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Becky Parker
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Joined: May 23 2005
Location: Michigan
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Posts: 2582
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| Posted: March 26 2012 at 7:29am | IP Logged
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Coming out with a true confession here. This might get long so if you're not into a drama, skip this post  !
The short story is that I have really been struggling with homeschooling. I posted on my blog that it's been almost a year now, but in reality, I think it's been several years. It sort of slowly creeped in, without me noticing, and then there it was, kind of like a big heavy shadow, and there I was surrounded by it.
I think it all started when I began to lose focus of what we were doing here. My oldest ds went to highschool (which I still believe is what God wanted) but all of a sudden my focus changed. I went from a goal of teaching my children to learn, and love learning, to a goal of preparing them for this particular highschool. I think I saw in my little homeschool what is happening in many schools across our country. Teaching to the test is sort of like my own teaching for the highschool. I'm doing a terrible job of explaining this but to sum up, my goal became highschool prep instead of life prep! Along with this loss of a true focus came a loss of enthusiasm. I felt hopeless, wondering why I was bothering with a lot of the things that, 10 years ago, I was very convicted about. When we first started homeschooling, and for the first 7 years, I was all about the whole learning and loving to learn thing. For three years now I've been losing sight of that and it has become very apparent.
I've been praying this whole year about what we are supposed to be doing. Wondering if this is just God telling me the time had come to put the kids in school. Praying for strength each day to just start the day let alone teach the kids anything. Wondering why I wasn't getting any answers or feeling any better. And then, there was just a small glimmer of light.
My son applied to HIllsdale College in MI. This is a very small, very conservative, liberal arts college. They sent a copy of their very popular news letter and I read it with enthusiasm. Wow. Everything that I was beginning to doubt in our homeschool was listed there as being important. Many of the wonderful books that I was beginning to think weren't really important "now-a-days" were listed on their "Recommended Reading List for Highschool Students". That was like a shot in the arm for me. "So this stuff really IS important and there are probably other colleges that think so too!"
And for each day since, I have seen more and more of this light. I've seen where my thinking got off track and I've been trying to get readjusted. (Hence my 100's of questions regarding CM lately!)
I'm sharing all this because, as I was writing a blog post about it (on my poor neglected blog) I began to think of all you ladies and the other homeschool parents in the world and I know there are times when we all feel this way. Knowing that didn't really help me feel better, I have to admit, but it DID keep me from quitting. I just kept thinking there has to be an end to this. And the end came, finally! I'm going to commit to praying for each of you daily because of this experience. Homeschooling IS a HARD thing to do. But with God's grace and help from our friends, it is such a joy.
If you want to read my blog post about it, here's the link, but I really just want you all to know that you have been so helpful to me over the years and I am praying for you all.
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
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SeaStar
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| Posted: March 26 2012 at 8:29am | IP Logged
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 Sniff. Beautiful, Becky. Thank you for sharing!
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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Mackfam
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| Posted: March 26 2012 at 9:01am | IP Logged
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Becky,
Your post is inspiring and beautiful, and speaks to the great gentleness and patience that God gives to us as mothers, as we follow Him with our families, finding our way often through the long and winding road, as well as the great gentleness and patience we mothers owe to ourselves! Because this IS hard work! It isn't easy. It is rewarding, lovely, often full of delight, but it IS work!
I am so overjoyed for you, for having found anew your sense of joy in home education! A renewed vision has such great potential! It is full of reality and understanding, not so imbued with a sentimental, overly rose-colored-glasses view. This renewed vision also finds itself owning and deeply appreciating the loveliness within this *re*claimed vision. It can claim all the joy and delight within days, knowing where days have been, and is able to relax a little of the over-thinking allowing days to rest naturally in simple, lovely, beautiful order. It is not unlike a spring awakening, and isn't that a nice thought? 
I am just deeply overjoyed that you'd share with us! 
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Grace&Chaos
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Joined: June 07 2010
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| Posted: March 26 2012 at 9:11am | IP Logged
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Thanks for sharing Becky, your words are inspiring.
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Blessings,
Jenny
Mom to dds(00,03) and dss(05,06,08,09)
Grace in Loving Chaos
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juliana147
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| Posted: March 26 2012 at 5:48pm | IP Logged
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Thank you, Becky, for your words of wisdom! I also think it is wonderful to have such a community here, among other homeschooling moms who share our joys and trials.
Prayer support is an invisible thing, but so important. So, thank you for your prayers! I will keep you in mine, too.
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- Juliana
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Lost focus found!
