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Becky Parker
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| Posted: Jan 14 2012 at 9:51am | IP Logged
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I have a 4 year old who seems to be struggling with life!  He's always bored, frequently angry, and gets into trouble for attention. Some of this I attribute to his little brother who was born a year ago. I think the 4yo enjoyed being the baby of the family and now he has been displaced. But I'm worried about the boredom. I just can't seem to find the thing that makes him happy. I have four other boys so we have tons of boy toys around here, but he just doesn't seem to be interested in any of them. He does like to paint, do "school work" (letters and numbers stuff), play with playdough and he enjoys being outside, but these are things I really can't make accessable to him all the time. To make things worse, his attention getting behaviors are not very endearing and his siblings aren't usually that excited to play with him. Any thoughts? Is this just a stage we need to get through? I don't remember any of my other kids going through this difficult time at 4.
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Becky
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jawgee
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| Posted: Jan 14 2012 at 11:28am | IP Logged
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Four was a very difficult age for my second son. It wasn't much better for my oldest, either. My DH calls it the "fresh, fussy fours".
Here's a thread that talks about some ideas with preschool-aged boys.
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Rosesinsummer
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| Posted: Jan 14 2012 at 8:12pm | IP Logged
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Are you scheduling some one-on-one time with him each day? I noticed taking 30 minutes of one-on-one focused attention every day to do something together with a pre-schooler dramatically changed attitude and behavior. Hang in there!
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mathmama
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| Posted: Jan 16 2012 at 5:54am | IP Logged
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Four was a *very* difficult age with my oldest. She is a very curious child. Over the years I have found that her behavior deteriorates is she is not being challenged intellectually. If we have to take a break from school she is ok for a short time but after a while she struggles. Perhaps if I had been more structured or had more challenging things for her to do at age 4 things would have been easier for us.
Good luck!
Beth
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JennGM
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| Posted: Jan 16 2012 at 8:13am | IP Logged
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Since it's fresh on my mind since I'm taking Level II Formation in CGS, Maria Montessori and the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd would suggest giving him "Practical Life" -- some work that involves the whole child, to help him calm his interior.
I have a 4yob also, and I'm finding if I let him have time with water (pull up a chair to the sink), or working with pouring, sweeping helps him quite a bit. Other examples that wouldn't need you except to set up would be polishing or dusting or flower arranging.
Digging in dirt is also very calming. 
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Jennifer G. Miller
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CatholicMommy
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| Posted: Jan 16 2012 at 10:19am | IP Logged
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I'm with Jennifer!
Most 4 year olds are quite academically adept, as well as very physical - so they need things/people to touch (snuggle time with a good story; piggy back rides; wrestling with dad; as well as good meaningful practical life - washing windows, scrubbing tables, sweeping/mopping, polishing, dusting, flower arranging, other decorating of the home).
Even a long string of yarn laid out in an oval or ellipse for walking on.
And this is the time to (appropriately) do some academics.
Some children are more sensitive to it than others; and it is possible your older children had less of an issue because they had more "you" time. That's not to say this child is neglected in any way! It's just that he may need more of it to begin with.
I hope that helps!
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ShannonJ
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My 5yo is still there. When he gets particularly difficult we do what we call "tying him to our hip for a day". Basically he just follows us around the house doing everything that we do. I present it as he will be spending lots of time together that day. 
I try to focus on those chores that I know he would enjoy more than others. He loves dishes and laundry. So he would rinse dishes and load the dishwasher while I work in the kitchen. Help me load the laundry and fold socks and washcloths while I work on the other clothes, Wash windows while I sweep, Vacuum with his small vacuum while I use the larger one, etc. Then when I find time for a break I sit and play a game with him. Seems to do wonders for his self esteem.
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VanessaVH
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Thank you for all the great ideas! My 4yo is having a hard time acting out right now too. I know it is because the 7 month old is demanding most of my attention... My 4yo seems happy playing with his 6yo and 3yo brothers most of the time, but his attitude has been very bad towards me....
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: Jan 19 2012 at 6:00am | IP Logged
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Finally a minute to reply! Thank you all for your helpful advice. As I was reading, I kept thinking that I "do" spend time with him, but when I honestly look at it, I spend time with all the kids as a group not so much one on one. Jenn, as soon as you mentioned Montessori I thought "why didn't I think of that". We
used to do a lot of Montessori, but with the older gets getting, well older , I've phased a lot of it out. With it went the practical life work I remember doing with them when they were younger.
So, I made a list a items to check off each day. Regarding practical life work he has things like taking out recyclables, folding the clean washcloths, moving clothes from the washer to the dryer, matching the shoes and lining them up neatly in our entryway, sorting the silverware and putting it in the drawer ... We started this a couple of days ago, as soon as I read this thread, and he loves it! He was a little bored last night before it was bed time and he came to me and said he needed some "work" to do. 
I also added "story time with mom" to his list because, while I hate to admit it, I haven't been getting to that as often.
I'm hoping, that with some consistancy, he will be more peaceful. I didn't realize I was slacking in spending one on one time with him, but when I really looked at what I was doing during the day, I noticed my time and affection with him were more of the "fly by" nature instead of the "sit down, look him in the eyes, just me and you kid" kinda time.
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Becky
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JennGM
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| Posted: Jan 19 2012 at 7:55am | IP Logged
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Becky, I only gave the suggestion because I'm right there with you! My 4yo is needing the extra Mommy time and wants to do useful work. I am just amazed how it really does make him more peaceful.
So glad it is working well.
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Jennifer G. Miller
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4Real Forums : Nurturing the Years of Wonder
Topic: 4 year old troubles
