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mamaslearning
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| Posted: April 01 2011 at 11:07am | IP Logged
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How do you live below your means and be content? Our means are meager, but God has provided for our needs beautifully and abundantly; still I struggle with contentment and also need to find more ways to save. I already feel like we've given up all of our fluff (no cable, no cell phones, no monthly payments except house, utility bills, insurance -oh the insurance costs  , no eating out, no vacations, etc.) Sometimes it just seems like too much.
On the other hand, our choices allow me to stay home and homeschool. I can buy books that I need (but try to get most for free), I can clothe my kids (and since we are not in school they don't have the sense of needing to fit in with their clothes), we have abundant food, a safe living environment, no debt, and the love of family. I should be perfectly content!!!
I guess this is sort of a prayer request (pray that God showers me with grace to accept my place right now) and a request for any books or resources on living a frugal life and being content.
Thanks!
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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Servant2theKing
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| Posted: April 01 2011 at 1:09pm | IP Logged
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Something that has helped me in this area is imagining the simple life of the Holy Family. When I think of how the King of Heaven accepted a life of total simplicity, even comparable poverty, for our sakes, it's much easier to see our own comparitive abundance in proper perspective.
On a practical level, we are content with occasional visits to the library (although dh most often picks up library holds on his way home from work, to save $$$ on gas), shopping for all our clothes at thrift shops or garage sales, buying groceries monthly to save on costs. Whoever coined the term "staycation", for families staying home for vacations, coined a term that seems to define our way of life. The longer we've lived this way, the more comfortable and right it feels!
I believe it was St. Paul who wrote, "I have learned whatever state I am in, to be content"!
Praying for you to be at peace in the place God has brought you to right now!
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All for Christ, our Saviour and King, servant
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JodieLyn
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Yes, keeping your eyes on yourself instead of at what everyone else does.. you can't see beyond the surface on others.. can you see the struggles over money? the stress of trying to make payments on things that may well not be within their means? then you might not want to envy them to much for the things that they have. 
A couple of things that help me.. finding things to think on that make me feel good about where I'm at.
One of my struggles is the size of our house for our family size. It's crowded. It's hard to have people over when we can't be outside. So sometimes I listen to the song "Little Houses" by Doug Stone a few times.. after a bit the refrain
"love grows best in little houses, with fewer walls to seperate, where we eat and sleep so close together we can't help but communicate, oh and if we had more room between us, think of all we'd miss, love grows best in houses just like this"
Helps me regain a positive attitude instead of a negative one. Whether the song is based in reality or not.. it's got a positive spin that gives me that "shot in the arm" to think positively myself.
Rereading the Little House books.. great one.. if they could manage quite well with what they had.. then what's my excuse? (this also helps with decluttering)
Find things that are fun to do within your means.. and focus on what you're doing and not what you're NOT doing.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: April 01 2011 at 2:02pm | IP Logged
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The first thought that came to mind is the combination of knowing what is "enough" PLUS having "a little extra."
I have been exactly where you are now and I  you for your sacrifices, hard work, and determination. You have shown that you CAN and are WILLING to do the tough stuff. Our family got pretty good at denying ourselves financially. It became a habit...then, somewhere, it turned into a burden  .
So, we started paying attention to having "a little more" and it helped immensely. We put money aside for treats, extras, and just stuff/activities/experiences that contributed to happiness, service, and family unity. For example, when we were in super-frugal mode we slowed down on having friends to our home because of my need to feed people when they are at my home and related food costs  . We decided that it was worth saving and spending money to have friends over for dinner regularly because I love to cook, serve others in this way, and provide fun for all. I made it a challenge to make the dinner yummy and frugal!
Having cycled through financial ups and downs, I'm grateful that we've found ways to say a little "yes" to some spending that is rewarding...because ongoing and constant "no" can lead to discouragement and discontent.
Praying for you and that you find perfect little extras to encourage!
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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hylabrook1
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Thinking on to Jodie's comment about not seeing other people's stress as they struggle to pay for all their *things* - I wonder whether the focus on those things is the way people try to talk themselves into believing that those things are important/vital/worth the stress that accompanies having them? If I constantly tell myself I just *love* my super-fancy whatever it is, then I come to think that that item is just so very important, so very worth having - even if it costs me more than I really have to spend.(Is that called rationalization?)
Peace,
Nancy
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drmommy
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| Posted: April 06 2011 at 9:59pm | IP Logged
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I am struggling with the same issues, as we are living very frugally by choice at first, and now by need. It has been difficult as I grew up with so much abundance, but with taking care of my father and my disabled child, it has brought about a lot of financial and professional challenges. My husband then last October got his income slashed in half, so we REALLY have had to buckle down in too many ways to count. It has taken me years to deal with this emotionally, and I try really hard to accept it, but I DO like nice things! It truly has been a sacrifice, but when I compare it to our Lord's and then use my challenges to offer up for others' benefits, it helps me also to accept it.
I have also read "Happy Are You Poor" by Fr. Dubay, and this really helped me to get things in to perspective.
