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mamaslearning
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| Posted: March 02 2012 at 11:34am | IP Logged
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In the past, asking friends/family for help would've be fairly easy. I was never embarrassed to say, "Hey, I need some clothes for my kids, got any to spare?" because in our group of friends that was just being frugal. Now that we are experiencing our income dilemmas, it's become necessary to ask for this type of help. And now that it's necessary, I'm quite embarrassed! 
I NEVER, EVER thought I would have any pride to overcome! Wait, I guess thinking I don't have pride is actually quite prideful - right? 
Anyway, just wanted to say that this is a very humbling situation that is "burning off the chaff" in my life. Anyone else feel the same way?
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
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kristinannie
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| Posted: March 03 2012 at 9:36am | IP Logged
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I have to admit that I have been dealing with pride for several months now. I didn't have what I thought was pride: thinking I was better than everyone else. I had a different kind of pride that was more hidden and probably more dangerous. God revealed it to me during prayer and I have been dealing with it ever since.
I do honestly believe that God puts circumstances in our lives to directly confront our problem areas. My pride was also revealed through dealing with financial difficulties so I completely understand where you are coming from.
I would suggest that you bring this to prayer and ask God to help you overcome it. He will do his work in you, but it won't necessarily be easy for you. I have repeatedly asked, "What other areas of pride are keeping me from you?" He has always showed me what they were and some of them truly shocked me. Seven months later, I am not free of pride, but God has brought me a long way. He has also showed me that this will always be an area of strong temptation for me.
Specifically to your current problem, I think asking the first person will be the hardest and it will get easier from there. You will probably be surprised at how many people are really willing to help. Think about how you would respond if the roles were reversed? That always helps me when I need to ask someone for help. I would have no problem helping them if the roles were reversed. BTW, what sizes and genders of clothing do you need? I could probably help with your littles.
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: March 05 2012 at 7:15am | IP Logged
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Thank you for your kind words.  I know that they are all willing to help, and I'm very grateful that I do have a large family that I can turn to in these times. Thanks for your offer  , but I need bigger sizes for the older kids (girl size 6/7).
I think part of my pride is in feeling that I'm "too smart" to let this happen. I need to let go of the thoughts that I should've done more in the plentiful times. What's done is done, I've learned, and now it's time to adjust to a new normal. I know I keep beating a dead horse, but I process things very slowly and talking about it seems to help trigger new insights.
Thanks for talking with me!
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
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kristinannie
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| Posted: March 05 2012 at 9:49am | IP Logged
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I completely understand the "too smart" thing. I always thought that people who spent more than they could afford were not smart. I always kind of judged them. Once we moved and owned two houses (the total was 4 times our original mortgage), I didn't make enough adjustments to our spending. I thought I did, but I obviously didn't. I do think that God allowed our house not to sell to teach us a lot about living within our means and taking pity on those who can't make ends meet. I have learned a lot of lessons over the past 18 months. Apparently not enough lessons since our house still hasn't sold...
I do strongly believe that God puts these situations in our path to help us grow as people. I think it is completely normal to have trouble asking for help. We all want to be self-sufficient and not only in finances. It is hard for me to ask for help with my kids when I feel overwhelmed. When I went on bedrest with my third child, it was REALLY hard to ask people to help me out, but I was surprised at how many people were willing to help me. Sometimes these things can really turn into a blessing.
I will keep you in my prayers. I know how hard this can be, but God never abandons you...never.
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: March 05 2012 at 11:04am | IP Logged
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kristinannie wrote:
It is hard for me to ask for help with my kids when I feel overwhelmed. When I went on bedrest with my third child, it was REALLY hard to ask people to help me out, but I was surprised at how many people were willing to help me. Sometimes these things can really turn into a blessing.
I will keep you in my prayers. I know how hard this can be, but God never abandons you...never. |
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Sometimes it's hard to ask for help with the kids once you know how others feel about having large families.  It's the, "you had them, you care for them" attitudes that keep me from asking for too much help. *sigh*
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 05 2012 at 11:28am | IP Logged
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One thing that can help is to remember that most people do feel good about giving help and want to help so by asking for help you're giving them the opportunity to be blessed by giving. 
Not only that but once people know you're happy to accept handmedowns, while you may have to sort and pass along a lot more stuff, people will give things that help out so much.. even when you have enough money to buy them if they weren't given.. or I guess even when you don't have money so that asking is a need not a nicety.
It can be difficult when people seem to want to "throw in your face" how many kids you have over every little thing.. and if feels like a mom with fewer kids is allowed to have a bad day and get sympathy but when you're dealing with something simliar the response is a lack of sympathy and "it's your own fault for having so many kids".  But the flip side is that if you aren't at least a little bit transparent, acknowledging that you have difficulties at times, you become unreal, a person that doesn't have problems, that what you do is impossible for regular people. It's a very lonely place.
