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VanessaVH
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| Posted: April 29 2011 at 9:16pm | IP Logged
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Hi everyone, I wasn't sure if I should post here or not, but I am really freaking out lately and I just need to vent....
I will be 35 weeks on Mon, my C/S is scheduled for June 2nd (about 5 weeks away) and I am just totally overwhelmed right now.. I feel like there is a lot I need to get done before the baby comes (wash his clothes, move bedrooms around so he can have the nursery, move and sort big boys clothes so baby's can be in the nursery, and that's not even starting on the things I had hoped to accomplish like painting a room and organizing closets and cupboards!) But I just can't seem to get a thing done!!! I am so uncomfortable this time, I just want the baby out! I have terrible Braxton Hicks almost every afternoon/evening (to the point that I have to stop and breath through some of them) and almost constant lower back pain, to the point that some days I can hardly even walk. I am extremely lucky if I get everyone fed and clothed and the dishes done in a day. DH is trying really hard to help with what he can, but he has been working 60 hour weeks the last month.
I am seriously questioning my ability to be a good mother to 4 little boys, I feel like I am already failing with the 3 we have. I feel like I don't give them enough attention, and that I am too grouchy with them lately. But they are just on my nerves all the time. So loud! and fighting and whining and making messes that I just can't get down on the floor and clean up!
And I am an emotional wreck when it comes to thinking about having a 4th C/S and the pain, and what does the uterus look like and what if it would be dangerous to have more kids, and what if something goes wrong....
Thank you if you managed to read and understand this, and thank you for any prayers you can send up right now for me, as I hardly feel close enough to God to pray right now.
__________________
Wife to Mark, Mommy to 4 boys:Luke '05, Eric '07, Nicholas '09 Nathaniel '11
http://butterflyandbullfrogs.blogspot.com/
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 29 2011 at 9:20pm | IP Logged
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 Never judge your mothering skills in the last month of pregnancy.. your body is already working overtime and anything more is just too much.
Baby will come and all he needs is you and a few things to wear. All the rest is gravy. Can you put a bassinet or cradle in your room for the first while and then when you've had a chance to heal, you'll be much more able to rearrange rooms etc.
Or call in reinforcments.. hard to do but tell your family and friends that you just can't do it but really need it done before baby and ask for help.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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guitarnan
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| Posted: April 29 2011 at 9:45pm | IP Logged
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And when someone says, "How can I help?" have an answer ready..."A casserole would be great," or, "I'd love it if you could take my library books back for me...by Friday?"
It's worrying to think about multiple C's, I know. Trust that God has put you where you are right now...and if baby were born right now, you and he would both be okay. He's far enough along to be good and healthy at birth.
Sending prayers...and cyberhugs...
__________________
Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 29 2011 at 9:53pm | IP Logged
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oh and some extra calcium and magnesium might help.. they help with the muscles contracting and relaxing smoothly.. so might help the b/h feel less intense.. AND more water.. dehydration can cause contractions.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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snowbabiesmom
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| Posted: April 30 2011 at 5:52am | IP Logged
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Congratulations Vanessa, God has entrusted you to carry one more. It is always good to stay close to the sacraments... when you feel this is too much or too hard, stay close to the sacraments, Go to confession often, make it to a mass with your other three boys during the week if possible. God's grace will get you through. Really, all a baby needs is diapers and a carseat. He would never know if he came home to a nursery or not. God bless, Emily
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Kaleigh'97,Brett'00,McKenna'02,Reesie'04,Madelyn'07
+Luke'05,+Mark'08,+Karoline'08
+Matthew '09,
Nico'13;Zelie Oct'14, *Mary Joseph Jan'16
God's Canvas
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mariB
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| Posted: April 30 2011 at 6:20am | IP Logged
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Dear...praying. What lovely advice from all of these ladies. Holding you in my prayers.
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marib-Mother to 22ds,21ds,18ds,15dd,11dd and wife to an amazing man for 23 years
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VanessaVH
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| Posted: April 30 2011 at 4:15pm | IP Logged
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Thank you wonderful ladies for the support (and for not calling me crazy!!  ) Having DH home all today is helping immensely! I am feeling pretty good today, and we have been working together on some projects. My mom usually takes the boys for an afternoon, but wasn't able to this week, so I think that added to burn out...
Thanks Jodie for the reminder on the Calcium and magnesium & water! I will try upping my dose a bit. I have been taking it daily and until a few weeks ago had the least BH of any of my pregnancies, maybe I just need more now.
Thanks Emily for the sacraments reminder too... that has really been bugging me lately. It feels almost impossible to get to confession more that once every few months... but I just need to try harder!
__________________
Wife to Mark, Mommy to 4 boys:Luke '05, Eric '07, Nicholas '09 Nathaniel '11
http://butterflyandbullfrogs.blogspot.com/
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10 Bright Stars
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| Posted: April 30 2011 at 7:33pm | IP Logged
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Vanessa,
May I say something without you taking it wrong?? I have had 10 children. Each and every time, towards the end of pregnancy, I too have a nesting "frenzy" and re-arrange rooms for a nursery (even though I have never even used a nursery)....repaint everything under the sun...take down walls..wash clothes that are already clean from the last baby...get in odd "ironing all the clothes" phases etc. When I am in the midst of this it all seems so necc. and important. I put the projects first, neglect my real resonsibilities, and stress out the whole family. 
