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Sarah
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| Posted: March 07 2006 at 12:54pm | IP Logged
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Lately my kids completely tune me out. They laugh and laugh and are in their own world with silliness and jokes and not hearing me and I'm getting kind of frustrated with it. 
Since they hear my voice so much, I think they've become immune to it and something needs to change. Obviously, I can't just stop talking, although I wish it sometimes.
Does anyone have any ideas on maintaining a balance between constantly telling your kids what to do & just being silent? How do you make your voice & verbal ideas more effective? How much laughing and silliness do you let slide? It gets really old. . .  Can't we just be serious sometimes?
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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Rebecca
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| Posted: March 07 2006 at 2:42pm | IP Logged
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Hi Sarah,
It can be really frustrating when the kids don't take you seriously. Mine seem to tune me out when I have been over-correcting them or when I have been just downright irritable. I guess they figure that they would rather not hear what I have to say if it is negative.
(I'm not trying to imply that is what is going on in your household...just what happens in mine sometimes.)
My dad used to tell me that the best way to get somone to listen to you was to LOWER your voice, even to a whisper if necessary. He said that people tune out loud noises but really strain to listen to quiet ones. Somehow, it seems to get the kids attention.
I have a good friend who never corrects her children in public, not even in front of the other children. When she has something to tell one of them, she calls them over and whispers it in their ear. This serves two purposes,
1)maintaining the dignity of the child and 2)assures her that they have heard what she wants them to know and that they have no excuse to say they did not hear it.
As far as how much silliness we let slide in our house, the answer is "almost all of it" unless we are somewhere where silliness is inappropriate, like Mass or when company has come to visit. Silliness tends to run its course in our house and the more we interfere the longer it draws itself out. I have always liked St. John Bosco's quote, "Do what you'd like so long as you do not sin". As long as everyone is being kind to one another and the silliness comes from joy, (not mean spirited) it is fine by me.
God Bless,
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kristina
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| Posted: March 07 2006 at 2:45pm | IP Logged
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Dear Sarah,
I often deal with this with our little ones as well. When the boys are "tuning me out" I sometimes say "Mom, spoke" to remind them to tune in. Sometimes I say to the child who is disregarding me.. "I need to see your eyes" and occasionally even ask them to repeat what I just said.
Sarah, I notice that we both have mostly boys of similar ages with one little daughter.. I can only wonder.. is this a boy thing? If I do not keep them focused, all they want to do is play, play, play.. and be noisy and goofy.
I cannot wait until the warmer weather arrives here in the cold northeast so they can run around outside again. I really think it does help for them to get lots of run around time in fresh air.
I am curious to read what other moms have for advice for you! I have been reading Dr. Ray Guarendi's Discipline That Lasts A Lifetime book and applying some of his good ideas.
Blessings,
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kristina
yesterthoughts
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Rebecca
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| Posted: March 07 2006 at 3:08pm | IP Logged
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kristina wrote:
I can only wonder.. is this a boy thing? If I do not keep them focused, all they want to do is play, play, play.. and be noisy and goofy.
I cannot wait until the warmer weather arrives here in the cold northeast so they can run around outside again. I really think it does help for them to get lots of run around time in fresh air. |
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This is so true. I think the boys need an enormous amount of exercise each day. I often tell them to go outside when they get too noisy in the house or if they are too bouncy. It does me alot of good to get outside each day and have some fun with them as well!
God Bless,
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saintanneshs
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| Posted: March 07 2006 at 3:49pm | IP Logged
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I know just how you feel, Sarah!
kristina wrote:
| Sarah, I notice that we both have mostly boys of similar ages with one little daughter.. I can only wonder.. is this a boy thing? |
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Kristina, I think so! Oh the JOYS of BOYS! ...Lots of silliness going on over here. The last 2 days have been terrible. The boys can't seem to stop making silly noises and silly gestures and mocking each other and acting like they have half a brain in their heads. Yesterday I totally fell for it, doing the old "I'll discipline 'em out of this" routine and by lunch I was miserable. The afternoon went better but not because I was doing anything different. Maybe they were just tired (even with a quiet time). Who knows? &nb sp; &nbs p;
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| If I do not keep them focused, all they want to do is play, play, play.. and be noisy and goofy. |
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This is where things have changed a bit today. We started our morning with an exercise tape for kids so they'd have a chance to get some of the wigglies out before anything else. I've also given them specific tasks to do all morning and we did a science experiment which held everyone's attention, so that helped. It's when mine are allowed to play that they start up with the sillies and while it usually doesn't bother me, it has made me crazy lately. So I guess it's a little bit "me" that's the problem too. My tolerance is low now and my patience is worn down. I usually don't mind a little joking around either, so long as everyone is laughing and having fun. But lately every silly snort has grated my last nerve. Again, I wonder why...
