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amiefriedl
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My frustration level is kinda high right now.
I need a parenting book or some other kind of help right now that describes typical childish behaviors of children at their various age levels.
I am losing my temper with my children because I just don't understand children. I was never around children younger than me when I was growing up and I feel more and more lost lately. Any suggestions?
I've studied temperments, listened to and read the Love and Logic books, Montessori books, Catholic Family Handbook, Sins of Parents book, etc and I need a more specific designation of what children ARE LIKE AT DIFFERENT stages.
Are there any other people out there who have kids whose behavior at the moment of punishment and after the punishment is considerably WORSE then what they are being punished for? Do you take it to the next level for the punishment behavior? My 4dd yells at me when she is sent to her room at a much worse level than what I sent her to her room for. In fact she is so horrible that I am at the point of not punishing that behavior because my temper is about to explode and I'm afraid of doing anything at all. I would consider myself a tough disciplinarian and I work hard at being consistent but oh my gosh, what is the deal??
My 7ds is the same way but he has sort of started to grow out of it by reaching the age of reason. Is this just how it works?
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In Christ the King through Mary our Mother,
Amie
Blessed with an awesome hubby and Mom of ds10, dd7, dd3 and dd 10months.
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Natalia
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Amie,
I just finished reading Discipline that Last a Lifetime
I found it very helpful. His advice is very down to earth, detailed and easy to implement. He is no nonsense in his approach to discipline. The author is not only a psychologist but the father of ten children! I think he knows what he is talking about.
I'll be praying for you,
Natalia
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Jen L.
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amiefriedl wrote:
I need a more specific designation of what children ARE LIKE AT DIFFERENT stages.
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Well, I don't have specific advice, but I do know of a great series by Louise Bates Ames that multiple moms (and dads) have also raved to me about.
Your Two-Year-Old : Terrible or Tender
Your Seven-Year-Old : Life in a Minor Key
For the entire list (I think) see
The Gesell Institute Child Development Series
They are available at my library and can be found very reasonably used.
__________________
Jen
dh Klete,ds (8/95),dd (12/97), dd (11/00), and ^2^ in heaven
"...the best state in which to glorify God is our actual state; the best grace is that of the moment..." St. Peter Eymard
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Jen L.
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| Posted: Feb 10 2006 at 8:28pm | IP Logged
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I just remembered that an acquaintance was recently telling me how just the first week of the Catechisis of the Good Shepherd training had been life changing for her as a mother. I didn't get to speak with for long, but it sounded amazing. (We attend an atrium program, but I don't have the training.)
My prayers are with you,
Jen
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Rachel May
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amiefriedl wrote:
| Are there any other people out there who have kids whose behavior at the moment of punishment and after the punishment is considerably WORSE then what they are being punished for? Do you take it to the next level for the punishment behavior? |
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Ummm, I really hope it's not your Rachel, because I hate to say it but in my experience, it's the curse of the name. 
To answer this part of your question, YES! My Maria has never had the natural ability to be disciplined gently like her older brothers. Usually, anything she is disciplined for provokes screaming at the top of her lungs. A child psychologist neighbor told us how his kids went to their room for that behavior so that is what I have resorted to and stuck with. It worked so so until the day that I explained to her that she needed to learn self control (it was one of the few times that I was not so furiously angry by that point that I couldn't speak rationally). Now if I say "self-control" she will start to turn around.
But the rule is, if she starts screaming, she has to go to her room until she stops. If she stops when I tell her to go to her room, she still has to go for 5 minutes. The goal is to keep her from starting.
So there is no next level except to close the door.
I like your idea of finding a book of what behaviors to expect at certain ages, though. I sometimes wonder if I'm too strict with her because she is tall, smart, and mature in many ways so I expect her to behave like her almost 7 yo brothers instead of like a 5yo.
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Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
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Rachel May
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Jen L, Those books look great. I just requested Your 5 year old: Sunny and Serene. That's the kid I described above so I'm pretty interested what it has to say!