To put it in perspective, the only thing the baby truly NEEDS is a well-rested and happy mom. MAYBE a few frozen meals for dear ole dad to pop in while you are recovering. Everything else is what we "want" to get done, not what we "need" to get done. Now, you are probably feeling internally annoyed while I type this to you, but this is the last time, the very last time that you will be a mom to JUST Luke, Eric, and Nicholas. Never again will you be a mom to just those 3 little boys. Relax..be still..rest...just soak them in and let your body be taxed by the lovely weight and burden of the new life within you. Don't fatigue yourself so much that you just want to rush this precious time. I too have felt the impatience, the freaked out feeling etc. (Had twin girls that I was HUGE with and they were also HUGE! AND I had an 11 pound baby!! So, I feel your pain! Plus 9 months of morning sickness with this last batch!!)
But, when I think about it, out of the hormonally driven urgency, I can see that I was acting...well..a bit irrationaly. Now, again, I don't mean that in a bad way, just in a reality way!!! My SIL is in the same boat right now...tearing her kitchen apart..she even sees the comedy of it, and once you start, there is no escape from the re-ordering etc until you finish the job! So, that sets you up for even MORE stress! Does the baby REALLy care if the kitchen drawers are straight?? Do YOU REALLY and TRULY care that the kitchen drawers are straight???? When I am pregnant, I too organize every stitch of the kitchen, the house etc. But, it makes no sense to me now when I am NOT pregnant. Why do we do this?? See..that is the point I am trying to get you to think about. Think outside of yourself and your situation for a minute. What if it is just some sort of nesting thing that we did in our hunter gather time to prepare for baby that has morphed into a crazy situation in the modern day? So, you see, my point is that this is very normal because you are pregnant, but it is not neccesary!! Just rest! The kitchen will be dirty and disorganized again before you have the c-section in 5 weeks. I guarantee it! Do you always have the baby sleep in a nursery or do you just like the idea of a nursery? As someone mentioned, why not just put the baby in your room with you and then you can work on this over the summer since you are "grouchy and tired". Why make that worse?? Think about the why's of why you are doing all of this? Is it because you feel out of control somehow and this is your way of orchestrating some semblance of control?? Very natural...but maybe you are going about it in a way that is tiresome and not truly helpful to you.
I was scheduled for a c-section this go round..I have had 2. I was working so much that I think that is why I went into early labor with my water breaking! Now, I just happened upon an on call doctor that thought with my history, I could have a VBAC...that was it's own ordeal and the baby and I are fine. (I am slightly broken..but that is another story!) Anyway, I too felt the horror of having another c-section. I thought about lying there on the operating table...all that was going to happen to me...the recovery..having to be a mom to so many with my belly all "busted up" so to speak. And to this I just tell you...."God will provide". He would not have led you to be open to life and then just drop you and leave you in a lurch. I said a novena to St. Joseph for about 3 months I was so scared about this last pregnancy/c-section. The docs pretty much had me convinced my uterus was just going to plum explode, going so far as to having me come in to see a specialist once a week (1.5 hours away I might add-very tiring) and they were going to bank my blood type! I prayed and prayed, and I prayed some more. I even prayed secretly that I would go into labor early and my water would break and I would NOT have to have a c-section! And, that miraculously happened!! I don't tell you this so you will pray the same and it will happen, but I mention it because God took special concern about ME in my situation even though my faith was weak and I wallowed in fear. He still cared about me and He cares about YOU and YOUR situation and He cares about how tired you are and He will provide for you in this situation. Unite your fear about the upcoming c-section with His suffering on the Cross. Offer it up for the baby and for all his needs and health. Offer it up for whatever you can because what you are doing IS heroic..Having a c-section IS hard and you are literally strapped down in the shape of a Cross and cut open for your little baby and shed your blood for it! Imagine!! How can you give anymore than what you are going to give???? But, God will be there with you through it all. Don't think about it ahead of time. Don't worry yourself sick. If it is going to happen it is going to happen. A baby has to come out one way or the other, and frankly, all the scenarios are a little uncomfortable!!  You have done this 3 other times and you can do it again. Again, stop all the running around..relax..do something fun with the family..spend more time with husband since your relationship won't be the same for some time, make a few meals...take a nap or two. Anyway, lecture over..you get my point, but I DO KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!  Something these gray hairs can attest to.
__________________
Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
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10 Bright Stars
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| Posted: April 30 2011 at 7:45pm | IP Logged
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PS Might I recommend c-sectionrecoverykit.com They sell an abdo-mend band that I purchased in anticipation of my c-section. Looked interesting and comfortable since getting up and around is difficult and I always felt like my insides were going to fall out! (Of course they are not, but this support I think would be awesome for you!)
Anyway, my whole point is that maybe we feel nervous for some reason. Maybe some women more than others due to mothering hormones that are there because we care so very much about our family and the new baby, but this somehow makes us feel "nervous" and this nervous energy is manifested by frenzied activity to order our environments...which isn't really as necc. anymore because we aren't giving birth in a cave!!!! Maybe our time would be better spent preparing spiritually and trying to get on top of that anxiety and fear about having to care for a new baby and all the rest of the kids...which is what it really is when we really think about it more deeply which is COMPLETELY normal and understandable. Being a mom of many IS a huge responsibility...anyway..you get my point. Think of it scientifically...that might help you determine more adequately what the real priorities are..and what can wait.
__________________
Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
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hylabrook1
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| Posted: May 02 2011 at 9:13am | IP Logged
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Adding my prayers for you, Vanessa. You've been given some wonderful advice - I couldn't possibly add to it! 
Peace,
Nancy
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4Real Forums : We Pray to the Lord
Topic: Pregnancy/C-Section Help!
