does and you can come here for support and encouragement. When folks don't understand your choices, it's easy to be torn down by them. One thing a priest friend said to me recently was to try to understand more than be understood.
I have to help one of my children now so I must go. I hope this helps just a little. I think at one point or another we've all been where you are. Be encouraged. And, be still...and know that He is God.
__________________
Love and God Bless,
Maria P
My etsy store - all proceeds go to help my fencing daughters!
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Sarah in SC
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What a beautiful, honest post! Thank you for sharing your experience--and I'm sorry you're feeling so much doubt about what to do and where to go with homeschooling!
I think the suggestion to "give it over" is a good one, albeit very difficult! It will help to spend some time in quiet, in front of the Blessed Sacrament, asking for help with discerning where to go next--at least, it's helpful for me--when I can manage to find the time to do it--that means finding care for the children, when the church is open, etc., etc. Sometimes all that scheduling makes the whole thing heavier!
Curriculum choices are very personal ones, and it is easy to hear how wonderful something is or works for someone, and want it to be so for your own family! I've got a closet of curriculum to testify to that! Maybe your husband could take the kiddos somewhere & you could pull it all out, look it all over, and sort it into stacks of what you'd like to keep, what you'd like to try, and what you know needs to go. (I can't make any kind of decisions like that when I'm constantly interrupted by the little people.) Then put anything that didn't make the cut on Cathswap & recoup any losses!
As far as having all Catholic curriculum, or not spanking, or not using NFP, etc., all you can do is be the Catholic on the journey God's got you on right now. We are all on different journeys, and we're all at different places in our journeys. What works at one point may or may not work in another place, or for another person. God will give you or show you what you need for the place you are. Let Him show you, and trust His guidance. And keep the door open for Him to offer another suggestion in a few months, years, etc. He has placed the desire to homeschool in your heart...He will give you the tools and the grace to meet the challenge!
I'm praying!
__________________
Happy wife to Tom and mama to Mac, 12, Hannah, 8, Rosemary, 6, Luke, now 1! and the 9 little angels that Mary is rocking.....
"What good shall we then do with today?" --Benjamin Franklin
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lapazfarm
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God gave YOU those children to raise. If he had wanted someone else to do it THEIR way He would have given them to someone else. I'm sure He knew what He was doing when He gave them to you!
As Catholics, the only things we MUST do are to go to Mass and remain faithful to Christ and his Church.
Everything else (the spanking, the dress wearing, the Catholic curriculum) is just someone's opinion. I know it is easy to be swayed by what others are doing, but you can ignore them if you ask God for the strength to do so. Do what feels right to YOU. 
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
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Taffy
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I have this problem, too. Although, I've written my curriculum up already - I know from previous experience that I'll be making changes to it again and way too often. Thanks for all your posts, especially "God gave YOU those children to raise. If he had wanted someone else to do it THEIR way He would have given them to someone else. I'm sure He knew what He was doing when He gave them to you!
As Catholics, the only things we MUST do are to go to Mass and remain faithful to Christ and his Church.
Everything else (the spanking, the dress wearing, the Catholic curriculum) is just someone's opinion. I know it is easy to be swayed by what others are doing, but you can ignore them if you ask God for the strength to do so. Do what feels right to YOU."
I don't know if this is true for the original poster, but for me it stems from a feeling of being alone in this endeavor. I am the ONLY homeschooler within a 60 mile radius of here. My son has autism which is isolating in and of itself. Other parents have a hard time understanding his need for limits and explicit directions. And I constantly worry about whether he'd be better off with professionals (although, so far, every professional we've consulted have been unable to "reach" him - or are too busy to help).
Well, enough of my whining. Theresa, you're right. The only way to really get over this feeling is simply to do my reading and allow time to reflect on what I've read and make a decision. Maybe that's the key?
And a thought about the curriculum you've already purchased - there's nothing that says that you must use the curriculum the way you're told to. Are there any redeeming features to it that you may be able to salvage? Pictures for lapbooks or ideas for rabbit trails? Checklists of what to cover (which you'd do in your own fashion )?
I guess we both need some time for thought and reflection away from the "other voices" 
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Susan
Mom to 5 on earth and 1 in heaven
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JennGM
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"Peer pressure" is a term usually heard during teenage years, but it affects even us adults. There are many Catholic homeschooling circles that give an added pressure to "fit in" in the areas you mention.
Besides the wonderful advice here, it might help for you to analyze "the voices" you are hearing. I have a few posts in mind...as some of the persuasions sound like what someone called Gestapo Homeschooling Moms, or GHP. You must read Willa's expansion and thoughts on the GHP here and here. Great words of wisdom.
