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DominaCaeli
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| Posted: July 14 2011 at 2:14pm | IP Logged
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Long story short: do any of you ladies combine both genders in one bedroom? Does it work well for your family? Do you wish you had done things differently?
And now for the longer, rambling version... 
We just bought a house and are moving in next week. It is a four-bedroom home. One bedroom is downstairs and will be used as an office/sewing room. The other three are upstairs: a very large master and two smaller bedrooms. The master has a large walk-in closet and a very large bathroom. The other two bedrooms are good-sized and have a full Jack-and-Jill bathroom joining them (both have doors to the hall as well).
Our set-up in our current home is
- boys in one room (currently just my 5yo son)
- girls in one room (4yo and 2yo so far)
- husband and me in the master
- 1yo son in his crib in the huge walk-in master closet, which we use as a nursery.
We have a new baby on the way next month, so the 1yo would be joining his brother in the boys' room when we move so that we can have the newborn in with us. My 1yo already sleeps very soundly through the night, so it shouldn't be an issue.
We were planning to do the same thing in the new house, but now that I'm thinking about it, I'm considering making the master bedroom into a big bedroom for ALL the kids. My husband and I would take one of the smaller bedrooms, and the bedroom that adjoins in would be the nursery (the bathroom joins them, so it would almost be like large master suite of three rooms). The master is very large (much too large for us) and would accommodate more beds than the two smaller bedrooms combined. The large, open master bedroom seems wasted on just the two of us. I was also thinking that the master closet could then be like a second nursery, with my 1yo in there, his big brothers and sisters in the adjoining master bedroom, and the next baby in the nursery adjacent to our room once she's out of the newborn stage.
My concerns, which I'm hoping some of you can help me think through:
1. Modesty--I do like having the genders separated for that reason, but maybe that's not really an issue? My children are still young, but I'm thinking about the problems that might arise as they get older.
2. The more children that are sharing a bedroom, the more they will potentially wake each other up during the night, keep each other from falling asleep at a reasonable hour, etc. I am definitely not a each-child-gets-her-own-bedroom type, but I'm wondering whether effectively doubling the number of children sharing a room by choice is asking for trouble. 
Anyway, sorry for going on and on. If any of you have any ideas or experience to share, that would be wonderful. I'm supposed to hang drapes and pick paint colors this weekend, and I'm still not sure who's going where!
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Donna Marie
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| Posted: July 14 2011 at 2:39pm | IP Logged
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I guess it really depends on you. I never really had separate rooms for different sexes when they were younger. Truth be told, they all ended up in one heap anyway! And with our unique spacing, at one time it was much better for me to keep a younger boy sibling in with the girls for awhile to help him behave better as his older brothers were a bit rambunctious in his company. Do they have a tendency to be over-stimulated in each other's presence? That may be something else to consider.
I love the idea of one huge shared closet. That makes only 2 places for most of the laundry to go...either in the wash or in the closet! 
We lived with my parents for nearly 2 months while we had renovations done to the house a few years ago. All of the kids shared one huge master bedroom and they loved it. I only had to worry about one direction for night waking and such. I thought it was easier for me, and of course I am talking several years ago, so they were all younger.
I only notice the kids getting picky about arrangements as they get to be older (teens) Then they seem to crave quiet.
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Erica Sanchez
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| Posted: July 14 2011 at 3:49pm | IP Logged
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We have combined genders since we've been in this house (8.5 years). These two children are now 12 and 10 and we feel like it's time to make a switch. We'll have to add on or move for that to happen. I think we're leaning towards adding on. :) I think we will aim for one large boy room and one large girl room which would leave our master bedroom (small, we live in an older house) and a guest room (not necessarily needed, but I like the idea of the extra space).
We have friends that put their 5 boys in their huge master bedroom and it is working out very well for them.
Celeste, my children had fairly similar sleeping times/patterns, but that has changed a lot as the older ones got older. I think I would tend to want to separate by age now, even though that probably won't happen for us because we're never going to have a huge house. I think this would work well looking at your children's ages, though.
Enjoy your new home!!
