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Tina P.
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| Posted: June 13 2006 at 4:25pm | IP Logged
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For the first time in my mothering career, someone told me, "Seven is enough" and I thought to myself, perhaps she's right.
Here's a little recent history. After #6, I had an early miscarriage. No physical pain, just a whole lot of heartache. After that, I had #7, who ended up making me have an emergency C-section because the cord was prolapsed.
Besides that, I am tired and disoriented. I am encouraging my children to play outside with each other instead of spending time with them and when one of them screams because they've been wronged, I bark orders and jump in as disciplinarian. When I DO try to spend time with them, they often don't want to be hemmed in. When I read aloud I get big sighs. They'd rather be making noise, doing things, even fighting, with each other.
I often feel like there IS no time. My house is consistently trashed, though the trash is moved, tossed, and put away daily. As a side note, we're moving in to THE END of our houses (oh, I hope!) in two weeks so we're in 1/2 pack mode. And the kids help, a bit. Oh, and did I mention I'm tired? 
So, I must ask, how can you still be open to life? How can one not, right? I'm not thinking of doing anything drastic, just being more watchful with NFP. But I feel like the balance on my proverbial plate will be tipped with one more child. It's tipping now. 
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: June 13 2006 at 5:02pm | IP Logged
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Tina,
How old is the baby?
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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ladybugs
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| Posted: June 13 2006 at 5:08pm | IP Logged
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Elizabeth wrote:
Tina,
How old is the baby? |
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And you just moved....
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Love and God Bless,
Maria P
My etsy store - all proceeds go to help my fencing daughters!
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Martha
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| Posted: June 13 2006 at 6:59pm | IP Logged
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this is how I look at it.. 
7 was enough and I was content
then #8 came along and that is enough and I am content.
so if #9 should come along then... well you get the pattern.
don't worry about it for now.
just work with what you have already and be secure in the knowledge that you're not alone in the trench.
that's my advice, useless though it may seem at this time - which really does pass.
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Martha
mama to 7 boys & 4 girls
Yes, they're all ours!
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Tina P.
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| Posted: June 13 2006 at 7:05pm | IP Logged
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Our baby will be nine months old at the end of this month. Used to be that around that time, I was expecting again. And yes, we just moved to the US from England (cute little story about that in the Fireside Chat thread...I think it's at the bottom of the thread called Thrilled to be back). We're moving again, but it'll be a lot less traumatic (only a few blocks away, really), in two weeks to the house we hope we'll live in forever.
I'm also trying ever so patiently to wait for my husband to find just the right post-retirement-from-the-military job.
Oh, and I'm helping to plan and cantoring at my brother's wedding, to take place July 1st.
I see your point.
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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teachingmyown
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Tina,
I am right there with you, friend!  My 7th is only six weeks and I can certainly relate to the "seven is enough" feeling. But even as tired as I am right now, with my husband away for weeks at a time and baseball season dragging on, I can still nod in agreement with what Martha said.
I keep getting asked if this is it, and I say that I honestly don't know, that we really don't have a good reason not to have more and that we will leave it up to God. Boy, the looks I get!! 
I am not always sure if I am cut out for this, (yesterday was pretty ugly) but this family has been God's plan all along so I have to believe that He chose me for a reason!
Offering my frustrations up for you, over these next several weeks. God bless you and yours!
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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jdostalik
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| Posted: June 14 2006 at 10:02am | IP Logged
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Tina,
Praying for you--your plate is FULL!!!
Please remember that you are not alone--when I feel overwhelmed (which happens a lot, lately!). I remember what my priest told me once..
"Don't forget that Jesus is with you throughout the day, he is by your side to help you, you only need ask him." These words comfort me when I am sooo tired...
Prayers coming for you, dear!!
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God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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aussieannie
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Dear Tina,
I know how you feel! I find that it is like being on a roller coaster, expecting and the physical hardships that come with that, life slows down - have to adjust to that, bubs arrives and your body moves into it's next, often predictable mode (for me a predictable thyroid dip)learning to balance another child in our daily life that we have been blessed with and then you have unexpected crosses that fly in from nowhere?!?! I have experienced all that you have talked about, in my case before things go to long or to badly to have my supportive, widowed mother who is there to come in when the going is really rough.
