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dolorsofmary
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| Posted: June 11 2010 at 9:05am | IP Logged
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I discussed this with my husband and he was not sure if it was a correct answer either. He wanted me to make it into a thread so here I go:
So like my 5 yo little boy (he'll be 5 in August) knows that eventually we die, because we went to the cementary (he really wanted to go on All Souls Day last year but we have no relatives in the area so we did not go, but this Memorial Day we went anyway since he expressed an interest)
Anyway sometimes late at night DS will ask me meaning of life questions.
He asked me about heaven and he stated at first that he does not want his body in the ground because worms will get to it. I said that that is what a coffin is for. Of course I imagine worms get to us anyway and I believe that there are worms in our body already or at least so I have heard but I did not tell him this. He was very satisfied it seemed with my answer. About Heaven he always feels that it is not as good as it is here and he does not want to go at all. I explain that heaven is perfect joy and whatever makes you happy will be there, I said that the transformers, and Thomas and our house, grass and trees and whatever else he mentioned would be there if that is what makes him happy, of course I at times remind him that happiness comes from within, not from toys, but I don't think he understands that.
He asks me why Jesus died for us and I asked him 'why do you think?' And he said 'so we can all go to heaven.' And he asked what would happen if Jesus didn't do that? I said 'what do you think?' And he said 'we'd all go to Hell.' (He does not have nightmares about hell and I do not show him scary pictures of hell or any really, extra for Pong the demon from Catholic Treasure box (he likes hearing about demons, I guess it tickles his ears.)
I suppose that is right so I told him yes because I've heard that that is what we all deserve but through God's grace and mercy we are here and can breathe etc etc I didn't go into detail, just a 'yes' I said.
Then earlier that evening he mentioned things he wanted for Christmas and he knows that Daddy, Santa and me talk over the toys he wants and we can tell Santa 'no' to a toy that he wants for various reasons. DS asked me last night how does Daddy and I talk to Santa. I felt that I gave a poor answer. I said that Santa is St. Nick and that we pray to him. Not sure if that is the best answer, might cause confusion or even lack of faith once the truth is known? Last December we read a LOT of books on Santa and Saint Nicholas. I had described that Saint NIck is a saint and why and Santa is Santa and (we have a book about the Santa kneeling before the Christ child and it goes into his Saint history and concludes with him becoming santa, I read this to him every December too) and we played the ccc cartoon of St. Nick too. I skipped over the parts about Santa being made up. I have a statue of St. Nick that I put out in December (he is a bishop holding 3 gold balls and the bible) and we celebrate St. Nick Day as well.
I had read the Michael Medved book on Childhood and it was very good. In it he states that it is good for children to believe in fairy tales like Santa, etc. It is part of their childhood. We should shelter them and give them a sense of wonder. Too often children are 'worldproofed' way too early and they become jaded.
I am hoping I answered his questions properly. Can you all provide a tweak please. Thank you!
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Maggie
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| Posted: June 11 2010 at 10:06pm | IP Logged
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Well...we have a very insightful 5yo on our hands as well. Her musings can stop me dead in my tracks.
Death is a common subject here since the most recent loss of our unborn baby in March 2010.
In terms of Saint Nicholas/Santa stuff...I know all families are different and handle this according to what they feel is best for their family.
For us, because my dd is so sensitive and literal...we have chosen to focus solely on Saint Nicholas.
When "Saint Nicholas" brings presents, it does delight her. She has a child-like joy that is so beautiful.
We love this custom because it is an old custom in the Church, according to this website that details an account of French Nuns who gave gifts to poor children. Without wanting anyone to know of their good deed, they attributed the gift-giving to Saint Nicholas, so as to remain anonymous.
So...when my dd is older, we will tell her that the Lord said, "Do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing." (paraphrased).  In order to remain anonymous and attribute our good deeds and gifts to a saint and ultimately to God's generosity and love, we tell our children that Saint Nicholas has brought them gifts.  And we will cite those dear little French nuns in the 1100s as precedence for our actions.
This way, we do not "world-proof" so quickly and allow the true mysticism of our faith and childhood delight blossom in our little ones.
I don't know if that answers any of your questions...but it's just an example of what we, as one family, do...and might just offer you a glimpse of ideas that work for your family.
But I hear ya' on those littles who ask tough questions about life!
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Wife to dh (12 years) Mama to dd (10) ds (8), dd (1), ds (nb) and to Philip Mary (5/26/09), Lucy Joy (12/6/09), and Margaret Mary (3/6/10) who entered Heaven before we had a chance to hold them.
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guitarnan
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| Posted: June 11 2010 at 10:47pm | IP Logged
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I think we have much to learn from young children and their questions, but we must also be mindful of their trust and simplicity of heart. Most children don't need (or want, at least at my house) lengthy explanations - they want answers to their specific questions.
About Heaven, I think it's important to acknowledge that childhood on Earth is (at its best) very special and enjoyable. It is a tribute to you that your son is so happy here on Earth. When you talk about Heaven, it's okay to keep things brief, as in, "God has promised us that we will be completely happy with Him and Jesus and our loved ones in Heaven." We don't know what Heaven "looks" like, and it's okay to say that, too.
I love that your son wants to visit gravesites on All Souls...there are so many people whose families never visit their graves even though they are nearby. (I live far from our family gravesites, and feel sad that I cannot visit. It would comfort me to know that a caring little boy stopped by to say a prayer...)
I was a Cub Scout assistant den leader for a few years, and the motto of Cub Scouting is "Keep it Simple, Make it Fun (and do it outdoors whenever possible)." Simplicity is key - your son sees things with the innocent heart and clear eyes that adults envy, but that also means the answers you give must be on that level. True, not too complex and to the point...that is what you're striving for.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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4Real Forums : Nurturing the Years of Wonder
Topic: 4 yo asks meaning of life questions
