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anitamarie
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| Posted: Sept 18 2012 at 4:54pm | IP Logged
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My ds (14) has taken piano for 6 years. He is talented, according to those who are in the music field and have heard him play. He also has composed his own pieces for piano. He, however, is not enjoying lessons and playing anymore. We know that this is not a career path for him, his main interests lie elsewhere. He has expressed the desire to quit lessons. He has a pretty tough curriculum this year, is working on his Eagle for Scouts, has become involved in youth group at our parish and has now landed the lead in the co-op drama production. So, he's busy.
He never sits down at the piano just to play anymore. I'm conflicted about letting him quit. I don't want to squander the chance to develop a God-given talent, but I also don't want to burden him with something he doesn't love so much. I want him to start making choices for himself, also, but this is a tough one.
What would you do?
Thanks and God Bless,
Anita
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Barb.b
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| Posted: Sept 18 2012 at 5:43pm | IP Logged
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I would let him quite. Sounds like he knows enough piano that he can get back to playing for enjoyment any time he wants. Also, he knows enough now that he can pick it back up anytime in the future if he wants to continue to pursue it. If the lessons are a chore and a burden that will turn him from music. Let him stop - he can pick it up any time he wants.
Barb
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stellamaris
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Nope. I'd ask him to continue one more year, and then if he wants to quit, fine. I took lessons myself for 10 years and my daughters each took lessons for 7-8 years. Around year 5 or 6, they both wanted to quit. I told them to hang in there one more year, and at the end they both decided to continue for another few years. Piano takes a long time to learn well, and there is a "hump" around year 5-6.
It sounds as if he's really busy, so it may just be too much for him to continue. However, if there is any way he can squeeze it in, I do think he will be so glad he didn't stop lessons quite so soon. At least, both my daughters have told me they were glad I insisted that they take that "one more year". Each of them still loves piano.
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Caroline
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JodieLyn
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And there is the option of "taking a break" with the intent to restart as soon as some of those major things are through.. both finishing up his Eagle and the drama production are relatively short term (the production even more so) so that perhaps you let him take a break until Christmas and then pick it up again after Christmas break.
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Betsy
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I might suggest switching instructors, as well. After 3 year my ds didn't practice and was fighting lessons. We gave him a break, while his brother started lessons. After a 5-6 month break we needed to switch teachers for a variety of reasons. When we switched we added my ds back in. He has absolutely flourished under this new teacher. 
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Sept 18 2012 at 6:29pm | IP Logged
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I would let him take a break to finish his Eagle project/conferences/Board of Review, for sure. All of that stuff takes a lot of time (guess how I know!) and the benefits of making Eagle last a lifetime.
A teacher switch might be a good thing, too.
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mom2mpr
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My ds (14)is pretty talented at piano. Dh and I vowed, many years ago, we wouldn't force him to play if he didn't want to. He stopped taking lessons for about a year when he was about 10. Then asked to start again. He did quite well and really learned a lot after that break. Had master classes and was at the university level.
Then he quit lessons again last year. 
His old instructor misses him but understands and is so knowledgable about boys at this age and says he WILL continue to play as it is a part of him. It might go away for a little, teen priorities and such, but it will be back. His words help me because I am somewhat disappointed and miss the music that used to fill my house for at least 2 hours a day. And classical to boot. 
God has provided in that he is on the payroll of a parish as a pianist, and volunteers to fill in, as a volunteer, at our parish. It does help him sit at the piano and play some-but not as much as in the past. I do see him getting a little sloppy. I know the music he is playing right now for church is super easy. And probably not challenging him. But it does force him to play some and keep his fingers in it.
He, also, is most likely not going to do music as his career. But I know the gift he has, and the lessons we paid for, are not for naught. I try to have faith that Gods plan for this child and his talents will be revealed in time. I do console myself with the fact that he is earning some college money by playing in the church and will have that skill to help him in the future.
And just to add, I did ask him if he was interested in starting lessons again, just yesterday, and with his freshman year home school load and 4H and sports activities he said he really does not have the time he did when he was younger to dedicate to practice.
Many prayers for you as you determine your direction. It is hard to be a parent sometimes. 
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Anne, married to dh 16 years!, ds,(97), Little One (02), and dd (02).
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3ringcircus
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It may help to ask him to take that addt'l year, or to insist that he take a break and start after Christmas. But, he's getting to the age where making his own choice will make his study so much more rich and fulfilling. Sounds like he has plenty of skill to be functional. I guess the question you may need to ask is whether he is mature enough to make his own decision. Also, if you feel that music study is an important part of his HS curriculum, what would be his plan to fulfill that requirement?
FWIW, I took piano from 1st-12th grade w/ a hiatus in high school (11th grade) because my teacher took a long time deciding she didn't want to teach anymore. It was a good thing in the end, though. I was going out of habit, and barely practicing enough. I think I wasted a lot of time in my jr/sr. high study. My final yr. of lessons was really inspiring because it was w/ a new teacher and he had more enthusiasm. It was my choice completely to study with him. I went on to become a music teacher (voice concentration).
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JennGM
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All my siblings regret quitting at different times, and wished they had pushed through the tough times. I would agree with the suggestions of coming up with a different instructor, perhaps backing off until the project is done, but I think sometimes a child needs some direction from the parents. You aren't deciding his career but giving him a lifeskill. Keeping him in music through high school will help him hone his talent and decide if it is something to continue through college and beyond.
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anitamarie
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| Posted: Sept 20 2012 at 12:04pm | IP Logged
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Thank you all so much for your responses. They are all very helpful and brought up points that were around the edges of my brain but not making it through. Thanks again for the input.
Anita
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Erin
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Hard dilemma and you have already received some great advice. Thinking about Jenn's siblings, I recently overheard my two oldest talking, now my dd is at college amongst some very talented musicians she regrets that she didn't continue with her music lessons, 'lil' brother agreed that he also regretted not sticking with it. Actually upshot is he has gone back to lessons
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kristinannie
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Has he started getting into more difficult music? His instructor might have stepped things up a little. I would have him stick it out for a few more months with regular practice. You could make it part of his school day and get rid of something else, if possible.
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Kathryn
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It is possible he's not being challenged enough in the music and does want to step it up. If not, I would consider dropping lessons but ensure that he "practices" what he knows at least 3-4 times a week. Surely that can't take more than 15-20 minutes per session to play some pieces, remember the notes, timing and all the beauty that comes from playing the piano. That way if he really just leaves a relief of one extra thing to know and expand on at least he won't lose what he knows.
For me, I decided that if my big kids could watch a 2 hour movie or play video games for a couple hours, then expecting them to play the piano for less than that during the week wasn't too much to ask. 
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StephanieA
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I have a talented daughter (age 14), played in university master classes also and won 2nd in state teacher's competition last year in the 8th grade division. I am in the same dilemma. She quit this fall with the idea of going back this spring. But I know that she doesn't want to.
I don't think it has to do with how long you have played as much as the level you are playing. Her practice needs to be 2+ hours a day. She can't get her pieces done without it. You have the choice of doing it 1/2 half-way or not at all. So....do some of these kids want to do it 1/2 way? She doesn't. To have a "good" lesson with her professor, she has to practice that period of time or more.
If a child's heart is not in it....then it will be nothing but frustrating. I see this in her heart. It bothers me either way....but I can't see forcing her to try to practice.
Blessings,
Stephanie
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Would you let a talented child quit piano
