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teachingmyown
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| Posted: Dec 07 2009 at 2:12pm | IP Logged
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I am hoping you all can help me, especially you large family moms and those raised in large families, brainstorm about how to make our life and schooling run more smoothly. I really struggle with routine, and chaos management. I am very easily de-railed.
A typical day looks something like this:
I wake up late after nursing and wrestling my almost two year old all night. Dd 13 or ds12 comes in and grabs my little guy so I can shower or at least go to the bathroom. I get downstairs and cook breakfast for whomever hasn't eaten. By the time I eat, I am usually frazzled. Dd3 has come down in someone's Christmas dress, the dogs are begging for food, the toddler is eating my food or sneaking up the stairs through the gate that is left open. The big kids are all talking to me at once. I try to get them to get dressed and start school, to varying degrees of success. So much of this year's plan needs me, and many things are supposed to be group activities. But group activities are nearly impossible with the two youngest in tow. The craziness goes on, helping with math here, breaking up a fight there, typing in a password for another child, etc.
Lunch is usually late and haphazard, then my little guy goes up for a nap. One of the big kids takes him up and sits with him because he sleeps on my bed. The problem there is that I can't do group activities now because I have lost one of my students.
Often I find myself plopped down here, in front of the computer, because I am at a loss. The kids will entertain each other and play all sorts of imaginative games. But I feel guilty because we aren't being "productive". It's obvious I don't have a clear plan for running my days. When I do have a plan I get so discouraged by "failure".
Tell me your strategies, your pegs, your crowd control measures.  I am not a MOTH person, although I have tried and I wish I were. MROL didn't give me much real guidance either. Flylady doesn't take into account all these kids, and I haven't found a way to do the stuff in the emails rather than cluttering my inbox.
I feel like I have a split personality: there is that part of me that likes the relaxed flow of the day and the kids enjoying themselves and learning through real life; there is that other part of me that wants checklists and visible accomplishments to ease the guilt that I am raising children as undisciplined and scatterbrained as I am! 
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Dec 07 2009 at 2:24pm | IP Logged
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I've found it helps to have the older kids doing breakfast most days.. then I'm not held down and can deal with other things.
Find a new napping place for your little one.. or invest in one of those video monitors or something.. then you open up after lunch for your group activities which is great because you already have them together as a group for the meal.
MROL helped me because it changed the way I think about schedules. I don't have to plan every minute of the day. I could put on a schedule something like "8-9:30 - breakfast, clean up and get dressed".. I didn't have to put in seperate categories that happen at particular times for "making breakfast", "eating breakfast", "cleaning up breakfast", "getting dressed", "brushing teeth" etc. And it helps if I'm trying to figure out priorities on things.
Set up some rules on things that will help the others like.. "dogs outside until breakfast is done".
But most of the time, I think you have to realize that you will be "directing chaos".. and the days that I can just do it without letting myself get frustrated are some of the best days.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: Dec 07 2009 at 3:35pm | IP Logged
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I have felt completely chaotic myself lately, and I have 3 little ones who don't require "real" schooling yet; so, I can well imagine your frustration as about three times my own--eegads!
I do know that if I can make my mornings work, the rest of the day falls better in line. *For me* that generally means saying no to a nighttime movie with dh and going to bed by 9ish so I can wake up refreshed shortly after 6:00, even after wrestling the baby all night. Then, if I can force myself to dress, brush my teeth and wipe down the sink, go down stairs before anyone else and go start a load of laundry, do a 15-20 minute spiritual reading, drink a big glass of emergen-c, switch the laundry (to something cold so dh can still shower), and prepare breakfast. Then we can make it to daily mass roughly half the mornings(Its only 5 minutes away for us!). In addition to the graces which I find helpful, daily mass means I rush to get those things done in time to leave making for a tangible deadline.
Like I said, the key is forcing myself to go to bed early. I know others make it work by staying up late, etc..., but being disciplined first thing in the morning to do those things really does give me an anchor for the rest of the day. Perhaps you can begin by finding your own anchor? Make a list of things you will be able to accomplish within an hour including a bit of time for yourself and find an hour that with a bit of discipline, it is feasable to accomplish those things consistently. What things will make you feel most relaxed? A clean sink a la FlyLady or made beds? Getting the laundry over with early rather than having it hang over you?
I don't manage a large family, but I know that this helps me feel peaceful amid my own chaos. I have not been disciplined in this recently thinking I can wing it, and I can tell you, I feel like I'm barely staying afloat. That single, early hour makes all the difference in my day.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: Dec 07 2009 at 6:57pm | IP Logged
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It sounds like most everything in your day revolves around you being a part of the doing. My days just fall apart when I plan like that. Some possible ideas?
*Buy cereal or oatmeal packets or something else that doesn't require mom for breakfast. Then choose one child (over 12) to be in charge of making breakfast for *everyone*...including the monkey toddlers/preschoolers.  Have him/her fill the bowls, chop apples or canned fruit or whatever is easiest for him/her and call everyone to breakfast. You set the time for breakfast and talk with him/her about it so that (s)he knows what to do. And make this job a permanent chore for at least a year.