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Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
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Leonie
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I love the books by Louise Ames ( your one year old, etc - right up to your ten to fourteen year old - as Jen L mentioned). I was given them when a young mum by my sister in law - her children were older teens by then. I always admired her parenting and read the books avidly. They are good!
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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amiefriedl
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| Posted: Feb 11 2006 at 5:41pm | IP Logged
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I'm going to give these a spin. Thanks for the recommendation! For the moment, it is one of those interior battles - the moment I start to concentrate on my parenting skills life seems to get too crazy. I'm going to try to remember to offer up my struggles for all you ladies out there with the same challenges and perhaps we'll all gain!
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In Christ the King through Mary our Mother,
Amie
Blessed with an awesome hubby and Mom of ds10, dd7, dd3 and dd 10months.
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lapazfarm
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Before you do, you might want to read a review of the Your 4 year old book on Amazon. It surprised me in that it claims the series really frowned on SAHM's.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Jen L.
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I don't want to start defending the book, I haven't read it in quite some time. My philosophy when reading advice type books, in general, is "to take what I can use and leave the rest." The series is not perfect, but I like it. That said, I'm always glad to know some of the "pitfalls" before I start to read, so thank you, Theresa.
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Jen
dh Klete,ds (8/95),dd (12/97), dd (11/00), and ^2^ in heaven
"...the best state in which to glorify God is our actual state; the best grace is that of the moment..." St. Peter Eymard
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Jen L.
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Also, the books are widely available at libraries, I believe. If yours doesn't have it, I'd suggest interlibrary loan. I ALMOST never buy a book unless I've seen it first (although the opinions of the members of this forum have been known to make me break my rule  )
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Jen
dh Klete,ds (8/95),dd (12/97), dd (11/00), and ^2^ in heaven
"...the best state in which to glorify God is our actual state; the best grace is that of the moment..." St. Peter Eymard
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Jen L.
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One more recommendation. By the author of Raising Your Spirited Child, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka: Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles : Winning for a Lifetime
I'll be quiet now 
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amiefriedl
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Thanks Jen! I've read the Raising Your Spirited Child book and I like this author's approach.
I probably need to read the _How to talk so your kids will listen_ book. I've never browsed it but I've heard it recommended.
Much of parenting is our approach to the problem, mindset, understanding the children's viewpoint and goal of the particular moment. I still feel so lost and out of touch with my sweet kids.   They really are nicer than I am and more patient.
Ta, ta for now, I'm off to my Amazon inbox.
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In Christ the King through Mary our Mother,
Amie
Blessed with an awesome hubby and Mom of ds10, dd7, dd3 and dd 10months.
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MaryM
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I like the books by Elizabeth Crary. They are parenting books with lots of practical suggestions for various "typical" problems. What I particularly like is that she does include info (in most of the books) on age-specific behaviors and development. That sounds like what you are looking for in combination with the specific technique suggestions that many parenting books offer.
On the Ilg & Ames books:
lapazfarm wrote:
| It surprised me in that it claims the series really frowned on SAHM's. |
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There are things in these books that didn't fit with my style of parenting and philosophy either, but it doesn't diminish the fact the books are a thorough resources for looking at age-specific developmental expectations and what is typical behavior for different ages. Like Jen reminded we can take from books like this what is helpful and that information is helpful.
A funny story about those books, many years ago I checked out the book, "Your 7-year Old." After awhile I couldn't find it and couldn't figure what could have happened to it. I kept renewing it while I searched and searched the house and my kids were aware I was looking for it. After several weeks it suddenly showed up in a very conspicuous place and my seven year old son (the oldest) finally "fessed up" that he had hidden it earlier. He didn't want me to read a child-development book about his age. He has always been pretty advanced in his perception of what's going on around him and hyper-aware of anything related to him. Didn't want me to analyze his behavior or something. We still tease him about that little episode.
