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Maggie
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| Posted: Dec 14 2009 at 9:06am | IP Logged
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Hi Moms~
Can any of you either share your experiences or point me to some resources that can help me with running a home and home schooling at the same time?
I was not taught how to run a home--at all. The whole tidying and cleaning thing is really beyond me. Laundry piles up everywhere. Dust and grime...have taken residence a long time ago...
And then there is home schooling...sometimes I get to it...sometimes I don't. I try to be faithful to at least doing FIAR each day. I was doing a morning basket, but that stopped with holidays and my recent miscarriage.
Part of this is that I just don't feel like I can get my balance because of my miscarriage in May and our most recent one this month. The first one set me back for months...I just could not get a grasp on life. I am handling this one much better, though, my patience is paper thin...
At the same time, life goes on...and I need to figure out what to do.
Admittedly, I am still depressed and have absolutely no motivation to do anything...though, I feel like I have been like this for about half the year...I was just starting to feel like I had a handle on things when our second miscarriage happened.
I feel bad because I am not engaging my children much at all...and then...their behavior suffers...and then my patience...and we end up at each other's throats all day long...
The house suffers, too.
Meals are pretty good around here, though, as my husband and i are both gifted in the kitchen...so, that is one of the few things that is actually working...
I know I need to give myself a break...but at the same time, to be honest, before any of this happened, I was no good at housekeeping or scheduling anyways...I just never learned the importance of it or how/why to do it.
Ahem...and then there is Eph. 5 and wifely duties and Prov. 31...and I fall terribly short... 
Any sage advice or resources?
God Bless,
Maggie
__________________
Wife to dh (12 years) Mama to dd (10) ds (8), dd (1), ds (nb) and to Philip Mary (5/26/09), Lucy Joy (12/6/09), and Margaret Mary (3/6/10) who entered Heaven before we had a chance to hold them.
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Dec 14 2009 at 10:30am | IP Logged
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Maggie,
I am sorry for your losses. I was amazed how long it took me to get myself back together after mine--so, go easy on yourself 
The bottom line is there are just more things to do in a day than time available. Also, with the holidays, even trying to make them simple, it can get crushing.
One thing that has made me feel better lately, is saying my little prayer for the Lord to lead me to the things I need to do each day, and to be able to "let go" of the rest. I do this in the morning when my eyes open, first thing.
Second, I am trying  to spend less time on the computer and phone.
Third, I have my "must do" lists for each day of the week. I figure I need to feed, provide clean clothes and beds, and other minor tasks for the family. So I made a list of things that needed to be done to meet those goals. Then I assigned them days of the week. It is my drop dead must do each day list. Sometimes they can carry over to the next day but I know these things must be done. And assigned days keeps me on track. It also allows me to relax and spend that time with the kids, I just have to get to x,y and z for the day.
Fourth, though your kids are young, I have started trying to get my kids to help out a little more. This was hard for me as it requires a lot of supervision and reminding and the house REALLY falls apart then...but, I see the glimmer of what it can be like in a year or so when they are used to helping around the house more.
School has fallen off the radar lately with so much happening and the holidays but I am taking this time to get things in the household in order and hoping the new year will be easier.
I will keep you and yours in my prayers this Advent. You can't do it all....but you can try 
Anne
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Dec 14 2009 at 11:55am | IP Logged
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Maggie, you kids are very young.. skip "doing school" find your Christmas books (or get them from the library) and just read one of those a day. If you can get to it.. have them help you with cookies (snickerdoodles are fun, little kids can roll the balls in the cinnamon sugar mix) Include them in what you're doing rather than adding extra tasks for you to do with them. Like.. hand the clothes from the washer to the kids to put in the dryer. And let them push the button to start it. for some reason my 2-4 yr olds LOVE this. 
But mostly, give yourself a break. It's hard to recover emotionally even if physically it's not too hard. 
Next, I want to encourage you to do all those health things you probably know you should be doing.. keep taking good prenatals.. I know it's hard to want to after you lose the baby, but you need to rebuild your lost stores. You might consider extra B's, you use those up with stress and not enough of them contributes to depression. Some sunshine and exercise would be good.. it doesn't have to be huge amounts, I'm not talking a lose 10 pounds a month regimen, I mean, taking the kids for a walk, putting on bright bouncy music and dancing with the kids in the living room. I'm talking get the kids down for a nap and walk around the backyard in the sunshine and quiet.
As far as the house pick just one thing to start with.. get one load of laundry done (washed, dried and put away) Don't overwhelm yourself with so many tasks that you end up sitting down and doing none. But if one load of laundry gets done, then maybe wash one load of dishes. Or whatever is the one thing that most bothers you. If it's the living room is a mess, but the whole room is overwhelming either break up the task (I'll get all the books picked up today) or split the room into section (today I'll clean around the couch).
