| Author | |
kristacecilia
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 05 2010
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 677
|
| Posted: July 19 2010 at 8:35am | IP Logged
|
 |
|
I feel like I am about to lose my mind!
I had a baby girl 5 weeks ago- my fourth child. The others are six and four year old boys and a two year old girl. I haven't expected much from myself in the way of housework and schooling, but I have been actively trying to slowly get back into our normal routine.
I just find myself so frustrated all the time. I am always hot and sweaty (I am not normally a sweaty person- could this still be hormones?) and that makes me very frustrated. Then the kids start acting up- the boys are fighting all the time, the younger boy is picking on his sister a lot, and the girl is shreiking and getting into things that aren't allowed and laughing when mommy can't do anything about it because she's nursing the baby.
Luckily I am getting lots of sleep- the baby is very good at that but often makes up for the missed nighttime nursing sessions during the day, so I spend a lot of time on the couch while the kids are running wild. I have tried reading to them while I nurse the baby but they just end up fighting and annoying each other on the couch and I end up even more frustrated.
I am so frustrated all the time! What can I do to stop this?
__________________
God bless,
Krista
Wife to a great guy, mom to two boys ('04, '06) and three girls ('08, '10, '12!)
I blog at http://kristacecilia.wordpress.com/
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
*Lindsey*
Forum Pro
Joined: May 22 2009
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 496
|
| Posted: July 19 2010 at 8:41am | IP Logged
|
|
|
 You are at such a difficult point right now. I went from 2 kids to 4 when the twins were born and had an almost 4 year old, a 2 year old, and newborn twins and I was a mess.
I don't have any real advice, just remember that "This too shall pass!" Adjusting to a new baby takes time for everyone and you will get there. I have so much empathy for you. I'm praying!
__________________
Lindsey
Mama to DS (11), DD(9), twin dds(7), DD (5), DS (4), DS (3), and 5 angels in heaven.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
ladycarobe
Forum Pro
Joined: Dec 31 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 276
|
| Posted: July 19 2010 at 8:59am | IP Logged
|
|
|
You are making me nervous 
I'm expecting my fourth, so I'm not yet where you are now and I do not have experience with boys...so no help with that. I'm sure the more experienced ladies will jump in with great advice, though.
About being sweaty...definitely hormones! I'm also not a sweaty person, but those first months after giving birth...wowsa. It will pass, so don't worry, although I know it is annoying.
Lots of
__________________
best wishes,
Ladycarobe.
mom to dd6  , dd4  and dd2  and pregnant.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
kristacecilia
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 05 2010
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 677
|
| Posted: July 19 2010 at 9:10am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thanks, Ladies. I am a bit calmer now. It took every ounce of patience I had to get through the first part of our morning routine. The kids did NOT want to listen or help. We had to have multiple time outs and corrections.
My 6 y/o is high strung, sensitive, dramatic, whiney, and demanding. Generally speaking, very difficult to deal with. He talks back in snarky voices, disobeys, throws tantrums, and is extremely bossy and overbearing with his siblings. I don't know if this is normal behavior for a six year old boy or not but it drives my husband and I crazy and we tend to get so frustrated with him and not want to spend time with him, so he becomes more ill-behaved and the cycle continues.
I just don't know what to do with him anymore.
He can also be very generous, kind, and helpful when he wants to be.
__________________
God bless,
Krista
Wife to a great guy, mom to two boys ('04, '06) and three girls ('08, '10, '12!)
I blog at http://kristacecilia.wordpress.com/
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SuzanneG
Forum Moderator
Joined: June 17 2006
Location: Idaho
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5465
|
| Posted: July 19 2010 at 9:25am | IP Logged
|
|
|
In order to stay on top of the discipline and attention issues when there is a new baby in the house, I MUST have a sling or some sort of carrier to nurse in, somewhat hands-free....which allows me to move around while nursing. Sitting on the couch to nurse hasn't been an option for me since baby #1.
With lotsa-littles like that, I've GOT to be able to get up, move kids, help them, sit on the floor with them, break up fights, wipe bums, serve food, go for walks, and get outside...all while nursing, or chaos would reign supreme. It's exhausting and not exactly relaxing, but it's what kept the discipline issues manageable for us.
...which reminds me.....I need a new "nursing sling/carrier" for this baby!
Also, I'd focus on rallying your 6 year old. He's old enough to "obey" and to be a help to you when you need it.
:: Can your husband take him out for ice cream and explain how important it is to help mommy? This is the beginning of his "serving others"....you're training him to be a great priest or wonderful husband!
:: Set up a certain time of day when he is in charge of the 2 yo....mabye begin with 10 minutes and work up from there....thinking of an activity that he can do with her ahead of time. It'll make him feel "big" and responsible.
:: Set some time aside for "just him" with either you or dh on a consistent basis.
*******************************
Try your best to have a routine in place....something the kids can count on. ie: after breakfast, we go for a walk. Then we have play time, then we watch a video, etc. After lunch, we play, then have quiet time. Before dinner, we clean up. And, on and on and on....
Do you have "quiet time" in the afternoon? This will save your sanity even if the rest of the day is AWFUL! Even if the 6 and 4 yo aren't napping, my kids are somewhere being quiet and on their own, not talking to me. Make a list of the things that are acceptable to do during quiet time, spend a few minutes with each child making sure they are set up, and insist that they stay in quiet time for at least an hour.
Hope something helps here. And, yes....this too shall pass. It's always hard adjusting to the "new normal" after a baby joins the family!
Hugs!
