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Chris V
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| Posted: Aug 01 2011 at 11:30am | IP Logged
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I've drafted and deleted this post about 8 times now.  ... not wanting to bother you all with seemingly petty problems. However, this is actually anything but trivial. And I need prodding, opinions, and confidence.
As some of you know, my husband and I are building our house. Thus far our decisions making efforts have been relatively smooth and we've not had too many disagreements on the construction of the house itself. But now, we have a doosie
We have been trying to decide upon our interior doors and millwork for months now - and we are only a fraction of the way there to a decision. We gave ourselves until Friday (ahem, last Friday) to make a final decision and we let it slide ... again ... because we cannot commit to a resolution to our interior decorating differences. This may seem so absolutely silly, but to us, it is a big deal. The reality is that I will likely be living long enough in this house that I will die there... yes, this is our *forever* house. And we will never (um, EVER) have the disposable income to remodel 20 years from now (and besides, WHO wants to move into a brand-new house that they just built and know that they eventually want to remodel? ... the point is to love it NOW ... not later).
After my long-winded (and likely unnecessary preface) here is the problem:
My husband wants stained wood interior doors. That's fine with me. But the problem is the trim and millwork (wrap and trim around windows, doors, floor molding, any wainscot that we do, etc.) I want it to be *WHITE*. I do not want stained wood trimwork.
I want to insert a picture here ... but I've tried and can't make it work. So for those of you that are so kind as to respond to me, you'll just have to imagine a soft medium-stain hemlock door (raised two-panel with arch on top) with bronze hardware and crisp white trim.
My husband doesn't have a problem with the white millwork - though I know he'd prefer the stained-wood. But we are having a huge problem making the committment to do it (meaning ... actually ORDER all of this to the tune of ... well, lots of money), because I'm terrified that we cannot pull this look off. It is unusual. It is different. It's not something you see everyday.
I need some help here. I need some honest opinions. I get absolutely nauseous just thinking about order all of this, and then walking into the house once it's installed and HATING it  . But my husband is reluctant to paint the nicely stained wood doors that he so very much wants. ... he's a craftsman at heart, and craftsman wouldn't desecrate the wood by painting it, right?
You know when you've thought about something for so long, and had a hundred discussions about something that you almost get to the point where you don't care anymore? ... I'm nearly there. I could really get into a tremendous amount of detail here about our discussions, options, efforts at resolution, brainstorming ideas, and the millions of pictures I've seen online - in an effort to come to an agreement on the *look* we are trying to achieve inside the house - but the bottom line is:
Will a soft-medium stained hemlock door (with bronze hardware) look good with crisp white trim? The trim will not be colonial, but rather craftsman-style.
... hitting the post button before I change my mind and delete it once again ...
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Chris
Happy Wife with my Happy Life
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Aug 01 2011 at 11:39am | IP Logged
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Sure it'll look just fine with white trim. We have wood doors (probably not as nice as your dh is wanting) with white trim and I never even notice it. Didn't give it a thought. (ETA - I even had to go and look because it's so doesn't stand out as odd.. that I was afraid that I didn't really remember it right)
AND big big bonus.. the wood doors don't show little hand prints near as much as the white does 
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Aug 01 2011 at 11:46am | IP Logged
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Chris V wrote:
| Will a soft-medium stained hemlock door (with bronze hardware) look good with crisp white trim? |
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Absolutely! My brother was a master craftsman woodworker and often paired beautiful, rich stained wood pieces (doors, furniture, emphasis pieces) with lovely painted trims! The two finishes complement each other nicely - one is easy to maintain and practical (the paint)....and the other is rich and lovely for the eye (the stained wooden door). I'd go for it!
BUY...and then I was going to suggest a big glass of wine to celebrate (some folks enjoy a small glass of wine while they're pregnant and others don't), but.....maybe just a nice Shirley Temple or some other celebratory drink....basil lemonade is delish this time of year! CELEBRATE THOUGH!!! Your home is going to be lovely!!!
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Jen Mackintosh
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Donna Marie
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| Posted: Aug 01 2011 at 11:48am | IP Logged
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Chris,
My parents built their house when I was very young. They had 4 children. The stained doors and woodwork have stood the test of time and still look great after 25 some odd years. In my house, the painted trim needs repainting every few years. They have yet to restain theirs.
What I am saying is, as long as the paint and or stain is applied in a way that really soaks into the wood and is meant to be durable, it will look good for a long time, no matter what your final choice is. I think what you are planning will be lovely. Over time, you really want something that can outlast the trucks and toys and people that may crash into it. Use hard wood if you can.
Did I just confuse you?
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Donna Marie from NJ
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Finding Elegant Simplicity
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Mackfam
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By the way, We have a medium oak stained door with beveled glass insert and LIGHT CREAM trim in high gloss. And, I love it!