I just had a friend with adult ADD recommend a book on organizing for people with ADD.. and while I've thought I might have some ADD tendencies I read the bit on Amazon's "look inside" and it was sooooo me. I'm going to get it for Christmas, so while I can't recommend the book myself yet, I want to pass along the info. Because it's not your typical, organizational book. ADD Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Angel
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| Posted: Dec 14 2009 at 12:29pm | IP Logged
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The book Jodie mentioned - ADD Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life -- is awesome. I highly recommend it. It's not a magic bullet -- but it will give you some good ideas on how to get organized.
Like Jodie said, though, I would just not worry about "homeschooling". Start with a routine for the kids -- routine times for meals, routine times to snuggle up with a book, routine times for outside, routine times for quiet time, routine bedtimes. The routine is the bedrock, IMO. I'm not such a great housekeeper either, but my house would be in a lot worse shape if we didn't have a routine we could follow sort of mindlessly along with. If you're depressed, you need a routine just so you can do "the next thing". Trying to think, "what do I do next??" all the time is just too overwhelming.
Once you have a basic routine in place, I have had the most success with focusing on ONE area to conquer at a time. I don't worry (too much) about the state of everything else while I'm working on this one thing. When my kids were about the ages of your kids, I remember deciding to work on getting my kids to help pick up their toys in the family room. After lunch was when we had some time to pick up, so I started out by giving the kids a number of things to pick up (based on how high they could count). Then we worked our way up from there. Trying to get the kids to pick up in the family room wasn't the only thing I did all day, of course -- I would always vacuum right after we got everything picked up -- and I worked on the laundry -- but that *one* thing did lay the foundation for an improved house. And the family room was clean at least once a day.
What I have always found is that when you're depressed, it is very, very important to get moving, to do something physical. I like to sweep, and I like to do laundry, because you can get a hefty payoff in a short period of time. I can fold a big stack of clothes in 15 minutes. I can sweep a floor and get all the crumbs off it in 15 minutes. Then I feel like, no matter what else happens that day, I have done SOMETHING. Doing one thing usually leads to doing another, and action always feels so much better than just sitting around stewing in my own thoughts.
Considering that it is winter, you probably want to make sure that you're taking a vitamin D supplement, too, and getting plenty of Omega-3s. Supplements will not remove your sadness, but if you are well-nourished, problems are a lot easier to deal with.
I'll keep you in my prayers.
__________________
Angela
Mom to 9, 7 boys and 2 girls
Three Plus Two
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lovebeingamom
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| Posted: Dec 15 2009 at 9:49am | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
I just had a friend with adult ADD recommend a book on organizing for people with ADD.. and while I've thought I might have some ADD tendencies I read the bit on Amazon's "look inside" and it was sooooo me. I'm going to get it for Christmas, so while I can't recommend the book myself yet, I want to pass along the info. Because it's not your typical, organizational book. ADD Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life
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So excited ... just requested this book from my library.
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TracyFD
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| Posted: Dec 15 2009 at 4:06pm | IP Logged
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When my first three were really little I felt terrible A LOT and can understand where you are coming from. As the kids grew, so did I and so did my household routines.
I totally agree with the others - give yourself some extra TLC. Be well-nourished and well-rested first.
Next, do try to set aside a few hours for your children every morning for FIAR, sing, crafts, etc. Children do thrive on routine. If the morning goes well, the rest of the day seems to follow suit.
As far as housework, if the table gets wiped and the floor swept or vacuumed after every meal I am pretty happy. A laundry schedule also helps keep me sane.
Another after-lunch life saver is quiet time. Even if they have outgrown naps, children are sent to their rooms with four choices: sleep, read, think or pray. Feet are not to touch the floor. This is YOUR time to sleep, read, email, call a friend or clean - whatever you need to do to recharge.
Next, make a chart of some age appropriate chores your children can do, like empty the silverware basket, empty wastebaskets, dust the coffee table, pass out vitamins, etc. I now have an upstairs schedule with weekly chores and a downstairs schedule with the daily chores. Some kids are more willing to help than others, depending on their temperament! It's also MUCH easier when they can read the chart!
I feel your pain of being overwhelmed. These are difficult times for you. What ever habits you can implement when you feel a little better will pay off in the future!
Blessings,
__________________
Tracy
Mom to 3 girly girls,
1 absent-minded professor, and one adorable toddling terrorist.
Pinewood Castle
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4Real Forums : Our Lady's Loom, Larder, and Laundry
Topic: How to keep house/home school?
