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kristacecilia
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| Posted: July 20 2010 at 7:57pm | IP Logged
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My son is transitioning from young childhood to middle childhood... he's not my little baby anymore! It's causing a lot of outbursts and bad behavior around the house and huge amounts of frustration for his dad and myself.
How do I parent him through this? He is craving more independence... what are some things I could consider to offer him? I know he doesn't want to be lumped with the babies anymore- he is the oldest and is 6 1/2 but very mature for his age.
Any suggestions?
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Krista
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leanne maree
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| Posted: July 20 2010 at 8:15pm | IP Logged
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Hi Krista,
How about one on one special time. with you or dad, separately.
Its that eldest child thing, isn't it.
Try to fight the battles that are worth winning. Its my mantra. Its what we live by. A dear Parish Priest gave us that advice with our eldest dd.
I am sure there are lots of other mums with eldest boys who can give more specific suggestions for e ds.
Leanne
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kristacecilia
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| Posted: July 20 2010 at 8:31pm | IP Logged
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I have considered trying something to encourage good behavior like having his dad take him out for something for big boys- like hitting a bucket of balls at a driving range or going to a batting cage, playing catch at the local ball diamond, getting an ice cream cone together, and the like on Saturday afternoons.
Another thought I had was trying to secure him a space some place in the hosue for bigger kid activities- wood working, tiny legos, etc. Securing a safe place where I can still keep a bit of an eye on him will be the biggest challenge.
This is totally an eldest child thing. And I am just at a loss because I have never dealt with any of this before. I just keep thinking how I am going to laugh over how much I worried about all of this when my next three kids hit this phase... just like I have about all the other phases I worried about with my eldest.
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Krista
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leanne maree
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| Posted: July 20 2010 at 9:42pm | IP Logged
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Sometimes the best thing for bad behaviour is to ignore it, and praise all his good behaviour, and spend time with him.
my dd12 is having a few challenging moods atm, but she knows she has over stepped the mark, and comes and apologises to us.
leanne
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guitarnan
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I would suggest focusing on changing one behavior at a time - use positive discipline to do this and don't worry so much about the other things you plan to work with him on later. For example, you might decide you want to help him learn to control his temper better by offering alternatives to hitting and yelling...punching bag, outdoor time, time alone in room (requested by him), etc. This is a Big Deal and you would not easily be able to also tackle another behavior issue until this one is more under control.
Boys of this age do love building things and banging things around and making loud noises. They're hardwired this way. I love your idea of a special area where he could create and build without worrying about the littles eating Lego blocks or clay. The dad time is another excellent idea and will so much good (for both of them!).
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Belle
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| Posted: July 21 2010 at 1:24am | IP Logged
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My little guy is going through this phase too. You're not alone.
Mine is my youngest child. It's actually quite hard for Mum to let him grow...and that's not really helping things here either. I am part of the problem so we're kind of muddling through it together he and I. (it's a work in progress) My guy loves to cook, so Dh and I have both made the extra effort to have him help us out in the kitchen. Just for that one on one time doing something he really enjoys.
I don't really have any advice, just commiserating with you. It's the end of an era here, he told me last week, when I turn 8 next month "Mum, I'm not a little boy anymore...I am a Tween. For real" 
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kristacecilia
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| Posted: July 21 2010 at 8:41am | IP Logged
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Ladies, I just feel like I want to cry. My son is acting up so much today. I don't know what to do. It's getting to the point that I am so frustrated that I am entertaining thoughts of sending him to school just so I don't have to deal with him all day.
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Krista
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kristacecilia
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| Posted: July 21 2010 at 8:43am | IP Logged
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He is seriously disobedient, angry, and has frequent emotional outburts. This morning he has had 4 or 5 separate ones already.
He also decided to turn our plunger upside down and pee in it.
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Krista
Wife to a great guy, mom to two boys ('04, '06) and three girls ('08, '10, '12!)
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CatholicMommy
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| Posted: July 21 2010 at 9:14am | IP Logged
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My 6 year old is doing this - I've been wanting to post to thread about the emotional 8 year old girls, asking "what about the 6 year old boys who are acting this way????"
At age 6, he's moving into a new plane of development, with new psychological needs - as you've already stated. The question is how to fulfill those needs.
