| Author | |
insegnante
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 07 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1143
|
| Posted: Sept 17 2009 at 8:56am | IP Logged
|
 |
|
How do you let a child know when you think he is particularly talented at something (or at least skilled because of applying himself -- but let's say you suspect the child started out with an advantage.)
Or do you let the child know that?
I recognize the danger of making praise seem like the goal, and so I usually do the simple "You built the tower!" or "You drew a scene of New York City!" type of acknowledgment -- sometimes adding in specific positives occasionally like "Wow" or "really nice scene."
Once in a while though I am impressed enough that it seems called for to mention the child's aptitude. I try to focus on how the attention to detail, patience, etc., helped bring about their success, but, you know, that's not always the main thing or even necessarily particularly applicable in a given case; we do have different gifts and it isn't wrong to acknowledge that.
But telling my 7yo that he is "good at" something always seems to backfire. If I say that about one drawing, he's likely to explain the next drawing which he had slight difficulty making look exactly like the real thing with "I'm not very good at drawing [this specific thing.]" I try to tell him then that he's being too hard on himself and/or that with more practice he will get better at it.
So I don't know how best to talk about the "abilities" I think he has. It just seems like they deserve some acknowledgment, but I don't want to take the focus off the effort and dedication involved in developing skills from talents, yet I also don't want to make it sound like it is necessary for him to throw himself into devoted preparation for a career as an artist, or whatever, just because he seems to have some impressive aptitude.
(For example, I am impressed with what might be described as his visuospatial awareness and translating that into some of his drawings... but it's very far from being a case of prodigy.)
__________________
Theresa
mommy to three boys, 3/02, 8/04, and 9/10, and a girl, 8/08
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
stellamaris
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 26 2009
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2732
|
| Posted: Sept 17 2009 at 9:07am | IP Logged
|
|
|
The way I have handled this with my own children is basically to occasionally comment something like, "God has given you a wonderful ability to (draw, play piano, read, or whatever)." This renders praise where praise is due and lays the groundwork to later encourage them to use these gifts for the glory of the One Who is the source of all talents. It also takes the focus off the child, so they won't respond with "No, I haven't got this talent." Seeing it as God's gift to them gives them a good perspective and doesn't feed any tendency to vanity.
__________________
In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to  dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Paula in MN
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 25 2006
Location: Minnesota
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 4064
|
| Posted: Sept 17 2009 at 9:38am | IP Logged
|
|
|
stellamaris wrote:
| The way I have handled this with my own children is basically to occasionally comment something like, "God has given you a wonderful ability to (draw, play piano, read, or whatever)." |
|
|
What a wonderful way to praise!
__________________
Paula
A Catholic Harvest
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Sept 17 2009 at 11:07am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Perhaps they need to understand better what you mean by a natural ability/talent? That it's not discounting the work they put in, or the work they see they need to do to get the result they want. And also, you might need to point out that others can't do things in quite the same way.. at least not without a great deal of training. And that it's not a license to not work.. someone who puts in the work regardless of talent will be better than someone with talent that never puts in the work.
Maybe it needs to be away from the actual product of their work. So they're able to hear you without critically examining the work. And maybe in a conversation about how we take our natural talents and inclinations into account when we choose to spend our time on things.. whether it's for work or play.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: commenting on a child's talents/skills