__________________
Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: July 19 2010 at 9:53am | IP Logged
|
|
|
And there is a middle ground. You don't have to wear the baby for nursing.. I couldn't most of the time.. BUT sometimes you HAVE to be able to either move while baby is nursing OR put baby down and deal with the other kids. The sooner you do so and the more consistently you do so the easier it will end up and the less you will need to do so.
Be easy on yourself too.. I know it seems like it's been quite long enough and you feel pretty good.. but your body really needs 6 weeks for healing.. your uterus won't be fully reduced in size to be completely within your pelvis until then for instance.
And the hormones are of course still unsettled and will make everything seem *more*.
If you can get your kids more involved in baby care they'll also be more interested in you taking care of the baby. I have had littles ones.. 3 and 4 and 5 yr olds etc.. telling me that the baby needs num nums.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Angel
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 22 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2293
|
| Posted: July 19 2010 at 2:40pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I've been dealing with this, too, to some extent. I think when a new baby comes home and the little ones have been dealing with a big disruption in the routine, plus maybe extra help from grandmas or friends, etc., at least for a little while, and then there's a Mommy who's stuck in a chair for long periods at a time... the little ones (6 and under) aren't quite sure what the limits are anymore, so they have to test them. For instance, when my mom was here she told one of my twin 4 year olds that he had to stay inside or outside, but he couldn't keep running in and out. So the stinker stood with one foot on the deck and one foot in the dining room and rocked back and forth from one to the other.  I believe this was the 4 yo equivalent of a double-dog dare.
Anyway, I don't stop a baby nursing, but I do think it can help to pick something that's the biggest problem (around here that would be "obey the first time without arguing or running in the opposite direction") and just focus on it to the neglect of other stuff, which means you have to willfully put some blinders on... AND with boys, you really need your dh's help. This means I am taking lots of deep breaths all the time and mostly sitting with them in the yard watching them play and putting all my energy into them (and feeding them) instead of trying to keep up a normal routine. I agree that the sling/pouch (I use a pouch) is a lifesaver.... but since I have C-sections, I don't use it until 6 weeks. (This time, with complications, probably not for longer... which is causing some problems.) Anyway, things are beginning to settle down around here a little, or at least the boys aren't being *so* willfully disobedient anymore.
Also, you might pay attention to when you are sweatiest/most frustrated. When I am nursing, for the first several months, I have a really bad period from about 4 in the afternoon until about 7 PM, where I am just unreasonably terrified of my ability to handle everything. It wasn't until I had my twins and stopped nursing at 3 weeks that I realized the feelings were hormonal, related to the nursing. Now that I know this, I can get through this time a lot better. Not easily, but -- at least I know it's not objective reality, if you know what I mean.
Also, I think there's an adjustment in moving to a larger family for everybody -- more people for mom to keep track of, but also suddenly you can't do everything for the kids that you might have done before and now they may need to be more independent. Some kids react well to this and some don't. I remember when I had my twins (I've never done 4; we went straight from 3 to 5), trying to convince my 9 yo ds that the only way he was going to eat breakfast was if he put the waffle for himself, his sister, and his brother in the toaster himself -- yikes!!! But we came through that with kids who were much more capable.
Anyway -- in my better moments I just try to focus on the present instead of looking at everything as a whole, and that seems to be much less overwhelming. If I can do that a couple times a day, it's a good day.
Oh, and about your 6 yo... for my more difficult children, I've always found it helpful when things get completely unmanageable (like, I think all I'm doing is yelling and rarely being positive) to pull back and try to actively catch them doing good things so I can give them a little praise, and also to just talk to them a little during the day -- not about discipline issues, but just -- talk. About Legos or whatever. It usually helps a little -- doesn't always solve the problem, but things become a little less tense.
__________________
Angela
Mom to 9, 7 boys and 2 girls
Three Plus Two
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SuzanneG
Forum Moderator
Joined: June 17 2006
Location: Idaho
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5465
|
| Posted: July 19 2010 at 3:21pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
And, I just remembered something that we did when I didn't have older siblings to help.
Have an area (preferably contained) where you are DOWN LOW, yet comfortable, and you can nurse there. The little ones tend to behave better and feel like they are getting attention when you're near them and physically at their level.
These are all the different means we've employed to get me down-low:
:: Beanbag Chair
:: A thick piece of foam folded up to sit on with pillows behind (against a wall)
:: Twin Mattress.....stayed on the floor in the living room one post-partum, for about 5 months after baby #3 was born.
:: Fold-up-camping chairs...actually really comfy for nursing and good for my back.
:: Futon mattress folded up against a wall....no frame.
And, then just have them play all around you. Sit, nurse, talk with them. Helping them solve problems and catch the fights before they happen. This was pretty much how I spent my mornings and late PM hours, especially during those first post-partum months.
__________________
Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
kristacecilia
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 05 2010
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 677
|
| Posted: July 19 2010 at 9:37pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Wow... tons of good advice. Thanks, ladies.
I am getting a quiet time in the afternoon where the kids have to either nap or play/read quietly in their room or have a video. I have to have that time of silence to regroup, so I have done a good job of establishing and protecting that.
I think my oldest son is having issues moving from little childhood into middle childhood. And we're having trouble knowing how to parent him through this. Maybe I should start another thread about it. I know that's a major point of my frustration. We are involving him, but maybe he needs more independent time.
__________________
God bless,
Krista
Wife to a great guy, mom to two boys ('04, '06) and three girls ('08, '10, '12!)
I blog at http://kristacecilia.wordpress.com/
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Learning to be a mommy of four