But, I have to tell you, I have never been happier in my whole life! I only work a few hours per week, I can homeschool my four children, and I actually have time to think and reflect. So, God has taken my material goods and replaced them with spiritual gifts and peace.
However, that being said, I do miss walking in to a Target, Walmart, or grocery store and just getting what I need and want. Now, I have to swirl things around over and over in my head to decide whether we really do need it or not. So, there is also a lot of mind power wasted, in my opinion. So, I am working on that area, too. Obviously, full acceptance has not been reached yet!
Bridget
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atara
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| Posted: April 07 2011 at 3:58am | IP Logged
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I love this thread. I mean, I really love this thread.  
I wish I can offer some major wisdom but I have a lot of growing to do in this area. I will say that I am a crazy couponer. I don't have huge stockpiles or anything, but I have learned how to use q's properly and save money every time I shop. I could start a thread about it, maybe? My husband is always blown away by how much I save at the stores.
I work part-time from home and I have to tell you it is TOUGH!! When I tried cutting back more than I do now, we were in dire straits. My husband doesn't make a lot of money anyway, so before we knew it we were behind. We never went out (couldn't afford a sitter)I mean it was beyond bad. I dropped cable too and most of our insurances. Friends would ask me to go out for ten dollar lunch and I was so embarrassed that I could not afford it. I didn't want to invite them to my house because it's not fancy like theirs. It's very small and old.
My biggest thorn in the flesh is envy. Oh those Moms who pull up in their $40,000 pieces of shiny, leather seats with wheels make me salivate. The ones whose hubbies make a LOT of money and they live in big houses, go out of state for fancy vacations....I could go on and on. Man, I have to work gratitude big time. 
Well, I guess what I'm saying is I can relate to you because I feel the same as you about trying not to feel discouraged and just go work more and more. 
But - coupons are really fun!
YEAH! The "Happy Are You Poor" book is at my library! I'll be reading that! Thanks for the tip.
I just looked at your blog and I would go hang out and drink coffee and cook a Martha White muffin mix with you any day! God Bless!
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SeaStar
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| Posted: April 07 2011 at 6:44am | IP Logged
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Every now and then I love to go back and reread The Tightwad Gazette.
That was my first introduction to frugal living, and it impressed me how creative the author was and how much *fun* she was having with her family living that way.
Living well is not a by-product of money, is it?
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: April 07 2011 at 1:15pm | IP Logged
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SeaStar wrote:
Living well is not a by-product of money, is it? |
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Actually, living well meant more distractions for the family. I can see that if we had more income I would want to have the children join classes and sports and all kinds of things that would whittle down our family time. When you can go out to eat everyday, it also affects your diet. There are lots of ways that I can see we are strengthing our family by having to be frugal.
As for couponing, I use them and save money, but I can't get into the 'big' coupon game. I don't have the energy to do that at this time. Plus, most of our food never has coupons available - fruits, vegetables, meats, dairy. I try to grow a garden every year to help with some of the summer vege costs. Maybe one of these days when the kids are little older.
It kind of all boils down to my sense of control. For example, when we had a larger income our choice to forgo cable was 'our choice'. Now it's moved from a choice into a necessity. Even though I wouldn't pay for it anyway, just the knowledge that I couldn't even if I wanted to makes me feel some discontent. Does that make any sense?
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: April 07 2011 at 1:24pm | IP Logged
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atara wrote:
| I just looked at your blog and I would go hang out and drink coffee and cook a Martha White muffin mix with you any day! God Bless! |
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Or Jiffy mix! 
__________________
Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 07 2011 at 2:18pm | IP Logged
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Is it discontent? I think I know what you're feeling, or at least I feel something at that same sort of instance.. and I tend to think of it more as being weary. I get so worn down from the constant stretching pennies that I just would really really like to be able to pay bills and shop etc without needing to worry if there's enough money for it.. to just be "reckless" (though that's not quite the word I mean).. maybe unconcerned?
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Mackfam
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Contentment is a choice. It is the fruit of our work (our daily duties) done cheerfully, promptly, and with all diligence as acts of service and love for those whom we serve. Contentment is possible with every budget and every state in life. God provides different blessings to different people according to the needs He sees fit. I need not worry about the needs or the blessings of my neighbor (except to rejoice that so-and-so has been gifted with this or that blessing). God alone knows the needs of that particular soul, as well as the work and duty He asks of that particular soul, and the instrument He may be calling them to be with the gifts He gives them. God is generous. He gives my husband and I the blessings we need, both in the materials and the lack thereof, the talents and intelligence, sufferings and crosses to be borne, to provide for our family as a whole. We must work, and work hard to be good stewards of His gifts.
Contentment says, "I am at peace. I have worked hard at my daily duties, provided the best I can with the gifts God has generously provided. I am satisfied with the abundant gifts He has given our family."
Please note...a gift is often mysterious. A gift may be a financial blessing, it may also be the blessing of poverty, it may sometimes be a cross to be borne, it may be a talent given so that creativity can be exercised. God's gifts cannot be measured or quantified and I have found that when I feel DIS-content, it is because I'm either (a) squandering a gift, or (b) not recognizing a gift.