*Make a different child (over 10) be in charge of doing the dishes after breakfast.
*Choose someone else to take over the little guy every morning so that you can get dressed. Everyone has these jobs every day, all the time, so that there's no arguing, "but its not my turn today!"
*Plan on making lunch with your littlies "helping" so that older children can finish up a few things and you get some messy time (oops, I mean quality time!  ) with them.
*Honestly, group activities don't work well in my home. Too many children of varying ages. And like you said, if even one child is missing, the whole thing never happens. Sigh...Try grouping several littles for, say, a Catholic Mosaic or FIAR book. Then put an older child in charge of those too small to participate. Only spend about 20-30 minutes on this. It doesn't need to be fancy. Then have a younger child play with the toddlers/preschoolers (maybe allow a video?) while you work with the olders in a group. Again, only work with them for 30 minutes before you send them to finish their work independently.
Figure out what is the bare minimum of academics you want to see done...a page of math, 2 pages of explode the code, phonics reader with mom, something related to religion, for a 3rd grader? Then have them work on their independent work until you call them for the group time. For us it works best to do independent work before any group activities. That way if the group activities fall apart due to...well, life...I still feel like something got done?
*Try to set a "we are done by this hour no matter what" time. Working into the late afternoon or evening just burns everyone out, imho. 2ish-pm for the oldest, earlier for the younger ones, maybe? Kind of depends on what time you start, but if you started school at 10, I think the littlies could be done by 12, eat at 12:30ish and then let the olders finish up in the early afternoon?
I recently realized that my expectations of perfect meals and laundry always done on time were taking priority over things that were more important (in this case, bible study). Its better to serve macaroni and cheese once a week so that I can get bible study done than serve a beautiful homemade chicken soup and never get around to bible study.
Perfect homeschool schedules can end up being a problem, too. When everything is perfect according to a philosophy or whatever, sometimes we lose children in the process because its just too mommy intensive. Older children can work independently so that we can give our littlies the same benefits that we gave to those older kids, so many years ago...a mom who is available. Its not a crime to use a workbook here and there. A real, living education can still be built with a combination of working independently and lots of reading excellent books, punctuated with a neat project from a blog, a lapbook or whatever.
MOTH and MROL didn't work for me, either. Its frustrating. Someone should write a planning book for those of us who aren't that structured!
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: Dec 07 2009 at 6:59pm | IP Logged
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Oh! I forgot one thing. At naptime, give everyone an assigned area to work, read, play legos or whatever. The only rule is that they have to be alone (or put an older child with a younger one to keep them safe). This way you get a few minutes to snuggle with that napper and maybe have a small prayer time and a doze before the afternoon hits?
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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MNMommy
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| Posted: Dec 07 2009 at 8:16pm | IP Logged
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I was just wondering today how those of you with large families do it. Just my four seems very chaotic most days. Thanks for this thread. It has been enlightening.
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Jennifer
Tired mom to - 10yo dd, 7yo ds, 6yo ds, 4yo dd, 2yo ds
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martinas6
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| Posted: Dec 07 2009 at 8:17pm | IP Logged
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assign partners! I just uploaded pictures of our dry erase board that shows how I work the partners for the month and I am getting ready to upload our chore chart. check out the facebook post listed on this topic site(mothering and family life)
Martina in IL mom to:
dd15
ds14
dd11
ds9
dd7
dd5
dd3
ds1
and one on the way next June
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Paula in MN
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I don't have a large family at all, but one thing that has really helped us is crock-pot breakfasts. We get everything ready in the crock-pot at night, and I turn it on before going to bed. The next morning everyone has a warm, filling breakfast without all the usual chaos.
I would also include dd13 and ds12 in more household management areas.
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Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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martinas6
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| Posted: Dec 08 2009 at 12:58pm | IP Logged
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Have any good recipes Paula? Going to try this idea. Thanks
Martina in IL
mom to 8 and one on the way
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kbfsc
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| Posted: Dec 08 2009 at 2:24pm | IP Logged
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Sorry - a quick digression - Paula, where can I find crock-pot recipes for breakfast? That sounds wonderful!
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Kiera
happy mama of ds '02, dd '03, ds '06, dd '09 and little ones in heaven
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Paula in MN
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I get the majority of my crock-pot recipes, breakfast and otherwise, from A Year of Slow Cooking. The link goes to the breakfast recipes. I think she has 18 of them. We really like French Toast, Hash Brown Breakfast Casserole, and Breakfast Potatoes with Sausage. We make crockpot Oatmeal - I use Michele Q's recipe. I also own two different "Fix It and Forget It" cookbooks, and they have a few listed.
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Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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SuzanneG
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Paula in MN wrote:
| I get the majority of my crock-pot recipes, breakfast and otherwise, from A Year of Slow Cooking....... Breakfast Potatoes with Sausage. |
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I checked out her book from the library last week!!! And, made the Breakfast Potatoes with Sausage over the weekend. YUMMY! So easy, good and hearty!
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Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Large family management
