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dolorsofmary
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| Posted: June 30 2010 at 10:20am | IP Logged
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As you most of you know I have 1 child who is almost 5 (August.) I hope I'm dealing with this right. Basically at our community pool there are other kids that will take toys away from my son (in most cases it is the the 'take-r-away-er's' toy. They are in most cases to all share the toys and the toys are in the baby pool. And my son loves to play with the toys, what kid doesnn't. He always asks permission from the moms or kids for him to play with the toys. And then plays if he gets permission. I will sometimesplay with him. Yesterday there was a boy who was almost 4.5 yrs old, he was the middle boy of 5 kids and so the mom had her hands full with littler ones. Her son would take his toys back from my son I think more or less to get a rise out of him. It was basically a kick board my son was using as a boat and he put smaller toys on top pretending they were on the boat. The boy would jump in the pool and take away the kickboard ('boat') and I would laugh a little becuase it was funny and my son would whine and I told my son to say 'oh its a tidalwave! it came and washed away the boat!' but my son would not say it but he also didn't have a tamtrum either. and then the boy would leave the kickboard ('boat') for my son to get and use again, only to be washed away again in about 3-5 minutes. I felt bad for my son but the mom and i talked a little about it and I said 'as long as they don't kill each other, maybe this will be a learning experience' and I explained to my son that the other boy wanted to hear him whine and that if he didn't whine and complain then he might find someone else to pick on.
Then later on my son had found a really cool supersquirter gun and he was going to use it with the big boys who were playing with their squirt guns in the baby pool (this is later on in the evening and they were the only ones inthe baby pool). but by the time My son got there they were shoed out by the lifeguard and saw my son with their (another) squirt gun) and explained to him that it was theirs and so they took it and got into the deep end to continue their battle . My son was hurt. I sad 'that must mad you sad' I had thought about it. The bigger boys could have had a game wehre he would have been included but that didn't happen. And other times my son has brought his squirt gun and that got passed around a lot by the big kids and they played with it. In fact his other 2 squirt guns were broken at the pool. So its painful to see my son go through this. Since I have only 1 child I have the time and energy to 'save him' and interfere. I don't want to fight his battles. What do you all think please. Thanks!
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guitarnan
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| Posted: June 30 2010 at 11:38am | IP Logged
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Honestly? I think the pool should change its rules and not allow personal toys in the pool.
I think giving your son words to use is great (the kickboard incident). Children aren't born knowing how to resolve conflicts, so we do have to help them learn what to say and how to react.
Talking to moms can also be helpful - again it looks like you approached things diplomatically.
I think if this keeps happening you might want to consider talking to the pool manager, because it sounds like the must-share policy can lead to situations of bullying and grabbing, neither of which make for a good community pool experience.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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JaysFamily
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| Posted: June 30 2010 at 11:55am | IP Logged
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I would probably just have my son take his own toys and only play with his own toys. I would only buy cheap toys from the dollar store so they could easily be replaced if broken by the other children.
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Jaysfamily
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: June 30 2010 at 12:32pm | IP Logged
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I'm usually the one bringing the toys (kick boards - small ones and toy-pedos).. but then because I have the older kids I need to keep the littles entertained longer than someone who can leave when the littles are done. So I also monitor that the toys are being shared nicely and no bullying. But it's a tiny wading pool area and a small community so not huge amounts of kids.
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dolorsofmary
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| Posted: June 30 2010 at 12:32pm | IP Logged
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sorry I can see from my poor grammar that one would think that it is pool rules that all toys are shared. There is no rule by the pool. It is really that people bring toys and my son asks permission to use them from the parent or child. In most cases the parent/child are ok, and in most cases the child has to be reminded over and over again that they can share the toys with my son. we have brought toys to the pool but they usually get broken and so we have stopped. We have been very good with other kids toys and have not broken any of them. Thank you for your advice and encouragement. I don't want to fall into the trap of doing too much for my child where he does not learn how to deal with different situations. Thank you.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: June 30 2010 at 12:50pm | IP Logged
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These toys are really cool, very hard to break and all my kids play with them so quite a variety of ages.
Toy-pedos
They're a solid hard rubber.. so they won't get are cruddy inside like the squeeze toys.. the only way I've had any "break" is from a little biting off the tip of the "nose". And even then they still work. 
You can write on them with sharpie marker to identify them as yours even.
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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Michaela
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| Posted: July 02 2010 at 9:44am | IP Logged
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It's so hard to see our little ones sad. 
I don't consider it fighting battles for my little ones as much as opportunities to teach and guide them through these new experiences.
I would bring our own toys. Those toy-pedos look cool!
When my oldest was about 3yo we'd go to a pool that allowed toys. He was my first so I didn't know kiddie pool-toy-sharing-ettiquette  .
(More challenging, IMO, than a regular playdate or going somewhere that has toys for kids to play with. It's just different not knowing the other families and when the toys belong to a child rather than "community property" .) The fun things we learn along with our children!
I brought a couple of toys, shared the ones my son wasn't playing with, BUT the challenge was the other children always wanted the toy my son was playing with. I ended up buying two boats that looked exactly alike except for color. Explained to my son that he could pick his favorite and the other was to share. Everything went much smoother after that. Even compliments from other moms about his willingness to share. Well, we had gone over it a little bit and he is a sweetie.
Now we head to the lake (usually daily in the summer), we bring our own toys to enjoy with an extra boat and a bucket with a shovel tossed in for a new friend who wants to play.
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4Real Forums : Nurturing the Years of Wonder
Topic: fighting battles for my son??