From Conferences to Children on Practical Virtue by Father P. Vedrie:
Quote:
| Work not only preserves us from weariness and protects us from sin, but it is in itself a real and great gratification. You will perhaps tell me that it never appeared to you in that light. Well, this would be a proof that you have never worked thoroughly, for when we work in earnest and with our whole strength, when we enter into our work heart and soul, we most certainly earn from it great contentment. |
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This reminds me so much of St. John Bosco's admonition to work wholeheartedly. From the Forty Dreams of St. John Bosco:
Quote:
| Courage, let us work wholeheartedly for (our children) youth. Let us do all we can for God's glory and the welfare of souls. (Again the welfare of our children's souls.) Up there a great reward awaits us, the same as promised to Abraham: 'I am ... your reward exceeding great.' (Gen. 15:1) At times we may feel tired, exhausted or overwhelmed by ailments, but we must take heart, because up there we shall rest forever." |
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I know there's not much practical meat here in this post, but I felt like others had addressed that so beautifully. I hoped it would be ok to share how I have been blessed to understand and embrace contentment as a fruit of work completed for my family as I make a gift of myself - my life for theirs - very much as Christ gave His life for ours. This work, done with my whole heart, allows me to choose contentment.
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: April 07 2011 at 3:43pm | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
| Is it discontent? I think I know what you're feeling, or at least I feel something at that same sort of instance.. and I tend to think of it more as being weary. I get so worn down from the constant stretching pennies that I just would really really like to be able to pay bills and shop etc without needing to worry if there's enough money for it.. to just be "reckless" (though that's not quite the word I mean).. maybe unconcerned? |
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Yes, it could be more the weariness of struggling rather than discontent. I don't really want more, but for some reason being frugal is hard work and it's wearing me out. Hmmm, maybe a bit of laziness at play as well. **If only I had the money I could buy those things that make modern life more convenient.***
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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mamaslearning
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Thank you so much Jen. It helps to hear how contentment looks in daily life.
Mackfam wrote:
Please note...a gift is often mysterious. A gift may be a financial blessing, it may also be the blessing of poverty, it may sometimes be a cross to be borne, it may be a talent given so that creativity can be exercised. God's gifts cannot be measured or quantified and I have found that when I feel DIS-content, it is because I'm either (a) squandering a gift, or (b) not recognizing a gift.
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I agree. I'm coming to realize that my current cross is truly a blessing in disguise. I still don't like it, but it is actually drawing me closer to God and forging me into a new person. I read somewhere about how joy is more deeply experienced after a great struggle, and it is so true. Each time I struggle through my current cross, I have an astounding sense of joyfulness that shouts out "I did it! I made it! I'm happy and life is good!"
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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amy soper
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Mackfam wrote:
Contentment is a choice. It is the fruit of our work (our daily duties) done cheerfully, promptly, and with all diligence as acts of service and love for those whom we serve. Contentment is possible with every budget and every state in life. God provides different blessings to different people according to the needs He sees fit. I need not worry about the needs or the blessings of my neighbor (except to rejoice that so-and-so has been gifted with this or that blessing). God alone knows the needs of that particular soul, as well as the work and duty He asks of that particular soul, and the instrument He may be calling them to be with the gifts He gives them. God is generous. He gives my husband and I the blessings we need, both in the materials and the lack thereof, the talents and intelligence, sufferings and crosses to be borne, to provide for our family as a whole. We must work, and work hard to be good stewards of His gifts.
Contentment says, "I am at peace. I have worked hard at my daily duties, provided the best I can with the gifts God has generously provided. I am satisfied with the abundant gifts He has given our family."
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This is so beautifully said!
peace,
amy
fresh vintage
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CatholicMommy
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You ladies have hit on some of my sentiments exactly!
I love living frugally - most of the time.
But when you're living frugally and simply and things *still* aren't coming together... it is SO wearying.
It was so easy when I was a live-in nanny with little debt and no living expenses. I could purchase what I want, when I wanted it, still pay back the debt AND build up my savings. It's not that I was consumeristic or materialistic, but if my socks wore too thin to wear anymore, I turned them into sock puppets for the little boy I cared for; and went and bought new socks. I didn't sew them up until I couldn't sew them anymore... (ok we're not that bad off - but it's been close!).
If I wanted to stop at the store on the way back from running the kids around to their activities, and pick up a small container of yogurt as a treat - I did it. It was 75 cents.
But now, I have to think through every. single. choice. Every. single. penny. And it hurts my head.
I detest shopping because I get a headache. I do most of it online, but it still wears me out. I have to sleep every time I buy something because it took so much energy to make sure we had the money, to make sure I wasn't getting the best quality for the money, and just exactly what we need (or spend brain-power trying to adjust our needs to fit the products available), so that it is multi-functional and not going to be wasted, etc.
Yikes.
I'll pray for everyone here! It does get better - it's just hard to see in the thick of things.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: contentment/simplicity
