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millermom1110
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| Posted: Nov 15 2013 at 5:32am | IP Logged
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I'm needing a little help with the practical implementation of 'laying down the rails' with my 6 yr old son. He's the oldest of 4, and is just a typical, lively little boy. He's rambunxious and loves to play. This isn't something I wish to change about him, but he often goes too far. What I mean is that he ends up hurting his younger siblings, breaking things...etc. Not out of aggression, just out of excitement. He's like a bouncy ball being let loose in a rubber room. He literally gets going so much that he's bouncing and crashing into stuff all the time. I call this "crazy play." He really is an excitable little guy. 
So, I've been trying to work with him on "not getting so crazy." I explain that most of these things he's doing would be absolutely fine, if he were outside. He wouldn't end up crashing into his 3 yr old sister as much etc. if he were outside. He knows that if he gets "too crazy," his immediate consequence is 5 minutes up in his room. Every time. No arguing. I simply tell him to go upstairs and that I will set the timer. It's starting to get cold up here in NY, so his outdoors time is limited, and we're currently working with only one vehicle. Day trips to the library and things are sort of at a stand still right now. I feel like his eyes glaze over when I tell him he's being too crazy. Like that's too broad of a concept for him to grasp in order to practice better choices.
I guess I could use some practical advice on how to break this down enough to get through to him. Any thoughts?
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Willa
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| Posted: Nov 15 2013 at 10:58am | IP Logged
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I wonder if you could set up some sort of rec-room for him, or at least a space where he can bounce around as much as he likes, if you don't have a whole room to devote. Maybe a tumbling mat or whatever. When you see him starting to get bouncy, you could send him there BEFORE he crashes into siblings etc. That can be his active place, especially if you can't go outside very much.
Also, sometimes bouncier kids need what my son's OT calls "heavy work" to do. If he can push laundry baskets for you or whatever it might make him feel his energy is being channeled. I have one like that who is happiest if he can be using his energy and muscles on SOMETHING. He thrives when given solid tasks to do.
Another strategy I've found useful for those children who just escalate themselves into craziness is to change the scenario completely. Sometimes even a brief outdoors trip, like to check the feeder or something, can switch the mood, or perhaps a quick household project together, or a snack.
And sometimes a short down time IS needed, as you said about the 5 minute break in his room.
I was just reading a book called Claude Lightfoot by Father Francis Finn. The main character is a boy who can't keep still, and comes to a Catholic day school. It was heartwarming for me to see how the priest author sympathizes with our bouncier boys and how he thought this was a good thing only needing to be set into proper channels.
I think an important part of laying down rails is figuring out what they CAN do, making the tracks run smoothly, so to speak. Then when they are doing what they really shouldn't, it's easier to divert to what is GOOD for them to do, if that makes sense.
Hope something here helps. I love your sympathy with your boy's natural personality type. There's no doubt that having a bouncy boy is just hard sometimes especially when you can't easily get outdoors.
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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millermom1110
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| Posted: Nov 20 2013 at 4:56pm | IP Logged
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Willa,
Thanks for letting me bounce my thoughts off of you. You brought up some ideas that I think will really help.
I wasn't always so sympathetic to his personality. I grew up in a household with no boys...just myself, my mom, and a sister who was 4 years younger. My dad didn't live with us. I only had 1 boy cousin who I didn't see often. So, having 3 little boys myself has been quite the learning experience!  Thanks again!
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Kathryn
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| Posted: Nov 20 2013 at 11:42pm | IP Logged
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Not sure what they cost or if u could find one used but, re Willa's idea of a rec room, how about a small mini-trampoline where he can jump and jump and jump and jump.... Something like this my neighbor has and rec'd as a Christmas gift last year:
Fold and Go Trampoline
How about a blow up punching bag?
Could he jump rope in a garage if not enough room in the house?
How about a pull up bar between a door frame for chin ups?
I hope some of these don't sound ridiculous. Can you tell I have a high energy boy too? Well, he's 13 now so some of these ideas might be more fitting for him but I'm thinking of things to release that excess energy but still keep little ones safe.
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millermom1110
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| Posted: Nov 22 2013 at 5:54am | IP Logged
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Not ridiculous at all! Honestly I've thought about the trampoline, but I have visions of the kids arguing over it 24/7, or him launching himself off of it...into his siblings (he does that already without the help of a trampoline lol). I just fear it would cause more discord than it's worth.
At the same time, I do need to do something for him to help burn off extra energy. The trampoline may be worth it if I could manage to lay down strict guidelines on safety and sharing. If I don't find some way to channel his energy, I'm just setting myself up for another kind of trouble in the long winter months ahead. The punching bag might be an idea...he does love to play fight. all. the. time.
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Kristie 4
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Yo-yoing- my active 11yo does it for hours a day. Keeps him engaged and moving...
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anitamarie
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| Posted: Nov 22 2013 at 8:24am | IP Logged
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Kristie 4 wrote:
| Yo-yoing- my active 11yo does it for hours a day. Keeps him engaged and moving... |
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Not to hijack, but Kristie, does your 11 yo have Astrojax? Takes yo-yoing to a whole new level.
These might also be good for your son, too, millermom.
Do you have a place where he could use one of those hop-balls? My dc bounce around the basement quite a bit on theirs. My 9 yo started (on his own) to bounce a bit before school to improve his ability to focus.
He could bounce on an exercise ball for a bit when he starts getting over the top.
A hopscotch mat might keep him busy for a while.
It sounds as if he is just learning to self-regulate in this area and can't yet tell when he's crossing the line. You are doing a great job by enforcing the consequence every time. He will get it eventually.
Anita
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Joyousmama
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That sounds a lot like my 5 year old boy!
We live in a small town without very good public parks, and the climate here is often too hot or too cold to really enjoy the outdoors - plus we have a new baby.
Here's what helped us give him a chance to get all that energy out!
Crash pad! You can make one easily if you can do basic sewing, or buy one pre-made.
Crawl tunnel.
These river stone toys
A good hopping toy (such as a Rodi horse or a pogo stick)
An indoor swinging seat such as this one
And if he's in the mood to throw, I allow beanbags, balloons, or these parachute men
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Laying Down the Rails
