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Mrs. B
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| Posted: Feb 12 2013 at 9:36am | IP Logged
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We've had a big upheavel in our lives. In early December I had twin boys. We love them lots but 0h- our lives are not going back to normal.
We fell completely off the homeschooling wagon, the chore wagon and the being cooperative wagon. Everyone is at odds with each other. Cranky, going to bed too late- don't want to do anything-itis.
The worst part of this is my older child has significant problems with attitude and school. She doesn't want to learn or do anything and tries to avoid her work. She actually told me she doesn't want to learn anything. Her highest goal is to be a hunter gatherer, or an "indian."
( I tried to tell her about archeology and she told me that would take too much work.  So much for inspiration.) She's 11 and a five months from being twelve- is it possible this is all adolescence?
How can I possibly homeschool like this? I feel I need at least some cooperation from them. That yellow bus looks better and better the more chaotic and hopeless this feels.
I'm supposed to be teaching all three and I hardly get a thing done. Time is passing, we get further behind, and I'm being tempted to just stick them in school so I don't have the stress of worrying about their education on my shoulders. (But it feels like such a failure?)
What can I do to feel better? Like we are not wasting all this time, and getting further behind? How can I encourage them to do their work?
I went through the process of making schedules and lesson plans for this post partum time but nobody wants to do anything with school. I'm willing to drop subjects and just work on a few core things but I feel they don't appreciate that either.
I don't want to just give up on our dreams. Any advice?
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~ * mama to a houseful~ *
dd-10, ds-8, dd-5, ds-2
and a bunch of rabbits, a pack of dogs, a clowder of cats, and some fish.
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SeaStar
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| Posted: Feb 12 2013 at 11:18am | IP Logged
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If you had twins in December, I would think it would take many months to get back into a schedule and feel productive, Everyone has to find a new place in the order of things.
I would definitely go bare bones for now. Let your dd read books about Indians from the library, or she could research minimalism.
I am sure the mothers of twins here have all been through this and will give you the kind of practical advice that I can't. But I will pray for your family.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: Feb 12 2013 at 11:31am | IP Logged
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I agree with Melinda! It takes several months to recover from adding a new baby--and adding two must be at least twice as hard!
I went ahead and changed your topic to indicate that your challenge relates to the twins specifically. Hopefully that will mean that it might better catch the eye of other mothers with multiples. 
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
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[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Feb 12 2013 at 11:42am | IP Logged
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Something that's always been hard for me is that, after adding a baby (and I've only done one at a time) you have to rework everything into a new normal. The old one doesn't apply any more. It just doesn't. And trying to make it fit is a sure road to frustration. Some things might still work.. but others don't. And it can be silly things. Like I had a great laundry system and added #7 and it fell apart. You wouldn't think that adding one tiny person (and no we don't do cloth diapers) would mess up a laundry system but it did. And it took a long time before I just admitted that I needed to find a new way that trying to make the old system work was not going to fix it.
Start small and rebuild from there. For instance, are you able to get meals fairly regularly? That's always a good place to start because then you can tack things to those if they're in place well.
Oh and YES 11.5 yrs can certainly be the hormones and all that rearing it's head.
Let your daughter read books on indians.. start with the mild ones and then ramp up to the more and more realistic ones. This might even be easier if you can find movies/documentaries. Easier than trying to make her learn to read.
And get some good books on identifying plants and uses of plants and what are edible wild plants plus a good book on poisonous look alike plants might also help with realism. Nothing like finding out that a plant that you think you can eat has a look alike that can kill you. 
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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SallyT
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| Posted: Feb 12 2013 at 1:42pm | IP Logged
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I remember my oldest telling me much the same thing at 11.5, even without the excitement of new babies in our life. In terms of being hormonal and difficult, so far I have found the 9-11 age window to be MUCH more difficult than the teenage years. So far, anyway. For what that's worth. That child's "school" at the time was reading a lot of those "Dear America" books and doing community theater, because that was what she would do. I wish I could remember that period in more detail . . . but she is in college now, and doing well, if that's any consolation!
