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Kathryn
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| Posted: Nov 29 2012 at 7:11pm | IP Logged
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DS 12 has always had a "lovey" of sorts. He used to suck his fingers and rub his blankie. He finally gave up the fingers around age 7 but still keeps his blankie although it's usu. in his bed. I say usu. b/c there are times he still will take it to the couch or even in the car and "rub" it and he's been through a couple of blankets b/c he would pull the strings until it literally disappeared as he pulled every thread out. In 12 years that's not bad and the last blanket he completely threaded out was years ago and I thought he had outgrown that.
BUT, now he's started doing it with the hems of his shirts and socks! Most of his shirts and socks now (just within the past month or so) look like they've had a big bite taken out of them as he's pulled and unraveled the threads. Yes, he's an anxious child and has had other "tics" in the past but this one will cost me a fortune at the rate he's going thru socks and shirts. Ideas for addressing this?
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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Booksnbabes
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No advice, but sending prayers! May the Holy Spirit to be with you in discerning how best to meet the needs of your son.
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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: Nov 30 2012 at 3:19pm | IP Logged
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I was the same way as a child. I never ruined clothes, but had a very thin blanket by the age of 10. I had a blankie until I was married, but around the age of 10 or so I hide it in my pillow case if needed. Flannel shirts were very popular when dh and I were dating and he thought it was sweet when I rubbed the cuffs of his sleeve with my fingers.  My youngest still has a blankie that is just kept in his bed, but he rarely uses it. Every night when I tuck him into bed I find it and hold it while I tuck him into bed. I guess old habits are hard to break. I don't know why but I find it very comforting to have something soft in my hand and rubbed between my fingers. I think I'm average and I don't have any major issues that stop be from functioning, so I guess I turned out ok.  Sorry I have no advice!
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Nov 30 2012 at 3:21pm | IP Logged
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hmm could you sew a piece of fabric on the inside of the shirt so that he could rub that rather than pull apart the shirt?
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Kathryn
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| Posted: Nov 30 2012 at 3:57pm | IP Logged
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I could try a small piece of fabric. I'm not sure if that would work b/c it's not just the rubbing of the fabric but the actually pulling of the strings. I have a 2" square piece of his first blanket that's all that was left when he was still a toddler that he "shredded".
It's funny Cassie b/c I said I hope his wife likes silky nightgowns b/c he'll be rubbing them all the time.   He does take his blankies on his boy scout camp-outs and hides it in his pillow too! He just cannot go without it. It's a complete security thing for him. I know it's a nervous habit for him to rub it (and now his clothes) kind of like people biting nails or chewing hair (like his sister age 5 does and even I did at his age) but this time it's the damaging of so many shirts and socks that's upsetting. And I don't get "mad" at him b/c I know it's a nervous thing, I usu. just say stop doing that. I know eventually it'll stop but was just hoping for some "magic" I guess.
He goes thru these spells for whatever reason and develops some kind of nervous habit and then it disappears for a while. He's been thru phases of eye-blinking, hand washing, and even heart palpitations for one season. We try to address the emotions behind it or give him extra support/comfort at these times so I know we're dealing with his anxiety. I'd almost rather him just keep his blanket but then he's obviously old enough to realize not to drag that around town.
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Kathryn in TX
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Booksnbabes
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| Posted: Nov 30 2012 at 4:17pm | IP Logged
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Maybe a square of fabric he can keep in his pocket? Like a handkerchief? I would be easy to keep a supply of fabric scraps on hand, and it would not matter if he shredded them.
And re: wife's nightgowns!
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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: Nov 30 2012 at 5:43pm | IP Logged
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I was thinking about this more and just drawing his attention to what he is doing and after days (or weeks) he may learn to catch himself and stop from doing it. If he needs to do it then he needs to use the item that is ok to destroy and not his clothes. This technique has worked well for my ds (nose picking excluded). Keep in mind that the child shouldn't be harrassed over it. I usually give friendly reminders and if ds was upset I would stop the reminders all together. Of course I never know if it has helped or he just naturally outgrew the habit. 