Not that there is anything wrong with wearing skirts or all-Catholic curriculum, etc. Have you read the threads on skirts and modesty in this forum? We're not all skirt wearers on this forum!
But all of it is according to you and your family's needs. The tenets and living the Faith are your anchor and daily life. All the rest is fluff and busyness if it's not centered in your family's spirituality. Don't take on things to fit in, but only what the Holy Spirit calls you to do.
Get a spiritual director and talk about these worries. And also, if you DO decide to make some changes, BABY STEPS. Don't do it all at once, and with each step have the family make it together. Talk it all over with dh and have his backing and approval before jumping in.
Just my ramblings....
Hope to see you more on the forum. Please post an introduction soon!
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Angel
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Taffy wrote:
I don't know if this is true for the original poster, but for me it stems from a feeling of being alone in this endeavor. I am the ONLY homeschooler within a 60 mile radius of here. My son has autism which is isolating in and of itself. Other parents have a hard time understanding his need for limits and explicit directions. And I constantly worry about whether he'd be better off with professionals (although, so far, every professional we've consulted have been unable to "reach" him - or are too busy to help).
Well, enough of my whining. Theresa, you're right. The only way to really get over this feeling is simply to do my reading and allow time to reflect on what I've read and make a decision. Maybe that's the key?
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I can identify with everything that has been said. Up until very recently, it seemed that every year I would become dissatisfied with our homeschooling approach and our lives and would spend weeks devouring books (sometimes the same books I'd already read 5 or 6 times) trying to find *something* in them which I felt I would knew when I stumbled onto it, but did not know how to put into words. My oldest was recently diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome, a disorder which is also not very well understood by most people standing in lines, in the waiting room at doctor's offices, etc. It is characterized by tics, some of which may be embarassing and some of which sometimes look like bad behavior. IN addition, it is really hard for him to deal with frustration and anger. When your very tall nine year old refuses to do anything you ask and has a temper tantrum out in public, I don't think many people understand, and it can really make you question everything you're doing at home.
I often catch myself thinking, if only I had known everything about what would work and what wouldn't before we began. If only I had known without a shadow of a doubt what homeschooling philosophy would be the best for us, the way some people seem to. If only my husband and I could have made this journey of faith before we had kids, if only we knew everything before we started. But my 7 year old daughter, whose faith is much stronger than mine, tells me that God made people to keep learning, and that you're never supposed to know everything.
I think I have finally come to a point where I've realized that I am one of those people who has had to figure things out through trial and error. A lot of the time I feel as if I am groping around in a dark room for the light switch. Sometimes my decisions don't work out, or they don't seem to work out, or I lose patience and faith and run the opposite way.
Part of my problem stems from perfectionism. I want every choice I make to be *exactly right*. So sometimes what helps is for me to take a deep breath and remind myself that I *can* change my mind if things seem not to be working because home education is *supposed* look different in every home. And that I don't have to do things the way everybody else does.
--Angela
Mom to Five 
Three Plus Two
Wild Things
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lapazfarm
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I think even those of us who seem most confident in our choices are often just as full of doubt. We are all constantly trying to perfect ourselves because that is how God made us. The key is to be able to accept that no approach is perfect and move on with what we have in confidence that even if it is not "the best" it certainly is good.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Elizabeth
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I've been thinking about this very thing a lot lately. I think there is a fine balance between support/useful advice and peer pressure. What sets us apart from children where peer pressure is ocncerned is the ability to step back and truly, prayerfully discern. It might be well worth your time to step away from the computer, stop seeking advice from IRL friends and even conferences and catalogs and just pray on it awhile. Why not do a novena to the Little Flower and particularly beg her to help you towards confidence: confidence in your ability to make decision for your family, and confidence in God's goodness and grace to cover any inevitable gaps and holes?
Here's the St. Therese Novena:
O Little Therese of the Child Jesus,
please pick for me a rose
from the heavenly gardens
and send it to me as a message of love.
O Little Flower of Jesus,
ask God today to grant the favours
I now place with confidence in your hands...
(Mention your intentions here...)
Saint Therese,
help me to always believe as you did,
in God's great love for me,
so that I might imitate your "Little Way" each day.
Amen.
Remember, there is a market for used curriculum, particularly used curriculum that isn't even used . If you decide it's not for you, I bet we can help find you the right niche to sell it. It IS the right thing for somebody and it is early in the purchasing season. And you're not alone. I know several people who are selling brand-new curriculum because they recognized the very thing you are recognizing. I've sold more than a couple brand new books myself.
