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donnalynn
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I am stretched very thin these days...really, really struggling... so when youngest ds (age 7) throws a fit about clothes...it just puts me at the end of my tether.
I don't dare put out a shirt with any kind of collar - it doesn't matter what kind of fabic - this includes button downs, polo-type shirts, whatever. Forget about turle-necks - total nuclear meltdown.
Then there are the clothing items he that he has happily worn time and time again and then all of sudden he "can't" bear it.
Today it's a pair of jeans - "Aidan you where jeans all the time" - "EEk ACK ARRGH not like theeesse....." he utters in an impressive display while rolling on the floor. I don't give in but he carries on for quite awhile and it wears on me - I get to the point where I. just.can't.even.think.
Anyone else have a clothing sensitive kid? What do you do? When I'm feeling more on top of things I can usually deal with this behaviour better but my brain is full and there is just nothing coming up in the "solutions for unreasonable and bizarre child behaviour" department right now.
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donnalynn
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SuzanneG
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Donna~
:: Have you decided that this is "unreasonable-attention-getting-behavior"?? In which case, we'd be thinking through a clothing-system and follow-through consequences.
:: Or have you decided that this is something that you have to follow-his-lead because he IS truly affected by these sensitivities/thoughts. In which case, we'd be brainstorming ways for you to "deal" mentally/emotionally, and then practical ways to organize/handle clothing.
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Suzanne in ID
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JodieLyn
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I have a friend with children who are actually sensitive to clothing.. and yes it can be a particular type of jean doesn't work though some do etc.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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anniemm
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I was like this as a child, and I am still very sensitive about my clothing. As a general rule, I also don't like collars, and turtlenecks suffocate me unless they are a looser faux turtleneck type thing. I am particular about my socks, the seams must be lined up so that they are not over my toes or under my foot- and I am convinced that socks go either on your right or left foot - not either foot! 
My almost-4-year-old is turning out to be much like me, so I just appease her. I know that it's grating and irritating to her. It is frustrating as a parent when you have 50 million other things to deal with, I know! But it's frustrating to be stuck in clothes that are uncomfortable as well. lol
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kbfsc
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Have you heard of the book Raising Your Spirited Child? I have been reading it lately - and benefiting tremendously! - and I mention it here because the author writes specifically about clothing-sensitive kids. The gist of the book is a discussion of temperament and the nine different temperamental traits, like intensity, persistence and perceptiveness. Apparently kids that are high in the perceptiveness catagory can have issues with textures, like that of clothing and food, among other things. The book's helpful explanations and very practical suggestions of strategies to help parents deal are making a big difference in my home.
Blessings!
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Kiera
happy mama of ds '02, dd '03, ds '06, dd '09 and little ones in heaven
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donnalynn
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SuzanneG wrote:
Donna~
:: Have you decided that this is "unreasonable-attention-getting-behavior"?? In which case, we'd be thinking through a clothing-system and follow-through consequences.
:: Or have you decided that this is something that you have to follow-his-lead because he IS truly affected by these sensitivities/thoughts. In which case, we'd be brainstorming ways for you to "deal" mentally/emotionally, and then practical ways to organize/handle clothing. |
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It really seems to be the latter - and defining that is helpful all on it's own. I don't get the sense that he is doing this to be naughty or drive me crazy - it just does drive me crazy when I am expecting things to go smoothly and they don't. I am expecting to set out clothes and for him to be happy that he nice warm clean cloth to put on. But with this child it doesn't work like that.
So today when he finally calmed down and I could ask him what exactly was wrong the jeans he had on - he did show me the buttons on the inside (for an adjustable waistband).  So we switched him into a pair of sweatpants for today but in general I don't count sweat pants as truly being dressed. 
Part of my frustration is that we do get a lot of hand-me-downs and we have a lot in his size that he just won't wear. So I am really aggravated that we have all these close and I might still need to buy this child *more* clothes!!!??? <sigh>
I am going to see if our library has the book about raising spirited children because he certainly can be an intense little guy - in other areas besides clothes. He is also my pickiest eater - he is very slim which brings me back to the clothes dilemna as pants are so hard to get that won't slide off his little body. But he really can't stand the bulk in the waist with adjustable pants or pants that are taken in at the waist (a friend passed on some pants that she had taken for her son).
Must go drop off older dd...but I'll be back.
One question I have is how do "dress up" a child like this for the holidays and such - or suggestions for "Sunday" type clothes would be much appreciated because my vision of a sweet little boy all dressed up in a shirt and tie is not going to happen any time soon!
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donnalynn
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kbfsc
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I'd have to go and reread the section on perceptive spirited children, but in the above-mentioned book I think the author spends some time talking about the importance of preparing children for situations in which they will get "triggered." So, perhaps for this kind of sensitivity, a discussion could take place at bedtime about what clothes we will wear tomorrow. I wonder if his wardrobe in general could fall into three catagories: those things he just cannot tolerate wearing, those things that he is only a bit bothered by and those things that are ok. Perhaps each evening you could together come to some agreement from the latter two catagories? (And give him the freedom not to dip into that first group?)
I know... in all your spare time.
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Kiera
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JodieLyn
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well if there's a particular problem.. buttons for an adjustable waist for instance.. and he doesn't need the waist adjusted.. couldn't you just cut off the buttons? or remove an offending tag or.. try an undershirt that gets tucked in to give a layer between the irritant and his skin
And for dressing up what about a sweater with only an undershirt worn under it? No collar. or a cardigan type sweater over a nice collarless shirt. work together on pants as far as finding where the irritants are.. I imagine if you explained you were trying things on to make sure they feel good and to correct the problems.. that you could get him to try it on and point out any problems without also dealing with a melt down. Boys at least you have a choice of shoes.. because while dress shoes are nice.. you can get away with black athletic shoes or hiking boots without them really standing out.
