| Author | |
jenk
Forum Pro
Joined: Jan 25 2008
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 248
|
| Posted: Oct 28 2009 at 9:00pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
I'm not sure if this is in the right forum as I'm not the mother to the kids I'm asking about.
I'm wondering about others' experiences with being involved with groups of kids. (scouts, youth groups, etc...)
We are involved in 2 such groups- scouts and a church related drama club. I find after being in a meeting or doing an activity with either of these groups, I come home frustrated. There are children running every which way, snatching supplies (like balloons) when they are supposed to be involved somewhere else, snatching more snack after being told there is not enough for everyone to have seconds, tremendous amounts of backtalk to adults, asking to have or do something over and over AFTER being told "no" over and over all with their parent standing by watching, saying nothing. Basically, it's just a blatant disrespect for... adults, rules, order??? I have been in helping positions in both groups so have been one of the parents doing some of the directing and being on the other end of the backtalk.
Are my expectations of these kinds of groups just too high? It is frustrating as a parent who is usually constantly "on" her kids to see other kids in hoards behaving as such, being directed by a handful of parents (not their own) while their own stand around saying nothing and watch what I would deem obnoxious behavior.
I know kids will be kids and noise comes with children and children make mistakes and my own are FAR from perfect. AND We are not really that stiff of a family... my husband is, as I type, trying to teach my son how to flick pennies across the room.
I do find that this issue seems to be less prevalent in most of the homeschool groups we've been involved in (Christian and non)... it does exist mostly on the occasional large field trip but not in such overwhelming doses.
I suppose I'm asking mostly if I'm expecting too much and if not, what's the solution? Also, my kids still want to be involved but is this type of situation counter productive to my own kids' character development?
I'm almost embarrassed to post this, like I'm complaining about other people's kids- I don't intend it in that spirit at all... I'm just frustrated (and possibly venting) and wondering if benefits of involvement outweigh the frustration. If, however, this post sounds too mean spirited down on other parents and needs to be removed, I understand
__________________
Jen
with 2 boys, 14 and 8, and a girl expected 1/09
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Oct 28 2009 at 9:51pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Managing a group of children is a skill.. and an art. The groups you mention, the adults are volunteers. They may have no clue how to manage larger groups of kids.
I know I started taking over group management on one of the recent fieldtrips we did with my son's Webelos den. (with 8 kids 12 and under I do crowd management on a fairly regular basis  )
I told my husband later.. there's a reason the main character makes his boy scounts march in lines in the movie Follow Me Boys  
Remember parents are used to school things where they go and the teachers then control the kids even if the parents are there. They may be as frustrated as the workers but because they think the workers aren't controlling the group. It may simply be a case of no one taking charge of the group.
If you're in charge, you need to have some sort of guidelines and something to do with the kids if they aren't following them. A great one that is used during swim lessons here and I used when teaching lacrosse to K-3rd graders was to have them sit on the side if they weren't doing what they were supposed to be doing. And in my experience it takes pretty much constant direction to keep everyone where they're supposed to be and doing what they're supposed to be doing. Putting away snacks as much as possible will help with snitching. And if it's scouts, a quick lecture about the scout law that pertains wouldn't be amiss. My son in Webelos is just learning the Boy Scout Law now.. and I have it on my wall.. oh I like this.. "Son, is that Kind?" point to the wall where Kind is listed as one of the things a scout is.. "Is that obedient?" "Is that truthful".. it's a lovely thing to have on my wall. But you should be able to use something like that both with a Church group (how about the 10 commandments?) or a scouting troop (boys or girls.. most have something like that)
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Martha
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 25 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2291
|
| Posted: Oct 29 2009 at 8:09am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Oh I like that.
Maybe beatitudes would work?
__________________
Martha
mama to 7 boys & 4 girls
Yes, they're all ours!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
jenk
Forum Pro
Joined: Jan 25 2008
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 248
|
| Posted: Oct 29 2009 at 8:34am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Jodie,
Thank you so much for giving me some perspective :) thus helping my attitude.
I had not looked at the parenting role folks are used to during school activities as a factor but it really makes sense. AND it also explains why I wouldn't notice it as much in a homeschool group- we are used to being in charge of our kids ALL the time- LOL!
I am the co-leader of a den... we do pretty well with the smaller group but it's the pack meeting with ALL of the kids that seems to erupt into this type of chaos... I am not in charge of the pack meetings and honestly don't think I'd be anymore adept at reigning in all those kids than the current leadership. They try to make the meetings fun for the kids so the current meeting style is a round-robin type where the kids, in groups, go to different stations... with no one REALLY in charge of each group. I have been helping to manage a station so when the kids swoop in, crazy has already started... and IF they actually stay at the station, all control has been lost by that point. Those managing the stations have little time for crowd control- they are there to facilitate the activity but there is probably a way to transition between stations and establish rules and expectations at each spot... OR we need to elect clear leaders to move with each group- and have them lead the line of marching scouts
This is our second time through cubs and the my older son's group seemed more controlled- there were different folks in charge then... those we have now are good people, maybe just less "take-charge". I'm also pregnant which may add to why I'm feeling less tolerant of the chaos
You are probably right about the parents being frustrated too. I have watched this pack shrink over the last couple of years... time to move into solution mode instead of stomp my foot and complain mode. Your response and a good night sleep have helped.
Thanks again!
__________________
Jen
with 2 boys, 14 and 8, and a girl expected 1/09
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
jenk
Forum Pro
Joined: Jan 25 2008
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 248
|
| Posted: Oct 29 2009 at 8:47am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Oh, the beatitudes are a great idea for use in the church group- my role is there is more of a helper than a leader and while I've definitely seen some of the chaos there, it IS less pronounced- mainly small issues with a few particular kids, who seem to ignite the group but when they are dealt with, order is close behind.
I think I came home last night tired and frustrated and with the attitude that "EVERY group we're involved in is wild and chaotic and terrible" Oh, poor me  I should know better than to post when I'm in that state... but I DO feel much more positive about it now
__________________
Jen
with 2 boys, 14 and 8, and a girl expected 1/09
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
Forum Locked) 
4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Expectations for groups of kids