I love Jodie's suggestion about learning to be a hunter-gatherer. There are some good Indian-themed novels for that age group, and if she's identifying plants ("foraging" is kind of a school of beyond-homesteading right now, so there are a good many books on "eating wild" currently), there's some nature study/science/botany getting done. If she's really interested in that kind of thing, you might try just "strewing" some materials for her, to see if she takes the bait.
With even one newborn, I didn't attempt actual lessons -- we did read-alouds while the baby nursed. Audiobooks while people color or play with legos are a great way to stealth-teach when your attention has to be elsewhere. Math games on the computer seem like a novelty and not like learning, but one of my children did a lot of that as a K-1st grader and has emerged as a math whiz in high school. Teaching Textbooks for your oldest for math might be a thought -- anything that takes the teaching load off your shoulders and you out of the "mix" with her (daughters at that age are notorious for resisting mom-intervention, so one way to defuse conflict is to hand her something in which you do not have to intervene).
Other thoughts: if you just need people to have *something* learning-ish to do at some point in the day, that you can send them to do for a few minutes and that might seem, again, like enough of a novelty to work for a while, you might try an online program like Head of the Class. It's free, and while I wouldn't lean on it for an entire, ongoing education, it is kind of fun, it covers some basic skills, and if it's something your kids *would* do without a fight, or if they'd see it as a reward, that would be something the younger ones, anyway, could take turns doing. Essentially it's busywork, but if you're feeling the need for some order, this kind of busywork can help create a space in your day which later you can fill with something that's more like your ideal.
Just some random thoughts. No twin experience here, either! Prayers for you right now . . .
Sally
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Aagot
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| Posted: Feb 12 2013 at 2:29pm | IP Logged
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I would see if she would like to do some cooking too. After all that is what hunters do if they are so lucky as to kill something.
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SallyT
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| Posted: Feb 12 2013 at 2:31pm | IP Logged
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Oh, yes! And that's a lot of math as well as "life learning," which is also a great and valid thing to have in your curriculum.
Sally
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Pilgrim
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| Posted: Feb 12 2013 at 3:39pm | IP Logged
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God Bless you during this very difficult time with newborn twins! Those first 3 months with twins are some of the most DIFFICULT days. Just when we thought we were going to lose our minds from lack of sleep and just trying to survive, and literally keep our babies alive, since they had some troubles nursing, they started to sleep longer at night, and we regained a bit of sanity. You are totally in the trenches right now. My advice would be all of what others have said, and whenever you can, just enjoy yourself with your children. We took a lot of "time off" from schooling during that time. Our twins are now, (in 2 days!) turning 4 years old, and life does return more to normal, but you have to allow yourself to let things be what they are, and relax some, and not expect too much of yourself.
As to your dd, our oldest said the EXACT same kind of things, and this year she has gotten a lot better. She used to HATE studies, didn't care if she ever learned anything, etc. I would say try to find, or let her tell you what things interest her, and let her explore them, and don't expect a whole lot with her studies right now, she can and most likely like our dd WILL catch up later. Our dd has gotten more into art(of course on a kids level), has started to make things, to cook more, to knit some, do fingernail art9in kiddish designs, following patterns from the Klutz Nail Art book, very fun!), gotten into scrapbooking. When we let her develop some of her own hobbies, she is in a better mood, and blossoms even in her studies, and she is also more helpful with the family.
Another thought is that it's winter, and we notice at this time of year the kids get plain tired of being cooped up, and they get along less, bicker more, etc. So put that together with newborn twins stress and I can feel your pain/stress right now.
I can also sympathize with the school bus looking nice some days, I have been there, too. But, I love homeschooling and being with our kids, and most of all being the biggest influence in their lives, not other kids, and teachers with agendas.
I/we will pray for you! I'm really glad you came here to talk, so we can support you, even if it's just sending prayers your way! God Bless you and uplift you and your entire family during this time of difficulty!
