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Kathryn
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| Posted: Oct 01 2012 at 8:32pm | IP Logged
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So, we moved about 5 1/2 weeks ago and I sooo miss my old house, old neighborhood, old neighbors.  It's only about 4 miles down the road and we wanted to move to get a little bit bigger house and a lot more land but I am feeling so exceptionally overwhelmed I feel like I'm bordering on some depression. We built our old house about 12 years ago so had it exactly how we wanted and obviously spent many years making it a home. This home is about 20 years old and I'm discovering all the quirks about it...that I don't like! Is this normal? I know I didn't feel at home in our old house for a while but I don't remember feeling this depth of sadness over the last move.
Granted, I was 11+ years younger, had only 2 very little ones and wasn't homeschooling. Plus we hadn't accumulated near as much stuff and we grew our house by almost 1000 sq. feet. Well, this time with 4 kids, middle age creeping in, homeschooling plus a whole lot more "stuff" in only an extra 150 sq. ft. I think we way underestimated the time and energy required of a 1 acre property and a house that needed some TLC plus the unpacking, purging, organizing alongside the day-to-day living we do. I'm actually getting enough sleep so it's not that.
Anyway, I guess I'm looking for opinions, advice, prayers...
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Oct 01 2012 at 9:09pm | IP Logged
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Prayers, sympathy, and commiseration-is that a word? 
I think moving when you are older IS harder. Life gets so much busier as we, and our children, get older. I tell dh often, Homeschooling, housekeeping, kid activities, pets, trying to find quality time for everyone, meals/food prep, and just everyday everything does not allow me to take on "special projects." And moving is a huge project along with trying to help everyone adjust.
Everything was set and your habits were established and you knew your house- it was easy.
It will get that way again but I found it takes longer than I thought. We moved 7 years ago and are only now getting it all together. Granted, we were only supposed to be here 2 years so I never really moved in AND we moved very far from everything we loved AND we moved rural in not the most welcoming area. It is finally getting easier.
So, enjoy that you can still see your friends and you have more space and take it one room at a time and realize your house won't be a settled for at least a year. Make time to see friends even though things aren't all the way unpacked. You just rocked your world so yes, you will probably be a little bummed 
Hang in there.
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Anne, married to dh 16 years!, ds,(97), Little One (02), and dd (02).
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Oct 01 2012 at 9:32pm | IP Logged
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It does take time.. measured in months not in weeks. I moved so often people would be "amazed" that the house was put together within about 6weeks (with only up to 4 kids, haven't moved recently) so it really just does take time.
But you also have to watch your thoughts.. are you only seeing and thinking upon the quirks you don't like? Are you only seeing the differences for the worse? Are you only seeing the work and not the benefits that you moved for? You really can choose if you want to dwell on the positive or on the negative. And of course if you mostly dwell on the negative you'll feel more sad than if you think on the positive (and only think on the negative when you must)
What positive things have happened? Did you triumph over one of those nasty quirks? Figure out a good (maybe unique) solution?
Have you given yourself a break from the work of moving? Sometimes you just need to take a rest day and go and do something away from the chaos.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: Oct 02 2012 at 8:08am | IP Logged
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Moving is hard. I wasn't middle aged, but I moved during a difficult pregnancy where I wasn't even able to drive a car or move a chair across the room because of pain from pelvic issues. And it was the snowiest winter on record. And the entire back yard of this beautiful property with acreage was completely destroyed with a new septic installation. I could go on, but suffice it to say, barring EXTREME reasons, we will not be moving again. 
It takes a LOT of time to figure out how you are going to live in a space. It was MONTHS before our new house started to feel like our space and not someone else's on loan. It took me over a year to arrive at a configuration of furniture for our main living spaces where I am able to sit in a room and not spend the entire time rearranging the furniture in my head because it still doesn't "feel" right. I still think about things, but I actually have an emerging "vision" for spaces. Before, I didn't know WHAT I wanted.
