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Gracesmom
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| Posted: June 15 2010 at 2:57pm | IP Logged
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I know I haven't posted much...but I am begging for your prayers, as from what I have read, they can be miraculous...and to be honest I feel like I need a miracle right now.
My husband and I have been married for 6 years next month.
I feel "done" in our marriage. Like I would rather be roomates. We have drifted apart. We've gone and talked to a priest, and still have to go back for individual guidance, but even still, we are constantly arguing over the dumbest things.
I'm asking for prayers, any that you can possibly spare. I want to love him again, and I want us to be a strong, united, loving, Catholic family. I feel like I have no one to talk to about this, but I respect each and every one of you and am asking for your help.
God bless you all.
Thank you so much!
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: June 15 2010 at 3:17pm | IP Logged
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Thank you for trusting us with your intentions  .
I'm so sorry that you and your dh are struggling. I'm also very proud of both of you, that you are reaching out to find help. Please find reassurance in the fact that marriage is hard. You are still newly married. Please trust that time and experience can change feelings, change hearts, change perspective. I pray that you will find just the right help for your situation and that you will be blessed abundantly for doing the hard work of marriage...for wanting to be a loving wife.
Praying for you mightily because you, your dh, and your marriage are invaluable!
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
About Me
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JennGM
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| Posted: June 15 2010 at 3:36pm | IP Logged
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Oh, I'm praying. I'm so sorry. I agree with Angie, there is a reason why there are saying talking about the first 5-7 years are the hardest. There is a lot of adjustment. We are learning to die to self everyday. Adding kids in the mix demands even more sacrifice.
Just a few thoughts that have helped me along the way. I'm not providing marital advice, just a few thoughts. I have fought feelings like yours. Dh and I got married late in life and dealing with the adjustment of dying to self after we had been single and alone and independent for so long has been a constant struggle.
The key thing is to not give into emotions or "feelings". Love is not a feeling; it is an act of the will. Love equates sacrifice. Easy to type, hard to do in the everyday. What we go through marriage is akin to our spiritual lives. As we grow closer in love, the gift of "feeling good" is sometimes taken away to test. So we do go through dry spells, and it's a big temptation to want to just take care of just ourselves, and no one else.
Also remember that is an extremely dominant cultural pressure to take care of self. Self comes first. The culture encourages us to relook and change our decisions and commitments when the going gets tough. I'm not saying you want "out" but we are often affected by our culture without being aware of it.
Years ago I was getting spiritual advice in discerning my vocation from Father John Hardon and he kept saying to me that I need to pray for discernment and enlightenment for my decision in my vocation. But once I make the decision, then I must STICK TO IT. He always said Americans don't stick to their commitments in their vocation. How many times do you hear priests and nuns RE-discerning their vocation after the vows have already been made?
It does change the perspective when the mindset is "How can I make this work?" rather than "I want out." If you keep to your heart that this is forever, it does help give more ideas on how to make forever a bit more comfortable.
Other thoughts is to try to think of ways of doing things together; find things that dh enjoys and share in them. Schedule date nights. I can't remember how many children or how young, but often when we are tired because of sleepless nights of sick children, nursing babies, etc. everything looks bleaker and harder to accomplish. We can be "touched out" with the children's needs. It takes all the will power to bring back to the forefront our husband's priority. Our vocation is first married, and to our children.
I know...all easier said than done, and maybe nothing applies at all.
Bottom line, big and lots of prayers for you.
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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aussieannie
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| Posted: June 15 2010 at 3:49pm | IP Logged
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Praying for you and your dh! Wonderful advice so far, Fr John Hardon's words are just gems Jenn, thank you for sharing it.
My suggestion is to pray for the grace to really love in that way again.
I remember struggling to feel the feelings I needed to with a family member and I took it to a continual novena, asking the Infant Child to give me the love for this person/persons the way His Blessed Mother loved Him and the way St Anne loved His Blessed Mother...I was astounded by the effects of these daily, simple words in prayer.
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Under Her Starry Mantle
Spiritual Motherhood for Priests
Blessed with 3 boys & 3 girls!
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guitarnan
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| Posted: June 15 2010 at 4:27pm | IP Logged
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I am praying for you!
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: June 15 2010 at 4:30pm | IP Logged
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Praying for you and your marriage.
I know my 6th and 7th year of marriage were the hardest for my husband and I. I think it is very common, in fact. Romance carries you through the first few years, but after that the work of growing into a mature marriage begins. And it can indeed be hard, heart-breaking, strength-testing work. Now after 18 years of marriage we look back and see the difficulties of those years as the growing pains they were. Difficult, but in the end, necessary. And together we have built something that is stronger and more beautiful than any romance can ever be.I shudder to think what I would be missing if we had walked away all those years ago.
Anyway, you definitely have my prayers. May God bless you for reaching out for help and for your sincere desire to live your vocation.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Chris V
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| Posted: June 15 2010 at 5:06pm | IP Logged
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I don't think there are anymore kind words to nurture you with, than that which has already been shared. You have my prayers .
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Chris
Happy Wife with my Happy Life
Mama to My Five Girls ('04~'07~'09~'11~'11) 
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DominaCaeli
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Praying for you and your husband to dear St. Joseph.
