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SuzanneH
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| Posted: Feb 11 2011 at 11:00am | IP Logged
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This is both a prayer request and a request for deciding what to do for my kids - school-wise.
A little background - I don't often post here but I did post a prayer request awhile back asking for prayer for me and my family regarding my 4th pregnancy. My daughter was diagnosed in utero with Trisomy 13. She was born and died on Dec. 3 this past year. She was alive for about 45 minutes.... 35 weeks, 1 day and 45 minutes :)
Anyway, she was born early because of severe hypertension. My blood pressure was 200 over 110 when I went in for my 35 week appt.
Fast forward to the present - 10 weeks later. I'm still on high blood pressure meds, I'm anxious all the time, I feel sick (nauseous) most of the time, I feel I can't swallow food all the way down sometimes.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to homeschool my 7 and 9 year olds and keeping my 4 year old out of trouble. I don't drive right now because I'm so anxious. Several people have told me to put the children in school and that would relieve some of the pressure. The pressure I'm feeling though is mainly about making sure my children get out of the house occasionally. I feel so bad for them being with a mother who is so down most of the time. I don't particularly want to put them in school. I just keep thinking eventually things will get better, the weather will get warmer, life will look up.
But what do I do in the meantime?
Any suggestions you have would be much appreciated. And prayers too of course.
Thank you,
Suzanne
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Servant2theKing
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| Posted: Feb 11 2011 at 11:54am | IP Logged
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Dear Suzanne, I am deeply sorry for your loss and suffering. At only 10 weeks, you are still recovering and grieving. I wouldn't worry so much about studies or getting children out of the house. Your dc just need you...you might consider focusing on just spending time with them, cuddling, praying, talking, playing, reading....simply put, recovering as a family from your profound loss. When we've gone through difficult times, when some of our children were young, they used to camp out on our bedroom floor...the closeness to us helped them feel secure...it only lasted a little while, until life settled down, but it seemed to give them comfort, security and healing. Know that you and your dear family are in our prayers and in our hearts. May God bring you and your dear ones peace, comfort, consolation and grace to grieve your deep loss in ways that are truly right for your family during this difficult time.
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All for Christ, our Saviour and King, servant
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JamieCarin
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| Posted: Feb 11 2011 at 1:05pm | IP Logged
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I agree with the above! You are grieving a terribly sad loss AND you are still QUITE post partum! Could you be suffering PPD?? I think just stick to the bare bones and cling to your children and family.
I might also consider talking to your OB-GYN or primary care doc about the anxiety/depression? Maybe seek some therapy? During my last pregnancy I had terrible anxiety and my OB was able to recommend a therapist that specialized in issues related to fertility, pregnancy, PPD etc. She was wonderful to talk to.
Praying for you
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Wife to Claudio for 9yrs, Mom to Ben (4), and Annabella (almost 3), and Beatrice (born 1/17/12)
Ad Silvam Ibimus
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hylabrook1
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| Posted: Feb 11 2011 at 1:14pm | IP Logged
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I agree with the advice from both Servant and JamieCarin. Just wanted to post to say how very sorry I am for your loss and that I am praying for you. 
One further thought. Is there a support group for parents who have lost a baby that you might be able to be in touch with? Probably someone at the hospital would know.
Peace,
Nancy
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Feb 11 2011 at 2:11pm | IP Logged
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Definately, cut yourself some slack.
Ask your dh to take charge of planning a small outing.. even if only a drive around the area, each weekend. It doesn't have to be an all day thing.. just a couple of hours. Then you don't have to plan it or worry about it.
And it's OK to draw inward in a time of grief. Alot of people will just assume you should be "over it" by now and that's not at all the truth. It takes a long time, but people are uncomfortable with grief and want to just be done with it.
Your children are probably also grieving and pushing them to do more or deal with MORE stress (which changing to public school would be) isn't fair to them either.
Be sure you're getting good vitamins and nutrition. It can make a huge huge difference. B vitamins especially. Those get used up with stress and most have depression or symptoms of depression when you're short on them.
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Lara Sauer
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| Posted: Feb 11 2011 at 7:10pm | IP Logged
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Sending prayers and wishing you much joy in the memory of your beautiful little daughter.
A very dear friend of mine was given the grace of being the mother of a special little girl like that, one whom she and her family only have the opportunity to love here briefly. She and I were expecting at the same time and it was with a profound sense of humility that I walked that road with her...knowing where hers would end, and hoping where mine would. Even to this day, 11 years later, there isn't a time when we are together with our other children, that I don't think of that sweet little girl, and ask for her intercession from above.
Learning doesn't only come from books.
Peace to you and your family.
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You can take the girl out of Wisconsin, but you can't take the Wisconsin out of the girl!
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cathhomeschool
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| Posted: Feb 11 2011 at 9:42pm | IP Logged
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SuzanneH wrote:
| I just keep thinking eventually things will get better, the weather will get warmer, life will look up. But what do I do in the meantime? |
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You cuddle on the couch and read books about the snow and spring.
