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kristacecilia
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| Posted: March 06 2010 at 6:36am | IP Logged
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I have an almost six year old son. Between schooling and home life, he is at our house most of the day, which he enjoys. There are a couple little boys in the neighborhood who are 6 and he has played with before. They are being raised in non-religious families and are both public schooled.
I know my son really loves to play with his friends, and he frequently talks about them while at home.
Here is the dilemma. First of all, the other boys are allowed to do and watch a lot more than we allow our DS to do. They are watching adult movies (like the Spiderman Triology, the new Transformers movies, etc) and TV shows for older children- and it comes up in their games. They occasionally use bad language. When my son does play with them I have noticed he picks up specific behaviors from them that I have to then correct at home.
Both my 4 year old and my 6 year old play with these boys together and, while they normally get along very well (with the occasional fight), when a friend is over one of them is constantly left out and has their feelings hurt while the other is the other boy's favorite. When this happens it causes all sorts of fights between my boys.
Both the other boys are playing expensive sports right now (hockey) and my son is frequently told that he doesn't know anything about hockey, doesn't know how to play, and can't contribute to a pretend game of hockey because he doesn't play. He is also told the same thing about nearly every game they play togehter- my son doesn't 'know' anything about that game, so he can't contribute, he can just do what the other boy tells him to do.
I don't agree with a lot of the ways these boys are being raised, but since every pare nt has their own right to do what they think is best, I let most of that go unless it directly affects my family.
However, letting my boys play with the local neighborhood boys always makes me frustrated. The moms and I are on good terms- one of them and I are actually very good friends, and I have addressed some of these issues with her.
It would be so easy for me to just insist that my son can't play with these boys. I could definitely jsut go AWOL from the local society and curl up in my house and keep my kids away. I don't think that is the best course of action, but I get really tempted sometimes to just do it!
How important is it for a six year old boy to have friends outside of the home? He is a good boy- has some issues with emotional outbursts- loves his brother and sister, is very intelligent, helpful, and sweet. I don't want to expose him to things which undermine our family life unnecessarily, but I (honestly) want him to be able to have local friends he can play with, too. Same for the 4 year old, but just because of their difference in personalities, I am less concerned about him.
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Teachin'Mine2
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| Posted: March 06 2010 at 11:34am | IP Logged
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I do think friends are important at that age. Maybe you could have the mom you're friends with over your house, with her son, and you can supervise their play a bit more. At your house they won't be watching anything inappropriate, and you can both correct any language, or other, concerns.
But I'd also start looking for other sources for friends. It takes a bit more effort to find friends outside of a neighborhood, but you'll find some with similar values. Any home school groups? Or church groups? Or groups associated with any interests he has?
It's such an impressionable age. I learned this the hard way years ago. We thought spending time with kids from a very different environment would positively impact them, and while it may have a little, the impact on my daughter was much greater. It's so hard to get them back to where they were before these influences. That was our experience anyway. Now my daughter is very careful in choosing her friends.
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SeaStar
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| Posted: March 06 2010 at 6:14pm | IP Logged
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We have the same situation in my neighborhood. There is a group of boys just a little older than my ds who run around with very little parental supervision. They are at times mean- playing tricks on the other kids, etc.
They have older siblings and access to shows and movies that I don't allow in my house.
So... that group is just out for my ds. I don't want them influencing him in any way. It is hard, since we all live close together, but as my ds gets older (he is 7 now) he is able to recognize that a lot of what these boys do and say is not good. That has made it easier.
We turned to our homeschool group to find other friends. We have two days a week now that we see other friends, and my ds is happy about that. He is a true extrovert and thrives on being with others, so it is important for him to have friends. All last year I prayed that other friends would come along, and God provided. I am very thankful.
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kristacecilia
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| Posted: March 06 2010 at 8:23pm | IP Logged
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Thanks to both of you.
I will definitely follow your examples and pray for more suitable companions for my sons.
For now, I will continue to let them play with the boys in the neighborhood, but with supervision.
I am glad to know that I am not the only one concerned about what company my little ones keep. I cross-posted this to another Catholic forum and got a lot of 'you can't raise them in a bubble' comments which made me feel like I was being entirely too overprotective. I thought the ladies here might understand where I was coming from more, and I guess I was right!
