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Wendi DeGrandpr
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| Posted: March 28 2006 at 8:11am | IP Logged
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Could someone point me in the direction of some good reading regarding attachment parenting. Is it something I can use with my adopted son who just turned 4? Also when Katiana arrives - she is 6 and I am concerned about attachment issues. I know nothing about AP - except what I have gleaned here.
I think I need some new ways to handle some nighttime issues which feel like they are becoming a battle ground  - and that is the last thing I want.
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God Bless,
Wendi
Mom to four blessings
"We can do no great things - only small things with great love." Blessed Mother Teresa
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Rebecca
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| Posted: March 28 2006 at 9:30am | IP Logged
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Sorry can't do the links right now but...
I like Nigttime Parenting by Sears
and Learning a Loving Way of Life, a collection of essays published by La Leche League.
God Bless,
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mumofsix
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| Posted: March 28 2006 at 6:19pm | IP Logged
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Dear Wendi,
I would heartily second Rebecca's suggestions, but also suggest that you might like to look at the work of Nancy Thomas - her book "When Love is not Enough" and her videos.
The basic attachment parenting philosophy as set forth by the Sears emphasises nurturing, which is obviously extremely important. For "normal" babies born to you or adopted at infancy with little or no prior trauma, that is all you will need. They will trust you enough that providing structure will never really be an issue that raises any particular problems.
The problem with some of our special adopted ones is that they have every reason NOT to trust, as in their infant eyes they have been abandoned at least twice (by birth mother and former foster carer/orphanage nurse) and sometimes many times, and possibly suffered neglect and/or abuse on top. Their fear of abandonment can prompt them to very controlling behaviour, and putting enough of the right kind of structure into their lives is as important to their sense of trust in you as the straightforward nurturing. Nancy Thomas will help you get the balance right between nurture and structure in a way that Sears does not really address.
Personally I would go with straightforward nurturing unless the behaviours were very difficult (i.e. well beyond the norm for that age group), in which case attachment theorists who specialise in attachment after trauma may be more helpful than Sears, or may be helpful in addition at least.
Jane.
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: March 28 2006 at 9:56pm | IP Logged
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I also would recommend the Nancy Thomas materials. They are geared toward the unique needs of adopted children.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Sarah
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| Posted: March 29 2006 at 10:42am | IP Logged
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I've liked some of Elizabeth Pantley's stuff. Although, I don't know much about her. . .
I like W. Sears, too
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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Margaret
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| Posted: March 29 2006 at 11:51pm | IP Logged
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Wendi,
We too deal with attachment issues. We have dealt with and read all of the above mentioned suggestions. We have also had the 'top' therapists work with us and our daughter, Nancy Thomas (by phone) and Walter Buenning (in person in our home). We just recently worked with another 'specialist' probably not so well known, but in our opinion, the best--by education, but moreso by experience and mothering. My suggestion would be to let
him sleep with you and your husband. If not in your bed, then in a seperate bed pushed up next to yours on your side so that it is as one bed.
Nurturing with strong limits.
God Bless
Margaret
Mom of 5 blessings, including 2 from China
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SaraP
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| Posted: April 03 2006 at 7:20pm | IP Logged
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I have read Kids, Parents and Power Struggles by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka over and over and over again and think it does a perfect job picking up at the age (3 or 4) where Sears, and co. leave off.
Kurcinka also has a brand new book Sleepless in America which is also excellent.
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Mama to six on earth, two in heaven and two waiting in Russia. Foxberry Farm Almanac
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Wendi DeGrandpr
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| Posted: April 03 2006 at 8:09pm | IP Logged
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Thanks to everyone for your posts and suggestions. I am looking into many of the books. I am trying interlibrary loan before buying.
Our nights have been pretty peaceful of late which I will credit to lots of prayer and great weather for lots of outside play time.
I am grateful for all of the insight - thanks again.
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God Bless,
Wendi
Mom to four blessings
"We can do no great things - only small things with great love." Blessed Mother Teresa
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Topic: Attachment Parenting
