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dolorsofmary
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| Posted: April 27 2010 at 10:36am | IP Logged
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what do you do differently since you have only 1 child? I have 1 child he is 4.5 yrs old. Thank you. I'm trying not to raise a brat and I want tips. Thank you!
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dakotamidnight
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| Posted: April 27 2010 at 10:39am | IP Logged
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I'm watching for tips too - I have an only daughter who is almost 4.
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JennGM
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| Posted: April 27 2010 at 10:51am | IP Logged
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This past thread Homeschooling an Only Child had some links to other discussions, too, that you might find helpfu;.
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Jennifer G. Miller
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Bridget
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| Posted: April 28 2010 at 5:46am | IP Logged
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I am not a mom of an only, but I have an observation to offer.
We have friends with an only who is a 15 year old boy. This is a stellar kid, kind, smart, helpful, pleasant. He hopes to become a priest. His mom credits their success with being a servant family. As a family they do many jobs at our parish, they are always working and their son works right along with them. They have always taken him to nursing homes to visit, worked at homeless shelters, cared for ill relatives, helped others with lawn care and building projects. All these things have helped form him into a hard working, selfless young man.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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stacykay
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| Posted: April 28 2010 at 7:19am | IP Logged
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Echoing Bridget, here.
I was raised as an only child (my two half-sisters were 13 and 16 years older and had moved out by the time I was 5.) I really think it is the parents' example that shapes a child.
I think  I was a rather empathetic, on the kind-side, child. In my entire life, I never, ever heard my mum say anything unkind about anyone. She was a sahm until I went into high school. Both my parents were disciplined in their everyday life, never complained about anything, did their life's work to the best of their ability. Very active in our church. When my uncle became ill, we took care of him. It was never looked on as a burden. My parents were always smiling and laughing about something. I guess I could go on and on, but you get the idea. It's more than not giving too many toys or not fulfilling every want...
And having siblings is, unfortunately, no guarantee that a child won't be a brat!
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
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JaysFamily
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| Posted: April 28 2010 at 9:08am | IP Logged
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I have an only child who's 3.5. I've been getting some criticism for starting Preschool with him this summer. It is such a blessing to be able to be this devoted and close to a single child, but it can be exhausting in its own unique ways. I need other tools to keep him entertained, and he's ready to learn now. Plus, I'm looking for things to do that don't involve playing with trains.  He asks to do workbooks and to work with shapes, so we're going to formally start Preschool this July.
One thing I've encountered so far, is that toddler and young child play dates are not as high of a priority to other families as they are to us. Often, these play dates are his only opportunity for free-play with other children. That's not always the case for children with siblings. It seems that in balancing the needs of all their children, if they cancel an activity, it's often the play date with us.  I think once he's old enough for us to settle down in the homeschooling groups, socialization will take care of itself. In the meantime, I provide him with opportunities to be around other children in gymnastics class, play dates, etc.
My son has also been the only grandchild so far, so he's been showered with toys. I purge the junk toys every few months, as long as he isn't too attached to them. As he gets older, I'll become more strict about making him give away his excess things, and even some of his special things so he won't be selfish, but I don't expect him to understand that at 3. I've also received criticism about the amount of toys he has. Just like any other family, when toys and material things begin to take over the home, we have a purging. In the meantime, yes, we do have more toys per child than other families, but we generally don't have more toys. I think that as long as he shares his things when other children are here, and as long as he grows up donating his things to others, then he should be fine.
I think that people tend to look for only children to be spoiled, because it's a stereotype. I've met plenty of selfish and spoiled people who have siblings. I was very spoiled until I became a mother. There are also some aspects of being an only child that will make it more difficult for him to exhibit or to get away with negative or immoral behaviors. When he's older, there won't be any siblings to help him with the chores! Plus, he can't lie. Well, he can, but he can't get away with it since he's the only person in the house that would, oh say, take a crayon to the wall, or try to flush a whole roll of toilet paper. If something's broken, we know who is responsible!
I just read the other discussion that was linked in this one. It really made me think of a couple of families in particular. These families have some of the most well behaved and caring children I've ever met. The one thing I've noticed that they both have in common, is that the children are always serving at Church. Always. They are the ones who automatically put up chairs and tables, take out the trash, volunteer with projects, etc. I don't think they are that way just because they have siblings, but because they have parents who serve, and have raised their children to imitate Christ in that regard.
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CatholicMommy
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| Posted: April 28 2010 at 9:36am | IP Logged
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Definitely service - seeing the needs of others. It is SO easy in a small family (in my case, my son and I) to get caught up in your own little problems or in having too much stuff, etc. that the selfishness comes in.
I know I have been very diligent in this regard, BUT I did have a family day care (which provided for serving others, variety of ages, etc) which brought in a lot of material "stuff" into our home. Now that we're not doing it anymore (can't do it where we live now), it's hard to let go of some of those things that we needed when we had 6 children in the house. Because my son will use them at some point. It was easier to justify the stuff when children were actually USING it. Now there is so much in storage.
So I agree that "getting out" of the house - physically is also very good; because it lessens the need to have everything in the home for just one child.
I think what I'm *trying* to say is that having the same amount of items for one child (because he/she WILL use them - we're not talking about hoarding here) as for 6 children (who are also legitimately using the items) - sets up a situation that can easily lead to being spoiled.
It is also far too easy to focus only on each other. Get out. Have interactions with others.
And also, within the home, maintain a routine (harder to do with just one or two children)- not a strict schedule persay, but a routine so the child doesn't miss out on the benefits of that aspect of large families. And make sure that routine (whether large or small families) includes QUIET time. Time for each person to just be with God, his/her own thoughts, and just be. When you have 2 parents and a child, again you focus so much on each other that it's almost easier for God to be left out, than in large families where the groups are ever-changing.
Does any of that make any sense???
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