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LLMom
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I need an attitude adjustment. I have been experiencing the long haul burnout and things aren't much better. I just don't want to do school, clean, cook, etc. I have been at this for 21 years, and I am tired. Please give me some ideas for an attitude adjustment. I have been praying and going to confession often.
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Lisa
For veteran & former homeschool moms
homeschooling ideas
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jillian
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First off, *hugs* and prayers for you and yours.
Secondly, maybe just take a break, for a little while, let the family reconnect, follow interests or just enjoy being. It seems like you need it too.
Maybe talk to your priest or someone else in the faith.
I am sorry if my suggestions seem obvious or not really helpful, I don't know exactly how to help, you are in my prayers though.
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JennGM
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Aw, Lisa. Big hugs.  and like Jillian said, prayers your way. Remember to look at the timing of this burnout. It's winter and post-Christmas -- that makes everything worse to try and make things more rosy-colored.
Is there a possiblity of making a private retreat? If you're near Virginia, I can give you some ideas.
Do you have a spiritual director to talk to, and get help in this area?
I'm sure others can give better ideas...praying!
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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LLMom
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| Posted: Jan 13 2011 at 6:42pm | IP Logged
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Sadly, we just had a 4 week break and this burnout is the kind that has been going on for 2 years. Not the seasonal type although post Christmas makes it worse. A retreat sounds nice and thanks for the prayers.
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Lisa
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Mackfam
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I've been praying for you and thinking of you since you posted that prayer request, Lisa.
I really like Jenn's advice for a retreat and especially the idea of a spiritual director who can help you take this one step at a time so it doesn't seem so overwhelming!
LLMom wrote:
| I need an attitude adjustment. I have been experiencing the long haul burnout and things aren't much better. I just don't want to do school, clean, cook, etc. I have been at this for 21 years, and I am tired. Please give me some ideas for an attitude adjustment. I have been praying and going to confession often. |
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I'd like to throw some ideas out and brainstorm with you. This isn't meant to add to your pain, or make you feel even more overwhelmed, ok! So, I brainstorm with the understanding that you'll skip over those items that feel burdensome or don't fit, and take ideas that may seem like they have potential and turn them over in prayer so that God can show you how He wants you to use them for you and your family. Ok?
** Entrust your hurting soul to Divine Mercy. Thanks be to God that He offers His Mercy so generously in the Sacrament of Confession. Accept the mercy offered to you. He created you and loves you. I know you know that, but some days we just need to hear our sisters tell us again. Out of all the mothers throughout time, He chose you with all consideration to tend your hearth and those precious souls in your care. He entrusted this family and the responsibilities for caring for them to you with all of His confidence and all of His grace. He gave you these opportunities so you could grow and stretch toward Him. Rest in His Peace for a bit. Know His love. Accept His Mercy. Those are not always easy things to do. I say that because typing them out seems flippant. I know it is hard to accept and know sometimes. Faith, my friend. Cling to your faith.
** Revamp your prayer life and start small. Nothing overwhelming. Offer a simple prayer of gratitude daily. This area would be best tended to by a good spiritual director.
** Look to your physical health. Are you taking care of it? Not obsessively, but simply. The basics. - Are you getting enough rest? That's priority #1 for me!
- Have you had a thorough check-up recently? Thyroid issues can do a number on your mental state of well being and so can a lack of some key vitamins. Rule out some physical culprits for this ongoing funk!
- How about a little exercise - nothing major or over the top...can you go up and down the stairs a few times a day? how about walking the perimeter of the yard a couple of times?
** What are you doing to guard and foster your mental well-being? - Date nights with your husband (I don't mean to imply extravagant...home cooked meal shared together quietly after the kids are in bed suffices! Just carve out quiet time so you can share your burdens, cares, concerns and joys with him!)
- Quiet time for yourself. Again, nothing excessive, just a little time that you guard as quiet and to yourself - maybe that's a shower in the evening, or prayer time, or 30 minutes locked in the pantry reading a book or favorite magazine.
- How about other personal care routines that you used to enjoy that perhaps got steamrolled by life?