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Angel
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| Posted: Feb 12 2013 at 5:29pm | IP Logged
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I couldn't even begin to do anything with my older kids until my twins were about 3 months old. Do not ask me what those first 3 months were like either, because I cannot now tell you. I didn't get enough sleep to remember them. All I can recall is fighting with my then 9 yo to put Eggo waffles in the toaster oven for himself and his two younger siblings. Because otherwise they wouldn't have had anything to eat.
What I think my kids did while I was taking care of newborn twins was to listen to audiobooks sometimes and watch episodes of NOVA, which I wrote down (later) as "science". Really what they mostly did was play and eat a lot of Eggo waffles and hot dogs.
So I would be very forgiving of yourself. It is completely normal for twins to bring chaos into a household. It *will* get better, but it does take a while.
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Angela
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Kathryn
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| Posted: Feb 12 2013 at 7:02pm | IP Logged
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Wow...God Bless you for even attempting school with newborn twins!    Since there are only about 3 months left in what would be public school, how about taking that "off the table" for now. I wouldn't think you would want to put her back in for just 3 months, would you? And just do the very basics that you (and she and others) can in regards to school.
But in this time possibly re-evaluate what others have said about finding the new normal and if outside schooling (or co-op or just a few outside classes or internet classes etc.) is an option for next school-year you will have about 6 months to work on that being a possibility or getting a new normal that makes you feel more confident again. And in those 6 months you can work with changing and reinforcing the expectations/habits etc. B/c really, whether she homeschools or goes to outside school, you still expect her to learn and work.
Maybe she's just enjoying the new baby time "off" with you. Is it at all possible that she is having to pick up the slack since she's the oldest? I know I put a LOT on my oldest and have to really consciously think about my expectations on her. Sometimes carving out that time (even in the midst of nursing a newborn) and asking the questions/concerns will help guide you.
Makes me tired just thinking about it. Good luck!
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(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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dinasiano
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| Posted: Feb 13 2013 at 10:46am | IP Logged
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I don't have twins but my children were once in school. The homework and other school responsibilities will be even more overwhelming, imo. And believe me, just doing work and studying for tests for the sake of handing it in will not produce any fruit. Many times I realize my kids didn't really learn much that sticks. I see from my own experience: I am learning more with my kids than I ever did in school. Your kids are learning so much more just being at home.
I like what Kathryn said, there are only about 3 months left in the public school year. We haven't been doing much schoolwork at my house either because we are still recovering from Hurricane Sandy. I am also worried about falling too far behind. But so many of my homeschool friends have assured me that it won't happen.
Praying for your peace of mind
Dina
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Mrs. B
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| Posted: Feb 13 2013 at 4:39pm | IP Logged
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Thank you for your prayers and ideas and support. I am feeling much better today, willing to keep trying even though things are tough right now. At least in terms of getting schoolwork done.
I think I am being unreasonable in thinking I can help the kids do everything I had planned. It was actually challenging to get to everything before I had the twins, why was I thinking I could jump back in so fast? I thought about this all night and I do need to back off of most of our subjects. I'm going to think about easy things we can do like reading aloud and games. I never get to games so maybe we could try some out.
I don't really want to put them in school. I just want to feel we are all working towards the same goals.
I don't have time to reply to everybody, but I appreciate the help. It makes me feel like this will pass and it will get better.
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~ * mama to a houseful~ *
dd-10, ds-8, dd-5, ds-2
and a bunch of rabbits, a pack of dogs, a clowder of cats, and some fish.
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Kyra
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| Posted: May 07 2013 at 6:56am | IP Logged
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How's it going now?
I don't have any advice for older kids(mine are 5 and under), but I wanted to say my twins are 15m and I'm just now starting to feel like we can have thing like a new normal. Many days are still in survival mode. I find the first year after having one baby is crazy, and things don't settle down until close to eighteen months. Twins is even crazier.