My problems stem almost soley from a non-functioning thyroid and the autoimmune part of it caused originally by servere mercury posioning. So my concern for you would be - have you had your health fully checked out? You mentioned physical problems at birth, is underlying problems continuing from that? Are you sure there is no underlying thyroid disorder? (soooo common in women!) If your doctor is not supportive in exploring all the avenues in getting to the bottom of this, can anyone give you a good recommendation of a herbalist, natrapath?
Pray as much as possible to Our Lady, for the answer to your problems, make novenas, hourly aspirations, and be persistant in your request for the need for good health and to cope for your children - my experience is little miracles occur, you get little signs of being led in the right path to help etc - we are so blessed to be Catholic! - we have the perfect motherly heart to turn to, who knowsour motherly concerns for our children.
Tina I will pray for you, I am just heading off to Mass and so will remember you at communion, I pray that you will guided out of this current situation that you will be healthly and functioning for the heavy workload a homeschooling mum has in life. (I think sometimes we really KNOW what they mean by R.I.P!)
What is the root problem in all this? (I highly suspect a physical health issue it impacts on everything)- we often don't know what it is exactly - this is where praying for it to be revealed to you is important. God Bless you in your courage and strength for it is in these moments those virtues aretested! Ask Our Lady to cover her mantle over the things that you can't be there properly to sort out with your children at present, consecrate them daily, hourly if need be to her and allow that you ease your mind when there really is nothing else you can do at present which often can fuel great frustration and then that can cause it's own troubles in the home.
Having people pray for you is so important too! I would post in the prayer forum area, that you are need prayers at present, those prayers can carry you and lead you when you experience moments where in prayer can be hard.
If these things can be remedied than that will probably ease your concerns about NFP longterm - I pray so.
__________________
Under Her Starry Mantle
Spiritual Motherhood for Priests
Blessed with 3 boys & 3 girls!
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Sarah
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Gripped with fear, I realized this week marked the end of my infertility respite earned from ecological BF-ing. It always happens before a year for me despite the fact that the baby is velcro, eating no solids.
The thought of PG coming again, being bed-ridden from nausea, the full-term risks I have from a previous abruption, the serious lack of support from family (my mother in particular--which hurts  ), the exhaustion, disorganization, etc. just makes me so scared.
Then, I realize here I am, functioning. My kids are fine and God is good to us. With the next pregnancy, life will fall apart temporarily and then God will care for us as He always has.
I really struggle with the idea of NFP. Its really hard to determine grave reasons. Some people have really spoken out and said that the mental health & exhaustion of the mother are NOT grave reasons. On the other hand, how can we be expected to raise good kids if we are falling apart? How do we determine what God wants?
Are we supposed to be providentialists (those who just let God determine their family size), or are we to exercise NFP and quit when we feel we've met our capability quota? This is VERY difficult for some couples to determine, especially when you face a very difficult preg.
Is homeschooling grave reasons?
I have no answers. . .
Tina, hang in there and remember that you have a very full plate right now, as someone mentioned. Cut yourself some slack. It won't always be like this. We just moved this spring too, and its no picnic. . .
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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StephanieA
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Dear Tina,
Boy, do I hear what you're saying! I was getting a bit more energy back after getting a nursing toddler to eat SOMETHING and was actually getting some sleep at night, when #8 made himself (or herself) known through severe nautiousness. I can't even tell you how discouraging I feel some days, looking around the house, at the laundry, etc. and trying to "be nice" and get the kids to pull their weight. I literally can't fix supper. I'm down and out by 6:00. But I know "this too shall pass."
I had to laugh at my doctor after the birth of my last child. Immediately after Frances was placed on my stomach, he said, Oh, a healthy little one! Well, are you planning anymore?" Uhhhh? I was elated, but very tired. I wasn't thinking about having another baby right then. Now can we all imagine that?
In retrospect, we will see these struggles as dust in the wind. Our joys, our children, will be the shining light in all of this in our later years. Sort of like having a baby...the sickness, tiredness, and pain nearly vanishes once we hold that little one in our arms. Those 9 months are well-worth the cost. So, too, will be the tiredness and struggles that we now face.
Blessings,
Stephanie
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Bridget
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Sarah wrote:
I really struggle with the idea of NFP. Its really hard to determine grave reasons. Some people have really spoken out and said that the mental health & exhaustion of the mother are NOT grave reasons. |
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I hope no one declared that for everyone. I think anyone who posted those sentiments, in one way or another, meant it about themselves, not to apply it to others.