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*Lindsey*
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Your new home sounds lovely!
Right now, due to space restrictions, the 5 oldest kids (DS and his 4 little sisters) share a room, and the youngest is in our room. It works well for us, and I think they grow accustomed to the noise that the other ones make.
I would ideally like to have a boys room and a girls room...someday!
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SallyT
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We've had boys and girls share at various times in various houses. My two oldest, a girl and a boy now 17 and 13, shared a room in our flat in England until they were 9 and 5 and we moved back to the States. Our younger two, boy and girl, shared as preschoolers, but wound each other up too much to stay together, so we put the preschool boy in with his brother, and there they've stayed. Our oldest daughter has had her own room ever since she was 9 largely for modesty reasons -- even that young, she was very self-conscious about having her brother in the room when she changed clothes. But until then, it worked great. And in a larger room (or if we'd been going to stay in that flat much longer), we might have rigged some kind of screen between sides of the room: bookshelves, a curtain, something to provide some privacy.
Your big closet might, down the road, serve as a dressing room or even a private sleeping room for an older child/children with the need to be able to close a door at least to change clothes.
Sally
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DominaCaeli
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I really appreciate your thoughts so far, ladies. Thank you for helping me think through some of these issues.
My two oldest (5yo boy and 4yo girl) shared a bedroom until maybe six months ago, when we moved the girls in together and did the boys/girls room thing instead, so I don't have a problem with boys and girls sharing a room at this age, and I don't really anticipate it being any problem for at least the next couple years. The privacy screen is a good idea! I have thought about potentially hanging a curtain or putting in a large bookshelf as a room divider (Ikea-style ).
My children do tend to rile each other up when they're already in "that mood," but they're pretty good about bedtime...usually. It also helps that we have blackout curtains; having the room pretty dark tends to cut down on the sillies. That is one of my concerns, though--just making sure they all get the sleep they need and we don't have one child (mostly likely, my rambunctious 2yo) keeping everyone else up. My experience echoes yours: that the kids get used to sleeping through the noise of the others. We also use a noisemaker in each bedroom.
And Erica, your point about the potential practicality of separating by age rather than gender is a really good one. Mine are all so young (and so close in age) right now that it's really useful for me to have the perspective of some of you that have older children as well and can anticipate the needs of a family that has a mix of both bigs and littles.
Please do keep the thoughts/advice coming!
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juststartn
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I'll admit, I'm a seperate by the genders sort. It won't be long before modesty will be more than a concern just of yours, but the children will be 'developing' that particular feeling on their own (especially given any input you will have on that). They may feel more comfortable having their own gender specific spacing.
Of course, my oldest three are girls, followed by the twin boys, so our spacing/gender distribution is not the same as yours. But I'd still opt for the seperate bedrooms (we have that currently here--with a four bedroom house, one bedroom is used for DHs computers/ham radio gear, one for the boys, one for the girls, and the master for DH and I).
With a Jack and Jill connecting the other bedrooms, I think I'd opt for using the master myself, splitting the genders (your older son is less likely to wake the 1 yr old/be wakened by him, likely, and more likely to understand if he *is* awakened) into the two bedrooms, and having a shared bath. Put the new baby in the master bedroom (you could screen off a "nursery area" if you wanted some more privacy--we're not co-sleepers, so I'm not sure how that would work for you).
YMMV, but that's what I'd do. 
Rachel
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kristinannie
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I have to agree with you. Our new house has 4 bedrooms as well and the master is HUGE. I honestly feel like it is just a lot of wasted space. I don't understand why anyone would need this large of a bedroom. I do have a little area off of the master for my sewing room and we have a loft that works as an office. Right now, we have each child in their own room, but I know that will change as God blesses us with more children. My DS5 is dying to share a room with DS1 so that will be an easy switch for the next one. I would love to hear what you decide and how it works out for you! I do agree that the baby would need his or her own space!
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Erin
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| Posted: July 14 2011 at 9:24pm | IP Logged
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We had four children, mixed genders share a much smaller room for years. By the time this situation changed (we added onto the house) our children were girl 8, boys 6, 4 & 2. Baby girl slept with us.
