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Anonymous
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| Posted: Dec 23 2010 at 12:54am | IP Logged
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My oldest dd (12) likes to wear tshirts tied near her waist with an elastic, for a tighter fit. I've asked her several times not to wear her shirts like this, because it hugs the material even closer to her body, bringing attention to her chest and tummy area.
My dh thinks I am making a big deal over nothing.
What should I do?
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Dec 23 2010 at 1:28am | IP Logged
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My oldest has done this.. and I let it slide at home but have her take it out when she leaves the house. Oh and she's getting close to 14 and doesn't do it near as often now.
Other than that.. it may be time to talk more about modesty and changes in her body.. at a safe comfortable time.. defiantely not in the middle of an arguement.. usually bed time.. if you can talk privately then or here I find it can be easier to chat by letting her stay up late special to get that private comfy confiding time.
But also it helps to give where you can for fitting in and "looking pretty".. it's important at this age.. as long as it's not crossing those lines you know. Plus I think it'll help her in the long run to have learned to hold a style up to standards and figure out how to be stylish without losing the standards.
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Dec 23 2010 at 6:27am | IP Logged
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My daughter is a dancer, and so we have "studio clothes" - the dancewear she has to wear to do what she does, plus t-shirts (yes, worn with the rubber band) and other things that she knows she can only wear to the studio. Her fellow dancers (about 98% girls) dress this way too - dancewear and form-fitting gear for dancing, not for church or shopping at the mall.
In other words, we have different boundaries for different situations, and if dd is going from the studio to somewhere else, she has to pack some extra clothes so she can change.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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JennGM
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| Posted: Dec 23 2010 at 10:18am | IP Logged
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guitarnan wrote:
| In other words, we have different boundaries for different situations, and if dd is going from the studio to somewhere else, she has to pack some extra clothes so she can change. |
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That reminds me of the quote from John Paul II before he was Pope, from Love and Responsibility:
Karol Wojtyla wrote:
While we are on the subject of dress and its relevance to the problem of modesty and immodesty it is worth drawing attention to the functional significance of differences in attire. There are certain objective situations in which even total nudity of the body is not immodest, since the proper function of nakedness in this context is not to provoke a reaction to the person as an object for enjoyment, and in just the same way the functions of particular forms of attire may vary. Thus, the body may be partially bared for physical labour, for bathing, or for a medical examination. If then we wish to pass a moral judgment on particular forms of dress we have to start from the particular functions which they serve. When a person uses such a form of dress in accordance with its objective function we cannot claim to see anything immodest in it, even if it involves partial nudity. Whereas the use of such a costume outside its proper context is immodest, and is inevitably felt to be so.
For example, there is nothing immodest about the use of a bathing costume at a bathing place, but to wear it in the street or while out for a walk is contrary to the dictates of modesty. It would be wrong not to refer here, if only cursorily, to another particular problem, that of pornography (or shamelessness) in art. It is a very broad problem, and extremely complex on detailed examination, because of the diversity of the arts. I am concerned for the present only to define the gist of the problem. An artist communicates in his work his own thoughts, feelings, and attitudes, but his work does not only serve this purpose. It serves the truth, in that it must capture and transmit some fragment of reality in a beautiful way. |
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Jennifer G. Miller
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: Dec 23 2010 at 11:01am | IP Logged
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My thoughts are along the lines of Jody's, I'm not sure what style clothes you buy for your daughter, but perhaps now that she is older, steering towards more tailored things which are modest but don't have excess fabric to bunch would be a good start.
Also, my own reaction to the image is from having done it with big t-shirts back in the 80s. Is this a style that is coming back? Looking back, it was pretty sloppy, and I think my first thoughts would be "oh my goodness, you look ridiculous" instead of "...you look immodest." 
Iirc, my own motivations were often that I felt exposed (I was chubby in junior high, but its an awkward age no matter what size you are) tucking my shirt into my pants but sloppy wearing my shirts not tucked in at all, and it was an awkward attempt to find the medium. They didn't really cut t-shirts in a tailored way then.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Dec 23 2010 at 11:12am | IP Logged
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And on the positive side.. be sure to compliment her when an outfit is at least acceptable. Those words of praise can be addictive 
For instance recently my oldest was given a tank top with a halter top.. not something that's ok by itself.. and we let her know that calmly but also I suggested that it would be great as a layer under a particular button down top if it was worn open (like a jacket).. and she came out wearing that yesterday and not only did I tell her it looks nice but I drew dad's attention to it as well.
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Dec 23 2010 at 11:33am | IP Logged
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Layers that include tank tops are all the fashion here...
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Dec 23 2010 at 11:42am | IP Logged
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and I love that, Nancy.
Let's them wear a top with a higher neckline under another.. or a tank top with a long tail so that tummy isn't exposed with lifting arms etc. And it looks fashionable to boot.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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MaryM
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| Posted: Dec 23 2010 at 12:08pm | IP Logged
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CrunchyMom wrote:
| Looking back, it was pretty sloppy, and I think my first thoughts would be "oh my goodness, you look ridiculous" instead of "...you look immodest." |
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Those were my first thoughts as well. I don't care for how it looks but haven't thought it was especially immodest. Since layers are popular right now that is how I have seen it worn - tied with a longer T or cami under it that covers below. And if the tie is at hip level verses higher doesn't emphasize chest. My daughter has done it occasionally and it hasn't bothered me other than I just think it doesn't look good - like Lindsay, it gives me flashbacks...Flashdance & big hear era... 
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Dd's questionable fashion choice