And wow, YES we did not realize how much time basic maintenance of acreage would take, let alone the improvements we'd like to make after years of neglect. Years ago, our property used to be maintained all the way back to the creek, but as the owners grew elderly, the yard got smaller, and we've realized it will be years before we can get everything the way we'd like it.
And, who knew that every drain in the house would clog within the first year? Didn't plan for that!
I PINED for my old kitchen. We'd remodeled it ourselves, and it was just right for the space. We just did a quasi remodel, and things are much better. But I literally wept because I had assumed that when we upgraded homes, I'd get a better kitchen, and it didn't feel like that was possible due to the layout without spending a ton of money.
We DID find a way to make the kitchen much better without spending too, too much. I'm living with the original metal cabinets but recently was able to take out a wall (losing the formal dining space) and adding some additional base cabinets with drawers from Ikea to supplement. However, I really didn't think it would happen. I'd practically resigned myself to HATING my kitchen for another 15 years.
All that to say, I despaired for MONTHS over some of the quirks before finding a solution. And I don't say that lightly. I loved our new home, it was clearly where we were supposed to be, but it has been a ROLLER COASTER emotionally, adapting to it all.
I don't mean to depress you by predicting that you'll feel awful for the next year! But 5 1/2 weeks is not long. You were super invested in your last home, in addition to building it, it is also the only home your children likely remember!, and you WILL mourn and grieve for it. But the more quirks you conquer and the more AHA! moments you have in finding solutions based on how you and your family live in and use this new space, I do think you will find more peace. I'm sure you didn't make this decision lightly, so it seems logical to assume that you had good reasons and those reasons still hold. 
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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Chris V
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| Posted: Oct 02 2012 at 9:03am | IP Logged
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Oh my goodness, Kathryn, I truly understand how you feel. We moved into our new home this past February and here we are, a strong 7 months into living here and it still doesn't feel quite right to me.... And we built this house!
But, I suppose the difference being, I can identify what the problem is and though the solutions are not immediate, I can have peace knowing that in time, this house will be magnificent!
Moving in when our twins were just 8 weeks old was the biggest hurdle to overcome. I spent all of my time caring for them (and still spend the majority of time doing just that as well, though things have certainly eased up). So I didn't have time (and still don't) to organize the way I want. I'm a very visual person, I like my living space to look a certain way to please my senses, this has not truly happened for me yet... time constraints and budget constraints.
When planning our home one thing that I did not consider was that all of my home decor (wall hangings, tables, vases, etc) were purchased specifically to fit a space in our old home (we lived in our old home for 12 years), and now, all of those precious items have no place in my new home! And it's not like I can just go out and buy all new stuff! Buying those items took years of shopping here and there, finding special items now and again, and slowly pieced together a home that looked and felt the way I wanted! And now, I'm starting from the beginning all over again!  ...... and I have to confess (nobody tell my husband), that I hate the flooring that I selected for our kitchen  ! Oh well. Not like we're going to redo THAT anytime soon.
And I won't even get started on our weed and dirt landscaping outside... We have over 5 acres (majority of it trees), but we don't have a budget for landscaping, and at our old house, the landscaping was perfect. Perfect!..... (weeping for my loss!). And my husband wants to build a barn/shop starting in just a few weeks, so that will push landscaping out even farther.
I'm not trying to depress you even more (or get myself all weepy again  ), but I commiserate with you and think that it is very normal what you are feeling; but you've only been there just over a month, you must give it more time. Much more time! And look or the positives of your new home whenever you begin to feel a loss over what you had, think of what you have gained. Maybe splurge and buy something special for your new home - a new picture for a wall space, a new vase for flowers to fit perfectly in your kitchen. ... Sounds silly, but when we left our old house I took the doorbell with me. It was a gift from my brother years and years ago (did you know that people make handmade doorbells?! I love that! Such a personal touch.)... It's those little items that can make a home feel like your own. So I put the doorbell from our old home onto our new one...