__________________
Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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stefoodie
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been there, done that. still do. especially when we first went back to homeschooling after 3 years of public school, i was so overwhelmed with the choices and i wanted to get my hands on anything and everything! (i admit to still getting this feeling at times, especially when i'm browsing a lovely thick catalog like Lifetime Books and Gifts.) the list, of course, and this forum, has helped tremendously.
two books that have helped me the most -- Discover Your Child's Learning Style (also recommended by moms here) and Elizabeth's Real Learning. why? they help me relax. they help me trust in my instincts as a mom. *I* know my children best. God made it that way
lots of time reading the Bible and spiritual reading (also from suggestions made here) also helps me to trust in the knowledge that God trusts me with these kids. as i trust in Him to lead me.
elizabeth's post a few days ago addresses this too.
good luck, will be praying for you.
ps -- perhaps what would help is if you broke down your decisions to a manageable list? like decide on a religion program first if that's a priority, then the basics -- reading, math, writing.... and then everything else just comes later as you get more comfortable/find out more information? like many here i love leonie's strewing method, as long as there are books on many different topics lying around the house, my kids pick things up without much prompting/intervention from me. you can always decide to do other subjects formally later, e.g., history, science, etc.
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stef
mom to five
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amyable
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Angel wrote:
Part of my problem stems from perfectionism. I want every choice I make to be *exactly right*. |
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Guiltily raising my hand here. This is me! I so relate to the opening poster. I could have written that post, especially lately. I feel torn in 1,000 different directions, and even after tons of prayer I can't discern what is right. 
Part of my problem is perfectionism. Part is being brought up to think that if there is pain in my life, if there is something difficult, then I must be doing something wrong. I'm realizing though, that God allow pain and suffering in our lives, not only as a reaction to our *own* mistakes, but often because of the reality of life, and to perfect us. What a lightbulb moment that was (and I still have to repeat it to myself over and over). "My oldest argues with my every move. I must be doing something wrong. Hey, maybe I'm NOT! Maybe it's just HER. I don't need to keep searching every waking moment for a solution. Maybe I should just love her, try my best, and MOVE ON, instead of beating myself up about it." That's just one example, lately I could say something similar about every one of my kids, the garden, the ants in our house, our homeschooling or lack of it on any given day...you get the point.
It's extremely hard to turn off the voices in my head from growing up though. Especially when they just moved a few minutes away. And continue to make comments. 
One other thing I've found helpful when my head is spinning, is to give dh a quick rundown of the situation, then ask him to help with some insight. He often says he doesn't care what I do, but if I ask for specific advice, and tell him to get back to me in a day after praying about it, I can usual rest assured that HE allowed the Holy Spirit to work in him, and came back with a good answer for our family. It's not always the one *I* would have done, but I can go forward in obedience and peace and rest in the fact that if it messes everything up, it was his fault. Just kidding.
You are not alone. I bet there are many other lurkers out there, in addition to the people who have posted already, who could say the same thing.
__________________
Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Sarah
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We've all struggled with this in one way or another.
You won't always feel peace about what you are doing, even when its right. We aren't guaranteed a feeling of peace when we follow the Truth. Sometimes it means making a choice and sticking with it, tweaking it a little as you go, but not throwing it all out.
Be sure to keep your eyes on the "big picture" of whatever you are doing. For example, modesty isn't limited to skirts, chastity isn't limited to NFP or no NFP, a good education isn't limited to a certain curriculum. Our goal is to get these kids to heaven and to prepare them for the battle they will face to get there.
Be careful about those homeschoolers that you speak of because they can forcefully lead to a certain mindset that may not be good--fringy and extremist (trust me, I go to the Latin Mass and have in several states now, so I've witnessed it firsthand). I'm not saying that you cut off your friendship, I'm just saying that you put their "advice" in perspective. People have no right to lecture or bug you about your family. If you feel like an individual is trying to pull you a certain way and there is "no other way" (according to them), then that could be a red flag.
Separate out the Truths of the Catholic Faith and then the practices that are personal for each family. For example, spanking, NFP, dresses, Catholic curriculum, etc. are all PERSONAL choices. Some (well-meaning) people think that anyone straying from this mindset is sinful and worldly, but what they fail to see is that Catholicism is a much larger picture. Being Catholic means following the Truth. It is also Catholic to teach our kids about reality, life, nature, etc. Some of those purely Catholic curriculums are overkill.
For example, it IS still Catholic tell our kids that "A" is for apple, "B" is for butterfly, etc. because that is the truth. It doesn't have to be "A" is for Abbot and "B" is for Bible, etc.
No one can tell you to spank or not use NFP, or to always wear a dress. Also, it is 2006, not 1962!
