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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: May 04 2013 at 9:06pm | IP Logged
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I am planning on working on some habit training since I purchased this from SCM. There are two BIG habits that needs LOTS of work in our house. That is attention and obedience. What do you work on first? I think I read somewhere that you would work on attention first because if you don't pay attention it is hard to obey. I understand this, but obedience is so bad that I feel it needs to come first. I also don't think all the lack of obedience is due to lack of attention.
Which would you work on first and why?
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: May 04 2013 at 9:30pm | IP Logged
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The habit of attention is tricky...a lot of brain function issues (especially with creative minds) and it can be subjective. So I would go with obedience. Obedience is more objective and you can break it down to its smallest parts, setting everyone up for success :)
And I would compliment the habit formation with lots of filling of love tanks :)
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Erin
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| Posted: May 06 2013 at 3:33am | IP Logged
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Seconding obedience. and I agree with Angie's 'setting up for success' and 'love tanks'. In my earlier parenting years I used to go 'head to head' (learnt behaviour) much to all of our pleasant surprise I learnt positive parenting and setting up for success, such a difference 
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
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jawgee
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| Posted: May 06 2013 at 7:09am | IP Logged
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I just listened to the SCM "Laying Down the Rails" talk and Sonya Shafer suggested that people start with attention. She said without proper attention you can never be sure, when you ask something of a child and they don't do it, whether it is a lack of attention or a lack of obedience. You have to be sure they hear you before you can work on their obedience.
That's her take, anyway.
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Monica
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: May 06 2013 at 7:44am | IP Logged
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jawgee wrote:
I just listened to the SCM "Laying Down the Rails" talk and Sonya Shafer suggested that people start with attention. She said without proper attention you can never be sure, when you ask something of a child and they don't do it, whether it is a lack of attention or a lack of obedience. You have to be sure they hear you before you can work on their obedience.
That's her take, anyway. |
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I think that part of this, for me, is my own habit of gaining or assuring attention. If I expect perfect obedience, I need to be in the habit of demanding eye contact, an appropriate response, etc...
I do think that my 6/7 year old's disobedience *does* often come from lack of attention--not necessarily when I first tell him but while he is in the process of doing the chore, but I also think that more of that is developmental than obedience alone would be (along the lines of the "brain function" issues Angie mentions--this child is definitely one of those creative minds) .
I think that if one does decide to do obedience first, you would have to be diligent in assuring attention AND you need to be willing to be present to draw them back to task when their attention wanders. This is something I struggle with, for sure!
I do think that expecting "right away" obedience can help with the attention thing. If you do something right away, there is less opportunity for forgetfulness.
I bought that DVD back in the Fall and really wanted to watch it WITH dh, but I haven't been able to make that happen yet. I suppose I should just go ahead and watch it on my own. It sounds like a good source of wisdom and encouragement!
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
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[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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jawgee
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CrunchyMom wrote:
| It sounds like a good source of wisdom and encouragement! |
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I just love the SCM products. I listened to "Laying Down the Rails" and "Discipleship Is" during my morning walks, and they have such solid, practical advice.
 I bought the SCM Bundle when they had that sale a couple of months ago.
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: May 06 2013 at 10:52am | IP Logged
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jawgee wrote:
CrunchyMom wrote:
| It sounds like a good source of wisdom and encouragement! |
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I just love the SCM products. I listened to "Laying Down the Rails" and "Discipleship Is" during my morning walks, and they have such solid, practical advice.
I bought the SCM Bundle when they had that sale a couple of months ago. |
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I have read the book! I just need to listen to the dvd, I think, to regroup a bit 
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
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[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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anitamarie
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| Posted: May 06 2013 at 12:29pm | IP Logged
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Obedience, definitely. So much frustration comes into motherhood when we are nagging our children.
Keep in mind with all training, it is just that, training. And it will take a long time to see fruits. The fruits will never be perfect, the goal is improvement over time. We all have habits that we continually work on, right ? 
Good luck! We are working on obedience here, as well. It is very mom-intensive!
Anita
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: May 07 2013 at 6:27pm | IP Logged
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I work on obedience with everyday things in everyday family life. Attention in more "school-y" things.
So, that's not really answering your question. But, just saying that maybe how you are thinking of actively working on it within your family.....as a HABIT of your family....then OBEDIENCE.
And, work on Attention within school work....shortening readings, chunks of focused work for a given amount of time.
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Suzanne in ID
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kristinannie
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I can't tell you which one to choose, but I can tell you that CM's methods work! I started habit training several months ago with my oldest son. We are working on "remaining your best self even when things don't go your way." This was a big problem with him and I cannot even tell you how many victories we have celebrated together! I highly recommend watching these online videos for some more inspiration!!!!!
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LLMom
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| Posted: May 22 2013 at 5:28am | IP Logged
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practical application of practicing obedience, please? I have one dc in particular who doesn't obey and when he does it is always with sighs and grumbles.
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Lisa
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CrunchyMom
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LLMom wrote:
| practical application of practicing obedience, please? I have one dc in particular who doesn't obey and when he does it is always with sighs and grumbles. |
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Do-overs are how we deal with this sort of behavior in our home. We have a family rule where we say, "We obey right away with a happy heart." If, upon hearing a request, there is hesitation or grumbling, I first state that as a reminder. If the sighs and grumbles or stomping or slamming continue, they must COME BACK and we try again, me restating the request, until the child completes the task with an appropriate response and tone ("Yes, mom.") and manner.
With my older children (almost 7 and 9), the do-over is enough of a reminder. With a stubborn 3/4/5 year old, they must "sit on the stairs" until they decide they are ready to obey. I imagine this would work for an older child, too, but someone else might be able to offer a less juvenile technique for the older child who is more stubborn and outright refuses to do as you ask.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
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[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Which habit would you work on first?