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MommyMahung
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| Posted: March 05 2012 at 8:21pm | IP Logged
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Well, coming from a big family and not knowing of financial struggles with my parents, I saw my mom many times telling people, especially our wealthier friends, "Hey -----, if you're cleaning out closets and drawers, we'll take the clothes and shoes! My daughters can sew and mend and we'll put them to good use!  I'll pick them up from you if that will be easier. " I remember so many times getting bags upon bags of fancy clothes and mending them to fit whoever they would fit. We had fun with it! We enjoyed showing off our new clothes. Mom would also sneak in a coffee break for herself at those moments too...
I don't have much else to offer besides this memory and some prayers for you. I hope it at least put a smile on your face.
God Bless,
Laura
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: March 06 2012 at 11:34am | IP Logged
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MommyMahung wrote:
I don't have much else to offer besides this memory and some prayers for you. I hope it at least put a smile on your face.
God Bless,
Laura |
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Thank you!
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Lara
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stellamaris
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| Posted: March 06 2012 at 12:20pm | IP Logged
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Quote:
"Because if the other vices are of quick growth, we can also rid ourselves of them quickly; but pride is the first vice we learn, and it is also the last to leave us as St. Augustine says: [Enarr. 2 in Ps. cxviii] "For those who are returning to God, pride is the last thing to be overcome, as it was the first cause of their leaving God."
"Because the other vices are easily recognizable, and therefore it is easy to hate them and to amend; but pride is a vice that is not so easily known because it goes masked and disguised in many forms, even putting on the semblance of virtue and the very appearance of humility; thus being a hidden vice it is less easy to escape from it, as is taught in the maxim of St. Ambrose: [Epist. 82] "Hidden things are more difficult to avoid than things known." |
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--taken from Humility of Heart by Fr. Cajetan Mary da Bergamo
The struggle to overcome pride is a life-long one. It seems to me that a large part of progressing in the spiritual life is just continually seeing more and more our own pride and how destructive it is to us, to our relationship with others, and to our relationship with God. It springs up in so many undetected ways! But God will give us the victory, although I think most of us will not finish our struggle to be perfected in humility in this life...I guess if we did, we would indeed be saints!
For me, the older I get, the more I see those hidden enclaves of pride that I never realized I had! It's a tough thing to see, I must say! But I consider it a true gift of God to be able to see areas of pride in my own life (funny, how easy it is to see it in others ). As He shows me these areas, I know He will give me the grace to overcome this vice and become more holy...and that's what it's all about!!
I highly recommend this classic treasure as a wonderful book to inspire introspection and meditation: Humility of Heart and for free online here (scroll down for text only version).
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Caroline
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kristinannie
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| Posted: March 06 2012 at 4:40pm | IP Logged
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stellamaris wrote:
Quote:
"Because if the other vices are of quick growth, we can also rid ourselves of them quickly; but pride is the first vice we learn, and it is also the last to leave us as St. Augustine says: [Enarr. 2 in Ps. cxviii] "For those who are returning to God, pride is the last thing to be overcome, as it was the first cause of their leaving God."
"Because the other vices are easily recognizable, and therefore it is easy to hate them and to amend; but pride is a vice that is not so easily known because it goes masked and disguised in many forms, even putting on the semblance of virtue and the very appearance of humility; thus being a hidden vice it is less easy to escape from it, as is taught in the maxim of St. Ambrose: [Epist. 82] "Hidden things are more difficult to avoid than things known." |
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--taken from Humility of Heart by Fr. Cajetan Mary da Bergamo
The struggle to overcome pride is a life-long one. It seems to me that a large part of progressing in the spiritual life is just continually seeing more and more our own pride and how destructive it is to us, to our relationship with others, and to our relationship with God. It springs up in so many undetected ways! But God will give us the victory, although I think most of us will not finish our struggle to be perfected in humility in this life...I guess if we did, we would indeed be saints!
For me, the older I get, the more I see those hidden enclaves of pride that I never realized I had! It's a tough thing to see, I must say! But I consider it a true gift of God to be able to see areas of pride in my own life (funny, how easy it is to see it in others ). As He shows me these areas, I know He will give me the grace to overcome this vice and become more holy...and that's what it's all about!!
I highly recommend this classic treasure as a wonderful book to inspire introspection and meditation: Humility of Heart and for free online here (scroll down for text only version). |
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This is a very wise post. Thanks!
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4Real Forums : Our Lady's Loom, Larder, and Laundry
Topic: Being humbled