Stick on board with this forum. It is a great place for support and confidence building.
That being said, I DO use some Seton workbooks because they are good, but I also use other stuff for a big mix. I take what I want from the Seton wb's--we don't go through every page. We just do a little of what might need polishing.
I watched a friend of mine get so scrupulous from fringy type people ( & priests)in her ear that it ruined her completely. Her life now it horrible. And funny thing, the priest who threw her overboard has lost his faculties  . A priest cannot make family decisions for you either--spanking, curriculum, whether to hire household help, etc. He can lay out the Catholic teaching and then you need to apply it.
This forum is filled with what I think to be as regular moms trying to do a good Catholic job. Sure, I don't agree with everyone, but it has given me great confidence.
Finally, Elizabeth had a great post on her blog.
scrool down to "eyes on you own work"
__________________
Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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JennGM
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Sarah wrote:
Be sure to keep your eyes on the "big picture" of whatever you are doing. For example, modesty isn't limited to skirts, chastity isn't limited to NFP or no NFP, a good education isn't limited to a certain curriculum. Our goal is to get these kids to heaven and to prepare them for the battle they will face to get there.
Be careful about those homeschoolers that you speak of because they can forcefully lead to a certain mindset that may not be good--fringy and extremist (trust me, I go to the Latin Mass and have in several states now, so I've witnessed it firsthand). I'm not saying that you cut off your friendship, I'm just saying that you put their "advice" in perspective. People have no right to lecture or bug you about your family. If you feel like an individual is trying to pull you a certain way and there is "no other way" (according to them), then that could be a red flag...
Finally, Elizabeth had a great post on her blog.
scrool down to "eyes on you own work" |
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Great post, Sarah! "Fringy" is a good, polite term.
And Elizabeth's post is just perfect help for this.
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Erica Sanchez
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Everything that has been said above.....and many prayers coming your way!
I think a mother's insticts are powerful. What is your heart telling you? Go with that!
As far as the information overload, this is a bit of a problem for me as well. Everything sounds soooo good. A confession: I have been on the boards for awhile now and have been really, really wanting to do lapbooks. They look amazing and I know my kids would love them. I'm almost embarrassed to say we haven't done a lapbook! But, I have a stack of supplies and a good book or two I ordered from Tobin's Lab (can't think of the names) and I am on the cusp of finally spreading it all before me and going for it! I also have lots and lots of lists of books recommended here to read and ideas to implement. One of these days I'll review all these lists........
Anyway, all of this rambling to simply say that it is O.K. to just sit back and soak it all up (maybe without actually purchasing anything), use a few of the workbooks or whatever it is that you have purchased, and make slow changes over the coming year.
Another funny thing I'll share, just because you sound like you need some cheering up, is a few weeks back lots of women here were excited and writing about their plans for the Fall. I was mostly but also a little  because I still had a solid two or three weeks worth of work I thought we should do before we called it quits for the summer....still not quite done!
Don't despair. You love your kids. You know what is best for them. And, even if what is the best for them as far as curriculum or method used isn't what you can give them at this moment (or this year), they will still be miles ahead of most children simply because you have them home with you.
If over-purchasing is a big problem, is there someone you could be accountable to, maybe another gal here? Or give yourself limits like not buying something for one month? I don't know! :)
Praying!
__________________
Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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amyable
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Elizabeth has another web page out there that has been extremely supportive for me - I think it's the text of a NACHE talk:
Living Books: Why and How?
Mostly the first part...the rest was great, but the first part really speaks to my heart about the perfectionism and being discontent.
I have had to stop myself several times from changing things at home because of my *own* discontent. I need to learn to live with doing something I don't want to do, if it is working for my kids. Like workbooks. My girls are devouring workbooks right now, they don't want to do much of anything else. I'm cringing and my inner Charlotte Mason is crying foul. But it is working for them, and I need to step back and see that.
__________________
Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Elizabeth
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amyable wrote:
Elizabeth has another web page out there that has been extremely supportive for me - I think it's the text of a NACHE talk:
Living Books: Why and How?
Mostly the first part...the rest was great, but the first part really speaks to my heart about the perfectionism and being discontent.
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That is the text of a NACHE talk, Amy. It was the last time I ever spoke before deciding that getting up in front of a bunch of people and baring my soul wasn't really doing me much good  . That talk was the fruit of some very serious struggle with perfectionism and some real pain suffered at the hands of people who judged and criticized. I really do understand how our anonymous poster feels and how deep that hurt and confusion can go.
Amy, thanks for digging this one up. It's a personal favorite.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: can't decide things
