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Becky Parker
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| Posted: June 24 2010 at 5:37am | IP Logged
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Sorry if I'm over-posting regarding baby issues. We've just got "baby on the brain" around here! 
My son had a conversation with my DH last night saying that he was worried about this pregnancy. I guess his biology teacher (at the highschool) explained to them that women should not have a baby after the age of 40 because the eggs are 40 years old and could be "defective". So now he is really worried that our baby might have problems.
My dh said he couldn't help but get mad because even a child born with handicaps is not "defective". We are all God's children. He is in control not us. And other things but he says he didn't think it helped ease my ds's worries.
Does anyone know if there is truly scientific proof of this, or is it just a marketing technique for birth control sales?
And, what would you tell your son to alleviate his fears?
I need to clarify - I know that any child born to any mom could have some sort of handicap. We have a dear friend who lives in a wheel chair that has a wife who is blind, my best friend is foster parenting a child who has physical and mental struggles and we love her to pieces. We are not secluded from this. I want my ds to understand that yes, a child could be born this way and we will love that child for the blessing they are. It is not something to be afraid of.
I'm angry at this teacher for planting fears in my son's head when life is always a blessing. I just don't know how to calm them now.
I hope this isn't as unclear as it sounds! Can anyone decipher my ramblings and help me out with this? 
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
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Teachin'Mine2
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| Posted: June 24 2010 at 7:40am | IP Logged
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Can you point out any children in families that you know who were born to a 40+ mom? Might need to tell him to keep this info confidential.
How horrible that the teacher felt the need to say what he did in the class - I'd be angry too. Maybe you can talk with the teacher and ask if there's something he could say. Like maybe he could talk about what he had already mentioned and then go on to clarify that the percent of children born with any "handicap" is still really small - have him give the percentage - even when the mother is over 40. I think something coming from the teacher might go further with your son since he took what he said to heart.
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guitarnan
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| Posted: June 24 2010 at 7:49am | IP Logged
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I agree, talking with the teacher might help. (And perhaps he can be persuaded to stop using the term "defective," too. People aren't car parts. Even some of our most revered geniuses (Einstein, Hawking) weren't / aren't "typical" people, but they achieved great things all the same.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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stacykay
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| Posted: June 24 2010 at 8:06am | IP Logged
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I don't know facts or figures, but as a daughter born to a mom who was 41 (I think I'm all right, for the most part ,) and a mom again, also at 41, of the healthiest and happiest little guy in our family, well, we buck those statistics.  I'll be praying for calming of fears!!!!
I really am shocked that a teacher would come out, though, and make that sort of pronouncement! Passing along scientific figures or info is one thing (hopefully, from reliable sources!,) but don't tell a child that when a woman should or shouldn't have a child! I'd say that's a huge step out of their realm!
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
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hylabrook1
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| Posted: June 24 2010 at 8:43am | IP Logged
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Sadly, there are many people *out there* who do *step out of their realm* - often because they don't know any better. The science teacher in all likelihood believes it is true that women over 40 *shouldn't have babies*. As a society infected by a contraceptive mentality, we are *taught* all sorts of *good reasons* why we shouldn't have more than a certain number of children, we shouldn't have them when we are in a certain age range, and many other *facts* that all stem from the same root.
The example and conversation about no person being defective will likely sink in better over time - your son may not have seemed comforted at the moment, but as he sees you all behaving in a way that accepts all *imperfect people* (all of us, in one way or another), his fears will probably calm down.
Also, while I'm not qualified to say this as a scientific fact, I personally believe that if an *older mother* conceives and carries a child, the chances of that child being healthy are overwhelming. I think that most of the times when there is a serious *problem*, either the mother doesn't conceive or the baby is miscarried.
I'm praying for your son and for his science teacher.
Peace,
Nancy
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crusermom
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| Posted: June 24 2010 at 6:36pm | IP Logged
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I am so sorry that your son had to hear this. I think with my teens, it would be helpful just to show them the numbers. It is true that the risk of problems does go up, the chances of coming home with a healthy baby are still much more likely. And there are no such things as defective babies! I would probably talk with the teacher, he might not even realize how offensive he is being.
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JodieLyn
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so an egg is fine if it's 39 years and 364 days old? turn 40 and bam that's it?
well I guess when you take God out of the equation.. because He obviously didn't know what he was doing making women fertile past the time when the eggs are "too old".. you do get nonsense like that.
I think it was with Down's there's an age where your risk doubles and a big deal is made out of that.. but the risk was so low to start with that doubling it still doesn't make it some huge risk.
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: June 25 2010 at 8:13am | IP Logged
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Thanks for your input everyone. I also spoke with a wonderful priest about this. It seems he is always telling me to have peace and not worry so much! I guess I'm a worry-wart, especially when I'm pregnant. He knows my son and feels like he will come through this okay. I was also assured by someone else that it is better for my ds to hear this stuff now, while he's at home and still under our care, than when he goes away to college. At least we can talk it through. When he's at college that might not happen so often.
So, my dh and I keep talking to him, in an informal manner, noting, as Teachin'Mine2 said, how many people we know have had perfectly healthy pregnancies and babies in their 40's, and how precious are the little ones we know who do have special needs. I have always taught my children that these are special gifts from God. Maybe that's the other reason that the teacher's comments bothered me so much. She used the term "defective" which is so contrary to what we have always taught our children.
So thank you for helping me once again through some emotional trauma! I feel like you all are going to see my name on a post and run!
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
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Forum Locked) 
4Real Forums : St. Anne's Tearoom: Growing in Wisdom over 40
Topic: "Old eggs"