Re; modesty, the older children tended to get dressed in the bathroom. (They still do this 10 years later as we are building again and haven't yet hung doors)
I wouldn't see modesty as an issue for your ages for a few more years yet, but that is just me.
Re; Sleep patterns, I tended to take the little two into my bed and they fell asleep on either side of me as I feed the baby. We then just carried them in. The older children had bed lamps and would read in bed quietly ( )
Re; waking up, it amazes me what dc can sleep through.
I would think your biggest potential issue would be the lovely walk in robe. I would be wonderful in one way but could become a HUGE mess.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: July 14 2011 at 9:26pm | IP Logged
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Well.. a couple of things.. you may find that you want the boys and girls seperate much sooner than you'd think in just a year or two.. the whole modesty thing kicks in with the kids usually around age 5.. I don't care much for boys and girls sharing after the younger one is 5 or 6.. so that would only be a year or two.
Second.. you have a long way to go for this one.. but I'm starting to find that mom and dad need a space to go and "hide" as the kids get older (teens) and it's unreasonable to expect them to go to bed at 9pm leaving the rest of the house to mom and dad (even if they're in their room, they're awake and listening) so that huge master bedroom that feels like wasted space would be a wonderful sitting room type of area where mom and dad can spend some private time while the kids are still up when they're older...
Also I find that there are movies that I want to watch that I don't want the kids to watch and it's much easier done in my room with the door closed than in a common room.. not so much of a problem when all the kids are little and they go to sleep so early and sleep hard.. but these older kids are less likely to fall asleep in a timely fashion and will still be listening in.
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KackyK
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Just food for thought...
Once we brought up the idea of two of our middles, a boy and girl, (we have 8 kiddos now, at the time just 6) sharing with my inlaws. It was just in casual conversation.
My FIL is a real estate agent and from Buffalo, in downtown. Besides selling he also would do property management and did some for low income housing. He told us that the state (at least in NY, I haven't checked in my state of VA or any other, but I'm betting there is something similar) has a "law" or whatever it is called, that if you receive aid from the state, only children under the age of 8 could share rooms if they were of different genders. There was also a number rule per room, but I can't remember. Like I said, this is for those that receive aid, not everyone!
Not that we should necessarily go by what the gov't says  , but that has always stuck in my head as a limit so to speak. I have this great fear that if something horrible were to happen, and any official official types had to come into my home, these are things that would be held against me.
In the end, we worked out something different. We have 4 bedrooms, with a girl room (for 3) and 2 boy rooms with 2 each and baby boy in our room. Eventually he'll move into a boy room.
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JodieLyn
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Those sort of rules aren't just for aid.. but for renters (ones that are regulated like rental agencies, property mgmt, apartment complexes, not private rentals)(in CA and AZ for sure.. but I think I've heard that it's the case in most places).. though mainly the # of people per room.
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Mimip
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| Posted: July 15 2011 at 7:49am | IP Logged
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We have the same gender rules in FL. No sharing rooms after age 7 with different genders. Agreeing with Kacky that we don't need to do what the government says necessarily but just a thought.
You know I hadn't thought about the space idea, like Jodie said, but as my kids are getting older, I can see the wisdom of that idea.
We have an enormous master bedroom and yes I thought it was a huge waste of space for a while but with the crib in the corner (hopefully ) and our sitting area that I made with two winged chairs and a small bookshelf, it is the perfect oasis. Not to mention during the day when my oldest needs some alone time, she can retreat to the sitting area for some quality reading time. Also it works great for naps for my 3 year old. I just send him in to sleep and then come and sit and knit in the chairs and he settles down well while my other son rests in his room.
Tough decision, praying you make the right one for your family.
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Servant2theKing
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| Posted: July 15 2011 at 9:37am | IP Logged
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We were overwhelmed with our larger master bedroom when we moved to our current home as well. Our solution, since the rest of the house is rather small, was to turn part of the room into a family space. We added a couch and loveseat, along with our sole TV for watching videos or DVDs ~ thus, our master bedroom became part family room. As our dc have gotten older we've found this arrangement draws them to our room for late night conversation and bonding. If one of us needs sleep while family members hang out in the MB/Fam Rm we have an extra bed in our office/former bedroom (which you might consider for your downstairs office/sewing room).