OK, ladies. Lets pull ourselves up by our bootstraps! Our homes need a certain amount of order but they don't need to look perfect or even pretty. I'm going for clean, functional, and faith filled.
There is no formula for turning out perfect children, they're human with the effects of original sin. All we can do is our prayerful best.
God isn't calling us to turn out geniuses, He wants saints.
This is a really hard calling. It is exhausting. But we are the luckiest women in the world! God has given us this huge, important job. We are raising His future saints! We are raising these beautiful children and homescholing them to please our Lord. He has called us to this. It is His work. We are His hands. Lets persevere!
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Nina Murphy
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Dear Tina,
I could have written this post; I am very sympathetic....I would say ALL of us homeschooling mothers of more than two or three experience these frustrations and ask the questions periodically. It is the nature of our vocation. It is the Cross! We are definitely close to Jesus and we WILL be big targets for the evil one.
I was told, like you, after #7 (and after a pregnancy where I hemorraghed on and off and then delivered a preemie who ended up getting RSV AND having cystic fibrosis!) that 7 was a biblical number of completion. Time to stop!
Of course, I can not imagine life in this world without my loving, sanguine #8 baby boy (13 mos). (I even heard that phrase from a relative who is urging me to stop now in her concern for me and the children. She says as she interacts with Andrew that she just can't imagine life without his existence because she loves him so much and finds such joy in him.) And neither can my #7 son (age 3) who is loving him more and more every day as he "discovers" the baby and they play/laugh together.
Or the other children, especially my 18 and 15 year olds. My 15 year old is quite thoughtful and Melancholic, very bright and interesting.... but doesn't have many good friends and likes to spend a lot of time alone. The babies are his life! He looks the *most* happy when he is playing with or holding a baby. He even says when people suggest he may have a vocation, "No, I really believe I am called to be a dad" and babies ADORE him.
Well, I could go on and on. Our lives are the white martyrdom, aren't they? It's like a little death all of the time. I understand fearing another, I have good reason to. Talk about grave reasons---I think we qualify in something like 5 categories! My pregnancies are SO hard that I need constant confession just to increase my charity and frequent spiritual direction. But I always return to "normal". And I have seen the children pulling their weight and sacrificing and learning about the meaning of suffering throughout these trying times when all is "controlled chaos". *I* too have been besieged with fears that they were being neglected (because I tend to feel guilt, to beat myself up that I am not "doing" enough) and fall back on negative thought patterns. I need to always just work on the vocation of "being" as opposed to doing, if that makes sense.
This is what I do:
1) I do whatever I need to to get enough sleep and realize they WILL be ok even if things get a little wild dowstairs....even if they are learning nothing but that their particular mother gets exhausted easily and needs sleep---but gives back to them and is so much better for it!--- and that they are being called to step up at this time and fend for themselves; then they will be learning about service and growing in self-denial. I am always, always tired.
2) I pray 3 Hail Marys "giving this day" to my Mother to take care of. Then rest in the knowledge that things went as God wanted them to.
3) Go into the bathroom, shut the door, breathe deeply and pray 1 Our Father, 1 Hail Mary, 1 Glory be. Often I come out knowing what to do: sometimes the children need to just be separated into different rooms/areas. Sometimes they need a bath or shower. Sometimes I'll read a book or assign an older one to do it. Sometimes I have the girls sit and color together. SOMETHING to break things up when it gets chaotic.
4) If things get messy, YOU don't have to clean up! DELEGATE! (or---->wait....I am a neat-freak, I need to have it ordered....but I have learned to "wait" and clean up the same stuff less often and let stuff sit even if I feel a compulsion to pick it up!). But I always have the children clean everything up and "all hands on deck" or assign a child to each room whenever we get to that overwhelmed and uncontrolled really stressful place. They always calm down after all is neat and organized!
5) Remind yourself WHY you are living out these choices. It is for your sanctification and the children's purity. They will remain pure and bonded with mostly positive and blessedly wholesome memories staying at home. The natural squabbles and losses of temper and stresses will be forgotten or understood as they mature and then will realize/appreciate your sacrifices. Remind yourself that they belong to God and you can not save them or give them a "perfect life" ultimately! He has a bigger plan and ultimatly, His will is done. I ask the Blessed Mother to mother the children for me when I know I can't do it/ live up to what is needed, the responsibilities. Make the yoke lighter upon yourself by entrusting your household and the children's upbringing/development to His Mercy and care. I know it's hard. My 18 old year old is still learning to drive and is on the 5 year highschool plan  (we are slow).
