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Bridget
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| Posted: March 21 2006 at 10:01am | IP Logged
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I'm always a cheerleader for big families. There are lots of good spiritual/ theological/ Biblical reasons for large families, or anyway, being open to life and trusting God.
So I seem to always be advising people to be open to more. To be honest, I just love big families. I always wanted one. I love everything 'big family'. I love being married. I love all the different versions of our genetics. I love the swirling chaos. I love pulling in my driveway lined with bikes and scooters. I love the twelve year old boy getting up on his own to care for a little one at night. I love the challenge of managing a crowd on a daily basis. I love homeschooling, even when I don't think I'm doing it well. I even like housework. All of it, even ironing. (I'm always behind, but I enjoy the work.)
When I look at our children I see God's love and mercy. I'm so grateful for my husband and I just want to make him proud and happy. In spite of struggles and troubles there is such beauty in the abandoned joy of this life.
So there you have it. I'm always worried that my enthusiasm will replace wisdom and charity, so here is my disclaimer.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: March 21 2006 at 10:14am | IP Logged
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Bridget wrote:
To be honest, I just love big families. I always wanted one. |
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Oh, Bridget, you post is BEAUTIFUL! So heartfelt and joyful...and honest! Thank you for sharing.
Reading the top line made me smile. I always wanted a big family too. I feel so blessed, though others think we're crazy.
In my childhood I was lonely with just one older brother, so different than I, we had nothing in common. Besides my book friends, I imagined the family I would have wanted to grow up in. I believe I had 17 imaginary brothers and sisters. 
Bridget wrote:
| I love the swirling chaos. In spite of struggles and troubles there is such beauty in the abandoned joy of this life. |
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Once again, Bravo!  Abandoned joy amidst the swirling chaos. Love it!
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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Elizabeth
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Real Learning
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| Posted: March 21 2006 at 10:30am | IP Logged
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I heartily agree with all you wrote Bridget. I feel the same way. As a matter of fact, the only thing I really don't like is driving a big van. I have a really nice van, but it's still big. And I'm a terrible driver who seems to be very impaired in the area of spatial relations--not a good big van combination.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: March 21 2006 at 10:51am | IP Logged
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Bridget,
Your post is inspiring! And very timely for me.
I always wanted a big family, too. I am one of seven and although we were quite the dysfunctional bunch for a long time, I couldn't imagine not giving my kids lots of siblings.
HOWEVER, as I get closer to delivering number seven, I have been really questioning the whole lifestyle that we have chosen. The constant mess, noise, fighting, needing me, etc. are threatening to send me over the edge.  Okay, not just threatening!
Yesterday, I couldn't stop crying and really wondering what this is all about. When I get like this, I find myself looking around at the world and wondering who chose the better part. The two kids and hot tub next door look really appealing! 
So thank you for your post. Even if all it does is push me to step back and try to remember the why of it all, it has helped. I don't have the strength right now to problem solve, but I can pray. And I am. Today is a little calmer. The house is trashed and it hurts to walk. But the older kids have been playing a board game for hours (still in pajamas), the little ones are watching the snow and even the dogs aren't causing trouble at the moment.
Bridget, you are my hero!
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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mumofsix
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| Posted: March 21 2006 at 10:59am | IP Logged
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Bridget - fwiw I have never detected the slightest lack of charity in any of your posts, and believe me I have been on the receiving end of plenty of pride and judgementalism in my time, especially during those 7 years I didn't have any children, and the next 15 years during which I only had one, two or three. You are right, the Catholic Church in her tradition and the Bible also stress the great good of children. It is not quite about numbers though, as THE perfect family only had one!
I too really enjoy having a large (well, quite large) family, with all the interactions of different personalities and I love never being bored.
I can see it must be quite restful to be able to discern that, no, there is no just or grave reason to postpone a pregnancy and that you can with prudence leave it all up to God's timing. I formed my family through adoption (God's plan for me and I love it) and there is no leaving it up to anyone there! God has not been known to drop babies on would-be adopters' doorsteps and mould the social services into thinking that this is just the family to adopt him/her: let's waive the formalities! (Not in my country anyway.) We REALLY have to do our part if we want God to do His, and for years and years sometimes. You know that this is God's will for you if you manage not to drown in the paperwork.
So I have also had to discern when to stop. I found that quite difficult. Age? Okay, what age? The age when a missed period is more likely to be the onset of menopause than pregnancy: 45? The average age of menopause: 50? The Guiness Book of Records for oldest (naturally conceiving) mother: 57?  (NO, I AM NOT THERE YET! )
I think it was seeing the sheer neediness of my children. While my ds 18 SHOULD be able to look for a job on his own, he is not succeeding and I know that I could probably help him crack this with a few days of dedicated job searching with him. Yet, my dd 16 really needs me right now as she is completing some GCSE course work, without which she will not be able to sit the exam she wants to sit in June. She has worked hard for this and deserves my help. Then there is dd 9 who is on fire to learn and wants to do school work with me ALL DAY if possible. Ds 4 keeps reaching and reaching for me and dd 17 months, who is a little more self-contained (has to be?) keeps toddling up to me with things to show me and almost runs with her head down with determination if I ever sit down as she REALLY wants that lap ... As for dear, gentle ds 24 who has Down's Syndrome, some days I hardly get to look at him, and I remember when we were best buddies, all day and every day. I find some of this quite painful. I don't think my children are deprived children: they have each other as well as us. They are rich with human connections. I sometimes think I am a deprived mother though. I would so much like more time to spend with each one of them.
Ah well, time to get off this computer then!
I am with you 99.9%, but for me there are sacrifices too in having a large family that sometimes feel quite hard.
Jane.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: My Disclaimer