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Cassie
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Kathryn
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| Posted: Jan 16 2013 at 3:23pm | IP Logged
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Oh, my frustration is growing. Well, I go back and forth between the practical frustration of it to feeling sorry for him and not knowing how to help him. He has tried to keep himself from shredding bottom of shirts and we've done the bit of fabric but he literally pulls it to shreds. He's still doing it with his socks. He's also started spitting (I think as an anxiety release) and making a monotonous humming noise. Not everything at once but I think they are all related to anxiety release (from what I've read on-line...a bit of an OCD type thing).
I will say we started him on ADD meds last May (although he's also had spurts of anxiety before) I'm sure the stimulate meds don't help. However, now that he's been on them, **I** can NOT live with him unless he's on those ADD meds.
So, I don't know if I'm seeking practical advice again (ok, yes if you have some) but also just prayers as the intensity of his personality AND mine just aren't a good fit many days.
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Kathryn in TX
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Booksnbabes
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| Posted: Jan 17 2013 at 8:45am | IP Logged
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 Wish I had "the" answer for you! Praying!
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Servant2theKing
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Kathryn, it might be a good idea to talk to ds's doctor to make sure the ADD meds he's taking are a good fit. Is it possible the things you're describing are exacerbated by the meds? If my memory serves me right, I think I recall reading that certain ADD meds should not be taken by a person with tics and some can worsen or bring about Tourettes type symptoms. Your doctor should know whether the meds your ds is taking have those potential side effects. We've had several dc on ADD medications and had to change or adjust them at various times over the years. In our case, dc weaned off their meds in late teens or early adult years and have done much better when they were off them (no more rebound symptoms to deal with, etc.) Praying for you and your ds.
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MaryM
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Praying for you and your son, Kathryn.
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pumpkinmom
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Servant2theKing wrote:
| Kathryn, it might be a good idea to talk to ds's doctor to make sure the ADD meds he's taking are a good fit. Is it possible the things you're describing are exacerbated by the meds? If my memory serves me right, I think I recall reading that certain ADD meds should not be taken by a person with tics and some can worsen or bring about Tourettes type symptoms. Your doctor should know whether the meds your ds is taking have those potential side effects. We've had several dc on ADD medications and had to change or adjust them at various times over the years. In our case, dc weaned off their meds in late teens or early adult years and have done much better when they were off them (no more rebound symptoms to deal with, etc.) Praying for you and your ds. |
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 I was trying to post something like this earlier, but I was struggling with how to word it. I don't know this through personal experience, but through a friend who had a similiar experience.
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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Kathryn
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| Posted: Jan 17 2013 at 12:59pm | IP Logged
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Servant2theKing wrote:
| it might be a good idea to talk to ds's doctor to make sure the ADD meds he's taking are a good fit. |
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I actually did research as we waited soooo long before finally relenting to meds b/c I knew he already was prone to these bouts of anxiety. It just got to the point that we couldn't wait anymore b/c of his temperment, schooling etc. The ones we use aren't the ones she initially was going to prescribe b/c from what I read the original RX was MORE likely to increase anxiety. The current one is supposed to be more mild and he's on a very low dose BUT it's still a stimulant. While his attitude, temperment, focus etc. is soooo much better on the meds, I don't want these bouts of anxiety/OCD type behavior to become a habit. ?? Right now just seems a lose-lose (we lose if he's OFF the ADD meds and yet we lose when he's ON the ADD meds.)  I am encouraged to know that he could *hopefully* grow out of this and not need them as he gets older. Honestly, we've heard since he was four (yes, FOUR!) that he needed something to help focus and yet we waited eight, long years hoping he would outgrow this. I guess I worry too as he hits teen-hood this summer and how his body will change and puberty and such. Maybe that'll be the time his body chemistry changes and we can go without the meds. ??
Anyway, I will speak to the dr. again. However, I'm afraid her answer will be to put him on a different med in the afternoon as an anti-anxiety to counteract the stimulant.
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Kathryn in TX
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Pilgrim
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Just trying to add a little encouragement that this, too will hopefully pass. It seems that puberty arriving does increase these types of nervous habits for a while, but that they eventually even out. I've seen it/heard of it from others. Praying for you as you bear this with him, it's hard as a parent to go through these things, and to worry for your child, as well as to live with it, too, he's blessed to have a mother trying to patiently help him through this stage of life.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: For kids that "pick" at things
