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Chris V
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| Posted: Jan 22 2010 at 2:57pm | IP Logged
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A friend of mine posted this on my FB status, in response to my quote from Pope John Paul II:
I understand the sentiment, but would also suggest that when, at 21 weeks, our much loved and desperately wanted son was discovered to be developing without large portions of his skull and no brain, we made a heartbreaking choice in order to protect his *humanity* and *dignity.* I will forever love my littlest man, Spencer, and forever be grateful that I was able to let him go in peace.
My heart just aches for her, and what she and her family endured.
How do you reconcile this in your own hearts ~ her decision to end her son's life ~ the way in which she describes it has me reeling with grief and questioning what I would do, if faced with the awful reality of his life.
...talk me through this... 
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Chris
Happy Wife with my Happy Life
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folklaur
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| Posted: Jan 22 2010 at 3:08pm | IP Logged
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Chris V wrote:
...talk me through this...
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 22 2010 at 3:09pm | IP Logged
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First of all Chris, I think we need to remember that it's only the person going through it that is given the grace to deal with it. Anything we might think secondhand is just that.. simply secondhand and there's no real way to know how we'd handle something.
As far as what she says, her decision, she'll only say things that will support her making that decision. And she will argue with anything else because it would make her decision wrong. Plain and simple that's human nature.
What was the quote you posted?
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Chris V
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| Posted: Jan 22 2010 at 3:50pm | IP Logged
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Thank you for responding to me ~ this is the quote I shared with my FB friends (as many of us here and on FB have).
America, you are beautiful and blessed ... The ultimate test of your greatness is the way that you treat every human being, but especially the weakest and most defenseless ones. ... If you want equal justice for all, and true freedom and lasting peace, then, America, defend human life. --Pope John Paul II
Thank you Jodie.
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Chris
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stellamaris
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| Posted: Jan 22 2010 at 3:51pm | IP Logged
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Chris, I pm'd you.
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Jan 22 2010 at 3:53pm | IP Logged
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This is so sad and is heartbreaking for me in a most sincere way.
10 years ago Rob and I faced this Cross.
At 16 weeks, my husband and I discovered through an ultrasound that our little son would develop without the benefit of lung development because of an endocrine system that would not drain the fluid from his little body, a birth defect very common to little ones like our Matthew who had Downs Syndrome. Faced with a heartbreaking pregnancy we carried him, prayed for him, cried out to God on his behalf, and in the end, when we lost him as a full term baby at 36 weeks, we offered him back. I offer my story not as a way of bringing further ache to your heart, but to say that in God there is unspeakable hope. Hope for healing for your friend. Hope that if a Cross is offered He will meet that moment with Grace. And He does.
There is great dignity and unspeakable humanity in accepting the gift of that Cross - even when that Cross is a sure and certain death sentence given to one of your children. The surrender of will involved, the total shedding of any preconceived disordered priority, the ability to say through tears, "I don't understand Lord, but I trust" and "Your Will, not mine" is a function of grace meeting the moment.
Chris,
I did not share my story for you to share with your friend - I shared it so you could know that in a particular moment, faced with unspeakable grief and pain, God's grace is there. Generously. Unceasingly. You need not wonder what you would do, simply trust that God will place in your life all that is necessary for your sanctification and He will tenderly and generously offer the grace needed to meet those moments...but only in the moment. You can't anticipate the grace ahead of time other than to trust that it will be there.
Your friend is not in a place to hear these words, but Our Lord is good and merciful and knows her aching heart and the pain she feels, and I will entrust her pain and her heart to the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus. Sometimes, when met with those words and that grief, all that is appropriate or needed is, "I will pray."
to you!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
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MarilynW
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| Posted: Jan 22 2010 at 4:13pm | IP Logged
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Dear Chris
I am praying for your friend (and for you). I just cry when I think of these moms who carry their babies to term knowing that they may not make it to term or they will only hold them for a little while.
Please pray for a couple I know who have just found out that their baby has a similar diagnosis to Spencer.
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Marilyn
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florasita
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| Posted: Jan 22 2010 at 6:32pm | IP Logged
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Yikes ! will pray for sure . It takea alot to come to terms for people when we have made a wrong and sinful choice .
Think how hard it is to admit you took part in the choice to have your child killed . so many stuborn people . if it is hard to own something like your fight with your child or dh was wrong think how hard it would be own ones responsibility in abortion .