Suzanne, I am so sorry for your loss! The preparation for the birth and death of your baby just happened. It makes sense to me that you would still be anxious and down. You have endured a very painful loss! In my life, when someone close to me has died (or I have miscarried), I have been more "nervous" and worried about others close to me. I have suffered a loss and am sort of afraid of suffering another. How much more would I feel if I'd endured a loss such as yours! Be gentle with yourself. Relax as best you can by just spending time with your children. Read to them, listen to books on tape, do lapbooks or craft projects or color or play games or whatever it is that you all enjoy doing. "School" will be there when you all are ready. This is a time of healing.
If you think that the children need to get out of the house, I'd take Jodie's suggestion of outings with Dad on the weekend (or a play date during the week or library trip? Maybe a friend could take them or all of you?). I think that would serve you all better than sending them to school. Is the stress you feel because the kids say they want outings, or is it that you imagine they need it?
My prayers are with you all! -- for healing, for peace and strength, for guidance as to what is truly best for you all.
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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Pilgrim
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| Posted: Feb 12 2011 at 8:13am | IP Logged
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All such good advice. My Mom has told me these things in difficult times, and it has made such a difference to relax and not feel we had to "do it all". Our children will "catch up" and learn what they need to academically, what matters in a time of suffering as you all are going through is taking it easy on ALL of you, doing little things with the children that feel able to, and enjoying them. I have learned that recently. I stop, even though there is much to be done, and give little bits of time to the childrern, and just enjoy them, and let the enjoy me. I did construction paper Valentine cards with dd the other day and actually really enjoyed it, when I haven't enjoyed artsy things in months. I stop and play with puzzles with the 3 year old, sit down on the floor with the 2 yeaer olds and let them toddle about and play, enjoying watching them, and being right there at their level for a hug when they feel the urge. Those kinds of times are what kiddos need and yearn for the most I think. Sure, they like to get out sometimes, but most of all they thrive from enjoying times with Mommy and Daddy. Sometimes just going out in the yard for a bit is all they need.
Don't set your expectations above what you know you can do. Keep things simple, allow yourself to take what breaks you need. If you're having a hard day, allow yourself to keep meals simple. Make sure you get little breaks for quiet times, while your husband can watch the children. Let yourself grieve. I'm so very sorry for your loss Suzanne. Don't forget, too when things are hard, you have a sweet little intercessor in heaven. Also I find that drawing on the intercession of a favorite Saint helps me greatly. My favorite for awhile has been O.L. of the Miraculous Medal. Praying to her has helped me in so many situations.
One last thing, I second the B-Vitamins. I take a B-complex daily, and it really does help. You and your dear family will be in our prayers!
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SuzanneH
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| Posted: Feb 12 2011 at 9:09am | IP Logged
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Thank you ladies for all of your kind words. I was feeling pushed by my mother and a few friends to put the children in school. I've gone so far as to schedule an appointment for a tour of the school but it just didn't feel right. My dh just wants whatever will make me feel better so I wasn't getting a strong feeling from him one way or the other. I felt like I needed a "voice of reason" and you have been that for me. Thank you again.
As far as whether my children really need to get out or is it me just imagining - my dd7 always asks "where are we going today?" She's my social butterfly  Ds9 and ds4 are fine as long as they can get outside and run or bounce on the trampoline. So, we're just praying for spring here!
Thank you again for all your advice and prayers.
Suzanne
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mamalove
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such good advice given here
you need to take the time to love up your babies you have with you on earth, and let yourself grieve the loss of your little saint. your social butterfly has plenty of playmates in her own house for now, and relatives are welcome to voice their opinion, but what matters is what you and dh feel is best.
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Pilgrim
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Our dd who's 10 asks every morning if we're going anywhere, too. I think a lot of times she just wants to know whether to get herself looking nice for going out. She is also our social butterfly, she does well with playing with her siblings, and then getting the occassional playtime with others outside the home. One thing I've done to help fulfill her need for "getting out" and Mom time/girlish stuff is taking her with me alone or with newborn for grocery shopping every 2 weeks. We usually try to "stop and smell the roses" just a little bit in some way during our shopping trip, be it a little treat or stopping to look at toys or crafty stuff, etc.
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Betsy
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Please take care of your self during this difficult time.
I have recently passed out of a very difficult three years with my last pregnancy. If I had to give my self advice looking back I would have hired out more help: Mothers Helper, Person to shop for Groceries, Baby Sitter, Cleaning Lady, Help with Laundry, etc.
At the time I though that these were luxuries. I thought that it was too much $$ to spend. However the emotional burden of having to do everything or more accurately my dh having to do everything was costly as well. This season will pass in time, but don't be afraid to seek the help you need right now!!!
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Need help deciding what to do