So go get something special for your house, even if it's a small item. Something to brighten a space, (I'm all about making spaces lovely!) and that little something will help to cheer you!
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Chris
Happy Wife with my Happy Life
Mama to My Five Girls ('04~'07~'09~'11~'11) 
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ShannonJ
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| Posted: Oct 02 2012 at 9:39am | IP Logged
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We move a lot, and I have to say it takes a year for the new house to feel like home. Sometimes longer . Of course after year 2 we start thinking about our next move.
All I can say is take it slowly, room by room, and try not to stress to much. Perhaps work on a corner or room of the house that you can escape to when you feel overwhelmed. The porch with some nice chairs and plants, A cozy chair with some books and a place to set your tea. If you give yourself a retreat that is comforting it really helps. It will all come together, it just takes time - and a lot of rearranging!
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~Shannon
Mom of dd 12, ds 9, & dd 5
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: Oct 02 2012 at 10:49am | IP Logged
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Chris V wrote:
When planning our home one thing that I did not consider was that all of my home decor (wall hangings, tables, vases, etc) were purchased specifically to fit a space in our old home (we lived in our old home for 12 years), and now, all of those precious items have no place in my new home! And it's not like I can just go out and buy all new stuff! Buying those items took years of shopping here and there, finding special items now and again, and slowly pieced together a home that looked and felt the way I wanted! And now, I'm starting from the beginning all over again! |
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This is SO true. It is so hard to even figure out your "style" again. We lived in a city row home where we'd preserved a lot of the early 20th century charm, and then we moved to a 1950s split-level. The space constraints were so very different, but things just LOOK different in different spaces as well.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Oct 02 2012 at 11:13am | IP Logged
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Oh figuring out style.. that's hard.. because it's not only what you like but the space you like it in. I found that it worked best to find something that I do like in a space.. and move it to that space even if nothing else in the room "works" and then not only do I have a place to "rest my eyes" in that room, but I also have a space that I can expand and which helps guide me in that room. And it may not be all rooms at once. But finding that one item that works is such a relief because then I can have a vision and can refresh myself by looking at it and then the fun of figuring out what else to look for starts.. and things that work in the interim with a plan to replace it.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Kathryn
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| Posted: Oct 02 2012 at 10:30pm | IP Logged
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Well, thank you ladies (I think  ). There is hope, albeit a while off I suppose. I have a friend that has a decorator friend and I talked to her today and she confirmed sticking and working on ONE room and also gave me some wall color suggestions to work with some of the existing elements that we can't afford to change at this time. Getting some color on the wall should help immensely (I think).
I guess it's just so much change and I don't.like.change!  I prayed and prayed before we moved and we did feel this was the right time to move and the right place but it will take time to get settled. I'm just feeling soo very blue about it. As I woke at 3:45 am last night, I started going thru my head the things we've already done (to try and stay positive) and finally fell back asleep. LOL And after talking to the decorator lady today I am hopeful that we can liven it up with some of OUR color selections...at least on the wall for now (as opposed to all new floors and cabinets or a whole room remodel). 
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Oct 02 2012 at 10:59pm | IP Logged
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What Shannon said.
The real heart of your home isn't a building or a decorating scheme or landscaping...it's your family. It takes a while (a year, at least) for a family to settle into a new space, and that's okay. Give yourself permission to miss the old home as you create the new home. It's natural and normal.
I think you'll find that Advent and Christmas will help. As the Church year begins, so, too, will your new outlook on the liturgical year take root in your new home.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: Oct 03 2012 at 7:27am | IP Logged
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Kathryn wrote:
Getting some color on the wall should help immensely (I think).
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It did for me. The colors were "ours" yk? The act of painting and having things look differently than the sellers had left it went a long way towards that feeling of ownership. I started with the dining room because it was where we spent the most time as a family.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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4Real Forums : Our Lady's Loom, Larder, and Laundry
Topic: When will this place feel like home!?!?