It took me yrs to heal & deal with that wrong choice . just be patient and pray . Truely Momma Mary is the one to heal peoples hearts so they can come to Him . I knew a woman who had an abortion at 5months because she'd had the measles. It shook me big time I've not seen her for over 25yrs but I still pray for her often .
I'm kind of at a loss that she named her baby and yet can justify having him killed .it is a big shocker but we never know what choices or how messed up we can become . never ever say never . we are absolutely all human and capable of horrific choices just as much as making holy choices. I was very very against abortion , I knew it was wrong . My girlfriend has said at 15yo she carried her baby to term because of my support and a talk I had with her . Yet I fell , I made that horrific choice .
In the end just be kind , patient and pray for your friend is all I can offer .
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Sarah M
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| Posted: Jan 22 2010 at 9:42pm | IP Logged
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Chris,
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Mimip
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| Posted: Jan 22 2010 at 11:54pm | IP Logged
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Chris,
Your post has been pondered in my heart since you posted. No words of advice but lots of prayers for your friend.
BTW (That was my FB status today too!)
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Mimi
Wife of 16 years to Tom, Mom of DD'00, DD'02, '04(in heaven) DS'05, DS'08 and DS '12
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Jan 23 2010 at 12:06am | IP Logged
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Oh, Chris, you are a devoted and caring friend. I can imagine how you are feeling, and I hope you have found some comfort here.
I am inspired by the ladies here who have reached out to you at this difficult time. They share prayers, comfort and life experience in a profound way, I think. As the lion, Aslan, says in C. S. Lewis' Narnia series, "No one is told any story but his own." We can't (and don't need to) know every detail. We can, and should, pray and comfort and trust. If you don't have the right words for your friend just now, I think that's okay. They will come. Meanwhile, as Jennifer says, it's good to say, "I will pray." True words, offered in friendship and comfort as well as sorrow. I know your friend will see your sincerity; perhaps later she will see how you are able to offer prayer without agreeing with her choices.
All in God's time...how many times have I seen God's time come, changing hearts and lives? So many - they are all amazing stories. I will pray that you will be able one day to tell the amazing story of your friend's change of heart.
And I'm praying for you, Chris! It is so hard to bear the cross of Not Knowing Why.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Chris V
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| Posted: Jan 23 2010 at 9:25am | IP Logged
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Will all the humility in my heart, Thank You.
It was a very trying day for me yesterday . I spent much of the day in prayer, pondering things in my heart, reflecting on all your words and being inspired by how powerfully the Holy Spirit is working in all of you, to help me reconcile my own heart. I cannot really explain the gravity of my heartache over someone else's decision. And am taken aback by my own response. I'm left to think, that perhaps, it is my time for spiritual growth as well. ... one's own openness for life in another capacity ...
You are all so gracious , and I cannot thank you enough, for lifting me up.
Ugh. There I go again... , need to grab the tissue, and maybe add "box of tissue" to my grocery list today, my face is tired of the toilet paper that I've been using.
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Chris
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stellamaris
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| Posted: Jan 23 2010 at 9:29am | IP Logged
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Quote:
| . I cannot really explain the gravity of my heartache over someone else's decision. |
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It is Christ suffering in you. Think how He must have felt during His Passion, seeing all the sins, heartbreaks, and sufferings of all people and all times! He is allowing you a share of His own Passion in this trying situation.
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
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MaryM
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| Posted: Jan 23 2010 at 9:50pm | IP Logged
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Chris, I sense what a heavy pain this is in your heart right now and rightly so. It is so sad and it just doesn't make sense because we know this to be a life of value no matter what.
You have gotten some helpful support already. I would just like to add that parents in a situation like your friend (with a prenatal diagnosis of a severe or fatal birth defect) are very vulnerable. In this dire and emotional time they can be much swayed by others - the general medical community (and genetic counselors, "hospital chaplains") are very often using language and arguments that justify this and make it sound to devastated parents that this truly is a choice of "dignity and quality of life." It is likely that this is how they were counseled. Several people I know have faced this and it is very persuassive and seeming out of charity to the grieving parents. Without a firm foundation to the utmost sanctity of life, the influence of others and their language on grieving parents can lead them to this choice and enable it to be justified by the language.
Praying for you and your friend and her family.
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Mary M. in Denver
Our Domestic Church
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Paula in MN
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Chris, you've received some wonderful words of wisdom. I'm praying for you and your friend.
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Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Reconcile your heart