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Teachin'Mine2
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| Posted: March 06 2010 at 8:53pm | IP Logged
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When someone says the "overprotective" word, I immediately think - if I don't protect her, who will? That's a mom's job - and dad's too. 
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Chris V
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| Posted: March 06 2010 at 9:12pm | IP Logged
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Teachin'Mine2 wrote:
| When someone says the "overprotective" word, I immediately think - if I don't protect her, who will? That's a mom's job - and dad's too. |
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Absolutely!
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mamalove
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| Posted: March 08 2010 at 7:51am | IP Logged
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my ds is 12, and we have always raised him with our catholic homeschooling friends as his buddys. Ignore the "bubble" people, those are the catholics who raise such worldly children, you cant even tell they are catholic, IF they dont leave the faith.
Its better to get used to getting your ds together with other nice playmates now, because you are really going to thank yourself when your son is older and is used to good playmates.
It is worth the effort to make the drive ect. to get togeteher with other likeminded children. We play with other children at parks, the pool and places like that...and you can really see your children giving glory to Our Lord when they come across a child who is not being raised under the mantle of Our Lady...they come up to you and tell you that this child is not being nice...or they later tell you what bad things the child was saying, and tell you that they didnt like it.
its worth it!
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Kathryn
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| Posted: March 08 2010 at 7:26pm | IP Logged
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kristacecilia wrote:
I am glad to know that I am not the only one concerned about what company my little ones keep. I cross-posted this to another Catholic forum and got a lot of 'you can't raise them in a bubble' comments which made me feel like I was being entirely too overprotective. I thought the ladies here might understand where I was coming from more, and I guess I was right! |
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I get that too and I've learned to just shrug my shoulders. WHATEVER!  I think kids' need maturity and guidance to make wise choices which is why they NEED to be protected until they have that maturity and wisdom to discern good friends from "bad" ones. It's a lot easier to slide down a mountain than to climb one (meaning, it's so much easier for the ways of the world to pull you down than to pull yourself back up...it's better to not go there).
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(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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kristacecilia
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| Posted: March 09 2010 at 5:44am | IP Logged
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You guys have made me feel so much better (and so much less like a freak!)
Thanks! I am still praying for good friends for my kids.
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juststartn
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| Posted: March 09 2010 at 10:00am | IP Logged
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I wish we had children near us...
There are two hsing families that are Catholic within a 2 county radius. Neither of them are compatible with ours, unfortunately. 
My children have friends, but they don't see them often at all. We live in the country, and their friends live a good 45 min away. We have no children nearby, only cows. Our tv died, we've not replaced it, and the twins somehow managed to destroy the computer's dvd player....so they don't even have movies to watch. The girls read *A LOT* Right now, my oldest is devouring the Redwall series again (she's long since torn through the Little House books, the Happy Hollisters, old Nancy Drews, Hardy Boys, Bobbsey twins...Chronicle of Narnia, the Chronicles of Prydain...etc)
On the one hand, the children are becoming better friends with one another. That's a good thing. And I don't have to listen to the plot of the latest Sponge Bob episode. 
But I do wish we had some good friends close by. They have penpals (one in England, two here in the states), but that is not the same at all.
I don't know what advice to give you, really.
Rachel
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rose gardens
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| Posted: March 09 2010 at 10:55am | IP Logged
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juststartn wrote:
I wish we had children near us...
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That's a mixed blessing. 
My younger children play with the neighborhood children. I'm sometimes pleased when my children decide on their own that they no longer want to play with certain "friends".
Sometimes as the other children go off to school and get busy with their time-consuming sports and activities, the problems of less-than-stellar neighboring influences disappear or lessen.
When we find good neighborhood friendships, we've had to make a point to maintain those friendships once the children reach older ages. The kids spend most of the day at school and then have activities after school and in the evenings. It's more common for both parents to work once all their children reach school age.
I find that other homeschooling children are often in similar situations of needing and wanting friends. As they get older, my children form friendships with other's who hold similar values and spend less time with the neighbors who may just be "friends of convenience".
I make a point to join activities that involve other homeschooled children and also clubs and activities with children and parents, (homeschoolers or not) who hold similar values. I have encountered parents (both homeschoolers and not) who make it a point to do the same for their childre. We have made some very nice friends who share our values.
Plus, we have the added advantage of a large family. Do not discount the role of brothers and sisters as potential friends and playmates.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: How important are friends for a 6 y/o?