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| I cannot wait until the warmer weather arrives here in the cold northeast so they can run around outside again. I really think it does help for them to get lots of run around time in fresh air. |
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I think that's it for us. Dh hasn't been able to take the boys out to the farm for several weeks now and it's so cold here. I think it's been at least 3 days since we've been outside. Maybe this afternoon we'll bundle up and brave the cold for a little while.
My hat is off to anyone who has a solution better than making your kids run laps around the house!  ...something about running before free-play that takes the energy out of the sillies.
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Kristine
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Sarah
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| Posted: March 07 2006 at 4:42pm | IP Logged
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Thanks ladies! Its amazing how similar our lives are sometimes and it really boosts my spirits to know its not just US dealing with these things. This issue is mild, but irritating. Someday, I'll look back and laugh, right?
saintanneshs wrote:
I usually don't mind a little joking around either, so long as everyone is laughing and having fun. But lately every silly snort has grated my last nerve. Again, I wonder why...
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This is how I feel. There is a lot of snorting--more than usual. And yes, its the BOYS. You are all right, exercise and warmer weather will be the cure.
I'm going to try to be more positive.
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Bridget
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| Posted: March 07 2006 at 4:43pm | IP Logged
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We always joke that the kids hear us just like the children hear the adults in the Charlie Brown comics. Wah, wah, wah, wah wah...
I try not to give a direction unless I can make sure it is carried out. We allow a lot of fun and silliness but not disobedience.
We also draw the line at making a fool of oneself. I have a couple of boys that will be the ones crushing beer cans on their heads and dancing with lampshades. We're aiming for a little more dignity than that here. Not always with the greatest success. But we try!
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: March 08 2006 at 11:07am | IP Logged
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I've been thinking about his one. My kids (3 boys and 1 girl) get the sillies too. For us it is okay unless they are being rude. I feel like they are being rude to me when I can't get them to listen because they are being so silly. (And actually, this is happening more frequently - bad habits? Spring Fever? both?) I was sitting here thinking about what I did in the classroom when I was a teacher. I don't know how it would work in a home setting but I think I am going to try it. The kids in my class knew that when I raised by hand they were to get quiet. Well, that didn't always work when we were in the cafeteria eating lunch or something so I started looking at my watch as soon as I raised my hand. The kids knew that for every minute after one minute that they remained talking/goofing off they would have to stay in from their next recess for 5 minutes. It worked great. I think they only had to stay in from part of their recess one time and they knew I was serious. I think it would work here at home if they lost 5 minutes of their computer time or something. I also might have to think of another sign than raising my hand. It would sure be better than what happens now which is me yelling at them. While I certainly wouldn't use many of the classroom techniques here at home, that one might be adaptable! I'm going to try it anyway. Thanks for bringing up this topic.
Becky
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: March 08 2006 at 11:53am | IP Logged
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Perhaps turning the lights off and on to get their attention? Ring a little bell? I know that always worked for me when I was silly in school!
Oh, and it's not just boys. My dd (4) needs to run as much as my boys did at that age or she will be bouncing off the walls!
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Sarah
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| Posted: March 08 2006 at 2:15pm | IP Logged
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Becky Parker wrote:
| While I certainly wouldn't use many of the classroom techniques here at home, that one might be adaptable! I'm going to try it anyway. |
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Becky, let us know what you are going to do. I agree about the yelling. I love happy children and all, but sometimes they just need to listen for a moment.
I mean, what if the house was on fire or something?!
No seriously, I would like to find some way to kind of mentally round up everyone for a few minutes between giggles.
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Meredith
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Oh BOY there MUST be something in the air, my middle boys 7 and almost 4 will not listen EVEN if I'm yelling, their just too busy playing and constantly messing around. Dinner hour is the worst!! There's a yahoo group about homeschooling boys, I think I'll visit there now and see if I can link back, if you've seen this one, let us know what it's like or if it's a good one to join.
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Meredith
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Bridget
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| Posted: March 08 2006 at 6:42pm | IP Logged
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I want a coaches wistle.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Leonie
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| Posted: March 09 2006 at 5:21pm | IP Logged
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We sometimes have whisper times - I start whispering or talking quietly and go up to a son and talk quietly in his ear - "Its whisper time.". My tone sets the tone, iykwim? The boys think this is fun!
We also sometimes have "silent lunch".  Now, that is a hard one to work on - but fun because it is different. And it teaches the value of occasional quiet time.
Makes a change from our usual noise and silliness!
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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abcmommy
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| Posted: March 09 2006 at 6:42pm | IP Logged
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This link spoke to me earlier this week.
http://joanneaz_2.tripod.com/positivedisciplineresourcecente r/id23.html
and this is also something I am trying with the smaller members of my little herd:
http://www.aolff.org/8.html
The people who made those links are evangelical protestants but I do not think their suggestions are at all contrary to catholic teachings.
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Topic: Falling on Deaf Ears
