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mommy4ever
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| Posted: April 28 2011 at 4:36pm | IP Logged
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Over the last year, I've been on a spiritual quest. As a teen I left the Catholic Church. I have explored other churches, but never settled in. I was raised by a cultural Catholic, our home was never a "Catholic" one. My grandmothers was, but not my parents. I didn't know or understand.
In the last year, that quest has really dominated my heart and thoughts. Thanks to Father Barron's Word On Fire I have been able to sort out my thoughts. He encouraged me to seek a priest that was compassionate and understanding, to return to the sacraments.
I realized that exactly what I needed was what I had been running from all along.  . It was a humbling experience. It wasn't comfortable there, but it was comforting to be there.
Perhaps I needed to reach a certain maturity to really see and forgive and move one. About 6 weeks ago, I attended mass for the first time in over a decade  I have been bringing the children with. Ironically, the child I expected the most resistance from, is the one that gives me the least complaints. Who'd have thought?
I've attended all but one week through Lent, I couldn't leave a house with 10 kids in it(7 not mine) unattended.
I haven't returned to sacraments yet. I know I can't take communion right now, I need to set things right, as per Father Barron, I need to meet with the priest sort out some things, reconciliation, etc.
But I'm not a courageous soul.
Today, after 6 weeks, I finally mustered enough courage to call and speak with the priest. But it took me all day of dialing, then hanging up once it was time to select an extension.
I have a meeting with him in a week. My tummy is doing flips and jumping jacks, I'm so nervous. I've got recollection on confession 2x in my life. As I said, cultural Catholic upbringing, it wasn't a priority for my parents to educate me, I don't even KNOW if my DAD IS Catholic, he never went to church unless it was a funeral or wedding.
Now with the meeting, I don't know how I'll get through it. I dread the unexpected, the unknown. I have no idea what will be asked of me. I don't know if I can go through with it! The anxiety is going to be high that day.
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: April 28 2011 at 5:10pm | IP Logged
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Well you've come to the right place for encouragement...and prayers! There are many "reverts" here, myself included, and we are ALL cheering you on to peace  . You ARE a brave soul to do what you are doing. Consider that your soul is young  with a real need for extra love and support during this time .
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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guitarnan
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| Posted: April 28 2011 at 5:54pm | IP Logged
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How lovely!
Please try not to worry...I know it's hard right now, but I'm sure your priest was overjoyed to get your call. (Most pastors get way more complaint calls than "I think I want to come home" calls! Perhaps you made his day!)
It's a privilege to pray for and with you as you continue your journey.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 28 2011 at 6:15pm | IP Logged
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It's a scary feeling but remember.. no one.. seriously.. NO ONE.. is going to be as hard on you as you already are. You'll get more compassion and help than you expect. Really. Just hang in there and make yourself go that first time.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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-Sir Walter Scott
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joann10
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| Posted: April 28 2011 at 6:27pm | IP Logged
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sending many prayers....
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Pilgrim
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| Posted: April 29 2011 at 2:06pm | IP Logged
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How wonderful to hear of the courageous steps you are already taking! We will pray you through this. Every step of the way God is with you, you may even experience some people who are not kind, helpful, or understanding....let those experiences go by the wayside, they do not reflect God in any way, rather the devil trying to undo the good that is happening in your heart and soul. Take courage through the many prayers that will be offered for you by the members here, those graces will assist you in this path you are beginning to walk. Any difficulties faced in this walk can be used by God to strengthen you. Somertimes the pains He allows us to go through refine us, like gold tested in fire, we come out stronger, able to endure a little more, and more perfectly beautiful in His sight than ever. Many hugs and prayers! 
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cathhomeschool
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| Posted: May 03 2011 at 9:17pm | IP Logged
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I hadn't posted but I have been praying for you!
I just recently discovered Fr. Barron and have been so encouraged. He's such a good speaker!
I loved reading your other post about the priests at your parish. I hope that you are encouraged about your meeting and am praying that the Holy Spirit will guide and strengthen you. (I don't know if this is encouraging, but I still get butterflies going to confession and always feel joyful when I leave...because I feel loved and happy, not because I'm glad it's over with.  ) It is such a lifelong process, growing towards God and finding Him and His Will in our lives. He is there with you, faithfully guiding and inspiring.