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Our Domestic Church
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Cheryl
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This book looks interesting to me. I have a ds 5, who I don't know what to do with. He does sometimes scream when I give him a time-out. Time-outs or losing things don't seem to make a difference with him. I think I'm not really attracted to the age appropriate behavior books because he is completely different than my other ds was at 5. My husband and I are just starting to read about attention deficit because he seems to have many of the traits. I also think food affects him differently than my other two.
I have no help for you Amie. I just felt like posting because I too have been reading many parenting books and I can identify with your feeling like you don't know what to do. I'm 36 weeks pregnant and having a very hard time being patient. It seems that when I pray for something like patience, I'm given many opportunities to practice and I'm more aware of how far I am from where I'd like to be.
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Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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lapazfarm
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By pointing out the negative review, I did not mean to imply that the book was not worthwhile. I was quite simply pointing out a negative review. I've not seen the book myself, so I can't give any opinion whatsoever on it.
I hope no one thought was disparaging their favorite book! I didn't want it to come across that way at all.
Sorry if I offended.
I, myself, am having many issues with my 4yo very strong willed dd, so I am always looking for suggestions as well, and am the last one to say what is a good parenting book or not.
I do once remember reading a book called The Strong Willed Child that I got alot out of (though, as several of you ladies have said, we take what works and leave the rest). I may have to revisit that one!
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Theresa
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Jen L.
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I am such a poor electronic communicator, it's not even funny. I was not even remotely offended, Theresa (and I'm sure no one else was either!)
Again, Thanks, for pointing out the Amazon review.
Blessings,
Jen
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teachingmyown
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Amie,
You have received several good recommendations and I don't want to overwhelm you, but I have a couple of favorites (out of the dozen or so on my shelf ).
First of all, Parenting with Love and Logic. We were given this by a counselor when we were at our wits end with our oldest when he was eight. Life seemed so hard then, now he is fourteen and I wish we could go back! Anyway, it really helped me look at behavior and consequences more logically than emotionally.
Next is Boundaries with Kids. I like this book because it helped me understand where my responsibility ends and theirs begins. From everything to messy rooms to disrespectful behavior, you will get an understanding of how to put the behavior and consequences back in the child's hands. Very helpful for me, as I tend to want to have complete control while they sit back and let me worry about the outcomes of their behaviors.
Finally, How to talk so kids will listen is definitely a good resource. It really makes us analyze as parents how we are speaking to our kids. It is all very obvious, but I know for myself, I needed to read it and face it head on. I can yell and rant and rave, use sarcasm,etc. when I am angry or put them off with "uh-huhs" and "that's nice" when they are talking to me and I am preoccupied. All the while never really thinking about what they are hearing.
Good luck and God bless you. It is really a growing process, so don't be hard on yourself. In a perfect world we would all have degrees in parenting before the first ones came along. Instead, we learn as we go, hopefully keeping up with the kids if not a step ahead.
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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Rachel May
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Well, I don't have specific advice, but I do know of a great series by Louise Bates Ames that multiple moms (and dads) have also raved to me about.
Your Two-Year-Old : Terrible or Tender
Your Seven-Year-Old : Life in a Minor Key
For the entire list (I think) see
The Gesell Institute Child Development Series
They are available at my library and can be found very reasonably used.[/QUOTE]
I started the 5 yo and 7 yo books this week. So far I have enjoyed them. They are easy reads and small books. Nothing earth shattering, but they are helping me put things in perspective. For example, until I read this I wouldn't have thought of my 5y/o as serene, but now I can see that in comparison to how she used to be, she is.
It seems more like a "definition" of a child at about this age than parenting advice which is something else I like.
There is a lot of "your child will adjust well to going to school" kind of stuff, and I haven't hit any SAHM parts yet. I'm keeping my eyes peeled out of curiousity. 
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Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: need another parenting book recom..
