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Christine
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| Posted: Dec 01 2009 at 12:44pm | IP Logged
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My passionate almost-3-year-old, with a fiery temper, heard a little girl in our parish vestibule call her dad (and sometimes her mom) a st***d id**t on a few occasions. My son adopted these words as his own. I discipline him each time that he says them, but he continues to say one or both words whenever he is upset. I have also tried to give him alternate words to say. Nothing seems to help.  Has anyone had any luck breaking the bad word habit in a young child?
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Christine
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Marcia
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| Posted: Dec 01 2009 at 1:32pm | IP Logged
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I use three techniques.
For the first______times I ignore. Usually it goes away.
Other times I calmly say that those words are not words that we use in our family.
I've found if I "discipline" it becomes a power struggle and the child doesn't understand that we can work together to stop a behavior that may be embarasssing or unbecoming. "working with" is my motto.
3 year olds are diligently working on vocabulary. It's very normal to pick up anything they hear.
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JodieLyn
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You didn't mention what type of discipline.. so I'll just assume something like a time out or such.. And I would say he needs to correct the problem and make it more "painful" to have to correct.. have him say what he wanted to say without calling names and then a full apoplogy.. as in "I'm very sorry I called you a bad name. I let my temper get the best of me. would you please forgive me". even if you have to coach him through it. And then he also needs to say 3 nice things to the person he called the name (again you might have to coach him on and through this).
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organiclilac
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Depending on the situation, he may just need something else to say. Obviously if he is calling someone names, that's unacceptable, but if he is just trying to vent frustration, I would help him to do that in a more appropriate way. Decide what you DO want him to say when he's upset (even just "I'm upset!") and encourage him to repeat that until that becomes the new habit. I wouldn't focus too much on the bad words, just on the words you do want him to use.
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Tina P.
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Christine: Does he understand what the words mean? Perhaps if you sat him down and explained how demeaning those words are, a light would turn on in his brain.
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hylabrook1
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One of my dd's was very taken with all sorts of *interesting* words. She was/is very verbally expressive about anything/everything, so it's probably natural she would gravitate toward word-related *bad* behavior. When she fixed on d*mn it to express her frustration, we talked about how she felt and gave a substitute expression; she was delighted with the word "fiddlesticks", which was new to her (unfortunately, d*mn it was not new to her experience). Tina's comments make a lot of sense, too. Ask your son how he would feel if someone called him that name; a great example of using the Golden Rule.
Peace,
Nancy
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guitarnan
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This is a completely normal phase, and all the suggestions here are great. Sometimes the attention (even negative) attached to use of a particular word or phrase induces a child to keep using it. Offering fun substitute words and lavishing attention on use of said substitutes should help derail this behavior.
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Christine
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Thank you for all of the great suggestions.
Jody, discipline for my social little boy consists of putting him in his bedroom and holding the door shut until he calms down. He really dislikes being separated from the rest of the family.
Tina wrote:
| Christine: Does he understand what the words mean? Perhaps if you sat him down and explained how demeaning those words are, a light would turn on in his brain. |
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I don't know whether he knows what the words mean. He does know that the words are mean. He is very verbal and picks up on things that people say very quickly. I can see Nancy's "fiddlesticks" sppealing to him.
Yesterday, he had a great day. He got upset with one of his brothers once, but he didn't lose his temper and he didn't say anything he shouldn't. I am thankful to have everyone's advice should he get upset and say things that he shouldn't in the future.
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Christine
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Bad Words?
