| Author | |
insegnante
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 07 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1143
|
| Posted: Feb 19 2010 at 11:15pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
My son will be 8. Unfortunately, he doesn't really have many personal friends. I would say the one person who seems most like his friend is a girl he sees at Atrium and other parish events. For his 7th birthday we hosted four kids including that girl at his first-ever party with peers. One, who had invited him to his own party before that, has moved away. One is sometimes but not always that friendly to him although he does come from a very nice family. One is more a friend of our friends and fairly unlikely to be able to come given distance and their schedule. I feel kind of panicked about how to pull off another OK party for him now that he has already had one with peers.
Things I don't know
-is there some unwritten rule that you need to invite everyone if you invite a couple of people from a small group like Atrium or a Scout den if you're not only inviting people who are your kid's "friends" outside of that setting? I just remember that as a younger kid, there were a lot of parties where the whole class, or all classmates of the same sex, were invited. I always just invited personal friends to mine though.
-do parents feel like it's a burden to get an invitation from a kid who's not really friends with their kid? I could see how people might feel pressure about time and money for gifts for dozens of kids every year (again, there's apparently differing opinions on whether asking for no gifts is somehow improper etiquette) versus not wanting to say no. I can't really convey, "It's completely OK if you really don't want to come, we wouldn't want you to then... Just giving your kid an opportunity if he actually would enjoy it."
__________________
Theresa
mommy to three boys, 3/02, 8/04, and 9/10, and a girl, 8/08
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
folklaur
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2816
|
| Posted: Feb 20 2010 at 12:11am | IP Logged
|
|
|
i know a lot of people have an "only invite close friends" mentality. and i totally understand that.
but, in those small group situations, i think it gets tricky. and i also never want to hurt a child's feelings. so, i have been in situations where there are like 8 kids in the scout den, and ds liked all but say two of them. i still would invite them all. i just couldn't invite 3/4 of the den, kwim?
i stress about things like parties tho, so i probably am the worst person to be giving advice.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
insegnante
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 07 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1143
|
| Posted: Feb 20 2010 at 12:24am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thanks for your input Laura. Although he wouldn't be inviting that high a proportion and leaving out a small minority, I'm uneasy about him if given free range possibly inviting the kids he "likes" as opposed to the kids he genuinely has more of a relationship with, and (with no bad intentions at all, he is NOT a mean kid) talking about it in front of the other kids, etc.
Btw, our parties are likely to be very simple, home-based ones. If we were doing "outings" then I would feel more justified in limiting guests for economic reasons. I have actually considered whether we could do some kind of outing and tell him he can invite a very small number of kids partly for the purpose of avoiding awkwardness about inviting. But I'm not sure if we can afford that or if there's something that would be fun and would work for our group.
I'm really quite afraid of him getting his feelings hurt if there is an underwhelming response to his invitations. I have done a terrible job of getting him out there this year and he's just not cut out to be one of the "alpha kids" wherever he goes, IYKWIM.
__________________
Theresa
mommy to three boys, 3/02, 8/04, and 9/10, and a girl, 8/08
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
folklaur
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2816
|
| Posted: Feb 20 2010 at 12:36am | IP Logged
|
|
|
insegnante wrote:
I'm really quite afraid of him getting his feelings hurt if there is an underwhelming response to his invitations. I have done a terrible job of getting him out there this year and he's just not cut out to be one of the "alpha kids" wherever he goes, IYKWIM. |
|
|
oh, goodness, i totally get this part.
we have done it where we would take them someplace really special and he could just invite one person. the person he wanted was a little girl he was very good friends with. they had a blast.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
mathmama
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 07 2006
Location: Pennsylvania
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 771
|
| Posted: Feb 20 2010 at 6:39am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Are there any families that you are close with? For our daughters' parties we have always invited family along with the "godfamilies" of all 3. It makes for quite a full house. My children a quite a bit younger than the other children at the party, but they have a blast. In some ways I think it is better not to have other children their age there. The older children are very focused on making the day special for the birthday child. It makes for a wonderful day.
__________________
Beth, wife to Tom and mommy to 4 beautiful girls:
Therese 11/04
Anna Mary 6/07
Veronica 10/09
Theodora 11/12
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
insegnante
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 07 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1143
|
| Posted: Feb 20 2010 at 9:13pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Unfortunately, no, we're not close with any other families at this point. The ones I mentioned whose busy lives and distance from us may well keep their son from attending are about as close as we get. And I'm sure he specifically wants to invite some of the kids he already sees/interacts with.
__________________
Theresa
mommy to three boys, 3/02, 8/04, and 9/10, and a girl, 8/08
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Feb 20 2010 at 9:42pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Theresa, I'm the last person to ask about etiquette.. except that I do get annoyed with the lack of actual RSVPs regardless of if it's yes or no.
Pretty much we plan the party we want to have.. my limitations depending on what the child picks and we invite the number of kids we can.. IF we get some no's back in a reasonable time.. I will allow them to invite someone else.
Sometimes we have families over for a Backyard BBQ.. sometimes I do a more traditional kids party.. I rarely RARELY do the treat bags that seem to be the rage.. but I do try and have some party "favor" to send home.
We had a summer obstacle course on year including hitting targets with water guns.. they got to take their water gun home.
We had a gardening party.. they planted flowers and got to take their little pot of planted seeds home.
We had a slip and slide party without a favor.. but we used a big tarp and sprinkler and dishsoap to make it slippery and the kids have a blast.
WE had a put so much fun stuff in your hot chocolate that you could hardly drink it party 
And I think we might check with one of the local hotels that will let you have a pool party at their indoor pool.. for a combined party this year.. we'll need to see how many people they allow and such all.. not to mention the price..
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
saigemom
Forum Pro
Joined: March 18 2008
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 187
|
| Posted: Feb 22 2010 at 11:34am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I give my kids a choice between the money I would spend on a party and a party. This way I am not trying to plan 3 parties every year. They alternate between what they do and it usually works out well.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
insegnante
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 07 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1143
|
| Posted: Feb 22 2010 at 12:03pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I'm pretty certain he would choose the party, so I still have to figure out what to do about inviting ...
__________________
Theresa
mommy to three boys, 3/02, 8/04, and 9/10, and a girl, 8/08
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Feb 22 2010 at 12:21pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Now that I re-read it I can see that my answer wasn't very helpful.
I meant that we invite the number of people that we want/can afford.. if that means we can invite a the homeschool group in it's entirety or a scout den or a sports team.. that's great. But if we can't.. I don't have any problem inviting some but not all.
The problem you'll run into is that if you invite say.. half of a group.. when that group is together.. that half might be inclined to talk about the upcoming party and make the other kids feel left out. I think as long as you can mostly prevent that.. that there should be no problem.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: birthday party invitation etiquette