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sewcrazy
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Almost all of us are clothes sensitive to some degree in my house, myself included. We have tactile sensory issues here 
I know you are weary, but could you have a "clothes trying-on" afternoon? I have to do this periodically. Kids grow, their proportions change and clothes fit differently, rubbing in new places. About every 6 weeks we pull all the clothes out and try them on. If they are "rejected" I put them in a bucket till the next try-it-on afternoon. If they rejected twice, I donate them. (My kids are too spread out to make hand-me-downs reasonable)
We then hang things in specific outfits: shirt, undershirt if needed, and pants. This has also helped in keeping down the amount of clothes we own, and helps me keep track of what I need to buy.
Good luck.
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LeeAnn
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lilac hill
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My clothing sensitive child is now 22 and dresses herself  . She loves clothes but still does not wear turtle necks. I can almost forget the itchy shirt, choking collar,scratching lacy undershirts, squeezing pants and huge sock seams in tight shoes and the ensuing battles.
Inside out socks, no pants that were not soft and stretchy (leggins with jumpers for her, maybe polar fleece sweats for him),cutting all labels out of clothes , mock turtlenecks that we stretched out, inside out long sleeve teeshirts (washed soft) helped under dressier things, dressing her first or getting her started first, 30 minutes ahead and the Raising Your Spirited Child book helped me especially when we took 25 minutes to put on a pair of socks.
I do believe that DD#1 was physically sensitve so balancing her discomfort and allowing her make everyone else miserable was my parent balancing act.Having her do her own dressing helped too.Everyday clothes were where she could reach, church clothes were set aside so she did not mix them up and cause another tussle.
DOnna,you have my prayers as you manage this everyday challenge.
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Viv
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Kristie 4
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Used clothes- they are softer.
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KauaiCatholic
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just wanted to say my heart goes out to you ... and to triple-recommend "Raising Your Spirited Child." I am much more understanding of my son's clothing woes after reading that book. I screen his clothing pretty carefully (we avoid denim entirely and stick with khaki or cotton, for example). fortunately we live in a place where he can wear sandals year-round and an aloha shirt is considered "dressed up" ... I can't even imagine getting him into a suit and tie! 
and Kristie is right: used clothes are much softer. I do 90% of our clothes shopping at thrift stores for other reasons, but presoftened fabric is an added bonus.
anyway, hugs and prayers. hang in there. 
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donnalynn
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Thanks for all your responses ladies - I think mostly I am starting to accept that this is just part of who he is.
I still have to get to the library but I am -
1. Slowly going through his clothes as I do laundry - most of his clothes are in the baskets of clean clothes so I am just removing things that I know he won't wear -putting the things he will wear in his drawers.
2. I am trying to get in the habit of setting out clothes with him and making sure I give him extra *time* to get dressed. That has been the killer...I'm ready to go out the door and the boy decides these aren't the *right* pants.
3. I'm working on a more consistent morning routine for the whole family.
4. I'll be making more frequent stops at the local thrift shop - to both drop things off that don't work and keep a lookout for things that will.
And I think some kind of nice sweater will be the way to go for a dressier look - he does like cotton knit sweaters - both cardigans and crews.
<Big deep breath> That's one difficulty that I have hope for some immediate improvement! THANK YOU!
And I have realized that this boy, in general, has never really liked clothes or coverings at all. This is the child who hated being swaddled as a baby, resists putting on a coat, kicks off the bedcovers at night, will be found taking his shirt off because he's "hot". Summer is always so much easier when he spends most of his time in swim trunks and a t-shirt.
And gee it only took me 7 years to figure this out - good grief.
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CrunchyMom
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I'm late to the game, but just chiming in that my sister was completely that way growing up. We used to tease her that she was going to have her wedding dress custom made from jersey knit. She wears "comfortable" clothing most of the time, though, miraculously, she wore a simple but non-knit wedding dress. Though, I'm pretty sure she hated wearing it. Fortunately for her, nursing and maternity clothing is generally of stretchy, soft fabrics .
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MNMommy
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Me, me, me!!! Raising my hand over here!
I have a very sensitive little 5yo boy. He can't handle so many types of clothing or fabrics. No socks, no jeans, no rough fabrics, nothing too heavy (sweaters and such), no pajamas. His perfect outfit is gym shorts, t-shirt, and bare feet. He seems to be getting better as he gets older, but I expect clothing will be a life-long issue for him.
What do we do? Well, I rarely buy anything used for him. I buy him only the things he will wear, and that is usually sweatpants or running type pants with t-shirts or long sleeved shirts and crocs. I buy about 5 sets of pants and long sleeved shirts for the winter and 5 sets of shorts & t-shirts for the summer and call it done. If I shop at Walmart or Target, each piece is under $5, so about $100 for the year for clothes he will wear. That's not so bad.
For dressier wear, he gets one pair of dressier soft pants at Target or Walmart. One of the stores usually sells black or khaki pants that aren't rough fabric AND have elastic wastes.
Until he's older and can help identify his triggers, I try to keep clothes shopping simple for my sensitive guy. He doesn't have a lot of clothes, but he wears everything he has. 
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Jennifer
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Topic: child supersensitve about clothes