Children will be emotional, but they must always be respectful of themselves, those around them and the physical environment around them (no destruction of themselves, relationships or objects). Disrespect is not tolerated or ignored in the least. Crying and screaming (as long as not to be disrespectful) or acceptable outlets if that is what they need, and hopefully in the calm moments, proper outlets can be instilled.
For emotional outbursts: Lots of time-out time not always as a punishment but more "it looks like you need some time to yourself, go ahead and take it - please come back when you are calm" - that sort of thing.
For disrespect: something appropriate based on the offense (mouthiness equals half an hour of silence, with additional minutes for continued speech; breaking things on purpose equals cleaning it all up, then working to replace the item, and an apology; etc - I'll admit, sometimes the offenses pile onto offenses - and so be it - no disrespect will be tolerated or it becomes an insidious poisonous plant within the child and the family).
What would I suggest in those calm moments?
Lots of real work; work with his hands; work and activities that correspond to the larger community (family and neighborhood/parish); He'll be getting ready for 1st Communion soon if he hasn't already, so start thinking in terms of "coming into communion (lower-case c) with the parish community and the church at large"
Ideas (in addition to those you've stated, which are GREAT) -
*he has some daily responsibility regarding meal-time for the family
*once a week he plans/cooks a meal for the family (your guidance and supervision of course) - we started with "Mother's Little Helper Cookbook", Montessori activities and expanded from there - now my 6 year old can make himself (and me!) several types of meals if I happen to be sick or otherwise unavailable in the kitchen
*Begin looking to service projects that are older child oriented - what can he do that the little ones can't
*Read stories of the saints just for him - look to his interests as well as those who are strong/brave, have other "manly virtues" (my son LOVES St. George and the Dragon!)
*Is he reading decently? Give him some books that are just above his reading level, that have the virtues you want him to imitate. If he's NOT reading well, use those books as an incentive to learn to read. Once he's intellectually independent (able to read most books in your home without too many stumbles), he can explore worlds of his own (albeit, with narration/discussion with you and you provide the book choices to begin with). Just something to let him know he is now strong and capable.
*planned daily time for free movement and exercise, but structure the rest of the day so he knows what to expect and when - it doesn't have to be rigidly set in stone, but children do so much better when they know what happens next - even if you write out each day's schedule and post it where he can see.
My son thrives on LISTS - lots of them! Chore list that happens every day; chore list for specific days; homeschool subjects to cover every day; homeschool subjects to cover when time allows; basic daily routine; goals to accomplish in some subjects; etc.
Once he knows what is expected of him, he loves to strive to meet those goals. He has moments of "I'll never make it" and then he receives encouragement and sometimes a bit more help than usual.
This got long... I hope it has some ideas for you!
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CatholicMommy
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| Posted: July 21 2010 at 9:18am | IP Logged
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Krista, I was typing while you posted.
Here are another couple of ideas:
Look to his nutrition. Consider food coloring, corn syrup and other additives. Too much of those things? Some kids can't handle ANY of a particular color for example and their behavior from one small glass of fruit punch, for example, can be atrocious for a week afterward! Have a cup of fruit punch every Sunday after Mass, and behavior is permanently sunk.
Also, is he getting enough sleep? He's moving into a more mentally developing age, so make sure he's not only getting enough "brain-food" but sleep as well.
Does he need time to be by himself? Not as punishment - but just because he needs to be alone with himself, to collect himself.
Sometimes, it works to just ask them what they need - once in a while, this provides a very revealing answer!
We'll pray for you all!
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kristacecilia
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| Posted: July 21 2010 at 10:00am | IP Logged
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I just feel like I can't give him the time and attention he obviously needs right now. He is extremely sensitive and very smart and needs to be almost constantly challenged, it seems.
I am seriously thinking I can't handle this and he should be at a good private Catholic school where he can be challenged appropriately.
Of course, we can't afford it, so I don't think it's really an option.
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Krista
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kristacecilia
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| Posted: July 21 2010 at 10:13am | IP Logged
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I know it's harder right now becasue we have a new baby... between nursing the baby (who nurses a lot and fusses between nursings), pulling the 2 year old out of trouble, breaking up fights between the 4 and 6 year old, and dealing with the 6 year old's defiance there is no time for anything other than feeding everyone and keeping upwith the laundry.
I have no time to give them... I keep trying mut my patience is all gone.
I am in full survival mode... and the 6 year old is the biggest challenge. He needs so much to keep him busy and challenged and I have no time to give it to him.