Our entire family often ends up in the master bedroom for family prayertime, game times, movies, family discussions, etc.
You might appreciate having your master bedroom serve dual purpose while keeping separate childrens' bedrooms, especially as your children get a little older. Keep in mind that bunkbeds or trundles can eliminate the crowded feeling in smaller bedrooms. Another helpful tip when bedroom space is limited is to put dressers inside closets or use storage drawers in closets or under beds.
May God bless you and your family in your new home
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DominaCaeli
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Thank you so much for all your opinions--I'm really glad to have so many different perspectives, and you're giving me a lot to think about. We're in CA and they have the same gender rules here for renters, so that's an interesting point. I'm also thinking now about the sitting room option; I know my husband and I usually like to hang out downstairs in the evenings and leave the baby in the quiet room so that we don't have to tiptoe around, but I'm going to talk that over with him and see what he thinks.
I'm trying to think of this as a temporary decision--obviously we will change it if the set-up is not working for us. That said, though, I'd love to avoid a "move" in the immediate future.
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mamalove
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we have all of ours in one room, 13 yo boy, the rest of the 4 are (2-11) girls. they all change in different rooms, they basically sleep in the bedroom. they are all very close because of this.
that being said, we have a huge addition that will be done this August, and ds will have his own room.
it has worked out well though for us all these years to have them all together. yes, it was crazy sometimes, but it has taught everyone patience as well as keeping track of their modesty. it is cute to hear them all giggle at night, its not cute to hear the 13yo whine because he does not want to hear 2yo's Wee Sing tape as he goes to sleep
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: July 18 2011 at 8:17am | IP Logged
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DominaCaeli wrote:
I was also thinking that the master closet could then be like a second nursery, with my 1yo in there, his big brothers and sisters in the adjoining master bedroom, and the next baby in the nursery adjacent to our room once she's out of the newborn stage.
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Does the closet have a window? If not, I don't think fire regulations would allow for it to be a bedroom (not that anybody is checking). You have to have a way out of all rooms that are used for sleeping, I think.
Just a thought.
Lara
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10 Bright Stars
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I would say that you and your spouse should just start in the master bedroom now because you will have to move the kids to separate rooms eventually because they WILL get older. Then, you will have to move, redecorate etc. If the master bedroom is too big, you could make a corner the nursery OR I thought the idea of the couch etc in one area was cool! What a great place to start the morning in prayer or have coffee with the hubby. It could be a quiet place for the kids to read with you...I would say that as parents, we definately need a place that we can call our own. And if the kids are little, the little rooms will seem big to them. I would think having so many little ones in one room might just cause bedtime troubles. I have 5 girls in one room right now out of neccesity, and the older girls are often bothered by the younger girls. Just a thought. And, with boys and girls, it might be hard to decorate? That is a small consideration however. I had this thought a long time ago too. Having all the boys just share our master. That would have meant in our case though, not having private access to a bathroom like you have in both scenarios, so I scratched it. Anyway, good luck with your decision! What's husband's opinion?
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10 Bright Stars
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And, I would say that it sets the tone that the marriage is first in the house. Mom and Dad are important...etc. This does not lessen the value of the kids of course!, but rather, enhances the reverence for Mom and Dad when they take care of the marrige first, and then the kids are in their proper "place" so to speak. No less important, as you and your husband are giving your very lives for them most days, but I don't think it is good for the children to see Mom and Dad shoved in a back bedroom, even if they are too little to maybe think of that.
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Mimip
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Celeste,
What did you chose???? How did you decorate??? Colors????
( Can you tell I love home decor and can't afford to do much so I live vicariously through others???))
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Mimi
Wife of 16 years to Tom, Mom of DD'00, DD'02, '04(in heaven) DS'05, DS'08 and DS '12
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Master bedroom for the kids?