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Jen Mackintosh
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Betsy
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| Posted: Aug 01 2011 at 1:17pm | IP Logged
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Have you considered hiring an interior decorator? In our last two homes we hired an interior decorator to help pick out paint colors. It was fairly reasonable in price (1-2 hours each home), but worth ever penny to have someones help to pick out good colors.
A good decorator be will be very impartial in helping you find what looks good and seamlessly blending both of your dh's and your styles together.
I think this is especially important when you want this to be done right the first time, I think that it might be worth a little extra $$ and time now rather than not liking it later or having to redo it, which would negate any savings from not doing this.
Just my 2 cents!
Oh, and FWIW, I think that the use of stained wood and white trim is quite common in modern homes. Our staircase, mantel and front door are stained and we have all white trim!
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Servant2theKing
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Chris, I just realized that most of the doors in my parents' older farm-sytyle home were darker stained wood, with trim and casings all painted white. Our newer home has oak stained doors, trim and cabinets throughout. I think the wood and painted finish combination gives a home instant character and depth! Your plans and your home sound wonderful.
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Erin
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Chris
Just wanted to give you a  and empathy about having to make house decisions. We are there in the trenches with you, trying to make bathroom, kitchen and curtain decisions at present. I hate making these decisions so I totally get the procrastinating, dh and I have a reputation as procrastinators (it is mostly due to me  ) Why can't bathroom shops have two choices, that's it!
To be honest I love the timber look, but that is just my personal taste. And as I'm hopeless really at colours selection I'll bow to the more knowledgeable here.
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Chris V
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Betsy wrote:
Have you considered hiring an interior decorator?
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I have considered it, but we are so squeeky tight with our budget that I just brushed off the idea and thought of it as frivilous. ... but you are so very right, if you don't like how it turns out, there will be lost money on any part of re-doing.
My in-laws just recently built a house (about 2 years ago), they spared no expense with both the interior and exterior of the house - their house is extraordinary. My MIL did hire an interior decorator to help with the paint colors (after not choosing so well the first time!), and the second time around, the interior and exterior colors turned out exactly how I would have chosen to do my own home... now how's that for convenient! She saved all of her paint chips with brand and color selections, so now my interior colors are pretty much planned out already.
Betsy wrote:
Oh, and FWIW, I think that the use of stained wood and white trim is quite common in modern homes. Our staircase, mantel and front door are stained and we have all white trim!
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Sounds lovely!
I think we can pull it off well. I suppose my hestitation comes from it not being my first choice and I feel like I am settling and it's causing me to question how it will turn out. Also, my husband is very traditional, he stays clear of "trendy", and wants only selected items that will stand the test of time, fads, and latest fashion trends. He sees the white millwork as trendy ... whereas I tend to seen stained-millwork as dated. I suppose you could call this a compromise, though really, with these types of decisions there isn't a whole-lot of compromise; one person ends up just saying "that's fine", though their heart may say otherwise. Such as our kitchen ... he wants slate flooring, I want wood. ... we're doing slate. . But we'll do wood in the other areas of the house. Some things just aren't worth arguing over.
Here's hoping for the best!
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Aagot
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Yes, it works and looks really good. Just a warning though, the white trim at our house shows everything and peels and chips easily. But it looked great brand new. The white does add a crisp, cheery feel.
Good luck!
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Chris V
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| Posted: Aug 01 2011 at 4:53pm | IP Logged
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Thank you all! I MEAN IT, thank you! You have given me such confidence in this decision that I have made a final appointment for ordering our materials!
And most importantly, I am feeling good about it! I am feeling at peace with this. Thank you for your replies. I should have come to you all a month ago. Because now we are in a *hurry* to get it delivered! Our indecision has hurt our schedule. We were hoping to be moved in by Halloween, but the stained doors themselves will take 8 weeks to arrive.
... praying we move before our two new precious babies arrive. Oy.
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Chris
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JodieLyn
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Just remember Chris.. you can move in without interior doors hung
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Betsy
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Chris,
I am happy that you came to a resolution.  There is no better feeling! It's also awesome that you love your MIL's paint colors. There is no substitute for seeing something in person and knowing it's going to work. Even with a expert, like a decorator, you can still get some duds!
Chris V wrote:
Such as our kitchen ... he wants slate flooring, I want wood. ... we're doing slate. . But we'll do wood in the other areas of the house. Some things just aren't worth arguing over.
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I found this so funny. I have dreamed of slate floors for YEARS....we have wood right now.  I guess ones man junk is another mans treasure!
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stefoodie
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Just read through this whole thread and have no advice but wanted to give you, Chris, some cyberhugs ! This is such an exciting time for you - babies coming and birthing a house too  !! Prayers.