** Smile. Every single day. Even if you have to force it. Smile and say thank you when one of your children or your husband compliments something small. Tuck that moment away.
** Be still and know. This is hard for some, and as someone that is always doing something, I had to create some simple boundaries for myself so I could do this. If you can get outside - great, if not - try to sit near a sunny window with a warm cup of tea, or warm beverage of choice. No agenda. Nothing to do. Just allow yourself to sit there and enjoy the warmth of the sun, and bask in the beauty of God's Creation. Just for a moment. In quiet. Guard your thoughts - no worrying, no thinking of the gazillion things to be done, no anticipating the big things coming up. For as long as you have something in your teacup, you can sit and just be still and know.
The Practicals...
** School -
Lisa,
May I ask? What is the primary philosophy of education that inspires you? Is there a method, an approach that truly resonates with your family? What is that? Let's start with that question for now, if that's ok to ask.
** Cooking -
How many big kids of cooking age do you have? Can any of them make a simple meal? Can you get out a simple calendar and assign names to every day of the week except one, and that is the day you will cover with a meal. Decide on one day a week - Saturday maybe? Call a menu meeting at the kitchen table and have all of your cooking age children present. Let them know the day(s) they need to provide a meal, and ask them for a meal to include on the calendar for that night. Make your grocery list at the same time. Simple meals only! Setting a reasonable goal of 45 minutes for this meeting should provide you with: (1) helpers in the kitchen, (2) a menu for the week, (3) a grocery list to shop from. If your husband is willing, hand the list off to him with a smile. 
** Cleaning -
If thinking of cleaning is TOO MUCH...just push things into the corners for a while and carve out one little space to claim as your own. One little space (a reading corner...a little cleared space on your desk...a tidy pantry you can lock yourself in when needed) that is an oasis. When you feel some of this heaviness lifting, then it may be time to consider some deeper cleaning.
* * *
I'm praying for you, Lisa! I pray that with the right outside help, and the life-giving and healing help of the Sacraments, you can realize your joys again. If we can brainstorm more specifics, let us know. In the meantime...I'm  .
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Erin
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Lisa
I've been thinking of you and praying things were improving.
LLMom wrote:
| I just don't want to do school, clean, cook, etc. I have been at this for 21 years, and I am tired. |
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Oh yes I understand I suffered major burnout 2009, slowly pulled myself out 2010. I was so sick of this deep pit I was in.
LLMom wrote:
| Please give me some ideas for an attitude adjustment |
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Well at first I took the simplifying homeschool approach etc which was healing but... there came a time when I knew it had gone on too long. I realised that I looked at everything from a negative lense not positive. Glass was always half empty not full, kwim?
So I had to change my mindset around. To do this I started looking at the little positives in my life, started writing them down Slowly bit by bit the little things started adding up. Not only do you need to focus on the special moments, but you need to try to pull yourself up as soon as you start the glass half empty mindset.
Oh and go outside and watch the children playing, sunshine and fresh air are so healing, slowing down watching our children at play reminds you what it is all about. We can get into a rut and it is hard to change, but bit by bit you can.
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
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hylabrook1
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Lisa -
Can you find time to manage a bit of a daily *retreat*? Get your children settled, put one of the olders in charge of taking care of the youngers for a half hour in the afternoon, and then you get to have a little nap, a cup of tea in a quieter part of the house, take a walk, whatever would recharge you that day. I've begun having an afternoon rest/nap, and it has worked wonders for the fatigue and feeling overwhelmed that I was experiencing.
and
Peace,
Nancy
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mamaslearning
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The book Getting Over The Blues by Leslie Vernick was very helpful in my ongoing recovery from anxiety/depression. I'm not saying you are depressed, but there might be some wisdom in this book that could be helpful in your situation. She speaks to the spiritual side of depression (althought not specifically Catholic).
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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LLMom
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| Posted: Jan 14 2011 at 6:21pm | IP Logged
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Thanks everyone. I got some spiritual advice; I am going on a retreat/conference in February. Lara, thanks for the book recommendation. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety and have recently gotten medication for it. It takes time, I know. Thanks again everyone.
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Lisa
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: mommy attitude adjustment