And do what you CAN (when you have had sleep)----then there will be no guilt. If I start to feel that guilt, I look in my heart to see if I am doing what I ought. If I need to spend a "golden minute" with each child (and that is all I can manage for the day)--- then I do it: that looking into their eyes, saying I love you and God loves you, hugging them, maybe asking them if there is anything they want to talk about or is concerning them. Then have peace. Oh but I know some days it doesn't come easily. Those are the days to say, "I'm going to go to bed and this particular day will be in the past---tomorrow may not be better---but it *will* be different!"
Oh, I'm a rambler. Sorry. Hope this helps. I certainly am with you in spirit and will pray.
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God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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jdostalik
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| Posted: June 16 2006 at 8:45am | IP Logged
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Bridget wrote:
OK, ladies. Lets pull ourselves up by our bootstraps! Our homes need a certain amount of order but they don't need to look perfect or even pretty. I'm going for clean, functional, and faith filled.
There is no formula for turning out perfect children, they're human with the effects of original sin. All we can do is our prayerful best.
God isn't calling us to turn out geniuses, He wants saints.
This is a really hard calling. It is exhausting. But we are the luckiest women in the world! God has given us this huge, important job. We are raising His future saints! We are raising these beautiful children and homescholing them to please our Lord. He has called us to this. It is His work. We are His hands. Lets persevere! |
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I needed to hear this today, Bridget...Thank you!
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God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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Erica Sanchez
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Nina Murphy wrote:
| If I need to spend a "golden minute" with each child (and that is all I can manage for the day)--- then I do it: that looking into their eyes, saying I love you and God loves you, hugging them, maybe asking them if there is anything they want to talk about or is concerning them. Then have peace. Oh but I know some days it doesn't come easily. Those are the days to say, "I'm going to go to bed and this particular day will be in the past---tomorrow may not be better---but it *will* be different!" |
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Your entire post is excellent, Nina, but this paragraph is an awesome reminder about what is truly important - just beautiful!!
And, Bridget, excellent advice, as usual!
We can do this!
Tina, I'll remember you in my prayers today.
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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Lisa R
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What an awesome post! I "only" have two children for now but we are adding to our family through adoption in September. I haven't had a baby in a long time and am a little nervous about homeschooling with a little one in tow. This thread has given me great inspiration!
Thanks!!
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God Bless!
Lisa, married to my best friend, Ray and loving my blessings Joshua (17)and Jacob(15), Hannah(7) and Rachel (5)!Holy Family Academy
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Sarah
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| Posted: June 16 2006 at 1:46pm | IP Logged
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Bridget wrote:
Sarah wrote:
I really struggle with the idea of NFP. Its really hard to determine grave reasons. Some people have really spoken out and said that the mental health & exhaustion of the mother are NOT grave reasons. |
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I hope no one declared that for everyone. I think anyone who posted those sentiments, in one way or another, meant it about themselves, not to apply it to others.
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I guess what I meant be this was that some theologians have just made that a blanket statement, and I don't know one way or another. It IS so case by case. Hope no one mistunderstood. . .
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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Tina P.
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| Posted: June 17 2006 at 1:06am | IP Logged
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I think I need more golden minutes (it's 11:55 pm as I write this). But I also think I could take better advantage of the time I *do* have with my kids. Today was a huge shopping and laundry day. It's a laundry day because we haven't had the use of laundry machines since Easter. They were in storage while we were in Europe and instead of releasing them from storage as my husband asked, they held them there longer until my husband figured that we had waited long enough and called them to ask where it was. 
As for the shopping, my brother's wedding is in two weeks and my boys had *no* wedding clothes. I was reluctant to buy anything because we have tons of stuff packed in the garage and I'm quite sure that my middle boy at least, fits into several nice pairs of pants and has two or three white shirts packed in with those pants somewhere. We've only just made the winter to summer clothing switch by tearing open boxes ~ sometimes only to seal them up again when we mistakenly opened the wrong box.
We are moving, hopefully for the LAST TIME, early next month. We are all looking forward to that day so much that the wedding sometimes seems to just be the final hurdle before getting into the new house.
You all fortify me with your wisdom, your prayers, and your cyber hugs. Your support is so appreciated! 
God bless,
__________________
Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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Topic: How do you ladies manage?