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Angie Mc
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Chris, I just wanted to add that I think it is kind of neat that your doors and trim will reflect both of you...the feminine and the masculine. I definitely love the complimentary stained wood with the painted white trim. I especially love white trim and don't see it as fadish at all...classic, crisp, white, perfect!
Also, I just want to reassure you that while these decisions are important, they aren't forever (no matter how much it feels like that now.) A few generations ago, it was more true that we needed to make investments that would last a lifetime. Not so much now. Really. So relax, knowing that if either of you truly hate something down the road, chances are good that you can change it. Really, really!
Oh, another tip...my dh and I have had luck picking our highest priorities among many to ensure that we at least get what is emotionally important when we disagree. For example, I *really* didn't want a swimming pool but my dh put it on his highest priority list. We have one. He was right and I'm glad! On my highest priority list was to have 4 bedrooms. He was content with 3. I got 4 and we're both happy. Our lesser preferences are placed on a "wish list." Oh how I wish for crown molding, french doors, and an outdoor shower! Some day:).
Good for you both taking on such a big project. I'm praying for smooth sailing .
Love,
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Angie Mc
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Chris V
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Angie your comment about wanting french doors reminded of a wonderful compromise that was made between dh and I recently. We could not come to an agreement with the french doors going into the guest bedroom. I wanted distorted glass and he felt that because it was a guest bedroom that the distorted glass still would not offer the privacy needed when the room was occupied. We had just about thrown in the towel altogether with the idea of french doors and were just going to go with solid-double doors when my MIL had a fabulous suggestion. My husband's uncle is quite a skilled craftsman when it comes to working and creating stained glass. She suggested that we ask him to do the glass work for the french doors, selecting our own design, and using as little or as much iron work we felt would provide the distortion needed to creat privacy within the room. We both *loved* the idea. So now, we will forever have a piece of his uncle in our home too, and his amazing glass work. . This is what I like best about homes, the personal touches that add character, uniqueness, and sentimental value  .
And you are right ... it doesn't always mean forever, though it feels like it right now
I have to give all the kudos to my husband. Eventhough building a house was my idea, he's doing all the work. Nearly *ALL* of it. He is working nonstop on our family's behalf .
We wouldn't even be doing this if it weren't for God's graces showered down upon us, my husband's workmanship (without which we could not afford to hire out all of this work), and God's perfect timing in us finding the perfect property at the perfect price. So grateful. So, so grateful
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Chris
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Chris V
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stefoodie wrote:
| Just read through this whole thread and have no advice but wanted to give you, Chris, some cyberhugs ! This is such an exciting time for you - babies coming and birthing a house too !! Prayers. |
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Birthing a house . I love it!
Thanks you so much, Stef
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Chris
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mamasue
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Just adding my opinion- I love wood so I would go with all wood... But even more now that we live in a home with white trim and doors. I have to scrub all the doors and trim every couple months (really need it every month, but, you know...) I also re-paint them every 12-18 months.
Our old home had dark wood trim and doors and I never had to hide the dirt on them, just dust every once in a while and wipe down every year or so. I MISS that trim ;)
Suzette
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Chris V
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mamasue wrote:
Just adding my opinion- I love wood so I would go with all wood... But even more now that we live in a home with white trim and doors. I have to scrub all the doors and trim every couple months (really need it every month, but, you know...) I also re-paint them every 12-18 months.
Our old home had dark wood trim and doors and I never had to hide the dirt on them, just dust every once in a while and wipe down every year or so. I MISS that trim ;)
Suzette |
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Oh my goodness, Suzette, you are so right in that regard! I have white trim in my home right now, and yes, with dogs and children, it takes a beating. That was definitely a consideration when my dh and I began looking at our interior options. But ultimately, I have to go with my heart on this, and I just know (I just know) that I will not be happy with the wood trim. It's just not my-look or my style. ... It *could* be though. The only way I would consider the wood trim is if we DID NOT go with the hemlock doors, but rather something a little more bold, such as knotty alder. Hemlock grain is uniform, uninteresting, and barely noticable - likewise the trim would be too. If we were to go with knotty alder doors and hemlock trim, I think I would really consider that as a good look for our home (which is completely Pacific NW craftsman style - and exactly what my in-laws have). But the knotty alder doors are one of the most expensive doors you can buy (last time we checked it was over $300 PER door)  . Yeah. Not in the budget.
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Donna Marie
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Remember Chris, there are a lot of wonderful shades of white! I just brought home a few shades of it myself and tried it out in the light of the room and I think I found something that suits me better than I thought it would...FWIW...
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Donna Marie from NJ
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4Real Forums : Our Lady's Loom, Larder, and Laundry
Topic: Desperate! ...
