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sunny
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| Posted: Oct 22 2009 at 11:27pm | IP Logged
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Not sure where to post this. Please feel free to move it!
My dh does not see the benefit or understand the concept of teaching children to have responsibility of chores. He feels they are too young and should not be made to do housework. The only chores they do on a regular basis are - ds 5 unloads and dries dishes from dishwasher and puts them onto counter where I then put them away. Dd 4 puts away utensils. They are expected to make their own beds. Their other chores are ones they have asked to do while I am cleaning and they have included - “cleaning” the windows...they both have a spray bottle of vinegar and water. Ds has been allowed to push around the mop when he asked to. And some times they help out with sorting laundry. I really don’t think any of these chores are out of the ordinary. Maybe part of dh problem is that he worries about making ds a “momma’s boy”. I am not sure. Either way, it really bothers him. He says he doesn’t see it as necessary. I have argued that the chores teach them responsibility and give them a sense of belonging and of being an important part of our family. And the extra “work” they do is almost always when they requested to help! I just don’t seem to be making the point convincingly enough because the topic keeps coming up. I know I have read so many great arguments in favor of chores so I started looking through some of my books, but I have read SO MANY books on homeschooling, etc. that I cant remember where I read what! So I guess I am asking for concise and convincing arguments in favor of chores.
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Barb.b
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| Posted: Oct 23 2009 at 8:04am | IP Logged
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Ah - one arguement is this -1. MOM NEEDS HELP! Especially as the kids got older (mine are 6, 12, 17),homeschooling took more of my time (not just during the day - but reading and especially doing the high schoolers math and science in the evenings and weekends). So, in order to make homeschooling work, they have to help! We are a family, and families must work together! If you don't train them to help - they will begin to see you as not only teacher, but maid, cook . . . meaning they will take advantage of you!
2. teaches responsibility
3. teaches them how to clean (home ec!)
4. Teaches them to be considerate of Mom and help
5. teaches them to pitch in, work together - not sit back and expect other to do for you
6. Tell dad that they can help him too - weeding in the yard, picking up leaves. . . when they get older they can mow the yard!
7. If my kids don't help - then the only option is to pay a maid (hit him with the money thing if all else fails!). But it is true! My kids do all the upstairs - bathrooms (even toilets), vacuuming, dusting - ALL the upstairs!
Sorry - you wanted concise!
Barb
Barb
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Maddie
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| Posted: Oct 23 2009 at 9:05am | IP Logged
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I'm not the maid.
My children aren't royalty, ok, they think they are and I tell them they have to work for me until they're rescued.
If you want to see Momma's boys, just wait until they're 16 and can't wash their own clothes or make a meal.
They're a bit young, but maybe you could add some "manly" type chores if it bothers your dh. Like maybe they could collect the trash in the house from all the rooms for you or if you burn wood for heat they could collect kindling for you.
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~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Oct 23 2009 at 12:52pm | IP Logged
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Begin the way you want to end.
Should a 10 yr old or 16 yr old have no chores? Begin the way you want to end. It's much easier to teach a little one to do a very simple chore or two and increase with their age than it is to take a 10 yr old and after they've been waited on, teach them to work.
Who does your dh believe should do all the work?
Is he perhaps remembering a mother who stayed at home and could get everything done while all the kids were in school?
Maybe you need to sit down and show him something of a schedule.. that you can't be the only housekeeper because you're also the only teacher. And the house won't stay clean all day when people are in it and making messes.
If you can figure out why he's thinking this.. then you can figure out how to better explain it.
maybe it's the opposite of the above and he grew up with a mom that did nothing and made the kids do all her jobs? Show on paper that you're still doing work and that the kids are not overworked but that they want to be with and work with you. (this is a very normal and natural thing) If they went to a preschool they'd be taught to wipe up spills and things and pick up each thing they played with etc. Maybe it's just that you need to set aside specific times for play.. so that he knows that the kids are getting enough play time?
The point is.. that unless you know what you're "arguing" against, you don't really know how to address it.
You can also changet he "momma's boy" or doing "women's work" by changing the perspective.. "oh it's so nice that you would be so CHIVALROUS to take over that big heavy mop" 
But regardless, any child boy or girl needs to know how to care for the house and yard. What if they don't get married? what if they get married and their spouse ends up battling cancer and can't do their portion of the work for a time? Or even on the lesser end.. what if your son's wife gets the flu and is down for a week too sick to help? what if a daughters husband has to travel for work and the yard still needs mowing or the car gets a flat tire while he's gone?
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Martha
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| Posted: Oct 23 2009 at 1:50pm | IP Logged
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How about bc it's dad's job to back mom up with the kids (same as I expect he would want you to do even if you didn't 100% see eye to eye) and emptying the dishwasher is a fine way to practice a inted front in the years to come?
I think if they cannot do the chore on their own, then in our house that means they aren't ready for it yet. But none of mine under 8 do more than "shadow" others doing chores. It sounds like that is all you are doing right now which is developmentally appropriate IMO.
I would not pay, bribe, officially require, or be too critical of how well they do it. At those ages chores are not about chores or responsibility as much as they are about learning to take direction, working with others, helping family and seeing the value of many hands making lighter work and more cheerful work.
However if dh really doesn't want to have the dc help then you might kindly note that you understand if he would like to help with the dishes instead. ;) seriously tho another point in favor of the dc having chores is that dh sees more of his wife and she tends to be a happier wife too.
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Martha
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Yes, they're all ours!
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: arguments in favor of chores