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10 Bright Stars
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| Posted: May 07 2013 at 9:22am | IP Logged
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Well, for starters, congrats! What a blessing!! I have twins as well, and it does change your life!!! But, in a good way. IF I could go back in time, I would really relax school. I tried to keep up the school routine we had pre-twins, and it nearly broke me. Also, if you are cranky due to lack of sleep, been there, the other kids can start to resent the twins. So, think about what is just necc. 3 square meals, clean kids, a fairly tidy main floor. (notice I said "fairly") Then, switch gears completely with school. Read religion from the couch to them all as a group. Discuss things with them as you hold babies and they do too. Then, require some seatwork. Definately a math lesson as you can get behind in that, but otherwise, just have them read, read, read. Science books, history books, biographies. You said you are "not getting back to normal". You will never go back to "the way things were" because they are not that way with the addition of one baby, much less two. But that is a GOOD thing, right? So, if we are just sending the olders off, telling them to "get doing your school!" as we are super stressed caring for littles, it is going to drag down the morale, and they will start to resent the situation, and then they will not have incentive to do it. If you don't accomplish as much this year, that is fine. To be honest, you may not accomplish much next year either, but maybe what you are trying to accomplish is the problem, not everything else. And, this doesn't mean you have to make some major switch. Just relax, set a few firm measures, and then go with that. Maybe have them write a paper or two about what they are reading, or take notes on what they are reading. Try to think outside of the "check the box"
mentality. But, speaking of school...must go back! Just checking and while nursing! LOL! Focus on this as a super positive time in your life, and spread out that vibe to the kids. "Isn't this great guys?! God has blessed us with not one but TWO babies! And, I have you all here with me too enjoy all day. I just can't believe how lucky we are!!!" Start speaking like this outloud to them, and morale will quickly improve!
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Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
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10 Bright Stars
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| Posted: May 07 2013 at 9:34am | IP Logged
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Also, I remember that I tended to put a lot on my eldest daughter, who I think was only 5/6 at the time!  I had older boys too, I think my oldest was 12? But, with my daughter..."Mary, go get a diaper. Mary, go get a bottle. Mary, go get a burp cloth. Mary, go get Mommy the phone. Mary, can you help Gracie? Mary, can you do this? Talk about a way to burn out a kid! So, think about it. How often do you ask your oldest daughter to do this, that and the other thing? Sometimes SO necc. when you are doing stuff with the littles, and you just can't think about getting up from a chair etc. when you finally got the twins to sleep after all the work to get them to sleep...so you ask the littles to do things..well, at least I did. So, maybe she is feeling a little burnt out? Not there, and you didn't mention this, but just speaking from MY experience. My daughter loved the twins, and even did "school" with them when she was around 7-9 or so. I set up a pretend classroom for her and everything, subscribed her to a teacher's magazine that she loved receiving, and even got her "crafts" and busy work for them to do. (paints etc.) She would do lesson plans for them as I did etc. So cute! But, then she got burnt out as they got older, say around 5 for the twins when they wouldn't listen to her anymore and she didn't want to play with them much at all!! The bigger boys helped too, but I think we can tend to put a lot on our daughters for some reason. This is not to make you feel bad if any of it rings true, but maybe just something to consider. I noticed your kid's ages. So little still, so you are going to have your hands (blessedly) full, so stop with feeling guilty! Do school, but think outside the box. I was the same way though. Had to see workbook pages turning, or this and that completed. ( I enrolled all the kids in Seton the year we had twins! Was I insane???!!??? Apparantly so. ) So, good luck. Pare down, and don't feel guilty at all! God would not have sent you two if He thought you couldn't handle it, so trust your instincts. But, I am going to be frank here. Do you REALLY want to have to jump through someone ELSE'S hoops with homework etc. each night if you send them to school? I think that WOULD have made me crack. You would have to do ALL of that homework with them at night since with their ages, they WON'T be able to do that alone..I can't imagine the stress that would have caused me! "What do you MEAN you have a paper due today??! And you didn't write it yet???" Quickly help them scribble something at the kitchen table before the bus comes as the twins are screaming, your 8 year old lost his shoes, and the 6 year old needs help getting dressed, lunches to be packed, activities, which they will get into, to be coordinated. Yeah, it would be like THAT.
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Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: getting back on track after twins