__________________
Blessings,
Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
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Pilgrim
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| Posted: June 15 2010 at 5:37pm | IP Logged
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Praying for your marriage, may the Holy Sprirt renew and strengthen you both through the sacrament of Holy matrimony you've been given. I have found Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal very comforting and attentive to my request when praying during times of disagreement with dh lately. One little thing I would add to all the wonderful advice is the thought that strikes me at the heart of any disagreement we have in our marriage. The most iportant things, those of value, those worth arguing over, are those of eternal value. I try to decide when we have an issue we disagree on is whether it is important morally, in the long term "looking to heaven" scheme of things. These are the things I will hold onto, that are worth making an issue over, that are worth struggling to resolve. In the reality that is ours as Catholics, or even Christians, the things that matter are those that affect peoples souls. The souls of ourselves, our spouses, and especially our children. What to have for Supper, what color to paint the kitchen, etc. are not worth an argument in the end. These are the things to let drop, hard as it may be if we have a strong opinion on it! 
One other thing that I have found helpful when struggling with negative feelings over little things dh does, is to write out a list of ALL the good things about him. Break out a notebook, and keep it handy for those times you are struggling. It really helps a person overcome the negative or sad feelings, and see things in a positive light. Try to look back through the years you've been married to ALL the good things, and then even further to the dating and engaged days. Remmeber the things that made you fall in love. And then also try each day to see the little things he does for the family that you don't normally notice in "the thick of things". Even discussing with each other the little sacrifices you make each day can sometimes help, then you can realize all the other has been doing that you didn't even know. I love it when dh tells me of the sacrifices he does that I don't know of, it makes me appreciate him, and softens my heart!
God bless you both, we will pray for you!
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Servant2theKing
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| Posted: June 15 2010 at 5:38pm | IP Logged
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I remember a very drastic, painful argument between dh and I in the early years of our marriage....somehow one of us knelt beside our bed and started to pray an Our Father...it was just a single prayer...actually a plea or cry for help...but, I believe it was a pivotal time in our married life. If you and your dh can pray together...even if it's just a single Our Father...God will be faithful to respond. He hears the cry of your heart and He cares deeply about you, your marriage and your family.
Tragically, too many marriages end up as unfinished symphonies. The real harmony in married life begins after many years of working together to overcome the cacophony of living in a fallen world, which threatens to tear marriages apart at every turn. There is a phrase that Robert Browning wrote to his wife Elizabeth Barrett Browning..."Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be." It's so true...marriage gets better and better over time!
You and your dh might appreciate watching the movie "Fireproof" together...there are some meaningful elements in the storyline that could benefit many couples. If all couple practiced the Love Dare, there might be far fewer struggling marriages.
We will be praying that God works a profound miracle of grace, bringing you and your dh closer to one another and to Him, making your marriage the holy and sacred union He truly intends for both of you! May God bless you both and may He gently guide you toward being the strong, united, loving, Catholic family that is the desire of your heart.
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All for Christ, our Saviour and King, servant
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Mackfam
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| Posted: June 15 2010 at 9:07pm | IP Logged
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Adding my prayers for you and your husband and your marriage. What lovely and heartfelt thoughts have been shared by all!
May God's unspeakable mercy be experienced by you and your husband. I can say through my own experiences that His grace does amazing and wondrous things within marriage...even when it *feels* painful. Be consoled with the knowledge that Jenn shared above - that love is not a feeling, but is an act of the will!! This is a rich mercy!!
As you continue stepping out in faith, know that our prayers ascend with yours that God will heal and open hearts with His grace.
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Booksnbabes
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| Posted: June 15 2010 at 9:16pm | IP Logged
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Praying! So many beautiful things have been said, so I'll just add my prayers and
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Wife to wonderful DH, mom to SIX beautiful gifts from God!
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hylabrook1
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| Posted: June 16 2010 at 12:02pm | IP Logged
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Praying for you and your husband.
Peace,
Nancy
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Chris V
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| Posted: June 16 2010 at 12:52pm | IP Logged
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This post from Holy Experience came across my reader this morning. I thought I'd share it with you. Perhaps it will help, at least maybe provide something to think about.
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Chris
Happy Wife with my Happy Life
Mama to My Five Girls ('04~'07~'09~'11~'11)
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SusanMc
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| Posted: June 17 2010 at 9:39pm | IP Logged
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Just wanted to let you know that I'm praying too. I also was moved by the above linked post on Holy Experience as I thought I was the ONLY faithful person ever to dare wonder at low times if I'd married the wrong person.
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Elena
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| Posted: June 18 2010 at 12:33pm | IP Logged
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Gosh I can't even remember the 6th year of our marriage  . We're going to hit 31 years this August!
Anyhow, I watched the movie Fireproof with my husband and we both thought it was very good. There's a study guide that goes with it, but the movie itself is very powerful. Maybe you will find it helpful?
Prayers for both of you.
__________________
Elena
Wife to Peter, mom of many!
My Domestic Church
One Day at a Time
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Pilgrim
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| Posted: June 18 2010 at 4:45pm | IP Logged
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An added thought, is praying for your marriage through the intercession of Blesseds Louis and Zelie Martin (St. Therese of the Child Jesus' parents). How awesome to be able to pray for our marriages through the intercession of a couple named Blesseds by Holy Mother Church! A friend brought us back a relic touched to their relics when she traveled to France this year, and I was thinking about you and praying for you this morning when I saw it on our piano. Our prayers for you continue!
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Wife 2 my bf, g14,b8,g&b6,g4,g3,g1 1/2,4 ^i^
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4Real Forums : We Pray to the Lord
Topic: My marriage...