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Krista
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MicheleQ
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| Posted: July 21 2010 at 10:24am | IP Logged
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My seventh boy is about to turn 6 --I get it. 
Six is the age when they are transitioning from "little" boy to seeing themselves more like Dad. I have found this is best handled by having Dad do more things one on one and giving them a strong talking to about being a properly behaved young man. My dh likes to talk to them about how they need to respect mom and be more of a "man" and do the things young men do. This works far better than me scolding them constantly.
All that being said, sometimes 6 year old boys are just little stinkers who will push your buttons and test your limits. They're curious, about lots of things --things like how mad you might be if they pee in that plunger.  . Try not to be too upset about it. I promise you they do grow out of it eventually. 
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kristacecilia
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| Posted: July 21 2010 at 3:55pm | IP Logged
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It is SUCH a relief to hear that this is normal behavior.
Today was an especially trying day.
His dad and I are talking a lot and working on a game plan to help enourage better behavior.
I know eating has been hit or miss for the last few months during the end of my pregnancy and while our new little one has needed me so much. It's been a lot of convinience foods and such, less stuff made from scratch. We are making sure he gets enough sleep.
thanks for all your help, ladies.
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Krista
Wife to a great guy, mom to two boys ('04, '06) and three girls ('08, '10, '12!)
I blog at http://kristacecilia.wordpress.com/
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teachingmyown
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It's funny how big your first six year seems. By the time you get to your seventh, you realize that he is really just a little guy! This is a super hard time on all of you, him included. I would nurse on the floor as much as possible with all the kids around you doing what they like to do. If you have some sort of play yard, put the two and four year olds in it (make it a game) and do puzzles or legos with your big guy.
Try to laugh and hug, make jokes about things like the plunger (so not funny to you right now, I know) but he is pushing buttons to see how much you love him. If you can keep it light, while putting your foot down about the really mean or dangerous stuff, he may settle down.
I would look into food allergies though. My second son turned into a little monster when he had red food coloring, grapes, apple juice, and other foods with salicylates. When things settle down you can investigate that. In the meantime, those are some key things that can trigger wild behavior.
Lastly, school is not the answer. You will get through this. Sending him away at this stage might only confirm his fears that he isn't wanted. Been there, done that.
God bless you! You will look back and laugh, especially at the plunger incident!  Before you know it, your little stinker will be all grown up. My little stinker just became a Marine.
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Pilgrim
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| Posted: July 26 2010 at 3:41pm | IP Logged
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Just wanted to say you're not alone. I have felt the same way, being so overwhelmed lately, and have had moments where I have thought school might do better then I can.
I wonder if the plunger thing was just a total boy thing. Boys will do the *oddest* things sometimes, just experimenting! 
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| Posted: July 26 2010 at 4:53pm | IP Logged
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The other thing I've noticed is that some of our children are more sensitive to weather changes and nearness to Full Moon time when it comes to their behavior. 2nd ds gets very affected by the Full Moon sometimes, whereas his twin sister does not. He gets MUCH more whiny and difficult to bear about 4 days and counting before the Full Moon arrives. And some months are worse than others due to atmospheric changes month to month or something like that. Some people don't believe these things affect behavior, but a lot of people who work in nursing homes, police stations, hospital ERs, and daycares will tell you there is definitely some truth to it! If weather can affect arthritis which I have had it do myself, then it stands to reason that so can it affect other things like the brain and hormones etc.
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kristacecilia
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| Posted: July 27 2010 at 7:59am | IP Logged
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It's just so frustrating dealing with his behavior... everyday I have him do 5-10 practice math problems- things he has already learned just to reinforce the concepts. I cannot even talk to him while he does these because I get so frustrated with him. I just leave him and tell him he can't do anything else until he is done. Yesterday he sat for over 2 hours playing with his pencil and he did 3 problems. Then his dad worked with him for another hour and half on it and his new math lesson after dinner....
He just doesn't do anything we ask him to. It's like a constant battle of the wills. I don't understand how we are supposed to teach him to be respectful and obedient. We give him consequences for his actions- sometimes natural ones (like not being able to play outside with his friends yestday while his brother and sister did because he wouldn't do his math) and we also take away privliges like TV time and his before bed reading time (he hates being told just to go to sleep and not read).
We have tried time-outs, writing sentances, explaining our reasons to him, etc. Nothing has really worked so far.
It's just so frustrating.
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Krista
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: How do I help my son transition?