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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stellamaris
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| Posted: May 04 2011 at 3:58am | IP Logged
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Dear mommy4ever, praying for you right now! Wondering if you have had your meeting yet...praying for peace and a spiritually fruitful meeting... So happy for you that you are on this journey that will bring you ever closer to our loving Father!
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to  dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
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mariB
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| Posted: May 04 2011 at 6:37am | IP Logged
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Dear, praying...and you DO have such strength...reading your post gave me great joy knowing that you are on this journey towards God which is the most important thing in our lives...nothing else really matters.
I remember my first confession after not going for 10 years. I was so nervous but was so blessed after. It was literally life changing.
I will keep you in my daily prayers...praying for more strength for you and the peace that only the Lord can give.
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marib-Mother to 22ds,21ds,18ds,15dd,11dd and wife to an amazing man for 23 years
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mommy4ever
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| Posted: June 15 2011 at 8:52am | IP Logged
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I finally made it to meet with the priest! It took quite a bit of time to get the courage to call, and then we had to book quite far ahead as our schedules didn't work. The weekend we were to meet, dh took us out of town! I never did call to reschedule, as life got really crazy, but just as I was about to call Fr. Jim called me a couple weeks ago. So we rescheduled, on a day I thought we had nothing going on which I was wrong about(ended up we had karate grading, myself included..lol). I did go anyway.
I'm very glad I did. I still have questions, I was a little overwhelmed, so I didn't get to everything. Fr. Jim, whom I posted of before, was fantastic. He said that he wasn't rushing me to reconciliation, to mass or to communion. That would be between God and I. He said, "It would be really easy for me to say, you need to do xyz, and you are good to go. But I suspect you want a little more, you're seeking, and not really sure what you're seeking. So that will come, not necessarily as quickly as you'd like, or as slowly, it really isn't up to us."
He told me a little of his story, as he knows personally, that timing is everything, and it's not always on our schedule. And perhaps this is why he really reaches me. He is 54 years old. He has been a priest for 7 years. He started as a tradesman. He ended up with and 3 tickets worked for the same company for 20 years. He is also a recovering alcoholic. He said his recovery journey was what brought him back to church. It was what made him realize he had a calling. He wondered why it didn't happen 20 years earlier. He said, all he can figure is it wasn't in God's plan that is he simply wasn't ready until he'd lived.
I think it is that life experience that shows through and is nearly 'practical' in nature, he speaks to the common man/woman/child.
One thing that I really was touched by. He talked about the failings of humanity within the Catholic church. He said the Catholic Church has some very dark periods, but he said it is a risk of dealing with humanity. It is the double edged sword that free will is. It is one of the greatest gifts we were given, yet it is our greatest downfall. He said that many still don't trust the church clergy. He said do not give blind trust to any human, but always exercise prudence, as the people with the church, and really anywhere have the potential fail and break our trust. It didn't only happen in the church, it happens in sports, youth groups of all kinds, scouts, hockey, soccer, schools. He didn't deny it, he didn't try to sugar coat it. It is what it is.
I perhaps left with more questions then going in. But I left with a really good feeling about it all :)
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kristinannie
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Welcome back to the Church!  I am so proud of you for making this first step. God led me to go to reconciliation a couple of months ago and I had the same experience. I was so nervous calling the parish office and even hung up. Then, I was SO nervous when the date approached. However, it was such a healing time for me. Reconciliation is truly one of the greatest gifts that God has given to us. To quote John Paul II, "Be not afraid." I am sure that the priest will be happy to have you back in the fold and will accept you with open arms.
Once when I went to confession, I confessed something that I thought was horrible and I was so embarassed to tell the priest. He told me that he has heard people confess to murder so nothing bothers him! 
I highly recommend this book for you to get a better idea about the Sacraments, including reconciliation.
Welcome to this forum and I look forward to getting to know you better!
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4Real Forums : We Pray to the Lord
Topic: A prayer for strength
